Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl.
A/N: Hey guys, thanks so much for the reviews. They really are appreciated and make me want to update much quicker. I'm off work for the next few days, so there should be an update everyday, or every other day. As far as couples go, I'm not really sure who I'm pairing up yet. So tell me what you guys want in your reviews. Enjoy!
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Chapter Two – Lying
I had three options. One, I could pretend I wasn't home and just leave him standing outside, hoping he'd go away eventually. Two, I could pretend to be the maid. Three, I could let him inside and find out what he wanted. I quickly decided that option three was out of the question and moved on to option one.
I stood there quietly for a few moments, hoping he'd just leave. Of course, I was wrong.
"Serena, I know you're in there. Do you really think I'm that stupid? Just open the door."
I cringed. I knew Nate wasn't an idiot. I also knew he wouldn't go away until he got what he wanted. In one last desperate attempt to avoid talking to him, I tried my luck with option two.
"Zee van der Woodsen's are not here right now. Zey are away until zee end of zee summer," I said, in the best French accent I could come up with. I almost thought it worked when I heard laughter on the other side of the door.
"Come on Serena, are you really that desperate not to talk to me? I promise it won't take long. Please," Nate said with a sigh.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I knew I couldn't avoid this forever. All I had to do was tell him that we had to completely forget it ever happened. Nate and Blair were perfect for each other, he probably wanted to put it behind us just as badly as I did. I took one last deep breath before I unlocked the door and opened it.
My breath caught in my throat and my heart started beating faster. Nate was standing there, his green eyes sad but still beautiful, and suddenly I wasn't so sure I could have this conversation anymore.
We stared at each other for a few moments before he silently walked past me, into my house. I followed him down the hall to my living room, where he had already sat down on the couch.
"Were you planning on putting yourself into a sugar-coma," He asked, with a smirk on his face, pointing to all the bowls of empty ice cream, obviously amused.
"Shut up," I said, playfully smacking his arm, "I was hungry."
He smiled at me and rolled his eyes. In response, I stuck my tongue out at him, giggling. Suddenly we made eye contact and neither of us said anything for a few moments. The playful mood that had been there just a second ago was suddenly gone, and replaced with a serious one.
"Serena, look I-" he began, but I cut him off.
"Nate, we don't have to talk about it. You don't owe me an explaination. It was a mistake, neither of us were thinking and we just got caught up in the moment. You love Blair, I know that. So really, we don't have to have this conversation. We can go back to just being friends, like before."
As if they were ever really just friends.
He paused a few moments before he finally spoke again.
"So… you think it was a mistake," he asked. I was surprised by the look of disappointment in his eyes.
"Well yeah… I mean, don't you?" I started fidgeting with my hands, something I only did when I was nervous. And the look on his face was making me beyond nervous. I really just wanted this conversation to be over with.
"And you just want to go back to being friends? Like nothing ever happened," he asked, ignoring my previous question.
I paused and looked into his eyes, trying to figure out what to say. I knew what I wanted to say. But what I wanted to say and what I needed to say were two completely different things. I sighed and slowly started nodding my head yes. "Of course, like I said… it was just a mistake."
He opened his mouth, like he was about to say something, then closed it again.
Nate's POV
I knew what I wanted to say, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to tell her. To tell her that what we did meant something to me. To tell her that I cared about her, that I loved her – always had, always will. To tell her that I didn't think we could go back to being friends. To tell her that somehow I could make it all okay. To tell her that even though she was in sweats right now, she'd never looked more beautiful. That's what I had came here to tell her in the first place.
But as I looked into her beautiful navy eyes, I knew all those things were things she didn't want to hear. She didn't need me to make this complicated for her. She insisted that it was just a mistake. She was being a good friend to Blair, and I respected that. I would never want to hurt Blair, not intentionally.
So instead of saying all those things I wanted to, I put on my best smile and nodded my head, "I agree. It was just a mistake. I'm glad we can just put this behind us and start going back to normal." Just for a second, I thought I saw her look sad, almost disappointed – like she had been expecting me to say something completely different. But she quickly shook it off and gave me one of her famous, 'you know you love me', smiles. And it was true, I did love her. But obviously that didn't matter now.
"Good," she said - still smiling, "I'm glad we sorted this all out."
She stood up and started walking towards her front door. I assumed that meant she was ready for me to leave, so I got up and followed her. I paused when we got to her front door and turned around to face her.
"You better have that french maid of yours clean up all those ice cream bowls," I said with a wink. She flashed me another smile, "Shut up, Nate." I laughed, "Seriously Serena, you were desperate enough to pretend to be a maid? Or say that you were going to be in Connecticut for the rest of summer? Did you really not want to talk to me that badly?" I asked, still laughing. "I don't know. I guess I was just nervous about how you felt. I didn't want to make things weird between us," she replied, looking down at the ground.
"Hey," I said, and she raised her eyes to meet mine, "Nothing's going to be weird between us. Everything will be fine. You don't have to hide out in your house for the rest of summer."
She smiled and nodded, her blonde hair falling out of the messy bun it was in, "I know, it was a really stupid idea. I don't know what I was thinking. I'll call Blair and let her know that I changed my mind and I'm staying in NY for the rest of break. The three of us can hang out or whatever."
I had to fight back laughter. The three of us had always been inseparable, but the thought of us all hanging out now seemed almost ridiculous to me.
"Yeah.. that'll be… fun," I said, even though the tone of my voice showed the exact opposite.
She gave me a sad smile, then opened her front door. I pulled her into a small one armed hug before walking out of her house, "I'll see you later," I said. "Yeah, I guess. Bye Natie," she said in a small voice before shutting the door.
As soon as she was out of sight, I removed my fake smile and replaced it with a sad one. I slowly started walking back towards my house. I was about halfway there when my cell phone started to vibrate. I looked down at the screen and a picture of Blair and I kissing was staring back up at me. I hit the silent button and continued walking. Blair was the last person I could talk to right now.
Serena's POV
As soon as I shut the door I felt the tears begin to form. Instead of brushing them away, I let them fall. I had never expected it to be this hard, to have to pretend and lie to him. I was angry at myself for feeling disappointed, for wanting him to say something different. I was angry at myself for letting this happen, for putting myself in this situation. I was angry at myself for not having the guts to tell Blair, even if it would hurt her.
I closed my eyes and got myself together. I slowly made my way back to the kitchen to clean up my ice cream bowls. I was about to start washing the first one, but instead I grabbed it and refilled it with more ice cream. I walked back over to the couch, collapsed down and turned the Real World marathon back on. The worst is over, I convinced myself. It'll get easier from here. The past will just stay in the past.
Someone should really tell her that the past never stays in the past.
