It's been a long time since I updated, I apologize! Here's an update, hope you all enjoy
She could feel his hot breath behind her.
"Aren't you tired of listening to the radio yet? Why don't you come sit on the couch with me?" His voice slurred heavily.
Every muscle in her body tensed. "I just wanna hear the rest of the song and then I got homework to do."
She scooted her chair closer to the radio so she couldn't smell the whiskey that he reeked of. The edge of the table felt sticky underneath her fingertips.
"Homework?" His massive hands rested on her shoulders tightly, massaging in a way that would give her bruises tomorrow. "How much homework could they possibly be giving you in the 7th grade?" His hands engulfed her entire shoulders.
She bristled, leaning out of his heavy hands as discreetly as possible. "I'm in 8th."
"8th grade huh?" He sat at the table with her, scooting his chair closer to hers. "You're almost an adult aren't you?"
"I guess." She bit her lip so hard she could taste blood.
"You're a pretty girl, you know that?" A hand rested on her leg, traveling further and further up. "Just like your mama."
"Mama, what's wrong?" she could feel small fingers on her arm, gripping tightly. "Mama?"
Everything came into focus in the darkness. She was in her room. She was in her bed.
"Mama, you were crying in your sleep. What's wrong?" Her daughter's wild blond curls spilled on to her stomach. Shifting, Melody rested her small chin on her rib cage, looking up at her with tears. "Did you have a bad dream?"
It was just a dream, that's all it was. She slowed down her breathing, looking at her daughter's scared face. She hadn't had those dreams in a long time.
She sat up to lean against the headboard of the bed, cradling her daughter in her arms tightly. "Yes baby, it was just a bad dream." She patted down Melody's wild hair. "I'm sorry I woke you up."
The tiny head resting on her chest buried deeper. "I don't like seeing you cry mama."
Still holding on to her daughter, she laid back down, nuzzling the small body against hers tightly. "Everybody cries sometimes. Even Mama."
"Are you sad Mama?" The profound question hung in the air, sitting on her chest like a heavy weight.
"No sweetheart." She pressed a kiss to her daughter's forehead. "I have you. What do I have to be sad about?"
With Melody in her arms, she counted the tiny breaths coming from her daughter until they slowed rhythmically, indicating she had gone back to sleep. Since they had come back to Nashville, Melody had made a habit of sleeping in her bed with her. She knew she would have to break that habit eventually, but it was much harder than it looked. Seeing those eyes look up at her innocently cracked her resolve every time. Plus, her favorite part of the night had become listening to her daughter go to sleep, knowing that her entire world was safe and beside her.
"I love you baby girl." She whispered into the dark, falling back into an uneasy sleep with the warmth of her daughter pressed against her side.
"Thanks for meeting me here Rayna." He sat down on the bench next to her, pulling a folder out of his carrier bag to hand to her.
"No problem." She smiled over at him. "If anyone knows how important time with the kids is, it's me." She looked over at Melody playing on the monkey bars and waved widely.
"Things have been a bit jam packed for me lately. Sorry about that."
"Nothing to apologize over." She said kindly, while skimming through the file. "If you knew how many times Bucky had to meet me over at dance lessons for the girls, you wouldn't be apologizing."
He leaned back on the bench, looking over at his daughter running with a new friend she had made. No matter where she went, she always made friends.
"Contract looks great." Rayna continued to flip over the paperwork. "You really think this band could be the next big thing?"
"I really do." Avery nodded. "Deacon showed me some of their stuff, and I think I can really work with their sound and energy."
"Deacon was pretty crazy about them when he spotted them over at Mercy Lounge a few months ago." She closed the file. "You got a projected timeline?"
"I kinda wanted to talk to them about their sound before putting it down to a timeline."
"Sounds great." She nodded, pulling out her phone to make notes. "I'll forward you the meeting invite. I wanna bring you in on my next meet-up with them to finalize the details. Sound good?"
"I'll make it work." He scanned the playground, looking for his daughter's curly blonde head.
Turning back, he saw Rayna smiling over at him. "How's everything going with you?"
"It's alright." He flicked an imaginary piece of lint off his jeans. "Melody being around is great."
"I'm sure it is." She nodded, folding her hands carefully, waiting for him to continue.
There was something about Rayna Jaymes that always demanded respect, but in the most caring way. It was definitely a gift. She always had a way of making him open up without him realizing.
"It's harder than I thought." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Only getting her on certain days. It's been a learning process."
"It gets easier." Her eyes shone with sympathy. "When Teddy and I started out our divorce process, it was really difficult to get on the same page with the pickups and drop-offs and who gets them on what days. But after a while, you fall into a rhythm."
"Right." His chest clenched a little. "It's just never really…"
"What you had imagined." She finished his sentence knowingly.
"Nobody really goes into a marriage thinking about what happens when it ends, right?" He shifted uncomfortably on the bench, moving away from Rayna's gaze.
"When are you meeting with the lawyers?"
"Tomorrow." He fiddled with his fingers a bit.
She paused a little, and he could see she was debating whether or not to prod him further. "And how do you feel about it?"
"Honestly? I'm not sure how to feel." He stretched his legs, looking ahead. "I know it's the right step, but it's just hard to let go sometimes."
Letting a dream die was always the hardest. He knew that better than anyone.
"Avery." she paused in contemplation before continuing, "When Teddy and I got divorced, we knew it was right. There was a peace about it, even if it didn't seem like it at the time."
"I'm just trying to think of what's best for Melody now, you know?" His eyes locked in on his daughter on the swings. "I don't wanna be cut out of her life."
"Juliette would never do that to you." Rayna said softly. "You just have to get on the same page. If a divorce is what's going to make you guys better parents, then do it. Just…talk to her."
"We do talk." He bristled.
He saw the woman next to him roll her eyes. "I mean really talk. You two are way too stubborn for your own good sometimes."
"Have you been talking to her recently or something?" He knew the answer. He knew how close Rayna and Juliette were.
"What does that matter?" Rayna replied exasperated. "Listen, I'm trying to be neutral here. All I'm saying is, you two need sit down and really discuss things. She's only in town for her promo for a little while longer. You can't just sign papers and be done with her. It doesn't work like that."
"I know that."
"Do you?" the woman raised her voice in challenge. "Because if I'm being honest, all I see is two people who would rather sign divorce papers then sit down and actually talk things out."
If it had been anyone other than Rayna Jaymes saying these words, he would have lashed out instantly. Instead, he inwardly steamed.
"I'm sorry, that was out of line."
"It's alright." He gritted, gripping the edge of the bench tightly.
"Listen to me," She leaned forward, facing him fully, "Even if you guys get divorced, there's a lot more to think about. Have you even explained to Melody what's going on? Have you talked about where she's gonna go to school full-time? Have you talked about what's gonna happen when Juliette moves to LA for good? You can't exactly fly Melody back and forth every week."
The world started to close in a bit. "No. We haven't really talked about any of that."
Her face softened. "I'm just telling you some realities, as someone who has been through this and as your friend. That's all."
"Daddy!" Melody raced over to the bench. Rayna quickly outstretched her arms before she could reach him, pulling Melody into her lap.
Melody giggled, as she looked up at Rayna. "Hi Auntie Rayna!" She kissed the edge of Rayna's chin, wrapping her small arms around her neck tightly.
"How's my favorite goddaughter doing?" Rayna placed a quick kiss on the top of her head, brushing curls out of Melody's eyes.
"Good." She sang out, laughing as Rayna sat her on the bench in between them.
He craned his head down to his daughter's line of view. "You ready to go home?"
She nodded, smiling brightly at him. "I can't wait to see mama! I miss her."
Launching herself into Rayna's arms one more time, she said her goodbye quickly before grabbing his hand to leave, tugging him towards the direction of the car to move him along.
"Think about what I said, alright?" Rayna grabbed his shoulder reassuringly.
He nodded in resignation. "I will."
She carefully poured herself more red wine, rubbing her finger along the edge of the bottle to stop any stray droplets from staining the beige carpet underneath.
"That's right." She let out softly into the phone, wedging it between her shoulder blade and neck. "That sounds great. I'll see you next week."
She ended the call, sighing loudly in the silence.
Calling Dr. James had felt like admitting defeat. She was getting help. She was being a better mother for Melody.
And yet, it still felt like a setback, no matter how many times she told herself it wasn't.
Something would always be in her way. She had finished her promo tour today; it should be a day of celebration. Instead, she was sitting in her house alone, stuck. Stuck in Nashville, stuck in her own past demons… it seemed like the only thing she would no longer be confined in was a marriage.
She still couldn't figure out whether that one was supposed to be put in the "win" or "lose" column of her life.
When she had come back from LA, she had almost imagined this moment to be one of victory. She had come here with one purpose, and she had gotten it. She had gotten him to agree to the divorce, to her and Melody in LA… she had gotten everything she wanted.
Or everything she had thought she had wanted.
Melody needed to be in Nashville. And even if it was painful, so did she. She needed to be in Nashville, if at the very least for her treatment plan. Her heart sprung in instinctual defiance, but she pushed it down quickly. She had thought she was doing well, but it seemed those dreams would always come back after time, no matter where she was.
When she and Avery first started dating, she had tried her best to hide it all. There were some things about her past that she knew he could sense, but never asked about out of respect. Even if she wanted to, she couldn't. It felt clenched in her chest in a way that not even Avery would be able to unlock.
When the dreams woke her up in cold sweats or jolted her out of sleep abruptly, she would quickly get her shaking body out of bed before he woke up. Locking the bathroom door behind her, she would just splash cold water on her face, taking deep breaths until she could stop the shaking.
Until the one night she tried to get out of bed and felt his hand grab her arm, stopping her from getting up.
"Juliette." He sat up, opening his arms for her to fit into. She pressed her trembling body into his, feeling the warmth of his arms engulf her, rubbing her back soothingly.
Her tears soaked his shirt.
"How long have you been having these dreams?"
Part of her had known that he knew all along, and was waiting for the right moment to bring it up to her.
"I don't know." The tremors in her body grew less frequent. "Years? It feels like forever."
His hands slid up her back to cradle the back her head, entwining his fingers in her hair. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
"Not really." She shook her head quickly. It wasn't time yet.
Wordlessly, he maneuvered his body to lie down again, pulling hers with him. He wrapped her into his arms, resting his head against the pillow lightly so his chin could lean on the top of her head.
She lay stiffly in the position until she heard his slow breathing. He was asleep. She grabbed his hand from behind her waist, entwining her fingers with his as she let herself be lulled into sleep as well.
Eventually, she had told him everything. He had never pushed her to share; he knew that would never get anywhere. That was something he always seemed to get about her, even when they had just been friends. He waited for her to get to where he was, on her terms. Whenever she woke up with nightmares, he woke up too, holding her until she could catch her breath again.
One night, while he held her, her tongue loosened and spilled the years of memories that were seeping into her dreams and tormenting her. With her tears on her cheeks and his own tears in her hair, his voice finally spoke after hers had gone on for hours. "I think you should see someone."
He had driven her to every appointment with Dr. James, waiting in the parking lot until her session was done.
The idea that she would have to go to Dr. James alone, and drive back in silence without his voice singing along to whatever was on the radio bothered her a bit more than she cared to admit.
"Hey."
The voice jolted her out of her deep thought, causing her to spill some wine on to the carpet.
"Damn it." She saw Melody asleep in his arms and lowered her voice instantly.
"Didn't mean to scare you." He stepped softly into the living room with Melody. "Your door was unlocked."
"I probably should remember to lock it more." She whispered sheepishly, looking at the stain on the beige carpet set in.
"You alright?" He shifted Melody's weight, looking at the carpet and then at her again.
"It's my own fault. I was just sitting here." She motioned to the empty couch area. "Just thinking."
She could see he wanted to probe her further but was restraining.
"Why don't you put her down for bed?" Juliette whispered, motioning towards their sleeping daughter. "And then we can talk." She bit her lip, avoiding his gaze a bit before finally looking at him. "We need to talk."
"I was gonna say the same thing." Avery shifted on his other leg, adjusting Melody's weight in his arms. "Let me go put her down."
As he headed up the stairs towards the bedroom, she moved into the living room, waiting for him to come down. She wrung her hands nervously, trying to find the words to start out the conversation with.
She heard footsteps again as he came into her line of vision, sitting carefully on the other edge of the sectional. They were close enough that their legs could touch if she stretched, but still far enough to let the distance be felt.
"So." Avery broke the silence, rubbing his legs nervously.
"She went down ok?" She interjected quickly, ignoring his cue.
"Yeah, she was already asleep." Avery replied confused. He clearly sensed her nervousness. "What's going on?"
"I just…" her voice broke a bit, as she cleared her throat. "I think we should talk. Before we meet with the lawyers tomorrow."
For our divorce. She couldn't say the words, but they both heard it loud and clear.
"I'd rather not hash up awful things in front of the lawyers." She continued, looking at him with a false confidence. "I'll give you anything you want; I don't need any of our shared assets."
He let out a confused look. "All I want is to be able to see Melody."
"Of course you'll be able to see Melody, that's not a question." She continued, leaning forward. "But I'm talking about the house."
"The house?" He looked around before looking at her again. "What about it?"
"I think you should have it."
"I don't want the house Juliette." His voice quickly replied. "This is your land anyway."
She sighed. She knew he would do this.
"Avery," she grit her teeth a bit at his stubbornness, trying to stay calm. "At least think about it."
"I don't want it. This house is the past." His hands clenched for a second, his leg bouncing up and down. "I could never live here."
The past full of memories that held false promise was what this entire house seemed to be. Memories of them building it together, building a life together. Memories of Melody walking up morning after morning here. The promise of a happy family.
She ran her hands through her hair, playing with the short ends. "Then just sell it."
"I'm not here to make a profit out of this divorce." His gaze drifted slightly. "I just want to be able to see my daughter when I can. That's it. All the other stuff… you can have it all."
"If you make me keep this house, I'll sell it." Her stomach turned at the thought of another family living in this house, making it their home. "I can't keep it either."
"Then don't." He shrugged. "I'm not asking you to keep it. I'm just saying I don't want it."
"Fine." Her voice broke a bit before recovering her stoic demeanor that she had to put on. "If that's what you want."
"That's what I want." He replied firmly, taking a brief pause before continuing. "There is one other thing I want though."
She bit her lip hard, trying to suppress any of the emotions she was feeling from coming out. "What is it?"
"I want to move to LA."
Her jaw dropped a little. "What?" That was not what she had been expecting him to say.
"I want to move to LA, to be close to Melody." He nodded quickly before continuing. "It makes no sense for us to be living across the country from each other. I want to see our daughter grow up. And if you're set on moving to LA, I'm coming too."
She shook her head to clear her thoughts. "You want to move to LA?"
"I wanna be where my daughter is." He replied. "Always."
Her eyes burned, pushing down guilt she had thought she had gotten past. Leaning back against the couch cushions, she exhaled. "I was actually going to tell you that I've been thinking about staying in Nashville."
"Nashville?" His eyebrows raised. "Here?"
"What other Nashville is there?" She let out a nervous laugh. "I've been looking at a couple properties for sale, there's some great charter schools that Rayna gave me the names of for when Melody starts kindergarten, Highway 65 is here…"
"So, you and Melody will really stick around here?" His voice interrupted incredulously. "What happened to LA? I thought you were gonna base yourself there?"
She tilted her head, looking at him. "Taking Melody to LA last time was selfish. And the only reason I did it was because I was scared and hurt…I never should have done it." Almost instinctively, she rested a hand on his knee lightly. "You're her father. I don't have a right to keep her on a different coast than you. It's not fair to you or to her."
"I can't tell you how much that means to me." She could see the tears brimming in his eyes, piercing her own heart. "I'm still willing to move to LA if that's what you want."
She shook her head lightly. "For better or worse, Nashville is my home. It's the only place I've ever belonged. And it should be Melody's home too."
His hand grabbed hers lightly in gratitude, and sparks flew through her veins immediately.
"Also," she continued, letting go of his hand as discreetly as possible. "In an effort for full disclosure, I'm going to start seeing Dr. James again regularly, and it's just easier to do all that here."
"Dr. James?" His head tilted slightly, processing what she had just said. "Is it … the dreams?"
She nodded, feeling her body clench in memory. "I haven't been seeing anyone regularly for a while now. And last night made me remember that I need to."
"Juliette."
Her eyes quickly filled with tears that she tried to keep down. "I'm only telling you just in case..."
"Hey," he moved closer, putting a comforting hand on her arm. "You're fine. Melody's fine."
"Avery, our daughter woke up in the middle of the night scared yesterday. She was afraid of me."
"She was just scared because you were scared." His eyes looked at her firmly. "That's it."
"I don't want her to see me like that." Her voice caught through the tears. "I don't want her to think her mother is unhinged."
He knew better than anyone how bad she could get. How could she calm Melody down in the middle of the night if she had a bad episode?
"Don't say that. You're her hero." He grabbed her hand reassuringly. "And I'm only a phone call away. If you feel like things are getting bad, you can always call me."
"Right." She mindlessly rubbed away tears that had fallen on to her jeans. "For Melody." The words felt selfish and curious at the same time.
He leaned forward towards her. "Not just completely for her." He squeezed her one hand in both of his. "I don't want to see you hurting. No matter what's going on between us…I'm gonna support you."
Her eyes closed slightly, smiling nostalgically at his words. They felt like words that the Avery she used to know would say. "Thank you."
It felt like the words of the Avery that loved her.
"We're partners in this." He replied softly, letting go of her hand. "If you're not doing well, I need to know. We have to be talking about it. It's what co-parents do."
"Co-parents." The words stuck in her mouth, rolling around in her head.
"Not the worst thing in the world, right?" He let out a short laugh, looking at her again.
"Definitely not." It didn't quite fit yet, but it would eventually.
"She's our gift." He looked up the stairs, smiling at the thought of Melody. " And she is lucky to have you as a mother." His voice had a comfort that reached out to her heart, spreading warmth everywhere.
Her eyes welled with tears. "You are the best father that any daughter could ever have. No regrets on that front. Ever."
He looked at her carefully, as her flittered in his direction. There was so much she wanted to say that would be left unsaid.
"Juliette." He interrupted her racing thoughts, almost nervous in his speech. "For the record, even with everything that happened…I could never regret us getting married."
She smiled towards him, her heart brimming with emotion. "Our baby girl will always know she was made in love."
"She was." He replied, lost in a memory. "Love was never our problem." He got up from the couch, and she followed suit.
"I guess," he kinked his head down, rubbing his neck nervously before looking at her. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Bright and early." Her face broke into a faint smile, moving towards his arms for a hug instinctively. She could see his reluctance at first, but he moved forward to her surprise.
He laid hands on the small of her back, pulling her to him closely as she wrapped her arms around his waist, breathing him in. There was something about him in this house with her that just felt safe. Like the house she had roamed in room to room for the past two months was finally a home again. Her entire body buzzed with a true contentment that settled softly.
It was right.
It had always felt right, no matter what state they were in now. Even though they were supposed to be getting divorced tomorrow. How was that even possible? The person that had cut her deepest was the only one that seemed to hold her in the fullest security. She could feel his muscles relax under her touch, and his breathing slowed as he moved his face towards her hair, lips light against her scalp.
You have my heart. You're capable of destroying me. Hadn't he? Hadn't she done the same in return? Or was the story entirely different?
All her senses were surrounded with his familiarity. She moved her hands from around his waist towards his neck, nuzzling her face impossibly close to his neck. It was as if every action was happening without thought or inhibition. Their hands fell into a comfortable rhythm of rediscovery, as he slid his hands over the curve of her backside, towards her upper back again.
His lips finally moved slowly towards her face, pulling her body away but impossibly close at the same time. Her eyes closed as her breathing came out labored.
She felt lips against her eyelids.
Against her nose.
On her cheekbones.
Her eyes opened to meet his, as his lips hovered over hers.
You're the one that destroys people Juliette.
Wordlessly, she closed the gap between them, pressing her lips against his. Wrapping his arms tightly around her waist as hers remained on his neck, they settled into a familiar passion against each other. Resistance and turmoil seemed to be thrown to the wind as she opened her mouth to him, feeling his tongue explore her mouth. His fingers ran through her hair, cupping the back of her head softly. The urgency of the kiss somehow juxtaposed the languid way they held each other.
It felt like they had forever.
"Mama." A small voice cried out, causing them to jump apart quickly.
"Melody?" She found her own voice, moving quickly towards the base of the stairs. She could see her daughter at the top of the steps, rubbing her eyes softly.
"I was looking for you." Her sleepy eyes drooped. "I woke up and you weren't there."
She raced up the stairs quickly, kneeling down to her daughter's height. "Just go back to bed, I'll be there in five minutes sweetheart. I promise."
"Ok." She watched her daughter sleepily walk back into the room, before turning on her heel down the stairs to see Avery pulling his jacket on manically.
"What's going on?" She questioned, looking at him scrambling for his keys. "Are you… leaving?"
He tripped over the edge of the rug a bit, catching his balance quickly. "Where are those damn keys?"
"Avery." She repeated incredulously. "What are you doing?"
"I have to…" His eyes darted back and forth like a dear in headlights, trailing off. "I have to get out of here."
"Seriously?" Her confusion grew, as her hands clenched and unclenched. "After what just happened?"
"I don't know what just happened." He found his keys on the coffee table and grabbed them quickly. "I just don't know."
"You don't know what happened." She repeated, feeling the anger spring up in her.
"I just need to think without you..." He ran his hands through his hair, "I don't know, watching me."
"Watching you? What the hell are you talking about?" Her voice spilled out like venom watching his back edge faster and faster towards the door, as her heart bottomed out. "You're just gonna leave. Real mature." She voice spit out words like knives.
She hated him. There was no other emotion in this moment but pure hatred.
"And you accused me for being the one who left when things got tough." Her voice broke a little, before regaining its grit, spitting fire at his turned back. "You blamed me."
He froze, hand on the opened doorway, gripping tightly.
"I guess some things never change." Her voice was biting. She couldn't stop. Everything was welling out of her fast. "You never have the balls to stick around when push comes to shove."
He turned slowly, with nothing but fire in his eyes. He stepped dangerously close to her. "That's a comment you don't want to be throwing out lightly Juliette."
She jerked back, hands placed between them to create distance. It would always be there. No matter how many times she apologized, he would never forgive her. Why had she thought otherwise? Her eyes stung. "I think you should leave."
His face had softened a little at change in tone. "Juliette."
"I'm tired Avery. I'm tired of this." She shut her eyes tight, refusing to look at him anymore. If she looked at him, her resolve would break. "What just happened...It didn't really mean anything. It wasn't real."
What was real was the anger between them. The biting words. Not what had just happened before.
What was real was the fact that they were getting divorced tomorrow, and no… whatever that had been… could change that.
What was real was the fact that she still loved him. She could feel it in the way her heart lurched towards him, even though she hated him with everything in her.
What was also real was the fact that he wanted to leave. He wanted to be done.
Her eyes remained closed, pushing everything out of her head.
"Juliette."
"Avery," She clenched her teeth in forced defiance. ""You said you needed time to think, so go."
Her eyes finally opened, waiting for his next words.
"I think," He looked at her in a way that almost threw her off balance. "That I wanna stay."
