"Wow!" said Lucas excitedly, his entire body covered in blood, "That motiveless killing of five people was sure fun!"

"Yes, yes!" chuckled Master Hand, "I'm starting to warm to you, boy!"

"Really?" said Lucas, his eyes widening and turning into an annoying anime style.

"No," said Master Hand angrily.

"So, what shall the next task be?" said Lucas excitedly. "Shall it be killing another person? Setting up a table? Injecting myself with Luigi's blood? Baking a pie and using it as a tablecloth at a company picnic? Whatever it is you wish of me, I am happy to serve, sir!"

Master Hand grunted non-committally.

"What was that, sir?" said Lucas.

"Look," said Master Hand, "the investors are coming over soon, and if they see you following me around like a stupid little good-for-nothing gullible…"

He trailed off. Lucas was still looking at him eagerly.

"Well," said Master Hand, "actually, if you could set up a table for me and the investors to sit at…"

"Is that my next task, then?" said Lucas, bobbing up and down on his heels.

"Yeah, yeah, why not?" said Master Hand.

"Oh, joy! Oh, happiness!" exclaimed Lucas, visions of his soon-to-be-Smasher status blooming in his mind, as he envisioned himself 'smashing it off' with such swell compatriots as Ganondorf and that Igglybuff fellow.

"Well, go set up that table, then," said an irked Master Hand.

"Well, where is it?" asked Lucas.

"Haha,no," said Master Hand. "As if I'd keep a table around."

"Ah," said Lucas resourcefully, "I shall then go to the store to buy a table!"

"Haha,no," said Master Hand, "We do not buy from other people in this new economic-driven society!"

Lucas stared blankly at Master Hand.

"Just freaking make a table already out of wood!" snapped Master Hand.

"Shall do!" said Lucas wittily. "I shall go to the local timber store and-"

"Oh,no you will not!" decried Master Hand, "for I absolutely refuse for you to spend any of my money!"

"But I shall use my money!" said Lucas.

"Not anymore! All of your possessions are mine now, remember?" cackled Master Hand, holding up a contract.

"But that contract isn't signed!" observed Lucas.

"What a joke!" laughed Master Hand hysterically, trying to hide the contract as quickly as he could. "Ha, ha, ha! I'm such a joker!"

"Fine," sighed Lucas, slightly downcast. "May I then chop a tree myself?"

"Why, certainly!" said Master Hand in a quaint voice, handing over a chainsaw to Lucas. "Now, chop, chop! We wouldn't want to keep the investors waiting, would we?"

"No, sir! Not at all! Of course not!" said Lucas, shaking his head.

He scurried away.

Task Three

"Hey Lucas, what are you doing?" said Yoshi cheerily, as Lucas darted back and forth searching frantically for a large tree, out of which he could carve a table.

"Why, I am darting back and forth frantically in search of a large tree which I could carve a table out of!" responded Lucas, as back and forth he darted in his search for a carving-a-table-suitable tree of large size.

"Yes, yes, I could see that by the author's description of your actions!" responded Yoshi.

"Ha, ha," they both laughed, chortling, chuckling heartily at this most amusing sight.

"I cannot search for trees with one hand only," declared Lucas, the chainsaw running in one hand, "So therefore I need somebody to help me search for trees with two hands!"

"Ah, you mean you want me to hold your chainsaw for you?" said Yoshi understandingly.

"Yes!" said Lucas, passing the chainsaw blade-first towards Yoshi.

"Be careful!" said Yoshi, the rapidly rotating blades looming threateningly.

"Don't worry!" said Lucas, "I no longer fear trees ever since the shock therapy when I was eight!"

"No, I mean the chainsaw!" said Yoshi, as the chainsaw drew ever-closer to him. "I don't think it's safe for you to pass it to me without looking at what you are doing!"

"Nonsense!" scoffed Lucas, "I am quite well-versed in the art of passing chainsaws blade-first towards green lizards without looking!"

"I don't know," said Yoshi, the buzzing of the chainsaw now a mere hair's-breadth from his eyes. "It seems pretty dangerous… and I'm a dinosaur!"

"Oh," said Lucas, "is that so? Well, fear not! For not only am I quite well-versed in the art of passing chainsaws blade-first towards green lizards without looking, but I am also skilled in giving green dinosaurs moving chainsaws when…"

Yoshi's spleen hit Lucas in the side of the head.

"Hmm, that's funny," said Lucas, confused, blood and organ debris splattering onto his already blood-stained shirt. "…usually when they take the chainsaw… organs don't randomly fly everywhere…"

Lucas gasped. "Oh, why, Yoshi! You appear to have been quite badly mangled by that chainsaw! But I'm sure that with some quick medical aid, you should…"

Yoshi was dead.

"Oh," said Lucas, feeling a little guilty.

A thought struck him!

"Oh, no!" said Lucas. "What would my lifelong idol, Marth, think of the heinous act I've just committed?"

Lucas looked closely at Yoshi's remains, Marth gutting Mario alive several metres behind him.

"Oh!" said Lucas. "What's that inside of Yoshi's body?"

He reached in with a hand, fished around, and pulled out something dripping with blood.

Lucas gasped. "Why, it's a full-sized table! Made of precious mahogany wood! And it even has a set of complementary chairs attached!"

Lucas wiped the pool of blood off the table with his handkerchief.

"Ah, you've found a table!" said Master Hand in a jolly voice, arriving.

"Yes, sir! I have, sir!" said Lucas happily.

"Why is Yoshi dead, young Larry?" said Master Hand.

"I killed him!" replied Lucas.

"Ah," said Master Hand.

"And I suppose the table inside his stomach was probably the reason for his constant complaints about indigestion!" said Lucas in a jolly manner.

"Yes Larry, yes!" chuckled Master Hand. "I knew he looked a lot like a table when I saw him…"

"Yes, yes, due to him swallowing a table," chuckled Lucas.

"Yes, yes," said Master Hand.

"Maybe you should… …get Yoshi's bloody remains off the table…" suggest Lucas. "Because you know, businessmen… don't like… blood?"

"I DO NOT TAKE SUGGESTIONS FROM INFERIOR PEOPLE!" shouted Master Hand.

"Just saying," said Lucas.


Ha, ha, ha, what a jolly fellow that Lucas is! Why, I think there will be many misadventures to come!

If you hated this chapter, it was because Tiki wrote most of it. If you liked it why I wrote it! I wrote it!

Review, and give your suggestions for tasks Lucas must undertake in order to become a smasher!