-

It happened again today.

I was in my room.

The house was quiet.

Deadly quiet.

I was not alone.

Father washere somewhere.

I waited.

-

His drunken self would show itself.

Usually it already had.

I waited.

I heard the door click open.

I thought I locked it.

Then I remembered.

My room has no lock.

It's times like these you wish you'd have run away.

-

He looked at me.

His mouth set in a grim line.

Where is my black book?

His voice was laced with malice.

How would I know?

I couldn't help but sass him.

It's not yours!

No shit sherlock.

Well, it was the truth.

-

I never noticed the bottle in his hands.

Untill of course he threw it.

So hard there was a hole in the wall.

No more then five inches, from my head.

Usually he has perfect aim.

I am the luckiest girl in the world.

-

I will admit, I screamed.

The bottle didn't shatter, thank god.

The shards would've scarred me, surely?

Give me my goddamn book!

His words rang in my ears.

It's not my fault you lost it!

I wanted him to hurt me.

-

For later he would find the book.

He would be guilty.

He would be splurge on me for awhile.

So I urged him on.

He raised his hand.

No, not to ask a question.

-

You know I can kill you, Maria!

He said this to my mother as well.

You know i've done it before.

I stayed silent.

I never broke my gaze.

Where is it?

I said nothing.

I held my tears back defiantly.

He never believes me.

-

In a flash he slammed my head into the window behind me.

My eyes watered.

I attempted not to whimper.

It would only egg him on.

I only wanted him to hit me.

Not kill me.

-

He froze then.

His eyes seemed to clear.

As if he saw me for the first time.

He was feeling guilt.

I'm so sorry.

He spoke softly.

I barely heard him.

I didn't care.

-

This was a game to him.

It would never end.

Before he came to his senses I shoved past him.

I had managed to reach the foot of the stairs.

When he came after me.

I had to make it down the stairs

He shoved me down them once.

They never looked quite the same.

-

I felt his grip.

It tightened on my shirt.

He tugged.

We both fell.

It was only five stairs down.

That was just enough.

I bolted out the door.

-

The air bit me.

It whispered to me.

It was telling me to run.

It was screaming.

Calling to me.

telling me to hurry.

-

But, I wouldn't.

I would not show fear.

I've been practicing this no fear thing.

It get easier, does it not?

I walked quickly.

Slapping at the cold.

Not that it would have doe anything.

I heard him call after me.

You are beneath me, you bitch!

I called back.

-

I was to far for him to attack me.

Then why do you lower yourself to touch me?

To even talk to me?

I turned.

His figure was in the door.

He said nothing.

I don't want you back!

He shouted finally.

He slammed the door.

I swear, the whole block heard.

-

He'd been lieng.

He always takes me back.

Always.

Now?

Now I go to Allie's.

I always go to Allie's.

-

I admit I was, I am,scared.

I fear for my life constantly.

Yet, I no longer care.

I no longer care what he does to me.

It doesn't matter anymore.

-

I step up to Allie's porch.

It's dark inside.

I'll be waking her up.

But, I have nowhere else to go.

-

The cold nips at me again.

It warns me.

Of what?

I do not know.

I reach for the doorbell.

The sound echos throughout the silent house.

I waited.

Nothing.

I feel as if I am standing at the gate of doom.

I don't know why.

So I retreat.

-

I decide to go to the supermarket.

I'll loiter.

It's not like they care.

It's the only place open this late.

-

Allie.

Why is she always out nowadays?

She never tells me where she goes.

Or what she does.

I feel as if we are drifting.

On two different islands.

Away from one another.

-

It scares me.

I need someone to trust.

I need someone to understand.

I need Alan.

But he doesn't want me.

So I must find someone else.

I don't think I ever will.

-

The market looms in front of me.

Really.

It's directly in front of me.

I step towards the light.

It glistens.

It beckons.

Unlike the darkness of Allies house.

Which shunned me, this place welcomes me.

I drag my feet inside.

The place is loud.

There are tons of people here.

Nowhere to go either, I assume.

-

I breathe out heavily.

I breathe in lightly.

I wonder if I will hyperventilate.

-

Iwandered about.

Ignoring the shadows.

They were menacing.

Threatning to swallow me whole.

Leaving me somewhere cold.

This place is cold enough as it is.

-

A figure approached me.

No, there was more then one.

Two?

Three?

Four?

Yes, four.

-

I knew these people.

One, I knew very well.

Or did, anyway.

Magnet.

Zigzag.

X-ray.

Squid.

I blinked.

-

All either of us ever wanted was someone who cares.

He got his people.

So, what about me?

What about me?