"Definitely not this" Rachel sighed as she flung the crimson blouse onto the bed to join the already massive pile of clothes that didn't seem to make the cut. Ever since yesterdays bump in with Santana, Rachel couldn't stop obsessing over the dinner. The fact was that this was her chance to not only show Santana that she was better now, but also get to know how Finn was doing. She wouldn't ask Santana to tell Finn how well she was doing until the end of the night, that way the girl would have proof that Rachel was definitely much improved. Rachel knew that Santana had to tell Finn, there was just no other way to make contact with him. She also presumed, and mostly hoped, that her friend would do this favour to her. But the problem was that if she didn't look nice for tonight then she knew Santana would have trouble describing Rachel's fantastic new appearance to him. Santana had to witness Rachel in all her glory, not in her old sweatpants. Maybe Carl knew Finn too, maybe he could support Santana's statement. The possibilities seemed endless whilst the outfit choices were limited, it was strange but during her time at the centre she felt like she had so many clothes left at home – looking through her wardrobe now she realised that maybe that was just her imagination, something that had been given a lot of time to grow during her road to recovery. Rachel made a mental note to go shopping before her big reveal to Finn Hudson. She would have to buy the perfect clothes that would show just how perfect she was for him. Nothing too outrages or provocative, as she knew that wasn't his style (a flashback of a grease related costume crawled into her mind), and maybe not too boyish since he was still a guy so he'd appreciate her feminine wiles. Perhaps Santana would come along and help her, since it seemed she was doing just fine in the guy department. Rachel felt a small sad feeling grow in the depth of her chest as she thought about Santana and Brittany. Even though Rachel personally knew that Finn was the only one for her, she couldn't imagine what it would be like to fall in love with your best friend only to lose her. And even though Santana seemed happy, could you really be happy without your soul mate? Pushing the thought aside she moved back into the darkness of her wardrobe and reached for a conservative yet pretty navy dress, it would have to do. Sliding into the soft material she straightened her hair a little and applied a reasonable amount of make-up. The question of whether she should wear tights or not played in her mind as she heard a tap on her door, hesitantly she replied with a polite come in.
"I saw your lights were on" Hiram said in a guilt filled voice, slowly walking through the room and towards the bed, perching next to the clothes pile. "So that dinner's tonight?"
"Yep, it's an hour or something but I thought I'd get ready just in case. I don't want to be late" Rachel muttered whilst picking through her jewellery. She'd already mentally established which earrings she wanted to wear, but rummaging through the box allowed her to avoid eye contact with her dad. She stumbled onto a locket and slowly retrieved it, pressing her tips of the fingers into the engraved part. It was the locket Finn had given to her.
"I'm sorry Rach" Hiram began hastily as he recognized the necklace, standing up and reaching for it as Rachel shut it clasped in her hands, his expression dropped and a sympathetic sigh filtered through his lungs. "Rachel" he said, offering his hand in indication for her to give him the necklace "Baby girl come on, you know the rules. We tried to get rid of most of the stuff, so please don't make this harder than it has to be"
"Make what harder? I'm not crazy, I'm in love. I wasn't well and, and-" she faltered over what words to use, unable to form the sentence under the pressure of his judging eyes. She squeezed the locket tighter in her grip "And as soon as he sees how much better I am he'll love me too. Again" Rachel added a confident series of nods even though her heart was pounding into her ribcage. Another sigh emerged from her dad.
"You're not going to see him"
"Says who?"
"The official state law of Ohio, that's who"
"But you don't know whether or not he wants to see me, that's not fair. Maybe he does want to see me, maybe he made a mistake and doesn't want the restraining order anymore..." the locket began to grow heavier and heavier in Rachel's touch, almost as if it was burning through her skin like acid. Her dads hand remained there and part of her wanted to throw the stupid necklace into it, the other wouldn't back down from the fight.
"If he wanted to remove it, he could"
"Maybe he has?"
"He hasn't"
"Well maybe he's going to" a breath started to quicken as the thoughts flew her mind. Why was her dad doing this to her? Why was he winding her up so much? Did he want her to be miserable for the rest of her life? Did he really not understand that Finn Hudson was her last chance at happiness? Rachel bolted up and staggered to the opposite side of the room from her dad, whose expression just continued to increase with worry.
"He's not going to Rachel" He finally belted out at a louder volume than Rachel had ever heard him scream. Suddenly it was as if all emotions of anger had been washed away with the power of a huge forceful wave. "He's not going to because you tried to kill him" Hiram finished, his tone no longer angry but almost sad. Rachel stuffed the locket into her pocket and grabbed her coat that lay on her vanity table as she rushed out of the room and down to the bottom floor of her house. She didn't know what had made her father so bitter during her time away, but whatever it was had to change. She couldn't go on living in a house that was against her, everyone was against her. The world didn't want her to be happy which meant she constantly had to fight. She had to fight with everyone, fight with the world, fight with herself. She was so tired of fighting, Rachel just wished a lightning bolt would strike through her life and make all her thoughts clear and make her feel alive. Little did she know she'd meet that lightning bolt over dinner.
With a triumphant slam of the door and the weight of her father's car keys in her pocket Rachel ran to the family car and jammed them into the ignition, setting the vehicle into a mighty roar. She wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen during this dinner, but right now anything was better than staying in that house. Maybe even the recovery centre. Rachel caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and felt a dull sigh as those familiar brown eyes glared back at her. Manic and nervous the chance of her coming off even a little close to normal tonight seemed slim. Before she drove out of the families parking spot she leaned back and got her bag which she'd left in the car. Rummaging fiercely through the junk of the cold leather she finally got the case of her medication and professionally unscrewed the lid under timed conditions. Two for happiness, that was the key. Even though she protested at taking them in the centre, to Doctor Browns unhappiness, and even told her dads that she didn't plan to continue the dosage back at home – she knew if there was ever a time to take her meds, it was now. What exactly they did was a whole other question, however and unfortunately, they did make Rachel feel a little more normal than usual, which was as close to actual normal she felt she would ever get. She presumed she'd need a IV drip of the stuff when she was back together with Finn, or perhaps she'd just take them in secret. As her thoughts swarmed with ideas on how their new relationship would be, Rachel calmly and efficiently made her way to the house she passed yesterday – a house she'd soon enough start calling Santana's. It seemed too unfamiliar and odd to name it that just yet, and more importantly, it just seemed so un-Santana. It was a family home, and though decent, it seemed like it was too much of a family home for her. Rachel always pictured Santana living in some lavish modern complex in LA or something, but perhaps this was the path that the girl had chosen to follow, and Rachel would have to respect that. Maybe Carl was nice, maybe Santana was actually happy, those were two questions that Rachel did want to find out – as well as what that Quinn girl was like. To say the truth Rachel was a little nervous about meeting new people and more nervous about what Santana had already told her sister in-law. She imagined how judgmental Quinn could be, and the nerves started to kick in as Rachel began to imagine each and every awkward situation that could occur. There was also a high chance that Quinn could have already heard of Rachel through other ways, like the paper or the internet – "crazed high school student attempts to run over her jock boyfriend" seemed to be a popular title for the more local sources. Rachel added convincing Quinn she was normal to the list. Rachel would be the most normal person imaginable. Completely ordinary and maybe a little boring, but none the less normal. Before she knew it Rachel had parked in the spare driving space of the foreign house and even though she wasn't sure if it was the internal pep talk or the medication, but she definitely felt a lot calmer. Deciding to leave her bag inside the car she gallantly hopped out and made her way to the pink front door, perhaps there was more of Santana in the house than she thought. It only took two knocks for the Latina to hustle her way to the front door.
"Rachel! You came, thank god" the brunette girl exclaimed as she pulled Rachel in for another forced hug. Tonight Santana was wearing a plain red dress, but at least there was a little more shape to it than yesterday. Her hair was down too which was a familiar site, though the smell of home cooking from behind her definitely wasn't. Santana was many things, but housewife didn't fall into the category of any of them.
"I'm still invited right?"
"Of course, of course. Come in, it's freezing outside" Santana ordered as she slid the door close and once again engulfed Rachel into a smothering hug. Rachel wondered whether Santana happened to be on the same medication as herself. Looking around the house she was shocked to see how perfect it was. All the furniture was dainty and everything seemed to be ordered and decorated with exquisite details. Photos of Santana and a pale blonde haired man hung proudly on the walls, and a bunch of roses bloomed on the entrance table. Santana noticed Rachel's gaze and that familiar smile Rachel noticed yesterday returned to the other girls lips "Isn't he gorgeous. Our first date was actually at breadstix, and he didn't even have to pay" Santana's cheeks blossomed with a artistic glow. Unfortunately her expression changed very quickly as Rachel blurted out the one thing she was going to try to not say the entire night. What about Brittany was a sentence that didn't go too well with Santana, but unfortunately for Rachel ever since she got back she sort of lost the ability to filter her thoughts from her words. She also picked up a number of fidgeting habits.
"Brittany and I broke up a while back Rachel, I don't think there's anything more to say about that" Santana replied in a practice manner before linking her arm through Rachel's "Come through to the kitchen, I know you're a vegan so I cooked veggie lasagne" Santana said as she lead the girl through the similar rooms and into the kitchen which held a dining table beautifully set for four.
"Is Quinn still coming?" Rachel asked, perhaps to Santana's dislike. In all frankness Rachel's interest in Frank had subsided pretty quickly. The photo said it all. The blonde hair and blue eyed man was clearly just a way for Santana's bank account to prosper whilst still remaining the big fish in the small pool that was Lima Ohio. It was the easier way out, since who wants to fight and struggle for love? Santana leaned back onto the kitchen counter after checking some sort of soup that was stirring on the stove, Rachel however remained firmly still in the centre of the room. Her social skills had definitely declined whilst being in a place full of loony people.
"Yes. Yes she is" Santana replied in a way that made Rachel question whether an 'unfortunately' should've been added at the end of the sentence. However the girls face remained perfectly still as she said it, and Rachel made a mental note about the art of lying. It seemed she would have to build up her social skills from scratch. Even though Rachel thought that would be that when it came to Quinn, Santana inhaled deeply and continued. "They're not close, Carl and her. Actually no ones close with her Rachel, and I'm sorry you have to meet her, it's just Carl insisted. Ever since her husband Sammy died she's gotten worse, even though she was totally crazy to begin with-" Santana halted and grew pale, her face grimacing apologetically "Sorry I didn't mean it like that. It's just she's uncontrollable Rach, I know I got married young but she got married at sixteen. Do you remember us at sixteen?" She laughed mockingly before pinching a cucumber slice from her crudités arrangement. "Yeah I do, it was only three years ago..." Rachel replied unsurely to which Santana only rolled her eyes to.
"Well anyways, ever since Sammy died she's even weirder, so her family's trying to support her and everything – which means I have to host meals every fricking other week. Oh and by the way, don't ask how Sammy died."
"Why?"
Before Santana could answer a new person had entered the room, Rachel recognized him to be the infamous Carl and politely smiled to his friendly greeting and then looked away as he placed a slobbery kiss on Santana's face. Rachel ignored Santana's expression during the kiss, even though it was undeniable one of disgust, luckily Carl didn't see.
"So you must be Rachel Berry, Santana's told me all about you" the guy said whilst wrapping his arm tightly around Santana (to her discomfort). It was obvious that he was older than her, maybe in his mid-twenties or something, and to say the least his face wasn't exactly disfigured with intelligence. She got the sense that he was a douchebag, but she took a note from Santana's skills at lying and managed to put on a neutral face.
"Did she tell you about Finn?" Rachel asked blankly and Santana looked away in discomfort. Clearly Carl was taken back by Rachel's bluntness but maybe in his field of work he was used to compromising situations.
"Yes, we go all through rough patches in life, so don't worry I'm not gonna call the cops on you" he chuckled with a wheezing sound that Rachel found similar to those piglets she'd seen on a farm once. Luckily Carl made his departure up the stairs and left the two girls together. Rachel tried to get Santana's attention with her eyes, but the girl probably knew exactly what Rachel was going to say so turned around to cater to her soup. Santana knew that Rachel was only going to point out the very thing she told herself every night. She had inevitably lost the love of her life and replaced him with a sneering jerk. The only thing Santana did end up saying to Rachel was to get the doorbell when it rang, since she was earnestly preoccupied with the soup that decided to bubble and squeak in an unnerving manner, perhaps she wasn't housewife of the year quite yet.
As Rachel walked towards the door she didn't know what to think of the enigmatic Quinn she'd yet to meet. Her idea of a perfect girl in a lemon cardigan with bright blue eyes was shattered by Santana's description of some wild child, but since she was related to someone like Carl neither could Rachel imagine her to be a blue haired punk. To say that she was both shocked and pleasantly surprised would be an understatement. When Rachel Berry opened the door to meet the idea of Quinn Fabray, the reality of it was a sharp contrast. The girl was taller than Rachel and had a slim build, but her clothes were dark and simple. Though Rachel wouldn't have called them goth-like, they definitely had a grunge feel to them that spewed effortless attention and hinted at being a little provocative. Whatever the outfit did, it definitely managed to hug and squeeze Quinn's humbly voluptuous curves at every right angle. Straight away Rachel inhaled the sweet smell of the girl that was a mixture of light cigarettes and crushed vanilla, tied together with her freshly painted black fingernails that were smudged in various places. Her tangled golden mane seemed to object in every direction but still managed to look perfectly windswept playing just above her shoulders, but no attention was torn from her face. Quinn's lips were a slender line of natural colour whilst her cheek bones poked out sharply under her warm porcelain skin. Hazel eyes rimmed with a dark kohl stared back at Rachel with a questioning raised one eyebrow.
"Are you going to move?" A hoarsely seductive voice cooed at her and Rachel was quickly resuscitated back to life and a state of consciousness. Quinn Fabray was the most beautiful girl she'd ever seen, a fallen angel straight from hell. The girl didn't wait for Rachel to reply and made her way into the house straight past her, rhythmically chewing on a small piece of her gum. "Huh" she said as her eyes took in every aspect of the hall just as Rachel's did, "looks like they've redecorate."
"Mhm" Rachel agreed, even though it was her first time inside.
"Who are you?"
"Rachel"
"Oh"
"I like your outfit"
"Thanks" Quinn said with a roll of her shoulders, no actual meaning behind her words. It was as if Rachel had stopped her to ask for directions.
"How did Sammy die?"
Before Quinn had a chance to reply, though in all honesty Rachel didn't really think her expression hinted she would, Santana rushed in and began to fuss over Quinn as if she was an injured toddler. The blonde remained still and expressionless until her brother came downstairs, at least when it came she answered his questions about how their parents were doing – all whilst Rachel stared in a state of panic. Soon enough a very stressed and annoyed Santana summoned them to the table and Rachel was thankful to finally get somewhere where Quinn had to talk normally. This would not be the first time that Rachel would be disappointed.
"So how's dance going?" Santana finally asked after a full ten minutes of silence. Rachel had been staring at her plate and decided to make eye contact with anything other than her cabbage would be a mistake. Quinn was obviously staring right at her, Carl was on his blackberry even though Rachel could tell he was on brick breaker, and Santana's eyes scattered at looking from one of them to the next trying to keep everything civil. It was refreshing to hear her voice, and Rachel was thankful that the question was directed at Quinn – maybe that would make her stop staring so bluntly at her. Did normal people stare? Wasn't that impolite? She felt like a goldfish in a tank and decided that she would definitely not be taking social skill tips from Quinn Fabray, who was definitely a freak. A hot freak, but still a freak. The sound of Quinn's fork crashing onto her plate forced Rachel's eyes to shoot up to the scene in front of her, even Carl seemed to pause his game.
"Why?"
"Why what, Quinn?"
"Why do you always have to say that and bring it up. So I dance, great, not a big deal" The blonde rolled her eyes again and returned to her cabbage as well whilst Rachel pondered about what sort of dance Quinn could possibly do. After going through every possibility her mind paused at the dirty kind and she blushed a deep crimson at the thought. Quickly she shoved the image out and hoped no one saw her cheek colour, returning to her cabbage as the tension of the table only seemed to grow.
"It's just a nice thing that you do, and I wish that you would talk about it more. Carl and I would love to come see you dance sometime, you know I used to dance-"
"You used to cheer. That's different. And you didn't use to anything, you're the same age as me which means you did it last year." Quinn pointed out and Rachel felt the growing anxiety build in her heart. She hated when this feeling would return. It happened every time she got stressed, it felt like her brain was swelling and getting too big for her head whilst a surge of heat would flood to the back of her neck. Then the music would start playing in her head, it wasn't really there but it felt like it was and it just wouldn't stop. Rachel's hand began to feel that familiar shake and she thankfully remembered the spare pill in her pocket. Three for calmness right? She could definitely use some of that. Subtly she dipped her fingers into her dress as the heated conversation right in front of her continued, though she couldn't focus exactly on the words she got the over all feeling that Quinn hated the fact Santana was so young, also, she learnt that Quinn was an incredible shouter. Subtly Rachel pulled the little white pill from the dress and reached for her glass of water with her other hand, surely no one noticed? She felt Quinn grab her hand as horror filled her own face, the white pill rolled onto the table and Santana looked away. Unnervingly Quinn's face was simply lit up in an expression that Rachel was unable to read. The only thing close to it, was happiness.
"What meds are you on?" Quinn demanded in a strong tone, but there was still a trace of a smile on her perfectly shaped lips. Rachel's throat grew dry and she began to get even more nervous, but there was a spark in Quinn's eyes that made her feel like that she could trust the crazy girl, even a little. Maybe it was that or the fear that if she didn't reply, Quinn would physically pounce on her. The crazy look in her eye was also giving off that feeling too. Rachel slowly looked to Santana but she seemed to be staring at Quinn at disbelief, whilst brick breaker was still more interesting than the conversation for Carl.
"I used to be on Lithium and seroquel" Rachel confessed unsurely, but Quinn's ecstatic expression didn't change, instead she just gave an understanding nod as Santana still stared in utter disbelief of the conversation in front of her, even Carls eyes darted from his phone.
"I was on xanax" Quinn added looking at Rachel with an expression Rachel hadn't seen before, it was sort of the same look Rachel had seen in herself a lot. The brunette couldn't help but feel a smile grow on her own lips as a question played on her mind.
"...Ever been on Klonopin?" Rachel said with a raise of her eyebrows remembering the time they tried that medication and well the dreams that followed.
"Klonipin?" Quinn sneered in agreement with wide eyes and Rachel chuckled. The laughter chorused before it was holted by the harsh sound of Santana's firm napkin on the table, Carl's phone was down and he was looking at the situation with the same disbelief. Rachel felt her cheeks threaten to grow red again as the familiar warmth surged through her face.
"Please Quinn, could we not talk about that at the table?" Santana asked in a strained diplomatic voice, Carl nodded as his own contribution.
"Why? Does it make you uncomfortable? Do you not like normal people? Does everyone have to be normal around you in your sick little world?" her eyebrows arched ferociously and just as Santana was about to apologize and Carl step in, to everyone's surprise Quinn darted straight up.
"I'm tired I want to go home" she announced with a blank expression, to which Santana argued that she didn't even have dessert and she had made her favourite cobbler for her. Quinn flatly ignored the comment before turning her full attention at Rachel. "So what are you going to take me home?" She demanded at the brunette who awkwardly looked at Santana to Quinn.
"You have poor social skills. You have a problem" Rachel remarked calmly, her eyes darted from Quinn's toxic green ones to Santana's.
"I have a problem?" the blonde snapped back. "You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things and you tried to kill your boyfriend. We're going" not waiting for a reply she swooped Rachel's hands in hers and lead her through the house and straight outside, not even letting her call back a thank you to Santana.
"This your car?" Quinn asked tugging the passenger's seat open before sliding in, again not waiting for an answer. Furiously Rachel marched over towards her vehicle and in defeat got into the driver's seat. If Quinn had ruined her chances of Santana telling Finn she was all better she would kill the girl, figuratively speaking. However, the sooner she got rid of Quinn from her life the better. She could easily drive back to Santana's after dropping the freak off god knows where. Quinn opened her mouth to say something but Rachel snapped her head round to stare at the girl.
"No talking" she ordered as she got out the drive way, and instead of arguing back Quinn just shrugged with a smirk and sat back into the car seat. Perhaps Rachel Berry had finally found her lightning bolt whether she liked it or not.
