AN: Okay, I'm having some problems with my words sticking together. I swear, I read over my stuff at least three times before I post and then there will be two words stuck together. So, sorry if it happens again and if anyone knows how to fix that, please let me know.

Scarlett called on Melanie a week after she learned about her pregnancy. It had been a little too long since she had seen Melanie, and as much as she hated to admit it, it was comforting to have someone like Melly love her so dearly. Melanie's plain clothes and charitable nature seemed even less irritating now. After they had run through the usual small talk, the children's health and the mills, Melanie gave Scarlett a knowing smile.

"Don't think me rude, but I was visiting with the Meades yesterday and Mrs. Meade was asking about if you were doing all right."

"Oh," Scarlett pouted, "So you wouldn't be surprised to hear that I'm pregnant."

Melanie blushed at Scarlett's lack of a euphamism.

"I am sorry, but after what she said last night and the way you're glowing today, well, it's hardly a shock. I'm so happy for you, dearest. I only wish that…"

"That what?"

"Well, I had hoped that by now I could be sharing your happiness, but I'm sure it won't be long."

"Melly! You aren't trying to have another baby after what happened with Beau, are you?"

"I'm sure it will be better this time. It was just the war and Ashley being gone and, well, none of that really matters. It's a baby. There's nothing too dangerous when it comes to babies," Melanie paused at the disbelief on Scarlett's face, "You must think I'm terribly silly. I know I don't have your strenght, but it would break my heart if you didn't support me."

The memory of Melanie that night at Ashley's party came to mind. She did have strength, just of a different sort. Scarlett tried to picture herself receiving guests with Belle Watling and almost broke into peals of laughter.

Ashley. So they were still sleeping together. She had just assumed that since Melanie couldn't, or shouldn't rather, have anymore babies that Ashley didn't touch her. And after she went to the trouble of kicking Rhett out of her room! Strangely enough, nothing came after her initial irritation that Ashley had misled her in that. She felt no pang that he and Melanie were living as a married couple and not just like siblings, like she had imagined for so long.

"What's happening!" she mentally scolded herself, "I should be hurt and angry that he's sleeping with her, but I'm not! I'm only angry I lost so many nights with Rhett!"

"I'm sure you'll be fine, Melly. But you have to promise me to be careful, none of this running around to help everyone else," Scarlett finally answered.

Tears stood in the corners of Melanie's eyes and she came a gave Scarlet a sincere hug.

"Thank you, darling. And I will be."

Scarlett stayed another hour, making mechanical responses as Melanie gushed about how dear babies were, how well Scarlett carried them, and how dear Captain Butler doted on them. As soon as the sun began cast late afternoon shadows, Scarlett made her goodbyes and was out the door. She told the carriage to drive on, deciding to walk back home.

So much had changed over the past three months that her thoughts were nothing but a jumble of doubt and confusion. She felt herself becoming more distanced from the fear and panic the war had instilled in her. Rhett had more money than she could ever spend and even beyond that she had the store and the mills, but there was still something that kept her dream coming back. She considered asking Rhett, but he would brush it off as usual. He was so good in comforting both hers and Bonnie's nightmares and felt that nothing other than his talents could end them. His response on their honeymoon hadn't been sufficient. She was warm and well-fed and incredibly prosperous. But the dream was worse than ever.

And now it was evolving and presenting even more uncertainty. Rhett was there, but to save her? Or maybe he was what she had been running from? No, he had been there to help. The particular memory seemed strange, but she supposed it was because of how he had acted that night he was so drunk. It was just like the night Atlanta burned, only much more frightening. As if she owed him some great thing and had done him a terrible wrong. His thoughts remained hidden behind his usually imperturbable façade and the times she had seen in gone were so bewildering. Especially when that uncommon emotion was directed in full force at her. It was a tidal wave that knocked her down and left her helpless when she was so accustomed to commanding everything around her.

"I do have an effect on him," she realized with wonder, "He's so damned determined to act like nothing matters to him, most importantly me. I think he does care, much more than he lets on."

The idea that Rhett cared for her began to settle in her muddled mind as she continued towards her house. The features of her hardened face settled into a more feminine manner with each recollection of the kind things Rhett had done for her, despite his frequent baiting and mocking. And the thought of him with Bonnie really was endearing, much more now that she was spending more time herself with Bonnie. She had tried to spend more time with all her children, but it was difficult with Wade's timidity and Ella's flightiness. Her tiny bit of guilt at not being a better mother and a more proper woman in general had always been subdued by her promise that she would be someday, when she had the money and time to do so. And now she had no excuse. She had the richest husband in Atlanta and still paid little attention to them. Her dreams of being a great lady like Ellen were nearly as dead as her dreams of being mistress of Twelve Oaks.

"I don't believe I'll ever live at Twelve Oaks or marry Ashley. But I could still be like mother. I know she wasn't madly in love with Pa, but she managed. And Pa adored her so, he couldn't survive without her. It was enough for her, to have him love her. Maybe I'm more like her than I thought," she prided herself, "But it would mean being nice to all those helpless fools who couldn't manage to pull themselves up like I have. I'd have to sit in their dingy parlors and go on and on about the glory of the old days."

The prospect of those endless afternoons she knew Melanie spent with the Merriweathers, Meades, and Elsings seemed much more detestable than any hellfire that would await her in the afterlife. She quickly threw away that idea. It might have been bearable for Rhett to kiss up to the Old Guard, but she had all the confidence that she would never again wish for their approval as long as she lived. As long as she didn't do anything too scandalous, like being caught with Ashley again, Bonnie would do just fine socially.

"And," Scarlett hoped, "When she's older she'll be smart enough to know how silly they are."

That night Scarlett sat in the dining room long after she was usually asleep, replaying her dream a thousand times, looking for some detail that would loosen its hold on her. Her childish stubbornness refused to dwell on the fact that she had been running towards Rhett when she woke. She instead focused on the hill and the tugging at her skirt. Neither brought out any great revelation.

Her head popped up as she heard Rhett entering the dining room.

"Do you plan on getting any sleep tonight?" he asked ruefully, coming up behind her and rubbing her shoulders.

"Yes, I just have a lot on my mind, is all."

"Anything I can help you with?"

"No," she stated flatly, too lost in thought to care about how it had come out.

Rhett stepped back, his mind making the inevitable conclusion that she was fantasizing about Ashley Wilkes.

"I'll leave you to your wanderings then, Mrs. Butler." he retorted, his tone sharp and biting.

"Great balls of fire!" Scarlett shouted, "You're obsessed with the idea that I'm pining away for Ashley! I'm your wife, carrying your child, sleeping in your bed! What more do you want from me?"

"Would it be too much to ask for the tiniest bit of your affection? Really, Scarlett. It befuddles me as to why you find me so lacking compared to the dreary Mr. Wilkes. Does he know what's going on in that head of yours? Do you really think he'd still love you if he did? Although, I suppose he thinks that any black mark on your character or reputation is a direct result of my influence. Surely he's told you how good and fine he thinks you. His type can't imagine anything else in a woman."

"He---of course he understands that-"Scarlett stopped short as a fleeting memory passed through her mind. Everything he touches he poisons. And he has taken you who were so sweet and generous and gentle, for all your spirited ways, and he has done this to you---hardened you, brutalized you by his contact.

"He understands that you're stubborn, hard-headed, and selfish to the core? That you've got ten times more sense than he does? And surely he understands just why it is you love money so much, more than your virtue and honor," he paused with anrotten smirk on his face,"Honor's an awful thing for you isn't, my pet? You haven't the slightest notion of why anyone would cherish it and it is the foundation of every idea and dream for Mr. Wilkes. "

Scarlett's lips pursed together in white-hot fury.

"That's not true," she meekly responded, barely believing it herself.

Rhett sighed and looked at her with complete disappointment. She opened her mouth to protest, wanting to say anything that would wipe that look off his face. It disturbed her to think she had failed to amuse him. Anger and mockery she could handle, but this was unsettling.

"Would you stop looking at me like that!" she snapped, "You knew how I felt when you married me! Don't act like I'm doing you some great injustice by not changing! You've never loved me, so what does it matter who I love and why I love him?"

"For someone so smart when it comes to business and survival, it amazes me how lacking you are in other areas."

With that Rhett gave a short bow and made his way back upstairs. Scarlett flopped back down in her chair, a sharp pain seizing her chest. How had he known those things? He knew exactly what Ashley thought and, even more frightening, he knew her. She felt so suddenly vulnerable at his precise naming of her qualities. Ashley thought her sweet and generous and gentle. Scarlett began to cry as she realized how inaccurate that was. Frustration and longing built up as she wished that Ashley could see her as easily as Rhett did.

"I've got to tell him," she thought, "I've got to tell Ashley. He'll still love, no matter what Rhett thinks. Ashley loves me. He loves me."

She lifted her head up and wiped away the few tears rolling down her cheeks. She would go to the lumber mills tomorrow and sort this awful thing out.

Ashley reluctantly walked into the mill the next morning. He had seen Scarlett's carriage outside and dreaded the thought of being alone with her again. Her reaction to his entrance,however,could not have been any more opposite.

"Ashley!" she called brightly, "I've got something I must talk to you about."

"About the mills?"

"Well…no. I have a confession. Don't worry, I won't get us into any trouble. Just listen. I think you may have been misled about my---well, just me. You see, Rhett's not to blame for anything I've done. It's been me, always. I--"

"Scarlett, you don't have to make excuses for you husband to me. I should never have mentioned it and it was so long ago. "

"I'm not making excuses! I'm telling you the truth."

Ashley smiled at her patronizingly.

"It can't be so. Your mother and father were such good people and you've been so kind to Melanie."

"Only because of you! If you hadn't made me promise, I'd have left her in Atlanta and gone to Tara by myself!"

His smile dropped.

"I don't think we ought to talk about this anymore. It isn't-"

"Proper? Who are you to talk about proper? You've been telling me you loved me since the day you announced your engagement to Melanie andnow you want to talk aboutproper?"

"I never meant to-to-"

"Meant to what?"

"To hurt you. I couldn't bear to think I'd broken your heart."

Scarlett fell back as if his words had struck a physical blow. He didn't love her, he pitied her. He thought she might somehow fall apart if it weren't for his love. Pity. Her whole being cringed at the idea of anyone feeling themselves so much better or wiser or stronger than her that they could look down on her. A rush of anger coursed through her at his notions of pity. A thousand curses and spiteful hurts stood ready on the tip of her tongue, but the tortured gaze he now gave her silenced them.

"Why, he's been even more of a fool than I have!" she thought, "He's been leading me on when Melly's been so devoted to him and it's killing him. I'd supposed I'd look like that, too, if I had been unfaithful to a saint."

"Do you love me? Truly?" She asked without a hint of passion or longing.

"I love your spirit and strength and courage."

"What about the rest of me? My stubbornness and pride and-"

"But those aren't you, my darling! I've known you your whole life and if any of that is a part of you now it's because of the war or Captain Butler. But I know what's deep inside you, the things of beauty, what no one else can see. You understand, don't you?"

"Oh yes, I understand," Scarlett replied, a laugh bubbling up in her throat, "For the first time, I understand completely," she paused as it escaped completely, "Forgive me, Ashley. It's just that, well, never mind that. I've got to get home now. My husband, my clever husband, will be waiting for me."

She left with an airy wave of her hand, still giggling to herself. After the carriage was well out earshot of the mills, she pulled it to a stop. Her laughter was so delicious it distracted her too much to drive. She didn't know how long she sat there laughing before the laughter melted into sweet happy tears. Tears of freedom from that awful affair. She would never envy Melanie Wilkes again or worry that hers or Ashley's reputation would be ruined. Her heartwas suddenlylight and glad with a giddiness she hadn't felt since she was a girl.

The rest of her life stretched before her in the light of bright opportunity. She would travel and go to balls and dance until she was ready to faint. She had never been out of the south and certainly had nothing keeping her here now. And the children would come with her. Yes, as soon as the baby came she would go to Europe with all her children and spoil them rotten. And Rhett would come, of course, to spoil her. Rhett. How proud he would be! He had called her a child crying for the moon, but she wasn't any longer. The moon had lost its ethereal glow. Now, he couldn't set off her temper with accusations, well truths really, about Ashley anymore. Her heart surged again at that knowledge. Rhett had one less advantage over her. But she wouldn't tell him just yet. She'd wait until it made him look dim-witted for bringing up Ashley.

AN: I have a specific question for reviews. Is it moving too fast? The part with Ashley especially. I just don't like him at all and wanted to get him out of the way, but I hope the conversation didn't seem rushed. Thanks for all the feedback, ya'll are all so sweet.