A/N

Sorry it took so long to update! I have been super busy!

I LOVE this chapter! It is hilarious and full of moments I think you'll love.

Also, this is the final chapter! Thanks for reading!

Enjoy!

Dib finally managed to pull himself from his hiding spot in the bathroom. It had been a while since he had heard Zim's voice, which was saying something considering he could hear the alien's shrill voice all the way from downstairs, over the blasting music, laughter, and screams.

Trotting down the stairs, he was halfway down when he stopped, gagging. His nostrils burned as they inhaled the thick smell of alcohol burning in the air. His heart stopped. He ran down the remainder of the stairs, frantically searching. Normally, he wouldn't care. Teenagers will be teenagers. Bu it meant trouble when Zim behaved this way. And as Dib stepped into the living room, he found that the Irken was doing just that.

Perched on the table, Zim clutched a lamp, swirling and twirling as he hugged it close to his chest. He giggled profusely, humming something that sounded close to a mix between Mozart and hip-hop. Circled around him, people danced and cheered, rooting him on. He squinted down at Dib before waving excitedly.

"Well, look-y here! It's," he hiccupped, "Dib! Come on, join me! I hooked you up with a hot little number!" He winked, clicking his tongue and elbowing a toaster that suddenly appeared in his arm. "She's a little shy, but she has the shiniest eyes you'll ever see!"

"That's not a girl, Zim!" Dib shouted. He climbed up on a chair and dragged the stumbling alien down to the floor. "What's the matter with you? Have you," he sniffed, "have you been drinking?"

Zim collapsed, crumpling to his knees. He immediately jumped back up, chugged another beer, and screamed wildly, pumping his fists into the air. Everyone cheered.

"That's it! We are out of here! Come on, let's go."

"But, but, Dib! The fun is just beginning!" He hurriedly scraped up some bottles of alcohol, even though they were empty, and brought them to his lips, sucking each drop out.

"Fun?" Dib asked. "You called being drunk out of your mind fun?" He pulled Zim to his feet which proved to be difficult. "I can't believe you would even do this."

"I know," Zim breathed. "Isn't it great?" He squirmed from Dib's grip. "I got to go to the bathroom and do something!"

"Like what?" Dib hollered after him.

Zim swiveled around. He eyed him in disbelief. "To freshen up," he exclaimed, combing through his wig. "Duh."

Dib sighed irritably as he watched him leave, ignoring his protest. He leaned against a bookshelf and listened for his return. Yet the minutes passed and the only thing he heard was what sounded like glass hitting a wall and some creaking. Soon, nearly fifteen minutes later, he got sick of it and Dib stomped up the stairs and pounded on the door.

"It does not take that long to freshen up," he said with a hint of mockery at the foolish excuse.

The door groaned and creaked open. The bathroom was empty. He dipped his head in, searching. "Zim?"

"You talking 'bout that green dude?" someone from behind asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, have you seen him?"

The man shrugged. "That crazy little green guy jumped out the window! I guess he didn't realize he's on the second floor…"

"That little—!" he groaned, hopping down the stairs and quickly abandoning the house to run out into the streets. He jogged down to Main Street where the cars rushed past in blurs of colors and blasting honks. He jumped back onto the sidewalk after nearly stepping out in front of a sports car zipping by. The driver threw an insult his way, but he paid no mind.

From behind foggy glasses, his eyes swept across in search for his enemy. So far, he was nowhere in sight. It was possible that he had simply wandered back to his base and decided to retire for the evening, but that was too simple. And Zim never made anything simple.

"He has to be around here somewhere," Dib thought aloud. "If I was a stoned alien who had drunken alcohol for the first time, where would I go?"

His eyes narrowed.

Nearby, in a twenty-four seven ice cream parlor, Zim peered up at the menu duct taped to the wall. He scratched at his chin thoughtfully while a soft hum brushed from his mouth, proving the deep thoughts that entered his head. A line had formed behind him, filled with impatient people who gladly exclaimed their disapproval.

Still, he looked up and droned, "I'll have…uh…I-I'll have a…uh…um…hmm…."

He could not see the menu clearly. His vision would not stop swaying! "Rotten little sight orbs," he grumbled, pressing his fists to his temples in an effort to straighten up. It did not work so instead, he had the idea to get closer; a little too closer. He leaned across the barstools placed in front of the counter. It was not enough. He then slid his weight across the chairs, toppling over the line of seats, and curled up onto the countertop. His knees folded, he bounced up and down as he hummed gleefully, loudly.

"Do you got any of them toast things?" he slurred.

The cashier raised an eyebrow. "Toast things, sir?"

"Yeah, you know," Zim waved his hand as he explained, "those little animal crackers with the baby hippos and pickles on 'em?"

Clad in a red and white striped suit with a white crumpled hat atop his head, the cashier groaned inwardly and thought, "I don't get paid enough for this job." Then to the drunken teenager he said, "Sir, I'm afraid I don't know what you're—"

"Ignorant piglet belly!" He jabbed his finger into the attendant's nose. Then he giggled, grabbing an ice cream cone from a little girl who happened to be walking by. "Oh, well. I guess this milk sludge will have to do."

"Hey, give that back!" the girl shrieked.

He stuck his tongue out and licked it quicker.

Her mother stepped into view. She was a large woman with tattoos crawling up and down her arms and shoulders. She even had a tattoo of a pig inked across her nose. Arms crossed, she glared down bitterly. "I suggest you give my little girl her ice cream back," she said in her husky, hoarse, and rather manly voice.

"And I suggest you get that thing off your face," he slurred. He pointed at the pig on her nose and smiled goofily. "Is that a pig or just a self-portrait? The details are just—"

In two seconds flat, he was thrown out from the restaurant where he skidded across the sidewalk on his face, an overturned ice cream cone landing next to him. He flicked the chunks of rock digging into his cheeks away. Smiling painfully, he plucked the cone up and began removing the clumps of dirt and hair from it. "Victory for Zim!" he chanted. He was right about to plop it into his mouth when Dib came running into view.

"Stop right there, space boy!" he hollered. "You're in a lot of trouble, mister!"

Seeing Dib, Zim squeaked and scrambled to his feet. The ice cream cone did not last long as it was shoved down his throat. Choking, he managed to gag out a cackle before rounding the corner and disappearing from sight yet again.

"I'm free!" his ever-fading voice squealed with delight.

"You're not getting away this time!" Dib yelled. He thought he could catch up. Surely with Zim's unstable state, he could manage to catch him before he disappeared completely. He was wrong. He did get away, and it was another hour before he caught sight of the Irken making a mad dash to a club with people gathered around the entrance, lights flickering and music pumping from within the building.

"That's all he needs," Dib muttered, scooting through the crowd, "is another place to get even more drunk." He stopped in his tracks, mouth agape, eyes wide with terror. "O-Oh, shoot!" He zipped into the club as fast as he could, passing the large sign that said Karaoke Night! in bold letters.

It was so loud, he couldn't hear himself think. Everywhere he looked, strobe lights flashed, people danced, and the floor remained lit up with bright, mind-numbing colors. He was glad that he looked older than he really was; the security team didn't even I.D. him when he came in. But then again, Zim did not look any older than he really was—or posed to be while pretending to even be of Earth—so perhaps they were just lazy. Either way, all Dib knew right then and there was that he had to find his drunken companion before it was too late.

He tried asking if anyone had seen him, yet no one could hear over the thumping bass which vibrated heavily in his chest. It was not until he heard an announcer on stage loudly proclaim the beginning of the karaoke competition did his search come to a close. He faced the man, barley listening as his eyes continued to scan the crowd.

"Step right up!" the man screamed. "It's karaoke night! Who's going to be our first volunteer? Guys? Anyone?"

"I'll do it!"

Dib couldn't breathe. That voice, he recognized it right away. Just in time, he turned to see Zim jumping up the stairs, right onto the center of the stage. His wig had been ruffled from their earlier chase and stood out in wild spikes and daggered, pointed tips. His eyes remained glazed over, the pupils shrunken and glossy. Dib could tell his body was having a difficult time handling the newfound liquid. Even his hands shook uncontrollably at his sides, but he seemed to pay no mind.

The announced nodded, handed Zim the microphone, and stepped off the stage. "You're up, little green man."

(A/N: Sorry to interrupt but if you have not heard the song, If I Had You by Adam Lambert, you may want to listen to it right here. watch?v=Plgrxo0WsZM Even if you don't like his music, listen. It adds to the hilarity of the story XD. Back to the story!)

The Irken waited excitedly for the music to begin and when it did, his face lit up excitedly. "Hey, I know this song!" he chirped. It was bouncy, full of high notes, and completely pointless; everything Zim liked in a song. The lyrics popped onto the screen and he began.

So I got my boots on,

Got the right 'mount of leather

And I'm doing me up with a black colored liner

And I'm working my strut but I know it don't matter

All we need in this world is some love

Dib hid his face in embarrassment. He peeked through the cracks of his fingers and looked up. His embarrassment was forgotten instantly. He saw Zim's PAK flashing and sparking. Zim continued to dance along with the crowd, oblivious.

There's a thin line 'tween the dark side,

And the light side, baby tonight

It's a struggle, gotta rumble, tryin'a find it

His eyebrows dropped with worry. He scooted out of the crowd where he gathered to the sidelines and propped his foot on a stool. Sliding the laptop out of his sweater, he turned back to the man and woman staring at him oddly.

"What, you've never seen someone carry a laptop in their sweater before?" he asked.

They shook their heads slowly.

He frowned and waved them off.

Behind him, Zim pumped his fists in the air in time with the lyrics. The crowd of people went wild and jumped up and down, swinging their heads and pumping their drinks into the air.

But if I had you,

That would be the only thing I'd ever need

Yeah if I had you,

The money, fame and fortune never could compete

If I had you,

Life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy

Yeah, if I had you

Y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you

If I had you

Dib gasped. "Oh, no! The alcohol is causing his PAK to malfunction, and if my calculations are correct, he's going to drop any minute. If I don't get him out of here soon, they'll call an ambulance for him and the paramedics will know he's an alien right away."

From New York to LA getting high, rock and rolling

Get a room trash it up 'til it's ten in the morning

Girls in stripper heels, boys rolling in Maserati's

What they need in this world is some love

He scoffed. "But what do I care? He deserves it. After all, he is an alien trying to destroy my home planet." Zim now had a pair of two girls fastened to his sides. He laughed profusely between breaks in the lyrics, allowing the girls to rub their hands across his chest and face. The crowd whistled suggestively. "He'll end up in a lab on a dissection table," Dib continued. He shook his head. "That's where he belongs."

There's a thin line 'tween the wild time,

And a flat-line, baby tonight

It's a struggle gotta rumble, tryin'a find it

And then Dib frowned. "But then he'll die." He stared at the floor. Inside, he was tearing himself apart with the great debate only he could hear. Logic told him to let the Irken die. His humanity told him to save him.

But if I had you,

That would be the only thing I'd ever need

Yeah if I had you,

The money, fame and fortune never could compete

If I had you,

Life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy

Yeah, if I had you

Y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you

If I had-

Dib raced to the front of the stage, his head barely reaching the platform. "Zim!" he called. His voice was unheard above the noise.

The flashing of the lights

It might feel so good

But I got you stuck on my mind, yeah

The fashion and the stage, it might get me high

But it don't mean a thing tonight

Dib cringed at the high note. He was thoroughly surprised the alien could even sing that high. Still, it did not matter. The music was lower and he finally had a chance to get his attention.

"Zim! Hey!"

Zim squinted down. His face flashed with recognition and he smiled instantly. He let the backup singers handle most of the verse so that he could talk. "Dib-friend! You're here!" He looked around the stage. "Look, they love me!" Surprised, he squeaked, nearly missing his next verse.

That would be the only thing I'd ever need

Yeah if I had you,

The money, fame and fortune never could compete

If I had you,

Life would be a party it'd be ecstasy

Yeah if I had you

Y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you

If I had you

With all the high notes, he laid down on the stage, smiling and belting out the words with enthusiasm.

"You need to listen to me," Dib hollered, pulling away just in time to avoid a group of girls that scrambled onto the stage to dance. "The alcohol is destroying your PAK. I need to bring you home before you pass out or we're both in trouble!"

Zim waved him off and held up a finger. "Hang on! I got to finish this up!"

That would be the only thing I'd ever need

Yeah if I had you,

The money, fame and fortune never could compete

(Never could compete with you)

If I had you, life would be a party, it'd be ecstasy

(It'd be ecstasy with you)

Yeah if I had you

Y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you y-y-y-y-y-you

If I had you.

Everyone screamed, cheered, and whooped. They gathered on the stage and circled around him. He smiled brightly, giggling. His world was on fire! No, wait. The lights were too bright. The noise, the cheering, it was all too loud. Head spinning, his knees buckled and he was about to crumble to the stage when a hand reached out and caught him. He looked up into Dib's face, eyes unsure if what they were seeing was really there.

"Dib," he stuttered weakly, his hands shaking, "I-I'm sorry—"

"Save it," Dib said. "We need to get you home."

He pulled him to his feet and managed to squeeze him out of the tight crowd. It took time to get him to the Membrane household—everyone was asking for Zim's autograph—but as soon as they arrived, Dib dragged him up the stairs and rested him on his bed.

Zim watched, eyelids heavy, as Dib plucked a needle out of a drawer and flicked it, clear liquid dripping from the end. He pushed the tip into Zim's arm, receiving a flinch from his squirming patient.

"That should do it," he said, disposing of the injector. "You may want to rest, though. Wouldn't want you dropping, would we?"

He rubbed his arm. "I didn't expect it to go that far," Zim admitted. "I didn't know all of that would happen just from a drink."

"A lot of people think that. We've just got to make sure you stay away from it."

"We?"

"Don't think you're staying out of my sight anytime soon after tonight, alien scum."

He returned the smirk the human gave him. "Don't think that this puts our rivalry behind us, worm baby." He stood and stretched. He eyed Dib cautiously before screaming, "Ha!" and shoving him off his chair. He tore out of the room, leaving Dib to scramble to his feet, laughter echoing through the hall.

He smiled wickedly, readjusting his glasses and chasing after the Irken. "I wouldn't have it any other way, space boy!"

A/N

Ha-ha! I love drunk Zim!

I wanted to make this a Dib-Zim friendship so I had to add the ending.

Tell me what you think! Sorry if it was poorly written. I am tired and very un-focused right now. Hopefully it wasn't too awful.

Thanks for reading and don't forget those dandy little reviews :D!

P.S. I do not own the song, show, etc.