Omgffff u suppid goffic bichhhess I am soooooo not rapist Britnayy not having shmex with dan only becausss he's blakk he's supah sexi Britney von la laderrrrrho is not a slut get over urselvess sje not a murry soo! Fuk

Chapter 3

Later that night, I got into my sexy outfit for Dean. It was basically lingerie with a Jesus face on it (geddit because Jesus is SUPAHHH SEXY). I also wore high heels and a cross necklace. On the way there, I passed Ron. Except, he looked different. Like….less poor, more ick. More ick then he already was. And I thought that was an impossible fleet. Go figure.

I made it up to the Room of Requirement, although I'd like to call it "The Room of Dean Thomas' giant sausage dick." Although that name is a bit long and rambley..

Anyway, I looked in, and there was Dean. Although I could barely see him, it was super dark and he's black.

"Let's pray first!" I cautioned as I came to the bed. And so we did.

"Now," Dean said throwing my clothes off and his own as well "IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!"

We got on the bed sexily and he shoved his giant banana into my petite little hole and we had sweet sex. It hurt so bad but it was so kinky and erotic I didn't care, hell, his dick was larger than the Eiffel Tower s I couldn't complain. I had my organism and he had his and then we did it all over again! It was so great. We did it like…three times and I wanted to go again but Dean said he was too tired.

"You're on the pill, right?"

"Nu-uh."

Silence.
"What?" I asked sexily.

"I didn't were a condemn"

"Oh. That's…uh…unfortunate."

"Yeah…..a bit. May I be the first to apologize for shoving my sword into your beautiful pussy?"

"That's a bit informal, but you're forgiven."

"…We could always pray again."

"Sounds good to me!"

The sex prayer:

Dear God, we screwed, and now we're in a rut

We may give birth to a tiny little mutt

We didn't wear a condemn, and now we're in trouble

And if it's even worse, we might give birth to double

We don't have money, and we don't have the time,

Now we're running all out of rhymes

So dear God, if you could just help out a bit,

So we don't have a creature that throws a fit

DON'T LET US HAVE A FREAKIN BABY

Amen.

"Sounds good to me, and we are wonderful and pure Christians so we won't have this baby." I said happily.

"Yes," Agreed Dean and just for the hell of it, we had sex again—if I was already pregnant it was too late anyway.

When we were done we went out and back to the common room as we were walking we saw FILTCH the caretaker and MRS. NORRIS walking down the hall.

"What the fucking fuck were you two fuckers doing?" he said, drunk.

"We were…studying…"

"What?" Meowed Mrs. Norris.

"Biology."

"Pretty loud biology if you ask me."

"Uh…yeah….we….uhh….we yell at eachother. We got into a fight."

"Oh really? About what?"

"…biology."

"I see. Well, get back to your classes."

"It's the middle of the night!"

"NO IT'S FUCKING NOT SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP."

"Are you drunk?"

"teeheeeeeeee McGoogle is sexy…."

"Yep, drunk."

And then he staggered off, muttering something about "Trelawny's tight ass."

"That…was…awkward."

"JESUS LOVES YOU!" Dean shouted after Filth.

"I WORSHIP ALLAH!"

"FUCK YOU THEN!"

By the way, we call him Filth, because frankly, he's disgusting. He takes showers in Dumblydore's sweat. And Dumbly sweats dirt. Ick.