Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Twilight, New Moon, ECT.
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This time it's... JACOB BLACK!
/applause/
Know your stars...know your stars- WAIT! Before we begin, one question, Jacob.
Jake: What?
Schnauzer or Terrier?
Jake: Not funny. I'm a werewolf...RAWR!
Jacob Black...his mom was a Great Dane and Billie was a hound dog...
Jake: No!! Mom was human, dad was human, and I'm werewolf!!! GRR!
Jacob Black...just loves to feel the breeze blowing through his long pelt...
Jake: What?! Uhm...
Jacob Black...is being difficult and won't admit it...
Jake: That was a really stupid question. But fine...ALRIGHT, I DO!!!
Jacob Black...once dressed like Alice from Alice in Wonderland and sprouted up through the roof like that scene in the rabbit's house...
Jake: No! What? That was stupid!!
Jacob Black... likes to see the pictures of Daniel Radcliffe naked...
Jake: No, but Bella sure does. Watch this!
/Random reel of Bella DROOLING over the nasty pics/
Charlie: ISABELLA SWAAAAANNNN!!
Bella: JACOB BLACK! WHY DO YOU KEEP GETTING ME GROUNDEDDD?! NOOOO!
Edward: And here I thought I was the only man you could drool over... /shakes head/
Jacob Black... is a relationship ruiner...
Jake: No! I don't mean too!!!!
Jacob Black... is about to get plowed in to by a perpetual brick wall...
Jake: Um, wha- /BANG!/
Now you know...Jacob Black...the werewolf who likes to feel the wind through his pelt, is difficult, likes to cosplay Alice in Wonderland, likes to stare at pictures of Daniel Radcliff naked, is a relationship ruiner, and got plowed into by a perpetual brick wall...
Jake: I'll get you back, stupid voice thing! I SWEAR I WILL!
No you won't.
END.
Next time it's... ALICE CULLEN!