disclaimer: it's stephANIE not stephENIE. don't own anything twilight, tho i love making edward dr. mcdouchey and bella nurse shortcake.

a/n: i had promised myself i wouldnt' post this til i got the nxt chapter of PT out...but i couldn't stay away i guess. here it is. thanks for the love. sorry if i havent' responded to many reviews...i swear i am trying to keep up and let you all know how much i appreciate the kind words. let me publicly thank you since i am failing to do so one on one. also, major gracias to my nameless bitch of a gay bf who looked this over. you know who you are *wink wink*

Title comes from Eminem's "Guilty Conscience" and def has nothing to do with the actual content of the chapter
Songs for the chapter:
"Take Lots With Alcohol" Alkaline Trio (E)
"Paranoia Pays Off" Before Braille (B)
"Shu Shubat" The Anniversary (E)

"What's going on Edward?"

I had called Carlisle the moment Gloria and Elizabeth had left my room. I needed him here now. Only Carlisle could make Bella Shortcake come back. He was almost as good as I was at getting what he wanted, and since he hadn't been the one to make those brown eyes cry, he'd be even better at it. Not only could he talk to Bella, but Carlisle still held a lot of clout at the hospital. Even after stepping down, he had Steven's nose up his ass. So if his charm failed on Bella, all Carlisle had to do was bend over so Stevens could kiss it and agree to any requests made.

"Dad, I need your help."

"Dad?" His eyes narrowed at the sound of the title I had stopped using once my balls dropped. "What do you want?" OK…so he knew I was trying to butter him up.

"I need to see Bella."

"Edward, I don't think that's a good idea. You really…"

"I know, I messed up." I decided not to swear since Carlisle clearly despised it so much.

"No. You fucked up."

Damn. I don't think I had ever heard Carlisle drop the big F bomb before. I didn't realize how angry the man was.

"Yeah I did. Which is why I want to see her again, to apologize. Maybe she can forgive me and get back on my case. She's quite competent."

Which was true. Bella always got the job done quickly and obviously she listened to her patients' wishes, since she had granted my request for silence.

"Are you sure that's the reason you want her back?"

I was thrown off by his question.

"Why else would I want her back?"

"So it's not just because she's another pretty face?"

She's a pretty face? Interesting…

I knew she had endless eyes, so deep I could spring off the high dive and plummet to the bottoms of those brown pools…what the fuck? Where did that come from. Did I get castrated during the accident? I reached down to pat around my junk, just in case. I had to make sure everything was still intact because I had no idea why I had just thought about Bella Shortcake that way.

But yeah…the eyes. That was the extent of my visual recognition, at least past the flashes I had in my dreams.

However, her having a pretty face couldn't hurt my situation. This place was so goddamn boring. Bella Shortcake could definitely add to the excitement level if I needed it. I mean, once I could piss by myself and actually sit up without aid…Though I guess I technically didn't need to sit up. I mean, I could lie back and let her do all the work…But still, being able to pee on my own was a must.

"Edward?" Carlisle started snapping his fucking fingers in my face.

"I don't even know what she looks like Carlisle. I just want to apologize, ok?"

He mulled over my words, wondering if he should buy what I was selling.

"I'll see what I can do.

--

It had been days since my chat with Carlisle. I had yet to see those doe eyes come through my door. Instead, an endless sea of white came to bother me every few hours.

I had given up hope. Was I to suffer this strange out of place feeling of…regret…on top of all the physical pain and trauma?

Six o'clock rolled around and I let out a heavy sigh, trying to drift off to sleep before having to see those damned orange crocs walking through my door. When the door opened, her footsteps tread lightly. Maybe she thought I was already asleep.

Good. No forcing out meaningless dribble just to appease the powers that be…all in an effort to make me look more decent.

"Just leave the food, Gloria. I don't have much of an appetite right now."

"It's not Gloria." The voice was timid, soft and instantly recognizable.

The angel. Nurse Shortcake…I mean, Bella.

My eyes shot open and my body would've catapulted itself out of my bed had I not been so damaged.

"Bella?" My gaze zeroed in on her face.

Carlisle said she was a pretty face.

Carlisle was a fucking idiot.

Bella Shortcake Swan wasn't another pretty face. She was divine.

"You know my name?" Her volume increased slightly at my recognition.

"How could I not know the name of my savior?" I tried to throw her a winning smile but it probably resembled a grimace as my skin stretched and tightened painfully.

Fuck. My smile…gone…

"Huh…you'd think then you wouldn't have been such an asshole to me this whole time."

Bella's mouth formed an adorable "O" as she clapped a hand over it. Clearly she hadn't intended on saying that aloud. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"If I had known it was you, I would've reacted differently. Trust me."

"So that gives you the excuse to treat people like garbage, because you don't know them?"

Bella's face flushed a deep pink. Mmm, the color of strawberries…shortcake…

"No don't be silly."

"So I'm silly to you? I knew this was a bad idea. But no… I had to listen to Dr. Stevens and Dr. Cullen. Then Jake convinced me it'd be a good idea to vent and…."

Her tirade was adorable, anger no more ferocious than a kitten batting a ball of yarn.

"Bella please! I wanted to apologize. I'm sorry for being an…"

"Asshole?"

"Precisely."

Her eyes looked calculating, trying to figure out if I was fucking with her or being honest.

Silence stretched for some time. The ticking of the clock and beeping of the machines around me seemed to be chanting 'Say something. Say something. Say something'.

But what? I already said "I'm sorry." What's left to say besides that?

Shit.

This wasn't a bad idea on Bella's part, it was a bad idea on mine. It was stupid for me to ask her back, and she was right, I was an asshole…there was nothing I could do, nothing I could say to disprove it.

And why should I?

Maybe she was just a pretty face…a pretty face who could take care of me. True, she seemed the least annoying of all the nurses, but she really hadn't had a chance to prove my theories about her nursing abilities incorrect, had she? There was still time though.

She was nothing special to me.

The regret I felt was simply tied to the fact that she had saved me. I owed her a bit of decency for that. But not an ounce more.

"Did you have anything else you wanted to say to me?"

"No, not really."

She turned to leave. I looked down and saw her footwear. No crocs but a pair of beat up white converse. What really caught my attention were the small purple stars on the sides that looked to have been drawn by hand with a sharpie. Why would she have done that? I smiled, at least on the inside, at that. They were a far better choice than crocs, which come to think of it, I'm pretty sure had been banned.

"Bella, wait. One more thing."

So…maybe there was a part of me, a small part albeit, that was intrigued by her. I didn't want this to be the last time I saw her.

Bella Shortcake turned to look at me, her eyes red rimmed. Fuck…again?

"What, Mr. Cullen?" I shivered at the tone. How did this girl go from timid to strong to exasperated to biting in such a short time?

"I would really appreciate you as my nurse again." Her big eyes widened impossibly. "And please, call me Edward."

--

Days passed and I found myself almost looking forward to seeing Bella each time. Even if she was a little too formal, greeting me with a "How are you Mr. Cullen?" despite my request to be called Edward. She hardly spoke a word while with me and she always left with a "call if you need anything" before she stepped out of the door.

I had to assume this bedside manner was reserved only for me. Sometimes I'd hear her laughing with the other nurses at the nurses' station outside my door. She was nice and friendly. Just not with me.

It annoyed me. Even though it probably shouldn't.

"Why did you come back if you hate me so much?"

She scanned the barcode on my wristband before handing me a little white cup with percs in it.

"I don't hate you," she stated as she moved towards the door. "Let me know if you need anything Mr. Cullen." Her hand was on the doorknob.

"I need you to call me Edward."

I swear I saw her lips twitch, as if fighting a smile, as she walked out the door.

Hmm…maybe I didn't need the face to work her over.

Or maybe she felt pity for King Tut over here.

Either way, I'd take it.


yes this chapter is short...the plan was for shorter chapters...we'll see how well that works out. you know i get wordy and as edward heals he may become a long winded bitch...er douchebag.
reviews are better than semi-sincere apologies from dr. mcdouchey