Author's note: Again, thank you my wonderful reviewers! I just need to thank you, so I will, every chapter, even when people don't review…
DISCLAIMER: okay, since I do own Naruto, I'll-
Wait! What?
What are you talking about?
Deidara, you skunksack! Just tell me!
What do you mean, I don't…
Grrr…get back in the story! Now!
Okay, so apparently, I don't own Naruto, so…never mind…
ONWARD WITH MY GENIUS-NESS!
Yeah, well…where'd we leave off? Oh, yeah, the OOC-ness of Konan and Sebastian making out…yeah. I guess I'll just leave them be…wait! Where's Sasori? I have to ask him something…
"Sasori!" I yelled, not noticing him being right next to me. "Sasori! Sasori! Sasori! Sasori! Saso-"
"What?" he asked. I jumped.
"Jashin dammit, why'd you sneak up on me? Give me a heart attack, that's fine…"
"I've been here," he replied in a monotonous voice. Yeah, he sooo thinks I'm sexy…just saying…
"Oh…well…that's cool, I guess…" I said. "There was something I had to ask you…"
"Go ahead."
"but…I can't remember what it is…"
"then I'm leaving-"
"Oh! That's it! you have all your puppets with you, right?"
"Yes, why?"
"And all your various poisons and whatnots?"
"Yes."
"Oh, that's cool. Hey, you know that grape juice that you're keeping your puppets near, in that spare room? It was delicious."
Everything seemed to freeze all at once. Konan and Sebastian pulled apart and stared, mouths agape, at me. Hidan kinda looked all panicky—Jashin knows why… Deidara looked…stricken, and Sasori looked worried and annoyed.
"What? What did I say?"
"That 'grape juice' was poison," Sasori said. "The one's that I use in my puppets."
"Oh, then I guess I'm in trouble, huh?" I giggled. "Good thing you have an antidote, right?"
"I don't have an antidote," Sasori said.
"Yeah, he even said in one of the episodes before he dies that he couldn't possibly make an antidote," Sebastian added. "It would take forever."
"Oh, well then it's a good thing I didn't drink it," I laughed. People looked like they wanted to slap me, but Sebastian smirked. That one was on the list. Sasori started to walk away. "But that's not what I wanted to tell you."
"Then what is it you wanted to tell me?"
"Well, you know how you're a puppet right?"
"Obviously he knows he's a puppet," Alex said, walking in.
"No one was talking to you, Eavesdropper," I said, sticking my tongue out at the brunette. "Anyways, well, I mean, technically you're not really a puppet. You're not full puppet, but not full human either. You're kinda like a freak of nature." I gasped, putting my hand on his shoulder roughly. "Kinda like the Beavcoon! OMJ! That's so cool-"
"Is that all," Sasori seemed to be getting impatient, so I better get this moving.
"Noooo, well, puppets are usually made from wood, correct?"
"Obviously, where are you going with this?"
"Well, if you have the body of a puppet, then would that mean that you're dick is made out of wood?"
I think if Sasori could blush, he would have. I laughed mentally, thinking this would really get him. "I'll take that as a yes, so if we had sex together, would I get, like, splinters inside of me, cause that would be gross, and painful, now that I think of it…"
Okay, the whole "ask Sasori if his man-parts are made out of puppet-ness' was on the list too, so Adam and Alex were laughing, while the others just looked at me all disgusted and whatnot.
"what? What did I say?" I said feigning innocence. "Oh Jashin, according to Mulan, all I have to do to be a man is be swift, forceful, strengthful, and mysterious, no man parts need. Isn't that cool, and…Fuck you, Deidara! We didn't buy pudding!"
"What, in? you didn't say you wanted any pudding, yeah?"
"It was all your fault Hidan!"
"How the fuck is it my fault, bitch?"
"I can't believe I ever loved you," I growled walking up to him. "I trusted you with my heart. And you…you…UGH!" and I bitch-slapped him and stormed away.
On my way into the dining room, there was a blinding blue light, and I was temporarily blinded. So, I screamed. Okay, no I laughed, but for me? It's the same thing…so…do you smell that?
It smells…Fishy?
"Ah! A giant blue shark man! Remember! Shark man! KIKA'S FRIEND NOT FOOD! You no eat me!" can you guess who it was? It was Kisame! "Look, it's Kakuzu! Zombie man! I lick your face, yes?"
They just looked at me weird. "You no speak English?" I asked. "Uh…bloop bloop…fishy-noises...bloop bloop… I'm a giraffe! Lillilliloop!"
"You are a strange specimen," Kakuzu said, reaching out towards me.
"Nooooo! Don't eat me, Zombie-Man! I want to live! I WANT TO LIIIIIVVVVEEEE!"I yelled, backing away, "Now, come into the living room, because you're my guests."
So I brought them into the living room, but pulled Kakuzu aside. "Hey, Kakuzu, I'll give you sixty-five bucks if you kiss Hidan on the cheek."
"What? No!"
"Two-hundred and ninety-three dollars take it or leave it," I smiled.
"No!"
"You're such a pansy!"
"I won't do it!"
"Pansy!"
"I am not!"
"Then kiss him, you pansy!"
"no!"
"Pansy!"
"No!"
"Pansy!"
"No!"
"Five hundred and three buck?"
"That's a lot of money…okay…" and he walked into the living room, closely followed by me, who was recording on my phone.
So, Kakuzu walked over to Hidan, leaned down and legit pecked him on the cheek! Oh my Jashin, you had to have been there! It was so…And Hidan's face? So funny, and I caught it on camera—insert devious smile…
"What the fuck, Dick head?" Hidan yelled, but Kakuzu ignored him, walking back to me.
"So, where's my money?" he questioned, holding his hand out expectantly.
I scratched the back of my head nervously. "Oh...well…see, I don't have any money," I grinned. That was another thing on the list! Fun!
I looked around, only to notice that Deidara was missing from the group. "Hey, where's-"
But just as I was about to ask, he walked in. Sebastian, true to his word, started to sing Dude Looks Like A Lady, earning a glare from the said blond. I giggled.
"What's so funny, yeah?" he asked me.
"I made Kakuzu kiss Hidan," I started laughing. "It…was…gold!"
"Good job, un," he congratulated me, reaching out to pat me on the back.
I pulled away and screamed. "RAPE! HE'S TRYING TO…RAPE!"
He looked quite confused. "I...wasn't going to rape you, yeah."
"The mouth on your hand was looking at me wrong," I shrugged. Haha that was also one on the list. "Hey, Sharkboy? Where's Lavagirl?"
"What?" Kisame asked.
"And shouldn't you be on Planet Drool?" I questioned further. "Anyways, have you ever tasted shrimp? Oh, have you ever eaten shark? It's quite delicious…Hey, Kakuzu, can I borrow a dollar?"
He glared at me from his spot on the couch. "No."
"Okay," I shrugged again. "Hey, Deidara, I'll hold your hand if your mouth doesn't give me that look."
Deidara looked at me funny, again, so I grabbed his hand and started swinging it back and forth. "there's no knowing where we're going, there's no earthly way to know, so we're simply to and froing…" I sang.
Abruptly letting go of Deidara's hand, I looked back at Kakuzu. "Hey, Kakuzu, can I borrow a dollar?"
"No."
"Okay."
"Sasori, do you have termites?"
"No, I take good care of my body," he smirked. "Like the brat does with his hair."
"Yeah, no offense, dude," Alex cut in. "But your hair makes you look like a girl."
"Hey!" I snapped. "You leave my Deidara alone! Sure he has long hair, but that doesn't make him a girl! Long hair does not equal girl, sides, I think long hair is sexy."
"So you think I'm sexy, hmm?" he asked.
"Yeah, your hair is one of the reasons I fell in love with your character."
"One of?" Kisame questioned, probably hoping to make me uncomfortable. "What are the other ones?"
"You mean, besides his voice, his face, his body, and his art?" I asked.
"Um…yeah?" Kisame said.
"His mouths," I said. This got me some strange looks from people—Akatsuki *cough cough.* "What?"
"You think his mouths are sexy?" Sebastian asked.
"Well, I think so, there's just something appealing about a guy with four mouths," I shrugged. "But I have to admit, I've been going through my whole, I LOVE YOU! phase for almost all of you, ex-naying Tobi and Konan and Kakuzu, for like the past six years, sooo…yeah…"
"So, what do you find sexy about me?" Hidan asked.
"I don't know," I thought for a moment. "Just…you in general, I think…"
"And what about Sasori?" Kisame asked.
"Um, same reason I fell in love with Gaara," I said in a duh kind of voice. "He suffered and I was all like, aww! No don't do that! I love you! yeah…oh and his hair! I love your hair, Sasori. Like the color? Oh my Jashin, and your puppet body, so hot!"
Tobi came in from the kitchen, and apparently he was listening because he said, "You forget Kisame-san!"
"Oh, I don't know why I like Kisame," I said. "I think I like him because he reminds me of Sharkboy from the Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl."
"Well, you only liked Sharkboy because you though he was cute," Sebastian said.
"Well, obviously, it was Taylor Lautner, bitches!" I yelled. "I mean, people made fun of me when I was like, 'Sharkboy/Taylor Lautner'…*Drool*…and who's laughing now, cause everyone's like Jacob Black—drool…"
"Okay, calm down," Sebastian said.
"Kakuzu can I borrow a dollar?"
"No."
"Okay," I sighed. "Hey, Kakuzu, can I borrow a dollar?"
"No."
"Kakuzu, can I pretty please borrow a dollar?"
"No."
"Hey, Kakuzu, I need to borrow a dollar-"
"No."
"Can I borrow a dollar?"
"No."
"Hey, can I-"
"FINE!" he interrupted me, taking out a dollar and handing it to me. "Fine. Here Just…just leave me alone."
"Okay!" I cheered, taking the dollar. "Thank you for your contribution. For donating this dollar, you have received the grand prize of…a LAP DANCE!"
Okay now everyone's looking at me weird, just wait. "From Deidara!"
"What? I'm not gay!"
"I don't give people lap dances, un!"
"You wouldn't even give me one," I face Deidara, pouting.
His face turned bright red. "I…I-I...I…wouldn't…I mean…I-I…" he stuttered.
"See? I told you he was a RAPIST!" I announced, turning to Kakuzu. "But you kissed Hidan, willingly, would that not make you gay?"
"You offered money!"
"And you don't need to hide your secret love affair with Deidara from us," I said. "Here we are purely Pro-Gay Rights!"
"We are not having a secret love affair (un)," they shouted in unison.
"Really?" I smirked and laughed evilly. I turned on my laptop and went onto Deviantart and typed in a few somethings. art/PC-Deidara-and-Kakuzu-280906707?q=boost%3Apopular%20in%3Amanga%20deidara%20and%20kakuzu%20yaoi&qo=0 that's a link to one… "Then what do you have to say to this picture? Or this one?" art/Kaku-Dei-Finished-276609269?q=boost%3Apopular%20in%3Amanga%20deidara%20and%20kakuzu%20yaoi&qo=13 link number two… "And we all know about Deidara's secret relationship with Sasori…" Sasori spit out his drink.
"Me and the brat?"
I cleared my throat. "The brat and I," I corrected.
"That would NOT happen, un," Deidara said.
"the facts don't lie," I said, pulling up another picture. art/saso-x-dei-YAOI-FUN-72364689?q=boost%3Apopular%20in%3Amanga%20deidara%20and%20kakuzu%20yaoi&qo=12 the last link, just in case…you wanna look…
"Aw, damn," I said, looking around.
"What, un?"
"I lost my dollar," I pouted. "Kakuzu, can I borrow another one?"
He stood up, beginning to stalk towards me, but he didn't get very far, wanna know why? Because Hidan, Deidara, and Sasori were all standing protectively in front of me.
"Hey, Kisame?" I asked.
"Yeah?"
"Is it true you have two you-know-whats?"
He laughed. "Yeah, wanna try?"
"No thanks, I only have one vagina, and it's already pretty well taken care of with my three loveys," I smiled, putting my arms around Sasori and Deidara and kicking Hidan to show he was my third lovey.
"Whoa! That's awesome!" Alex exclaimed.
"Okay, no I have not slept with them," I said. "I just met them today. And, you know what? Imma virgin and I'd like to keep it that way for a while, so…Sebastian, show them to their rooms, I'm going to bed."
"Wait!" Sebastian s=called. "I thought we were having a mega sleep over in your room?"
"Is there enough space in my room?"
"Yeah! At least three people can fit on your bed. There's your pull out bed which could fit two. There's Alex's pull-out bed. So that takes care of the Akatsuki members. Then there's Alex's bed, so, yeah, plenty of room…"
"Uhm…okay…" I said. "Well, good night. Wait! What time is it?"
"It's, uh, one-forty-three, why?"
"ONE! FOUR! THREE!" Alex and I shouted in unison.
I went around. "I love you Alex. I love you Sebastian. I love you Tobi. I love you Deidara. I love you Sasori. I love you Hidan. I live you Kisame. I love you Kakuzu. I love you Konan. I love you…uh…floorboard. I love you charred ceiling. I love you…creepy unicorn. I-"
"Now, it's one forty-four," Sebastian cut in.
"Oh, thank Jashin! A whole full sixty seconds of love, gross!" I said. "Anyways, goodnight Kakuzu. Goodnight, Kisame. Goodnight, Konan. Goodnight, Tobi. Good night, Hidan. Goodnight, Sasori. Goodnight, Deidara. Goodnight, Alex. Goodnight, Sebastian." I said, kissing each one of them on the forehead.
I, then, skipped out of the room, up the stairs, and into my room. Turning on my music, I jumped into my bed, and cuddled into my blankets.
The end of the chapter is upon us! Beware! Or don't…anyway, what did you think of my chapter? I can't remember the last time I posted. If it was today or yesterday…I'm not sure, so…I don't know.
Can you pretty please take time to tell me what you think? I'd love to know? You can say anything really as long as there ain't no flames…EERRTTT! Stop! Improper grammar alert! Improper grammar alert! You can say anything really as there as there aren't any flames.
Oh and I have a question, should Kalika end up with
Deidara
Sasori
Hidan
Kisame
Tobi
Kakuzu
Sebastian—incest much?
Alex—what?
Or someone elseeeee?
Please help me! I want your opinions! I love and cherish them! Just like how I love and cherish pudding, and unicorns, stickers, glitter, anything Naruto…people who put up with me, although I don't show it much…anyways see you next time…
Yours psychotically,
Vee
