Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Outsiders, Lucy is the only think I own so far. ;) I might add more peoples later but yea I own nothing.


Living For

Thanking God

"Dad." I began. "I'm ready to talk."

He stared at me again, blinking when I spoke. Then he lifted my mother from her position and began to walk down the hall. They both entered their room in the darkness of the hallway. He came back out a second later then picked up Soda from the floor. My dad brought Sodapop to his room. Once again he came back out and carried Ponyboy to the room him and Sodapop shared.

My Dad is only in his forties and he is the strongest man I've ever met, inside and out. Next to Darry of course, they both look so much alike its insane. Darry was the last to be going to his room. I knew my father would not be able to carry him because they were both pretty much the same size, Darry being just a little bit smaller.

Lightly my dad shook my brother. "Darry."My brother stirred slightly and than shot up fast from the chair when he saw Dad's face close to his. "What? Huh? Lucy? She okay?"

Dad placed his hands on my brother's shoulders to calm him. Darry's chest was heaving up and down in a panic. It made me smile a little, Darry has always been so protective of everyone just like my Dad, but he just doesn't know how to talk about things. Dad can make anyone smile and he understands everyone, that's where Darry and him differ.

"Dad? Is she okay? Where is she?" Darry was still panicking, I could see his body tense with the second our father stayed silent.

"Ask her yourself son." Dad turned Darry to look at me after a moment.

"Lucy, are you alright?" Darry relaxed a little bit letting a large sigh escape his lips.

I nodded looking away slightly embarrassed. "Good, see you in the morning. Well or in a bit." he smiled before telling our father something I couldn't hear. Darry stumbled to his room in a sleepy fashion after smiling at me one last time. My dad walked over to me and grabbed my hand.

"You said you're ready to talk Lucy girl?" he asked turning to me.

"Well not really but I'd like to try on your behalf." I smiled tiredly.

"Darling, I understand this week has been rough for you, I'm not sure why but I know it was. You don't have to tell me what's going on in your head but I wish that you would tell me so I can try and help." Dad smiled while leading me over to the couch.

"I have had a rough week, but it's not really something that you could help me with. Its all me, I need to…do something to keep my mind occupied I guess."

"You know you can always come to us with anything Lucy? Me, your mom, even your brothers. We are always there for you."

"I know, I just panicked I guess." I nodded looking at my hands.

"Honey, you do some much for this family. We would never want you to feel alone ever." again I nodded my head. A few moments of silence passed before Dad spoke.

"Where did you go? You smell like smoke, Lucy girl you know your mother and I don't like it when you smoke."

"I went to Buck Merrill's place for some food after I spent a while in the park. Don't worry Dad I didn't smoke, I was around it though." Okay so that was half the truth.

Dad nodded in understanding and than looked into my eyes. "So why did you run?" he asked taking my hand to support.

"Truthfully, I was scared."

"Scared? Of me?" he frowned. Dad is so caring, I could never be afraid of him. I've lived my whole life next to him and mom. The both of them are the sun in my sky. They remind me of all the good that I'm missing out on and put me back on a secure path, always.

"I could never be scared of you. It was the feeling I was getting. It sounds funny but I truly felt something bad was going to happen if I didn't leave. Something bad was going to happen to you and I didn't want to be there if I had caused it." Dad rubbed my hand with his thumb.

"Well just think, if something bad did happen and you weren't there, how could you have saved me or help prevent the event. Maybe you are getting this feeling so when it does happen you can help the situation."

"I…I never thought of it that way." Daddy has a way about knowing things. He understands the world and its inhabitance. Sodapop inherited that from him, they both seem to always know what to say. Both always wear a smile on their faces too. Its just so amazing how they can make anyone grin. They are tough but gentle, I think that's why Mom married my dad. She told me about the first time they met once.

It was sophomore year at their high school and the both of them saw each other in the hall way. She said time stopped just for a moment when they both locked eyes. 'Love at first sight' Mom had said 'it was the most magical moment of my life and most memorable.' I hope my love is like that when I'm older. Sure I've dated a few guys, none that my family has heard about but a few. None that I've ever felt magic nor love for.

"Everything is going to be fine anyway, so don't you worry. Your Daddy isn't going to let anything happen to this family." He kissed me on the forehead. "I promise."

"Are you gonna be alright?"

"Yeah I just need some rest, I'll be fine." I smiled. "Thanks Daddy. I love you."

"Forever and always I'll love you Lucy girl" His eyes lit up when I called him Daddy, something I hardly ever call him. He kissed me again on the forehead when he got up off the couch. Dad was already on his way to his room before he turned to me again.

"OH! By the way your mother wanted me to tell you that she is cutting your hair tomorrow before she goes into work at two." I nodded at him biding farewell.

After that, he left me with my thoughts on the couch. For some reason I couldn't stop smiling. I'm so foolish, I should have talked to my dad in the first place. He always has his way to make me feel secure and safe. Always has, I supposed its because he is my father but no one can make me feel safer. Maybe my brothers could make me feel like that once in a while but not like dad. I pray to god he never changes, I couldn't bare the lose.

Just like my mother, I've always needed her too. She is a person with great passion. Everything she does she does it right and perfect, no matter the task. Compared to Dad she is really quiet and serious. She is a lot of fun once she loosens up but not like Dad. Mom is a person who cares for pretty much anyone.

She has the most gentle touch, a touch of a mother. It makes me feel proud to say she is mine. My mother. Most of the gang thinks of her as a second mother because of how caring she is. Especially compared to their mothers. The only thing that ever bugs me about her is how she always bothers me about going out for the gymnastics team at school and somewhat expects me to excel in things I don't.

When I was younger I was put in gymnastics lesson when Darry was playing football and Soda was learning the feel for rodeos. Ponyboy was a little bit too young when we all started our hobbies. Instead he picked up reading and drawing, I'm sort of jealous of him in a way. He is so creative, I could never be like that.

In gymnastics I was really good, I competed up until I was fourteen when I entered high school. By that time I was becoming a young lady and I didn't feel that I was good enough to be on the team at school. She still urges me to do it, even when she knows I never will. Darry said I was a waste of talent and muscle. Soda told me that I should stay in shape incase I do decide to join. Pony said I should do what I think is right. My dad wants me to be happy. Either way Mom and Darry will never stop until I'm out of high school. Also she wanted me to be in the choir, so does Dad. They think I'm good enough, I doubt that.

I've never really been a person to let myself go. Like Darry, I'm always striving to be someone I'm not. Except Darry eventually meets his goals, I'm just stuck being Lucile Lou Cutis. Which isn't a bad thing when you think of the people that surround me. I've got my dad who always can put me in a better mood and make me feel safe. Or how about my mother, she keeps my pieces from fall apart. The both of them are the glue to my world. How about my brothers, they keep me pretty steady too.

Darry looks just like my father, strong built with a handsome face. The only difference is that he has determined, piercing, freezing cold eyes. I hold those eyes too, only with a more silver tint. There is a lot I could say about Darry but one word that comes to mind when thinking of him is strong. Physically, he played football all through high school and before. Now he works out when ever he has the time. He works so hard he pulls something almost every week. But he sees it as a way of getting stronger. Mentally, he not a moody person. More just a stable human being who reacts when needed.

Kept to himself most of the time but he has his moments of getting close to people. Like two years ago when Pony was walking across the street, he wasn't thinking. Pony was about five feet away from getting hit by a large truck. If it wasn't for Darry pulling him out of the way, he would have died.

Darry has his own way of saying I love you or I care for you. Instead of crying for joy that Pony was okay, he yelled at him. Which I would understand since he almost saw his kid brother be killed. But I know he cares and means well, I remember hearing him cry that night. He never lets people see him cry, makes him feel weak.

Then there's Sodapop, my twin. He and I are pretty much the complete opposites of each other. Soda is a free spirit with nothing but the law and my parents word holding him back. Like our dad he can put things into words nicely. One thing that I've always been envious of is how he can let his emotions free easily. Sure he is a tough guy but he is also a man of feeling. He isn't afraid to cry, but he still doesn't cry in front of the gang often.

Our looks for another thing, he has a light brown head of hair with beautiful gold shiny highlights. Me, I've got the light brown hair but I've got silver hairs through out my hair. My mom said I've always had them and everyone says it makes me look like me. Which I don't mind at all, except everyone has their flaws they don't like about their body. I'm no different. Out of my family and the gang Soda is the most attractive.

People say that good looks run in my family, don't let Two-bit hear that. The last time someone said that he reply, 'Well why is Lucy and Pony in their family?" Of course I know he means nothing by it but still it doesn't make a girl feel to hot. That's just another thing I'm envious of, Soda is the better looking twin. It makes me sick sometimes the way girls swoon over him.

We are so different that its hard to say that we are twins, but its weird because in the end we both are the same. The both of us have a connection like no other. Not like the whole "finish each other sentences" but something more. I know when he is in trouble, or when he needs advice. I can read that boy like a fucking book, like the way Ponyboy reads his books.

Soda can feel what I'm feeling if its bothering me that much and is that strong of a feeling. We share dreams every once in a while too. But that hasn't happened in a really long time. The last time that happened we were twelve and we were both crying holding each other on the kitchen floor before either of us woke up. Mom said that we were like that for thirty five minutes before they could wake us up. And no matter what they did they couldn't pull us apart from each other. Neither of us remember the dream but I'm sure it was bad enough to freak us out. We sense each other when we are in danger, its amazes me sometimes.

When we were thirteen my brother broke his arm. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Everyone was sitting at the table waiting for Soda, Pony, and Johnny to start dinner, they had gone to the park about an hour ago and said they'd be back. Darry was getting very impatient because in an hour he had football practice. Than there was this jolt of pain that when through my arm. I felt it and winced, again the pain came.

Mom looked at me with frightened eyes asking with her eyes what was wrong. The pain became to much and I jumped from my seat after hearing a dreadful cry from Sodapop. Mom, Dad, and Darry were all staring at me. I heard the scream again and looked to see if anyone else had heard it, but no one had a reaction. Dad stood up.

'Lucy what's wrong?' he had said. Another scream and more pain. With my athletic, gymnast legs I jump on the table and was over it in a second. I dashed for the door screaming behind me.

'Call 911, Sodapop is hurt!"

Darry and Dad were not far behind me. But they weren't running as fast as me. I was jumping over cars and dodging them in the road to get to where my brother was near the empty lot. Pony was sitting next to Soda on the ground when Johnny was sitting far away not knowing what to do with himself.

With my frantic self I pushed Ponyboy away from Soda. His bone was sticking our from his arm and he was yelling in pain. I grabbed his good hand and wailed with him. Feeling every wave of pain with him. Tears were everywhere I had barely noticed the ambulance had pulled up until they were trying to pull me away from him.

I kicked, screamed, struggled as much as I could because I didn't want to leave him. Darry took a hold of me trying to calm me while they pulled away with my twin. Dad had gone with Soda but I wanted to be there, not him. At first when I got free I tried to run after the ambulance but knew that was useless so I began to run back to the house. Mom was waiting in the car for us to head to the hospital. All of us hopped in, even Johnnycake came along.

When we had parked I jumped out the door into the entrance. Frantically I looked around for any sign of Dad or Soda. Eventually I found Dad in a waiting room, he was drying his forehead from sweat with his handkerchief when I spotted him. I dashed toward him demanding to know where my twin was. Still I could feel the pain in my arm, only it was different now. It was pain but it was like someone was touching inside my arm, and picking at my tissues, moving things around.

Dad told me that he was in surgery and we would have to wait for him to come out. The others had come up behind me after a moment that I stared at him. Wait? I couldn't have waited, I was about ready to run for the nearest employees only door to find him but decided to demand to see him.

'I need to see him!' I told Dad but he shook his head no. 'Now!' screaming wouldn't help but they didn't know how I felt, I felt his pain. With a sigh Dad went over to the front desk while everyone went to go sit down. Mom tried to usher me to a seat but I pulled away from her and ran over to Dad. Than he turned to us.

'They told me we can all go see him in the watch window if we want.'

I didn't care who was coming in, I knew I was though. With fast feet I charged toward the open door that the lady held open. My feet took me down the end of the hall with the window. My eyes peered in and I saw Soda with lots of doctors around him. He was fast asleep as they messed with his left arm.

With my right hand I brushed my left arm trying to calm its nerves, the pain was if I was getting it worked on not him. My right hand went up to touch the window, tears streaming down my face. I hadn't notice that my other two brothers hand joined me in the hall. Darry began to yell at me, probably not knowing what to say to make me feel better.

'Lucy you gotta be tough, Soda is fine!' he hollered. I just kept crying.

'Did you hear me? He is fine!' than out of anger, frustration and pain I punched Darry right in the face. My brother looked at me surprised as he put his hand to his bleeding lip.

'You have no idea how I feel! SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!' I yelled than I ran back out of the hall. After getting out of there I passed Mom, Dad, and Johnny in the waiting room. They looked spooked as I ran past them and down the hall to the main entrance. Once I was outside I collapsed on the ground next to a near by bench. Soon I pulled myself onto the bench but kept crying. Shaking with pain and sobs.

None of them knew how I felt. None of them will ever know how I felt. Feeling helpless that my twin was in pain and I couldn't do a thing. Pain that I felt just the same as he did. Eventually it had become dark and Darry came out and sat with me on the bench. He apologized trying to calm me down and rubbed my back. It was awkward because Darry isn't good at things like that but it was a nice effort. Than he told me Soda was out of surgery and was doing alright. He was going to stay the night. Of course with lots of convincing on my part Mom and Dad let me stay with him when Mom stayed.

If I ever lost him, I think I would die myself. A part of me would be ripped out forever. Maybe I would be like that kid last year who killed himself after his dog died. Some crazy shit happens in my neighborhood, I can't wait to get out of it even though I know I that will never happen.

Then there is my kid brother, Ponyboy. He is the single most intelligent person I have ever had the pleasure in knowing. Always he is off day dreaming or writing or reading. All his grades are the best, always have been. In elementary school everyone thought he was so smart the allowed him to skip a grade. He is a freshman this year and is only thirteen.

He is going to make something big of himself one day. A writer, a lawyer, maybe a man of business, the options could start anywhere. Darry had that potential too. But he wasn't able to get in college right away, we didn't have enough money to put him through. Even with the athletic scholarship he won, he still hasn't been able to attend. He wont give up though, he works on roofs now for a little extra pay until he can go back to school. I'm proud of him anyway, always have been.

That's why Darry can be a little strong on everyone, he sees how much a possibility they have to succeed. It kills him when its thrown down the drain, like how I am with gymnastics. Or Ponyboy with his lack of reality. Pony is the smartest person around these parts but he never uses his head. For a smart person he can be really dumb. More on one occasion he doesn't use his common sense. I think its because he uses his brain too much, so when it comes down to it he thinks to fast and screws up. He is a real good buddy though, he's understand and I love him dearly.

Our family is so close we share almost everything. Well not everything but we don't mind lending out a hand. When Soda or I don't get something in school Pony and Darry are right there to help us out. Well more Pony then Darry but that's understandable. Or how when Mom is running late and can't cook, I cook. We are always helping out other people that aren't in the family too, even though we can barely afford it.

Soon enough I made it into my room and was ready for bed. I thought about all that is important to me that night. My body was resting under the covers as I remembered all the good times with my family and with the gang. You can't forget them, never.

We are all really close, some more than others. When it comes down to it we would all kill and be killed for one another. Like Johnny Cade, he lives down the road from us. His parents are abusive in any sort of way you could think of. Johnnycake's mom is a witch. I'd pop her in the face if I was allowed the chance. She tells Johnny lies, how much a pile of shit he is. Than there is my favorite one of "you suck at life" bit.

The gang is pretty chill and passive but when it comes to someone hurting us they don't take it lightly. More than anyone on Earth the gang wants to kill Johnny's father. His dad beats the living daylights out of him almost everyday. Other than that his parents don't notice him. It's all a huge pile of shit to me.

That's not how we see Johnnycake. He is everyone's little brother in the gang. Like Dally, out of everyone Dally is the one that looks after Johnny the most. He cares so much for him, I'm proud of him for that. Everyone helps him out though. My parents let Johnnycake sleep at our house when ever he needs it. They also care about him like they care about my brothers and I, they feel that way about the whole gang.

Then there is my twin brother's best friend, Steve Randle. He is a really nice guy when you see the good side of him. His fathers a really piece of shit too. I'm not sure what his father does to him but I know he is an ass. He's made Steve mad, angry, he made him hard.

If there was someone to pick that has a worse temper than Dally in the gang, it would be Stevey. The both of them are loose cannons, but I love them anyway. I couldn't get along without Dally and Soda wouldn't be able to get around without Steve. He makes my brother happy, and that makes him a good guy in my book.

Than there is Two-bit Mathews, the six year old in a mans body. I clean up more messes from Two-bit than I do my own family. I love Two-bit though, he's always been there to make me laugh. My brothers have mentioned more than once that Two-bit is in love with me. They don't understand our friendship though, we are more like a buddy to gal sort of friends. He flirts is all and I don't really care. Besides he likes blonds and I'm probably the furriest thing from a blond. I don't really notice him flirting though, he is just good at making me laugh.

He can be serious too, on a rare occasion. When he needs to be he can be really wise and insightful. Also Two-bit tells me all the time how he is always there to protect me. Which just makes me laugh more because I can handle myself just fine. The whole gang knows I can handle myself but they fuss over me anyway, just like Mom and Dad do. Its because I'm the only girl in the family just like in the gang.

Sure all of them have their girlfriends but I'm different. Soda said it was because I wont go off and sleep with their best friends. Damn straight I wouldn't, but I told him that and everyone knows I'm not like that. Darry said it's because of the fact that I wont run from them. That I'm familiar and regular, something they can count on in a girl. I'm not someone who would run away if they needed help, I've always had their backs. Pony agreed with him, said I'm the only loyal women they know beside our mother and their own. And some don't even have that.

It makes me feel good to be around them. They bring the best out of me I think, my family too. Sure they are rough around the edges but they all have a purpose in my life, I wouldn't give them up for the world. I drifted off to sleep right after thanking god for all that I have. The gang and my family included.