The bus to the Ceremony was packed full of people clad in gray clothing. Matthew stood with his family. His mother was sitting in the seat in front of them while the others held the safety bars to keep their balance on the bumpy road. Matthew watched the outside world fly past the windows wondering how all the other students felt.
It didn't take long to get to the Hub, the tallest building in the city. Once they got off the bus, Matthew gazed up, trying to see the top of it, but it was hidden amongst the clouds.
Matthew felt a hand slide into his and squeeze it, he looked to his side and found his mother smiling at him. It wasn't her usual smile; the playful, happy one. It was different; softer and more gentle. He felt a bit more comfortable for almost a second before a pang in his stomach made him feel worse. Would his mother still smile at him if he chose Amity?
"Your hands are shaking," She commented as she guided him into the Hub and over to the elevators, his father and brother just ahead of them.
"I don't feel well." Matthew murmured, hoping that his soft voice was drowned out by the chatter all around them. He glanced back at the entrance and watched a group of anxious looking Candor students light cigarettes. He didn't know anyone from Abnegation who smoked them, they were too closely tied with vanity.
The doors to the elevator opened and they stepped in, Alfred looked over at Matthew and smiled. His mother squeezed his hand again and Matthew tried to lose himself in the muffled noise, watching the numbered buttons light up as they passed each floor.
2, 3, 4. What if this was the last time he ever held his mothers hand? 6, 7, 8. He squeezed back. 10, 11. He was going to pick Abnegation and stay with his family. 13, 14. He wanted to pick Amity. 15. Alfred didn't want Amity. 16. He wanted to stay with Alfred. 17. He didn't want to be alone. 18. He would pick Abnegation and they'd all stay together. 19. He wasn't selfless enough. He wasn't good enough. 20. Abnegation.
The bell dinged and the doors slid open.
They left the elevator and entered a large room arranged in concentric circles. Around the edges stood the 16 year olds of every faction. They weren't considered members yet. Once they chose a faction, they would become initiates and if they completed initiation they would become true members.
Alfred led the way over to the line of students and they arranged themselves in alphabetical order, according to their last names. Matthew had Alfred on one side and a Candor student named Heracles Karpusi, dressed in casual black slacks with a white dress shirt, on the other. Matthew felt obscurely small, whether it was because of the big decision that weighed heavily on his shoulders or the fact Alfred and Heracles loomed over him in height, he didn't know.
Rows of chairs for their families made up the next circle, arranged in five sections by faction. Not everyone from the factions shows up, but enough to make a booming crowd. Matthew felt even more nervous. He was never good in front of an audience, even if he wasn't speaking.
The responsibility to conduct the ceremony rotated between the faction leaders each year. As their father told them previously, it was the Dauntless year to host. One of the Dauntless leaders, a handsome man named Francis Bonnefoy, would give the opening address then read their names in reverse alphabetical order.
Matthew watched more families enter with their children. Some he recognized from his classes. He let out a breath he didn't even know he had been holding.
In the last circle were 5 metal bowls so big Matthew figured they could hold a person in them; if they lay a certain way. Each of the bowls contained a substance that represented each faction: gray stones for Abnegation, water for Erudite, earth for Amity, lit coals for Dauntless, and glass for Candor.
Matthew ran the steps of what they had to do through his mind again. He had to wait until his name was called, after Heracles and before Alfred, then walk to the centre of the three circles. Not speaking. He didn't know why that was a rule, he didn't think he'd be able to mutter a single syllable in front of that many people regardless of the circumstances. Francis would hand him a knife and he would have to cut into his hand, just a slice across; enough to draw blood, and spill it into the bowl of the faction he chose.
The faction he was swearing himself to, that he would spill his blood for and potentially leave his family for.
Matthew jolted when he felt a hand clap his shoulder. He looked up, realizing he had been staring at the floor the entire time and found his father staring at him. His mother was hugging Alfred, whispering to him.
"Don't be nervous, Son. We'll see you and your brother soon enough!" His father grinned at him and then pat him on the head. His grin softened into a smile and he nodded his head. "I'm proud of you, Matthew." Without another word or waiting for a response, his father turned and went to the seats.
Matthew stood there, unmoving. His father seemed so sure he and Alfred would choose Abnegation. Of course they would, Matthew reasoned, as much as he wanted to join Amity and their carefree, happy lives; he needed his family. He'd pick Abnegation and Alfred would pick what he did. They'd stay together as a family.
Matthew smiled as his mother turned and embraced him. And just as she had with Alfred, she turned her head and whispered to him, ever so quietly. "No matter what you choose, Matthew, your father and I love you. No matter what." He hugged her back. "You do what you have to do, okay? Think of yourself just this once." Her voice was calm and reassuring. She pulled out of the hug and gently held his face in her hands. "You pick whichever faction you feel you belong in, Matthew. I know it's hard, but you can do it." She leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the forehead before she turned and went to join their father.
Matthew felt like he was going to cry or vomit (the potential for both was growing stronger by the second). Why did his mother have to be so encouraging? He had finally decided to put his feelings aside and choose what was best for his family and Alfred. He couldn't think of himself at a time like this. He couldn't just pick Amity. Even if they were so friendly and happy. Even if that was what his result was on the aptitude test. Even if he really wanted to. He shook his head to get rid of the thoughts. He was picking Abnegation and Alfred would too and they'd stay with their family.
Alfred leaned over closer to Matthew and smiled. "Don't worry, Matthew. Even if Mother said to think about ourselves, I'm gonna pick whatever you do. Because even if I can't be with Mother or Father, I wanna stay with you." He grabbed Matthew's hand and squeezed it. "We're brothers to the end, no matter what." He flashed his hero grin and released Matthew's hand, standing back in place again.
Matthew knew Alfred had said those words to comfort him but they didn't. Not at all. If anything Matthew thought he felt worse now.
Matthew stared at the lanterns across the room, listening as people slowly began to quiet down. The lanterns cast an odd blue glow all around them.
Francis stood at the podium between the Erudite and the Dauntless and cleared his throat into the microphone. The room became silent.
Matthew's heartbeat pounded in his chest and his ears. He could hardly hear over it, and he wondered if he would miss his name being called because of it. He realized no one was actually talking yet, the room was just settling. Francis was taking a dramatic pause.
He took a deep breath, in and out. His ears were ringing and he was shaking a bit. He wondered if he was going to faint. Dear God, he thought, I hope not. That would be so embarrassing.
"Welcome," Francis said, "to the Choosing Ceremony. Welcome to the day we honour the democratic philosophy of our ancestors, which tells us that every man has the right to choose his own way in the world."
Matthew was trying to listen but the words sounded like a steady rumble, the only word he made out clearly was 'choose'. And he focused heavily on that word. Choose Abnegation, choose Amity, choose your family, choose yourself, choose for Alfred, choose for Matthew, choosechoosechoosechoose. The word didn't even sound right any more.
"Our dependants are now sixteen. They stand on the precipice of adulthood, and it is now up to them to decide what kind of people they will be." Francis' voice was smooth and deep. Matthew focused in on him, rather than his words. They had similar hair, Matthew mused, his was shorter than Francis', whose hair went almost down to his shoulders but it was blond too. He was tall and elegant. The Dauntless clothing fit like a second skin. The black dress pants were cut straight and the top, a black button down, was slimming.
"Decades ago our ancestors realized that it is not political ideology, religious belief, race, or nationalism that is to blame for a warring world. Rather, they determined that it was the fault of human personality- of humankind's inclination toward evil, in whatever form that is. They divided into factions that sought to eradicate those qualities they believed responsible for the world's disarray."
Matthew realized the ringing in his ears wasn't there any more and tried to focus on what Francis was saying. His mind continued to wander and his gaze fell on the Amity, he remembered the girls from the aptitude test and their rhyming word song, he imagined them singing a different one- just for him.
"Matthew joined the Amity,
Causing a calamity.
His parents mad,
Alfred's sad.
Matthew joined the Amity!"
Matthew snorted quietly, that was actually pretty good for something he made up on the spot. Maybe he should join them. Heracles glanced at him, an eyebrow raised curiously.
"Those who blamed aggression form Amity." The Amity smiled at one another. Matthew wanted to smile with them but he didn't. He stood there, still and quiet. Kind, loving and free, he wanted to join them.
"Those who blamed ignorance became the Erudite." Matthew knew he and Alfred weren't smart or studious enough.
"Those who blamed duplicity created Candor." Matthew remembered the time Alfred broke a picture frame and blamed him. All the times he lied about having homework or not failing a test. They could never be Candor.
"Those who blamed selfishness made Abnegation." Matthew knew he wasn't selfless enough, he knew from the aptitude test. He wanted so badly to belong with them, with his family. But he was selfish.
"Those who blamed cowardice were the Dauntless." Matthew wasn't brave enough for Dauntless, they weren't scared of anything. And he was.
"Working together, these five factions have lived in peace for many years, each contributing to a different sector of society. Abnegation has fulfilled our need for selfless leaders in government; Candor has provided us with trustworthy and sound leaders in law; Erudite has supplied us with intelligent teachers and researchers; Amity has given us understanding counsellors and caretakers; and Dauntless provides us with protection from threats both within and without. But the reach of each faction is not limited to these areas. We give one another far more than can be adequately summarized. In our factions we find meaning, we find purpose, we find life." Francis' voice was calm and relaxed, but he gave the words the feeling they needed.
"Apart from them, we would not survive."
Francis' last words hung in the air and the room felt heavy again. If you didn't belong in a faction, you were factionless. It was a fate worse than death, their teachers at school had told them.
Matthew glanced down the line of 16 year olds. At the end was a guy named Vash Zwingli. He'd have to choose first. He was an Erudite, Matthew had a few classes with him before. He wondered if Vash was going to switch factions and if he was anxious about going first.
"Therefore this day marks a happy occasion- the day on which we receive our new initiates who will work with us toward a better society and a better world."
People started clapping, the Dauntless yelled and cheered.
Matthew waited for Francis to call the first name-Vash Zwingli-, but instead Francis waited for everyone to quiet down again. Then a small half smile appeared on his face.
"This year," Francis stated, "we have decided to change the order. We will be calling names alphabetically rather than reverse."
A long silence followed and Matthew felt his chest well with relief. He didn't have to choose first! Alfred had to! He felt a thousand pounds lighter. He stole a glance at Alfred whose jaw had gone slack. The colour had drained from his face and Matthew could practically see the gears in his head moving overtime as he realized what his meant for him.
Alfred slowly looked over at Matthew, his eyes wide. For a reason he couldn't explain, Matthew felt a pang of anger towards Alfred. It was been up to him before, and Alfred hadn't cared how he felt about making that decision but now that he had to make it himself, he knew that it felt terrible.
Matthew blanked out as Francis began calling the names. He looked back at his parents, who smiled at him. He smiled back. The first student, an Erudite, chose the faction he came from. Matthew watched his blood spill into the water. A few more names were called but Matthew largely ignored them, listening only when someone he knew from his classes was classed.
"Ivan Braginsky."
Ivan was a very tall student Matthew had tried to avoid all the time. He was a Candor student and used honesty as an excuse to be rude. He casually strolled to the centre of the room, took the offered knife from Francis and without a moments hesitation cut his palm and held it over the Dauntless bowl, letting his blood drop onto the lit coals. Matthew grimaced when he heard it sizzle. At least he'd never have to deal with Ivan again, he thought.
The Dauntless exchanged looks of smug happiness, smiles and claps. The Candor frowned and murmured disapprovingly. They would probably see him as a traitor, as it usually was when someone left their faction for another. His family would get the chance to see him on Visiting Day, a week and a half after the ceremony, but they probably wouldn't. He was given a choice and he had chosen to leave his family. His loved ones.
Matthew glanced at Alfred. He was still pale and his hands were shaking. Matthew felt terrible for feeling relief at not having to decide. But he knew Alfred, he would pick Abnegation and then Matthew would do what Alfred said he was going to do. Pick the same one. Their roles were just reversed now. Alfred would choose and Matthew would follow him loyally.
Matthew reached over and grabbed Alfred's hand, squeezing it encouragingly. Trying to send him positive encouragement, but all too quickly the line was dwindling and before they knew it the girl ahead of Alfred was walking to the centre of the circles. She chose her original faction.
"Alfred Jones."
Matthew watched as Alfred gave his hand one last squeeze and swallowed thickly before making his way to the centre of the circles. Francis held the knife out to Alfred and he grabbed it.
Time seemed to slow down as Matthew held his breath in anticipation. Alfred licked his lips and looked at the bowls.
Matthew flinched as Alfred dragged the knife across his palm and let the blood begin to pool. Then, without a second thought or an ounce of hesitation, Alfred thrust his hand over a bowl and let the blood slip into it.
Matthew felt his heart stop. The faction Alfred chose clapped and cheered and Alfred had the audacity to smile as he went and stood behind them with the other faction transfers. Matthew's eyes followed him the whole time. The sound of Alfred's blood sizzling in the Dauntless coals was the only sound Matthew heard as he focused on the feeling boiling inside him.
Alfred had left their parents. Alfred had left him. Alfred had chosen to think of himself in that moment. If Matthew had gone first they would both be Abnegation. Matthew felt anger well up inside him as Alfred smiled at the other transfers. He had been willing to give up the faction he wanted to be in, the one he belonged in. Yet Alfred had been selfish enough to choose what he wanted.
Matthew didn't know why but he felt betrayed, as though Alfred picking Dauntless was a sign of him betraying their family.
And then suddenly Alfred was staring back at Matthew, a wild look of realization dawned on him. Matthew watched as Alfred opened his mouth and closed it. Then opened it again and shook his head slightly. A silent apology.
Matthew was brought back to attention when he felt a hand nudge him from behind. He glanced behind him and saw Heracles give him a curious look before tilting his chin toward the bowls. Matthew looked over and realized Francis was staring at him. A look to the crowd told him that everyone was. Francis must have called him name. Matthew's cheeks began to burn as Francis called him name again.
"Matthew Jones."
Matthew walked over, trying to look casual and not as embarrassed as he was, but he felt stiff and awkward. Francis had an amused smile playing on his lips as he held out the knife, Matthew looked at him for a moment before reaching over for it.
Gripping the knife tightly he spared another look at Francis. The Dauntless leader winked and Matthew felt himself redden in surprise.
He turned quickly and stood at the centre of the bowls. His eyes searched the crowd and landed on his parents. His mother was holding his father's arm and she smiled at him softly, nodding her head. His father had his jaw clenched and his eyebrows furrowed. He wasn't happy with Alfred's decision.
He looked over to the Dauntless section and found Alfred's eyes, pleading and worried; trying to convey a message that Matthew couldn't understand.
Matthew took a deep breath and gripped the knife, putting the blade against his palm. His hands were shaking. Biting his lip he applied as much pressure as he could stand against his soft skin and pulled the knife across it in one fast motion. Blood dripped instantaneously from his hand onto the already spotted ground.
His mind reeled. Choose Abnegation, a deep voice roared in his mind, stay with your parents. Alfred had always been the favourite anyway. Choose Amity, a soft voice countered, it's where you belong. He would be alone. Choose Dauntless, a familiar voice demanded, stay with your brother. Matthew wouldn't survive a day in Dauntless.
Matthew couldn't stand the thought of being alone, without any of his loved ones. Alfred had wanted them to stay together too. His parents had each other and always would.
Quickly he thrust his blood soaked hand over a bowl and let the room fill with the sizzling sound of his choice.
Matthew felt like he was in a daze as he walked over to the Dauntless section, blood still slowly dripping from his finger tips. He didn't register the sounds of them clapping and cheering at the new realization. For the first time ever, they had received two transfer initiates in a row. Siblings. A matching set.
An angry cry broke through the haze Matthew had been in. He didn't need to look around to find the source of the noise. He recognized the voice instantly, even as it continued to yell. Their father was clearly none to pleased with having both his sons switch factions.
His father stopped yelling once Matthew reached the other Dauntless transfers and stood in his spot beside Alfred. They said nothing to each other and focused on the ceremony. Matthew attempted to watch, but the Dauntless born initiates were taller than him and blocked his view almost completely.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
(4/17/15) Chapter revised and edited. Minimal changes made, nothing that affects the storyline.
Francis' speech is taken right from the book. The exact one Marcus gives. I take no credit for it what-so-ever. Just so we're all clear!
I hate editing.
