Hello! We're back with the third chapter! Apparently I really suck at planning out stories, because I originally thought that this would be three parts tops, and MAYBE end up at 60-70 pages. Well, this story is going to be at least five chapters long, quite possibly six. And I've already passed the 70 page mark. This makes me so happy! Just so you are all aware, this page does have some angsty fighting between Axel and Roxas, and so may not be as humorous as the last two chapters, but I certainly tried to make it as funny as possible!

Thank you all so much for the reviews and the favs. It makes my day everytime I get a notification that someone actually enjoyed my admittedly super-weird sense of humor. :3 I always get nervous that no one is actually going to like reading this, and it makes me so glad that there are actually people out there who enjoy it. You guys are all awesome, thank you so much for your support!

Also, if you guys are looking for a nice short one-shot to read while waiting for the fourth chapter, I posted a story called Sifr. It may not be the greatest but I certainly enjoyed writing it, and I hope you guys enjoy reading it!

Anyhow, I will stop taking up your time, and let you get reading!


"Dude. You killed Roxas."

"N-no! He…he's not dead." A nervous gulp. "I think."

"It is scientifically impossible to murder a person through speech alone."

"Stop being such a geek, Zexion. And he's totally dead."

"And I might suggest you desist from being such an insufferable idiot, Riku."

"Guys, Axel just killed my baby brother. Can we focus here?"

"For lawsuit purposes, if he is dead, you're all officially fired."

"Forget Roxas. As soon as he wakes up, he's going to murder Axel."

"Gee, thanks, Dem. I feel better now."

"Ugh," Roxas moaned, eyes slowly fluttering open. "Wha-? What's going on?" He tried to sit up, but his head started spinning, and promptly laid back down. "M'head hurts."

Sora's and Axel's faces suddenly took up the entirety of his vision, sporting identical expressions of concern, though Sora's concern was for his baby brother and Axel's was more for his own continued state of breathing, assuming that Roxas's initial reaction to the proposal was a good indication that Roxas would soon murder him for it.

"Roxas, this is important. How many fingers am I holding up?"

"I just want to say, Blondie, that however this may look, it is in no way my fault."

"The correct answer is two. If you say something like six, then we know you're dying."

"I don't know how yet, but I'm pretty sure I can prove that it's actually Riku's fault."

"Hey!" Riku squawked.

"Roxas, stop glaring. I need you to focus on me, so I know that your brain isn't bleeding out."

"So, y'know, there's no need to kill anyone. Unless it's Riku. What I mean is, there's no need to kill me."

"And you need to talk, so I know you haven't turned into a vegetable—"

"'Cause I'm your best friend and all, and I really don't want to die—"

"—I can't handle pulling the plug—"

"—I'm too young! Think of our future children—"

"Stop." Sora and Axel did. Roxas pressed his hands to his temples, which were beginning to throb. "What's going on? What happened? I just remember punching Riku, Axel wanted to say something, and now I'm on the ground…"

"Uh…" Axel said, voice colored with abashment. "You don't remember? Hehe. Heh. Okay. Good, then I don't need to die. Um, by which I mean, would you believe me if I said it was nothing?" Axel looked hopeful that he might be able to smooth this over yet.

"Oh, yeah!" Sora chirped brightly. "You and Axel are getting married!" He proclaimed this in the same manner that a traveling salesman might proclaim that he has just the no-sweat-no-fuss vacuum cleaner that will change your life. Sora even had the maniacal gleam in his eye right.

"Oh," said Roxas weakly. And fainted again.

"Goddammit, Riku!" Axel glared.

"What?" Riku squawked, a few octaves higher than normal. "I didn't even do anything!"

"Oh yeah," Axel said, grinning shamefacedly. "I forgot. My bad."

"Nrgh," said Roxas, rather intelligently given the last five minutes of his life. He looked up at the several bodies standing around him. "I…I think I'm having a nightmare," he said, somewhat panicky. "Sora," he tugged harshly on the nearest pants leg, and hoped it belonged to his brother. Zexion, coloring as he was nearly depantsed, extracted his clothing from Roxas's death clutch, and Sora stepped in his place, kneeling.

"Yeah, Roxas?" he asked in the hushed tones used when speaking to persons on their deathbeds.

"Sora," Roxas stage-whispered. "I think I'm having a nightmare. A really terrible nightmare." He looked up hopefully into Sora's eyes. "Please tell me I am dreaming."

"Only if you've been dreaming of marrying Axel," Riku drawled smugly, enjoying the situation far more than could be considered beneficial if he really valued not having his ankles gnawed off, which were certainly within biting distance from where Roxas was laying. Riku seemed to realize this, and wisely took a few steps back.

Roxas stared at Axel for a long moment, waiting for an explanation. Axel shifted uncomfortably. "Axel?" Axel briefly made eye contact, before looking to the side with a grimace.

"Uh, look. Never mind, kid. Just forget I asked."

Roxas's brows furrowed. What was going on here? Did Axel…really have a thing for him? He paused for a moment. Well, really, that was a stupid question. The only time Axel had managed to go more than an hour without sexually harassing Roxas was when he was unconscious, a state that Roxas more likely than not was responsible for putting him into. Usually because of the sexual harassment that had occurred in the hour beforehand.

Holy shit.

But that had all been a joke, right? Just one big giant joke that had been going on for six months. They were friends, nothing more. Amigos, comrades, bosom pals. Just friends…where one repeatedly asked the other out on dates…and practically lived in the other's dorm at this point…and knew every little detail about Roxas's life from his favorite coffee to his deep fear of horror movies to his every pet peeve.

Holy shit.

Roxas's eyes nearly bugged out of his skull. Why hadn't he seen it before? It was only so completely obvious. Sure, he had thought Axel's sense of humor was weird in that he constantly joked about going on a date. But he had guessed that maybe Axel had grown up in a cellar, maybe, or been raised by wolves, or some other situation where he would not develop normal social interaction skills that came with occasionally interacting with people. He wasn't going to hold it against Axel's joking was slightly odd. He thought they were just friends. But now. What kind of platonic friend would do all the things that Axel had done if he wasn't hopelessly, madly in love? And he had just gone along with it. Had let it happen. Hell, he even came to enjoy all the things he and Axel did together, and actually encouraged it occasionally.

It then occurred to Roxas that they were practically dating already.

Holy shit.

"Did you really ask me to marry you?" he asked weakly.

And, really, this begged the question of how Roxas felt about all this. And he really didn't know.

That was the scariest revelation he had had in a long time. It would have been so much easier if he could have just shrugged Axel off, just scoff and beat Axel up for his poor sense of humor. Having spent all of his time assuming that Axel was only joking, he hadn't given serious consideration to what it could mean if Axel wasn't joking.

"Look, I'm sorry, Rox, but you were worried about school—"

Was it more than friendship for him? He liked Axel, he did. But how much? He knew that when he wasn't hanging out with Axel, he would often wish that he was. He felt lonely when Axel wasn't there to stir up some chaos in his life. He had become so accustomed to Axel bursting into his dorm unexpectedly at any and all hours of the day (and night), that when he wasn't there, it almost didn't feel like home anymore.

"—needed tuition money, and I do too—"

Did…did that mean that Roxas liked Axel? Roxas licked his suddenly dry lips, and his heart thumped wildly in his chest. Maybe he did. It couldn't bode well for his mental health, but maybe. Just maybe. It was all very sudden, and his brain was still having trouble functioning. But if Axel really was in love with him, then he would understand that Roxas didn't know anything anymore. If he was, obviously marriage was way too soon, because they hadn't even been on a date yet, but…

"—bank gives out grants to newly weds, it's free money and—"

…and suddenly the fact that Axel was talking caught up with his brain, which was still having some major difficulty with basic functioning and dearly wishing for some personal vacation time. It took Roxas a moment to backtrack to what Axel was saying.

It took him another moment to figure out what Axel meant, and when the hazy fog in his head began to clear, he was not in his happy place.

"Axel." Roxas spoke in the calmest voice he could muster. It only wavered slightly in his new sudden fury. The calm before the storm.

"—wouldn't need to worry about loans, it's the perfect solution—"

"Axel." This time, Roxas sounded decidedly less serene and a great deal more agitated.

Axel clamped his mouth shut with an audible snap. "Um. Yes?"

Roxas closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, needing to calm himself. It didn't work, so he took another. And then another. And—

"Rox?"

Okay, now he was starting to hyperventilate. He was just going to ask, and then he would know. Because that was the best way to get answers. By asking. Which he was going to do. At any moment, as soon as he gathered his wits.

"Uh, Rox?"

Oh yeah, right. Speaking would probably be useful here. He took one last breath and went for it, steeling himself.

"You just said bank, newly weds, and free money in the same sentence. It's a very odd combination, don't you think? Which leads me to believe what I am about to ask you here. Did you just ask me to marry you for free grant money?"

"Uh," Axel started. Obviously there was a right answer here. He knew there was, and he had a 50-50 chance of getting it right. He just needed to figure out which one wouldn't end in his murder. "Yes?" he answered slowly.

Whatever the right answer was, that so wasn't it. Let it be known: The truth does not set you free.

Roxas grit his teeth. So that was it, then, was it? It wasn't because Axel loved him, or liked him, or anything. He needed money. Axel didn't feel anything for him. It had been a joke all along, just like he had always thought. Roxas felt a weird, almost painful, clenching sensation in his chest, and chose not to acknowledge it. It didn't matter, because Axel had always been a nuisance to him, and he didn't care if Axel liked him like that or not. He didn't.

Really. He rubbed absently against his chest, which was still spasming.

What he did care about, was the fact that Axel seemed to think it was okay to shack up with any old person for money, and that he thought Roxas was the kind of person to think so too.

And then Roxas came to the conclusion that his initial opinion of Axel (minus the murderer-cannibal part) was entirely correct: He was a sexual deviant scoundrel pervert that couldn't be trusted.

"So you mean to say," Roxas said, his whole body quivering in rage, "that you think that I'm some sort of cheap whore you can use for money?"

Axel looked behind him, like the question could have been directed at someone else. All persons nearby took a deliberate step backwards, as if to say, Enjoy your painful death by yourself. Bitch. Riku pointed and laughed helpfully.

Somehow, this night had taken a dangerous turn, and he wasn't entirely sure how or when it had happened. In fact, he wasn't even sure where Roxas was getting his logic from. Axel jerked his head back towards Roxas. "Uh, what?" was all Axel managed to choke out in disbelief before Roxas's fist came slamming into his jaw bone. And then Roxas proceeded to give the most humiliating of smack downs in the history of mankind.

"What are you – ow! – talking about—"

"Lecher! Pervert!" Roxas gave a quick jab to the eye, and then a sucker punch to the gut.

"I didn't – ouch! – mean to—"

"I trusted you! I let you into my home!" A kick to the shin, an elbow to the ribs.

"I was just trying to help – fuck!"

Roxas gave a swift and hard kick to the groin. Axel's eyes bugged out of his skull, and he fell to the ground. Roxas stood above him, panting heavily from exertion, and an odd stinging sensation was beginning to burn behind his eyes. Funny, he thought he would feel better. He always felt better when he beat up Riku, or when he had beat up on Axel in the past. But he guessed that before it was different because they had been joking around, and he knew that even if he punched Axel, he would still come barging into his dorm the next day unannounced, grin fit to burst.

But this was different. He didn't feel so angry anymore, but he certainly didn't feel better. He felt almost dead inside, like something had been torn open and left to bleed out. He didn't feel better, because he knew something had changed between himself and Axel, just like he had known that one rainy day in May. Only this time, it wasn't a good change. The stinging behind his eyes increased, and his vision became blurry. He blinked rapidly several times, and felt a small measure of relief when it subsided slightly.

He looked down his nose at Axel with as much scorn as he could, but he looked more hurt than anything else. Axel looked up at him, and Roxas didn't know exactly what his friend saw in his eyes, but Axel paled and looked back at him with an almost hopeless desperation. "Rox," he lifted a hand, as if to reach out to Roxas. Roxas took a step backwards, out of reach.

Their friends stood in the background with baited breath. This obviously wasn't one of their normal fights. Sora looked helplessly between Roxas and Axel, not knowing what to do. He made to speak up, but Riku put his hand on his shoulder and shook his head. This was something very personal, and between Axel and Roxas, after all.

"Roxas?" Axel asked fearfully. The fact that it was the first time Axel had ever said his full name was not lost on him, and Roxas's vision blurred again.

He let his arms drop to his side with a dull sort of finality, and ducked his head so his bangs covered his eyes. "Axel." A small part of his mind felt a wry pride that his voice did not waver.

He turned away from his best friend and walked out of the store.

"We're over."


The Next Day.

Roxas should have realized that it was not, in fact, over.

They still worked together, still had the same schedules, so there wasn't really any way to avoid Axel.

Unless he called out sick, that was. Which he promptly did.

He was hoping that a good night's sleep would allow him to wake up more clear-headed about the whole situation, and that he could go over it calmly in his head with cool level-headedness so that he could reevaluate whether or not he was overreacting. He was hoping to wake up calm, cool, and fucking collected.

He didn't.

Roxas woke up pissed off. He was in the Foul Mood to end all foul moods. He stormed angrily in circles around the dorm, seething. How could Axel think that about him? How could he think that it would be okay? And Roxas thought, just for a moment, that Axel actually liked

Well, it didn't matter, he snarled to himself, because it wasn't true. All he knew now was that Axel was a pervert who preyed upon innocent boys like himself for money, and needed his just deserts. Roxas grinned savagely to himself. Oh yes, and he would serve up some excellent justice.

Tidus came into the shared living room in a tank top and boxers, yawning, and scratching the back of his head, which was having a severe case of bed hair. He popped open the tab on the soda can he was sporting, took a swig, and looked over at Roxas.

"Uh, aren't you supposed to be at work this morning?"

Roxas continued his angry pacing around the room. "I'm sick today," he growled.

"You…don't look sick," Tidus said, plopping down on their couch with an eyebrow raised.

"I'm not," Roxas waved his hand in the air, dismissing his contradiction and Tidus's observations as inconsequential.

Tidus grinned lazily. "Playing hooky today, are we? Roxas, I'm impressed. I didn't think you had it in you."

Roxas spared a quick glare at his roommate, never stopping his stride. Tidus suddenly had the distinct impression of an angry tiger that had been backed into a corner and was ready to tear shit up. "I'm not playing hooky. It's that stupid jackass's fault I can't show up to work today."

Tidus sat up, intrigued. This was unexpected. Was Roxas choosing to hide instead of fight? He pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. It hurt. A sure sign the end was nigh. "Oh wow. Did Riku do something really bad this time?"

Roxas snorted, still pacing. "Riku is a worthless piece of shit, and could never stop me from giving him his due beatings." Tidus tried to hide a smile behind his drink. Roxas was in a mood today. "So no, I was not referring to Riku."

Well, this was a new development to Tidus. He hadn't seen Roxas this genuinely worked up since that night he first heard about Axel and their less-than-ideal initial meeting. Tidus tilted his head to the side. "If not Riku, then who?"

And then the door into the dorm burst open, and there stood Axel, holding a bouquet of roses and a bundle of It's A Boy! balloons printed with diapers and blue baby bottles.

This paused Roxas's pacing, realizing that Axel still had his yet-to-be-proven mystery key to the dorm. He glared at Axel and actually hissed. "Oh hell, no. Get out."

"Hear me out, Blondie." At Roxas's respondent snarl and threatening step forward, Axel held his hands up in the universal sign for I'm-unarmed-and-if-you-murder-me-you-will-be-someone's-prison-bitch-for-like-a-bajillion-years-I-am-so-not-kidding-please-don't-kill-me. "I really think there's been a huge misunderstanding somewhere."

"No, I'm pretty sure I heard you loud and clear last night."

"Look, I really don't know what's suddenly got your panties in a twist," Axel said frustratingly, "but can we at least talk about it?"

Roxas hesitated. On the one hand, Axel obviously seemed to think that he had done nothing wrong, which only served to remind Roxas that Axel needed to pay. Roxas had his number one arch nemesis (Riku had been temporarily demoted to number two) in front of him, and a fist named Justice that he planned to introduce to Axel's face.

"Please?" Axel pleaded, shoulders slumping slightly. His eyes burned with an intense desperation to repair whatever had been broken the night before.

On the other hand, Roxas thought with a painful tug in his chest, suddenly unable to make eye contact, Axel was his best friend, and he was already missing him terribly. He lowered his fist slowly. "Fine," he muttered. He trudged over to sit on the couch, not bothering to look to see if Axel was following. He flopped down into the cushions, crossing his arms testily.

"Right," Axel breathed. He looked over at Tidus, who seemed rather engrossed by the proceedings thus far. Axel coughed pointedly.

Tidus grinned sheepishly. "Oh! Uh, yeah. Guess I'll just…go hang out in my room for a while." He slowly walked past them, giving curious glances to both boys before disappearing down the hall.

Once the room was empty, Axel chanced a glance back to Roxas, who glared in return. The clock ticked in the background, stretching silent seconds into agonizingly slow minutes. Axel seemed to be having a hard time figuring what to say that wouldn't end in his disembowelment.

Finally the wait got to be too much for Roxas. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Axel shrugged. "I heard you were sick, so I came over. I'll be back before they even notice I'm gone."

Roxas highly doubted that, but chose to continue on. "So?" he prompted, impatiently. "Say your piece and leave."

"Here," Axel thrust the bouquet of roses and bundle of balloons at Roxas, who instinctively leaned back from the floral facial invasion. He batted them away lightly, so that they no longer obstructed his vision.

"What are these?" He didn't mean to sound so repulsed, because really, it was a nice gesture. They were a pretty, bright red that was almost the shade of Axel's hair, and Roxas felt the urge to take a deep breath, because the smell was actually quite pleasant.

But roses were something you gave to your significant other when trying to make up after a lover's tiff, not to a friend whose moral integrity you had insulted by insinuating that they could be bought as a wife for free college money. Which was not helping Roxas remain in a calm state of mind to actively try to forgive Axel.

He looked up and deepened his quickly growing frown. "And what the hell are those?" He pointed up at the balloons that cheerfully proclaimed It's a Boy! "If you think that going from marriage to having kids is any better—"

"No!" Axel cried, turning slightly red. If Roxas wasn't so focused on controlling his temper, he would have been shocked, as Axel blushing was an extreme rarity. "The store ran out of I'm Sorry balloons, and I needed some balloons, so these were the next best thing…" He trailed off as Roxas stared blankly at him.

"Really?" Roxas drawled coolly. "That was the next best one. Not Get Well Soon, or Happy Fucking Birthday. No, you get me a Let's Get You Knocked Up and Have A Baby balloon." Roxas snarled. "Because that's not totally similar to being proposed to for money. Were you planning to sell our child too?"

"Uh," Axel floundered in a moment of awkwardness that was unusual for the usually calm, arrogant man, but considering the situation and the fact that Roxas had just uttered the words 'our child,' his discomfiture was to be expected. "Okay, yeah, moving past the fact it's not physically possible for you to get knocked up, I can see that there was a flaw in my plan. These probably weren't the next best after all. But you don't understand. I needed balloons for you."

"What do you mean you needed them? I would have been just as angry without them." Roxas batted irritably at one of said balloons that was slowly creeping towards his hair, drawing out static electricity. "Possibly less, actually."

Axel pulled out several battered books out from behind him. Roxas wondered where, exactly, Axel had procured them from; it wasn't like he had been carrying a bag or backpack or anything. After several minutes of his brain arguing with the physical laws of the universe, he decided it was really too early in the morning to be trying to calculate quantum physics dealing with pocket dimensions being used as storage facilities of literature, and thus gave up.

Axel brandished the top book in the stack at Roxas. "I needed balloons because the books told me so."

Roxas furrowed his eyebrows, and began to seriously question the stability of Axel's mental health. "Uh. What?"

Axel flipped the book open to a random page. "It's all in here. When two people are fighting, you're supposed to do things like give the other person flowers, roses, balloons, stuffed animals, and other stuff to make them stop being mad at you."

Roxas eyed the books in Axel's lap rather apprehensively. He leaned in to get a better look at them, because he had a sinking suspicion that he already knew what kind of books Axel had been reading on how to repair relationships. Sure enough, each of the covers of the books featured different variations on the same picture theme: a scantily clad woman with flowing hair standing with a man with steroid abs and who didn't even have the decency to put a shirt on.

Roxas snapped his eyes up to glare at Axel. "Please tell me you haven't been reading trashy smut romance novels to get ideas on how to say sorry. No, really. Please tell me that. Because I would hate to think that you were comparing me to the deflowered woman." Because apparently it was not enough for Axel to insult his moral integrity, and had to now insult his manly dignity.

"Uh," Axel scratched his cheek. He seemed to realize he had made a fatal error somewhere along the way, but wasn't quite sure what it was, and was trying to decide the best way to escape with all limbs intact. "No? Because…that would be wrong?" He said slowly.

Roxas narrowed his eyes. "That sounded like it was a question."

Axel was beginning to wonder if maybe this conversation had been doomed from the start, which, really, it was. "It wasn't?" he said hesitatingly, because he was only relatively sure that this would be the right thing to say; it was a little hard to tell with Roxas.

Roxas, who obviously seemed to think that this was not the right thing to say and had decided that he'd had quite enough of Axel for one day, stood up and grabbed the bouquet of roses in two hands. He grabbed the stems tightly, and wound up like a batter aiming for a home run. He then used them to mercilessly beat the life out of the cheerful balloons until slowly, one by one, the thorns proved too much for balloons and popped. After the third balloon exploded, Axel sighed. "Right. I'll, uh, let myself out…"

As soon as the front door closed, Roxas let out a strangled cry and threw the bouquet against the wall, where it erupted in a shower of leaves and petals. He looked at the carpet where the mangled remains of the flowers lay scattered and broken, and felt that it was an adequate description of his life at that moment.

He sniffed angrily as his eyes started to burn and water.

Damn allergies.


The Day After That.

Roxas called out sick to work again.

He knew he was being childish, but the way he saw it, he was very liable to brutally murder Axel in a public setting that was rife with witnesses, which would ultimately lead to a lifelong imprisonment where he would slowly wither away to a corpse while breaking rocks for no other reason than to give him something to do for the next fifty thousand years. He figured that braving Xemnas's wrath was well worth a life's worth of freedom.

"Still sick, I see," Tidus commented wryly as Roxas plodded into the kitchen after he finally managed to drag himself out of bed. Roxas grunted in reply as he rummaged around in the refrigerator, not particularly in a talking mood. "Yeah, that Axel bug's a killer," Tidus continued daringly. Roxas whipped his head around to glare at his roommate, who lifted a challenging eyebrow.

"I would really prefer it if we never mentioned that name in here ever again," Roxas said in a voice that clearly should have signaled the end of the conversation to anyone who did not wish to die a painful, bloody death.

Tidus, who blatantly ignored this, innocently said, "Oh? And why is that, exactly?"

"Axel's a dick. End of story."

"I doubt that."

Roxas grabbed the carton of milk, sniffed it to make sure it was okay, and began to chug it, just to piss of his roommate. After drinking nearly half the container, he gave a level stare at Tidus, who was slightly possessive of his milk, and felt slightly triumphant at the irritated look on his face.

Tidus, however, wasn't one to be dissuaded that easily. He patiently waited for Roxas to stop having his passive aggressive tantrum.

Roxas rolled his eyes. It was never a good idea to fight with a roommate who was majoring in Psychology. It was even worse with Tidus, who was also specializing in Existential Philosophy, and often asked questions that made Roxas's brain hurt, like how did Roxas know that this wasn't all just one big dream? Roxas, who never liked Philosophy or Psychology, would usually throw something at his roommate, and then ask if it hurt when it collided with his face. If it did, he was awake.

Roxas sat down at the table where Tidus was eating cereal. "Axel asked me to marry him."

Tidus immediately choked on his spoon.

"He – cough- what?" Tidus managed to spit out after ensuring he was not going to die of suffocation from his breakfast lodging in his windpipe.

"Yeah," Roxas glared at the table, like it was to blame for his life going down the craphole.

"I…didn't realize you guys were dating."

"We're not."

"Oh." Tidus paused, before continuing determinately along, because he was nothing if not a supportive friend. "Well, most people usually wait until after at least a few dates before the wedding but…congratulations?"

Roxas snarled viciously, getting up to pace furiously around the small room. "No. No congratulations. There is no wedding. Axel doesn't even like me. You want to know why he wanted to get hitched? For free grant money. Like my virtue can just be bought like that."

"Uh," Tidus said, for lack of anything better to say.

"And then he just acts like there is nothing wrong with that! Like he thought I would be okay with that. Like I would go around marrying any old guy just to make a couple dollars."

"I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it like that. He isn't the sort of guy to do something like that."

Roxas gave an irritated sideways glance at his roommate. "What do you know about Axel?" He placed a hand on his hip and peered suspiciously at Tidus. "You know, you've been defending him since that first day you met him. 'Give him a chance, Roxas.' 'He can't be all that bad, Roxas.' I know you're the one who gave him a key to get in here. Maybe you should marry him," he hissed angrily, feeling a hot pang of jealousy spike through his nerves.

Tidus actually laughed. "Okay, first of all, you are insane. Second, I have Yuna, and have no interest in Axel whatsoever, so no need to get all possessive." Roxas frowned and looked like he was about to deny that he felt any sort of claim on Axel, but Tidus continued on somewhat exasperatedly. "And third, how can you not see that Axel is madly in lo—"

Whatever Tidus was about to say was drowned out by a loud screech that blasted through the air, rattling the molars in Roxas's skull, and shattering a few glasses in the cupboards.

It died out, and the silence was almost deafening in contrast. "What the hell," Roxas said, "was that?" Tidus, who had ducked under the table for cover, emerged sheepishly and peered around, looking for the source of the sound.

"Testing, testing, 1-2-3," came a familiar nasally voice from outside, much louder than normal, sounding muffled and distorted due to the window separating Roxas and Axel, who, judging by the volume, was currently using a megaphone or microphone and an intense speaker system..

Roxas groaned, pressing the heels of his palms over his ears. "No. This isn't happening."

"Hello? Blondie, you in there?" Roxas wondered if he could hide in here forever. "Hah! Who am I kidding. I know you're there."

"I think this counts as domestic terrorism," Roxas said, slightly hysterically. He peered fearfully across the room at the window that overlooked the parking lot. He was pretty sure he did not want to know what Axel was up to out there.

"This is for you, kid." Roxas gulped. Whatever was coming, he wasn't going to be able to stop it. He clenched his eyes shut and prepared for the worst.

Soft music began to play.

Roxas pried one eye open guardedly. That was it? Music? What was that idiot up to?

Roxas frowned pensively. This song sounded familiar.

"Tale as old as time…"

"Oh God."

Roxas stumbled the short distance to the window and peered outside. There stood Axel upon what looked to be a hastily crafted, and poorly made at that, stage where he was crooning into a microphone. Behind him stood Demyx, who was happily strumming away on his guitar, happy just to be playing his beloved instrument, and Zexion, who looked like he would gladly strangle Axel with his own intestines given the next opportunity, acting as a backup singer. Roxas had no idea what kind of blackmail Axel had to use to get Zexion to do such a thing, but it had to be something big.

"True as it can be…"

"I'm going to kill him."

"Barely even friends…"

"What the hell is he doing?" Roxas could only watch horrified from the window.

Tidus came over to where he was standing. "I think he's trying to say he's sorry."

"Then somebody bends…"

"This is a love song," Roxas grit out.

"Unexpectedly…"

Tidus shrugged. "Maybe he doesn't realize that? Or maybe he's trying to get some other point across?" Tidus hinted lightly.

Roxas snorted as he stormed out of the dorm.

"Where are you going?" Tidus called after him.

"To shut him up," Roxas growled.

Once he got outside, he crept around the building, making his way around the perimeter of the parking lot, so that he was able to successfully circle around to the back of stage (which really, upon closer inspection, was just a bunch of cardboard boxes that had been duct taped together). He spotted the wire leading from Axel's microphone that trailed to an electrical outlet. He grinned in maniacal triumph as he crept silently towards it.

"Woxas?" a soft voice came from behind him. Roxas whirled around in surprise. Large blue eyes stared up at him.

"Oh. Namine. You startled me." He patted the young five-year-old on the head and continued on towards the outlet. The girl followed silently, dragging her ever-present sketchpad behind her.

Roxas reached the outlet unnoticed by Axel, who was still singing at his window.

"Bittersweet and strange…finding you can change…learning you were wrong…"

It was time to end this.

"Woxas, what's that man doing?" Namine asked, pointing at Axel, who was dancing now and ruining the mood of the song as he threw in a few pelvic thrusts.

"Being a nuisance to society," Roxas grumbled.

"Oh," the girl said quietly, not really knowing what that meant. "What are you doing?"

"Restoring the peace," Roxas said flatly, as he yanked the cord out of the socket.

The speakers gave a squeal of feedback before dying off. Axel looked at his microphone bewildered, wondering why it suddenly wasn't working. He looked around until he spotted Roxas stalking towards him like a lion calculating the exact speed and trajectory needed to rip out its prey's jugular.

"Blondie! Did you hear the song? I sang it for you." Axel beamed proudly. Zexion, who sensed an opening to escape further humiliation as Axel's back was turned, began to creep silently away. Axel whipped back around. "Did I say you could stop singing?" Zexion glared as murderously as he could, which was a lot, but slunk back to his microphone, despite the fact that it no longer worked. Demyx looked torn between amusement and sympathy for the slate-haired man. Roxas really wanted to know what sort of blackmail could instill this level of submission; he didn't think it could have been anything less than proof of murder.

He turned back to Axel. "Yeah, I heard it," Roxas said in a low voice.

Axel seemed encouraged by this. "Did you get the point I was trying to say?" he asked excitedly.

Roxas posed thoughtfully. "That you think that you can make me forget how much of a philandering, immoral jackass you are by seducing me with your song? That you can brainwash me with your voice?"

Axel sighed. "So, that's a no, you did not get the point."

"Well, here's what I think of that!" Roxas grabbed the microphone stand and began to beat the cardboard boxes that served as Axel's stage with it. Zexion, who was teetering on the edge of hysteria at this point, grabbed the backup microphone stand and joined in the decimation of the stage with physical prowess that Roxas hadn't thought he possessed, laughing maniacally all the while.

Demyx appeared slightly horrified. "Zexy?" Sheesh, he knew that Zexion wasn't thrilled about singing. But Axel, one of his best friends, had needed help, and when Zexion said he wanted no part in it, Demyx had to do something. He couldn't leave Axel hanging like that. So he had batted his eyelashes just so, until Zexion turned a pretty shade of pink, gulped, and resigned himself to his fate, agreeing to sing. Demyx hadn't thought it was going to lead to a psychological meltdown. He shrugged to himself, and began to kick the stage alongside Zexion.

"Demyx!" Axel cried, betrayed.

Demyx shrugged. "Zexy'll feel all guilty and embarrassed about this later, once he's done going crazy. He'll feel less bad if I do it too."

Axel, recognizing a mutiny when he saw one, sighed dejectedly and went home.


The Day After That.

Roxas sighed gratefully when he woke up. It was finally his day off. He was fairly certain that Xemnas would fire him if he called out again.

Unfortunately, this also meant that it was Axel's day off, and Roxas had to prepare for a relentless barrage of Axel's schemes and shenanigans.

He pulled over the battered sofa to sit directly in front of the door, where he waited patiently with a frying pan in hand, ready to bludgeon the next breathing organism with red hair to walk through that door. He wore a protective pot on his head because this was war, and he was a survivor.

Tidus walked by, giving a disbelieving stare. "Is this seriously how you're going to spend your day off?"

"I have to defend my turf," Roxas growled, eyes never leaving the front door.

Tidus sighed exasperatedly. "And what if he doesn't come? How long are you planning on sitting here like that?"

Roxas narrowed his eyes. "He'll come. And I will sit here until he does."

"Whatever you say," Tidus rolled his eyes and walked towards the kitchen. Roxas continued his watch.

He didn't have to wait long.

Right as the clock struck noon, the door came bursting open, and dude, Axel looked like shit.

Roxas was standing up in concern before his brain even had a chance to register the fact that his buttocks were leaving the comfort of the couch cushions, pot-helmet falling to the floor with a clatter. He even momentarily forgot about his Frying Pan of Doom. "What happened to you?"

Axel came in through the front door covered in dust, looking like he hadn't slept in a month – Roxas didn't know how this was possible since it had been less than twenty-four hours since he had last seen him – and had long ago lost touch with reality.

Axel wheeled in something behind him sitting in a red wagon. A very tall something. In fact, by Roxas's estimate, he guessed that when it was sitting on the floor, it was probably about as tall as him. This was incorrect, however. It was exactly as tall as him, down to the hundredth of a centimeter.

"What is it?" Roxas asked apprehensively, taking a precautionary step backwards. He looked at the heavy blanket that was covering Axel's latest surprise with something that was bordering on fear.

"I made it just for you," Axel smiled reassuringly, a tad too wide to ever be considered sane.

Not reassured in the slightest, Roxas took another step backwards. "You shouldn't have. Really."

And with grandeur that was more befitting a buxom magician's assistant, Axel removed the blanket and revealed his masterpiece.

Roxas stared in open, slack-jawed horror.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Axel breathed reverently.

Roxas, who really had no idea what to say in response to that, said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm naked," he stated flatly.

Tidus popped his head out of the kitchen in alarm. "Did I just hear someone say that they are naked? Because I would really appreciate not having that where I can see it." And then he saw Axel's gift. He dropped the sandwich he was making onto the floor.

Tidus whistled lowly as he walked over to inspect the large object. He stared at the perfect, smooth, naked marble statue in wonder. "It's…Roxas," he said, stating the obvious, because there was no mistaking it for anyone else, despite the provocative pose it was in. "I, uh, didn't realize you were so well endowed," he said, staring uncomfortably at the marble erection.

"I'm naked," Roxas repeated between gritting teeth.

"Well, yeah," Axel said, like it would be completely absurd to have it any other way. "It's art. Everybody loves art. Art has naked people. Google said so."

"I'm naked," Roxas hissed emphatically, finally starting to get over his shock, and starting to remember why he wanted – no, needed, he mentally corrected himself with a vehement snarl – Axel's death.

"You know," Tidus said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin and tilting his head to the left. "I'm pretty sure I've seen this pose in the Kama Sutra."

Roxas began to foam at the mouth. "I'm naked," he screeched hysterically.

Tidus chuckled meekly. "I'm not really helping the situation much, am I?" he said in a small voice.

Axel sighed. "No, not really."

And Roxas, who had lost all semblance of sanity, gave a bloodlust war cry, and tackled the statue to the ground.

Axel seemed genuinely horrified to see his hard work fall and shatter to the ground. "No! My Roxas!"

Roxas, who had rediscovered his frying pan and was using it to decimate the chunks of marble into even smaller bits of rubble, snarled out each word with every blow he delivered. "You – BAM! – turned – BAM! – me – BAM! – into –BAM! – a – BAM! – porno – BAM! – statue!"

Axel ducked as marble body parts went flying in all directions. He leaned down and grabbed the two closest pieces and held them to his chest protectively to protect them from further harm. "Come on, Rox, it wasn't like that!"

Roxas looked at Axel, and saw him hugging half of his marble face and his stony erect manhood in his arms. He saw red.

"How dare you!" Roxas cried.

"I don't underst—"

"How can you just molest me in front of me?"

"What are you talking abo—"

"I do not want to see your face ever again." Roxas said, grabbing his stone heads (both of them) out of Axel's hands. He threw them against the ground, shattering them, and then slammed the door in Axel's face.

He turned around with his back to the door, leaned his head back, and slowly slid to sit on the floor. He took a few deep, calming breaths. He looked at the mess around him, and cringed at the thought of having to clean it up.

Not seeing Axel again… A lot easier said than done, he thought as he heard Axel's miserable footsteps retreating away. Roxas was going to have to finally face going to work the next day with Axel, and spend a prolonged amount of time in close proximity to him. And he was going to have to be at least semi-professional about it. He groaned. It was going to be a long day tomorrow.


The Next Day After That.

Axel didn't show up for work that day.

Roxas felt actually cheated out of something. After staying up all night fretting about how he was going to manage being forced to work side by side with Axel, he didn't even have to decency to come to work. It was like he didn't even care.

Roxas began to wonder if something was seriously wrong with him. Here he was, upset over the fact that Axel wasn't there, when he had spent a good portion of the last day wishing Axel would be hit by a semi-truck or struck by lightning and save himself a world of trouble. Now that Axel was actually missing from work, Roxas found himself pacing restlessly around the store, wondering why he wasn't relieved. He told himself not to worry; Axel was probably just calling in sick like he had done the past few days.

Roxas spent a good few hours like this, until Xemnas approached him, fuming. "Where is he?"

Roxas looked around himself, confused. When he realized the question was directed at him, he asked, "Where's who?"

"Axel," Xemnas seethed. "He should have been here hours ago."

Roxas felt his heart sink into his stomach. "Didn't he call in sick?" he asked, starting to feel a slight tingle of worry in the back of his head. Was Axel just going to quit because he smashed his stupid statue? He felt a pang of guilt.

"No," Xemnas said, trying to rein in his anger. "And he won't answer his phone."

Roxas felt the guilt gnawing at his chest. "I'm sure he's fine. He probably just forgot to call out sick. I'm sure he'll be in tomorrow." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself of that, though.

Xemnas studied him for a minute, before choosing to drop the subject. "Well I hope he comes in tomorrow. I'm going to have to write him up for this. You know the rule: Three strikes and you're out. Luckily for him, this is his first."

And despite the fact that Roxas currently hated Axel's existence, he chewed his lower lip nervously, and wondered if Axel was okay.

He eventually shook his head to clear out his thoughts. He wasn't responsible for Axel. It wasn't his problem.

Besides, Axel would show up the next day. He had to. They hadn't finished their fight. Axel wouldn't just leave their friendship hanging like that.

He couldn't.


The Next Day After That.

Axel didn't show up again.

Roxas knew that something was up as soon as he walked in the door, and saw Xemnas prowling back and forth, waiting to spring on him as soon as he entered the threshold.

"Where is he?" Xemnas snarled, grabbing Roxas by the collar and shaking him back and forth.

Roxas extracted himself from his manager's bodily assault. "You mean he didn't show up today?" he asked despairingly, as the guilt from the day before erupted tenfold. This was his fault. Maybe he should have just listened to Axel explain himself. Maybe he had been too hard on Axel. What if Axel fled the country because he was so overcome with grief over their broken friendship?

Roxas paused. That seemed a little much, even considering Axel's flair for dramatics. But still…something was obviously wrong.

"I am getting fed up with you two thinking that work is optional. I know you weren't sick, and neither is he. This is a job and you have obligations that you are expected to—Hey! Where do you think you're going?" Xemnas cried out as Roxas turned and started to run out of the store mid rant.

"I'm going to find Axel," Roxas called out behind him. "I'll be back!"

"You-" Xemnas cut himself off as his face turned purple in rage. He reached out for the nearest employee – who happened to be Riku – and began to strangle him as a surrogate for the two employees he really wanted to punish. "Useless, good-for-nothing employees! Why doesn't anybody work anymore!"

"Urk," Riku said, which was probably supposed to mean something along the lines of "Oh God, why? What did I do to deserve this? I was just trying to put away some books like the good worker that I am when you started trying to slowly murder me and I don't understand whyyyyy!" It was kind of hard to tell if this is the exact translation, as Riku's windpipe was being slowly crushed to death by his manager.

"Uh, Xemnas?" Sora ventured out. "I thought I should point out that if you continue to strangle Riku, you will be another worker short."

Xemnas considered this for a moment, before releasing Riku, who fell to the ground coughing and hacking while trying to breathe in as much blessed air as he could. "Fine. Get back to work," he hissed, stalking away. You just couldn't find good help these days.

"You okay?" Sora asked concernedly, helping Riku to his feet. Riku, who was feeling rather lightheaded from a lack of oxygen, decided to capitalize on his dizziness while Roxas was long gone, and leaned heavily on Sora under the guise of needing support.

Riku nodded dazedly, wrapping his arm tightly around Sora's neck, and feigned a swoon. "They really should give us better health insurance here."

Meanwhile, Roxas got as far as halfway through the parking lot before he realized that he hadn't the slightest clue where Axel lived. He cursed at himself. In all those months, how had he never gone over to Axel's place? He supposed it was because Axel was always barging into his own place, that there had never really been any need. But now, he wished that he had made the effort to venture there, if only so that he would know where to go.

He sighed before marching back into the store. He walked past Sora and Riku, pausing just long enough to punch Riku in the jaw and dislodge Sora from his progressively touchy clutches.

"What the hell?" Riku cried.

"Roxas! You're still here! Good, because Xemnas is ready to kill—"

"Nope, still leaving. Just gotta get something first," Roxas said flatly, continuing on his path without even sparing a glance for either of them.

Roxas marched through the employee break room and through the door on the opposite side, barging directly into the manager's office. Xemnas, who was currently in the process of systematically yanking the hair from his skull, saw Roxas and gave a big sigh of relief.

"Roxas, I knew you would come to your senses. I could always count on you to…wait, what are you doing?" Xemnas watched as Roxas determinedly strode wordlessly beyond him, and began to rifle through the desk drawers until he pulled a file out triumphantly.

"What are you doing with Axel's employee file?" Xemnas asked irritated, not particularly liking being ignored.

"I can't go fetch Axel if I don't know where he lives," Roxas hummed distractedly as he searched for a pen and paper to copy down the information.

"How do you not know that by now? I thought you were practically living together," Xemnas said disbelievingly. Roxas ignored this, having found a Sharpie and began to scrawl the information onto the palm of his hand. "Wait, so you seriously mean to say that you are still leaving?" Xemnas asked angrily. "You have some balls coming back in here. I ought to fire you both."

Roxas capped his pen and stared levelly at Xemnas. "I am retrieving your wayward employee. You should be thanking me. I'll be back soon." He left Xemnas spluttering in a rage.

Ten minutes after Roxas left, Riku found his boss repeatedly banging his head into a wall. "Woah, you okay?" he asked. This, obviously, was a stupid thing to do, because it snapped Xemnas out of his admittedly self-abusive Zen-like trance, and brought Xemnas's rage upon himself. "Why does this keep happening to me?" Riku choked out, as he once again found himself being strangled.

About twenty minutes after Riku was once again rescued by the selfless courage of Sora, Roxas found himself standing in front of an apartment building that appeared to be more rubble than actual, sturdy walls. Roxas wondered if maybe there was a reason why Axel spent all of his time over at his dorm instead of his own place.

He took a deep, steadying breath, and began to climb the stairs.

Roxas stood in a hallway with peeling wallpaper, and where a light further down the hall repeatedly flicked on and off in odd intervals. Roxas gulped nervously. He was standing in front of apartment 2138, or at least he guessed this was, in fact, room 2138. The 2 had apparently fallen off long before, leaving a ghost image of the number, and leaving the door to read 138.

Roxas raised his hand hesitatingly. Maybe this was a mistake. He shouldn't be here. What business was it of his what Axel did with his life? If Axel really did avoid bringing Roxas here in all those months, he might not appreciate Roxas showing up unannounced. It might even make their fight worse. He should just go back to work, and hope that he was still employed.

Down the hall, underneath the blinking light, a man came out of a doorway wearing an oversized flowing coat, a pointy hat that kept his face in the shadows, and an aura that just screamed that Roxas was only moments away from being stabbed to death where no one would witness his brutal murder.

Roxas decided that appreciated or not, Axel needed to let Roxas in right this moment.

He knocked on the door frantically, as the shady man started walking towards him.

"Come on, Axel," Roxas whispered to himself, keeping a watchful eye on the decreasing distance between himself and certain death. He threw all decorum to the wind, and banged on the door so forcefully that it nearly buckled.

"All right already, I'm coming, I'm coming!" Roxas nearly cried in relief as the door finally opened. He immediately threw himself into sanctuary, slamming the door behind him. He mentally noted with approval the two deadbolts on the door, and locked them both. He looked through the peephole, and saw the shadowy figure continue by. Roxas sighed gratefully.

"Roxas?" Axel said, sounding oddly strangled.

Roxas turned to see Axel gaping at him. Roxas wasn't sure whether to be amused or exasperated by the fact that Axel was dressed only in a pair of boxers and a tank top, obviously having been too lazy to put actual clothes on. He looked like he had just woken up, with his hair sticking up at even odder angles than normal.

Roxas looked around the small apartment, and was surprised to see that it actually looked fairly nice. It had pleasant lighting, and was surprisingly a good deal cleaner than his own dorm. The bright white walls made the rooms seem larger than they were. Roxas was shocked to realize that he immediately felt at home.

Then Roxas remembered his brush with death and whirled on Axel. "What the hell was that?"

Axel looked slightly peeved, not liking the fact that an argument was already brewing. "What was what?" he said testily.

Roxas pointed towards that door. "You're living, like, three doors down from a serial killer. That's dangerous. I do not approve."

If Axel had any idea what Roxas was talking about, he might have been touched by his concern. Instead, however, he just looked confused. After a minute or two, his eyes widened with realization, and laughed. "You mean old man Yensid? He's harmless. He likes to wear these crazy robes and all, and he kind of looks like he hates everything, but he's nice. He makes me cookies."

Roxas stared at Axel. "Cookies."

"Yeah, he makes them in really weird shapes, like brooms and mice, but they're good."

"Are they death cookies?"

Axel rolled his eyes. "You're being weird." He sobered up, frowning as all traces of humor left his face. "Now do you mind telling me what you're doing here?"

Roxas folded his arms. "I came to ask you that same question. You're supposed to be at work. What are you doing here?"

Axel shrugged impassively. He walked over to a white couch that was sitting against the opposite wall and lazily draped himself on it. Once he had positioned himself comfortably, he stared at Roxas with unreadable eyes. "I'm taking a few days off," he said simply.

Roxas huffed. "Are you stupid? You don't even bother to pretend you're sick and call out?"

Axel lifted an eyebrow delicately. "Like you?" he asked quietly.

Roxas stormed angrily over to the couch where Axel was lounging with feigned nonchalance, leaning over until he towered over him, and placed one hand on the armrest and another on the top of the frame, creating a cage where only he and Axel existed.

"Yeah, like me. I needed some space, but I wasn't an idiot about it. Xemnas is ready to fire you. If you don't show up tomorrow, you will be unemployed. You need this job to pay for school, right?"

Axel glared up at Roxas icily. Roxas stared back heatedly. Axel looked to the side. "I didn't think you cared," he said coolly.

Roxas instinctively straightened up, effectively shattering the bubble that had seemed to encase them. "I…I don't," Roxas stammered slightly. True, he may have been out of line with crushing Axel's pitiful attempts at an apology, but the fact was that he was still offended by the marriage proposal and Axel's supposedly low opinion of his morals. And also, he was stubborn as hell, and wasn't ready to end their fight just yet. But still, he couldn't let Axel quit over him.

"But you better come in to work tomorrow," Roxas threatened, trying to ignore the embarrassed heat coming off of him. Because as much as he hated to admit it, he did still care. Deep down, Axel was still his friend, and he couldn't let Axel throw everything away because of him.

Axel shrugged apathetically, choosing to look at the wall instead of Roxas. "I can always find another job."

Something in Roxas snapped. He wasn't sure if it was the culmination of all the endured stress over the last several days, or whether he was pissed off at Axel for just giving up, but something in him broke, and his pent up rage came pouring out.

Roxas grabbed Axel by the collar and forcefully dragged him off the couch. Axel stayed limp in an awkward position, not quite standing, not quite kneeling. Due to their height differences, there wasn't really a happy medium for Axel to be in. Roxas held him up by his shirt as he shouted in his face. "So is that it? Huh? You spent all that time trying to get me to be your friend, and now you're done? All those months, and now you're done with me? Why bother, asshole? If it never meant anything to you, our friendship, if I never meant anything to you, then why did you bother? Huh? Tell me, fucker!"

And what happened next, Roxas would never know if it was Axel's doing or a serendipitous accident orchestrated by a fate that enjoyed nothing more than giving Roxas a good mind fuck.

Roxas, who had occasionally been shaking Axel by the collar as an emphasis during his rant, had yanked Axel closer in his anger as he yelled his last cry of "fucker!" At the exact second that Roxas did this, Axel, whose leg was beginning to fall asleep due to the uncomfortable position he was crouched in, tried to stand up slightly to reposition his weight to the other leg. Whether or not this was intentional on Axel's part is considered to be one of life's greater mysteries.

The result in both of these actions was an excess of momentum that launched Axel's face forward, right into Roxas's.

Time crashed to a halt as their lips crashed together.


So there is the end of the third chapter! They finally kissed! Sort of. But at least it's something! I actually hadn't planned on this kiss happening, until I was writing and all of a sudden, this scene was nearly writing itself. And then I decided that it actually worked fairly well with the story, and I decided to keep it. :3

Anyway, I really hope you found the story enjoyable! Please leave a review if you did! As an added bonus, it helps to convince me that yes, writing fanfiction is way more important than trivial things like homework or programming assignments, and usually results in me writing more faster!

I'll see you all next time!

-Grey