Surprisingly, I found myself telling Lupin every little thing that was making me sad. I told him about Severus. I told him about my parents stupid rules and even stupider obsession with Lucius. I ranted and raved about how just because someone's not pureblood, it doesn't mean that they are a cockroach or something.
I finished my ranting with, "It's so stupid to be judged by something that you can't control! Remus, why are people so stupid?"
"I know what you mean," he said thoughtfully, "Judging people like that is like judging people by how their ear is shaped or something meaningless like that, but, you know, not all people are stupid."
"Well yeah," I agreed, " I mean, you're not stupid, Remus," (he chuckled at this) "but most of the people who surround me everyday are."
Remus raised his eyebrows, "Like who for example?"
I ticked off all the deatheaters I knew on my fingers (of course, not mentioning that they were deatheaters), "Bellatrix, Regulus, Lucius, Severus, the Lestranges, Knott, Mcnair-" I paused, "Slytherin house mainly."
Remus chuckled again, "You sound like a 'Gryffindork.'"
"Sorry 'bout the nick-name," I apologized quickly, "I was being a total jerk."
'You were not," he said.
"You're just being nice," I accused him.
"Yeah," he grinned guiltily.
I smiled at him, "I like it when you're nice."
He smiled back, "I like it when you talk to me."
Our eyes met, we both blushed and looked away. After a few minutes of silence, I asked him:
"Remus if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?"
He looked at me curiously, "You first."
I thought for a moment, "If I had a choice, I wouldn't be pureblood."
Remus looked shocked, "But not necessarily a bad thing, being pureblood."
"But you see," I said matter-of-factly, " If I wasn't pureblood, I wouldn't have my parents and sisters forcing me to be proper all the time. I could be friends with whomever I wanted. It's a terrible thing being proper all the time. Oh, Remus, what I wouldn't give to be able to eat finger food!"
He laughed, " Sometime, I'll take you out for finger food. You don't have to be proper around me."
My eyes went huge, "Really?"
"Yes, of course," he said with a shrug,
I sighed happily, "Your turn."
"Well," he paused for a moment, "I honestly don't think I would change a thing 'cause, who knows, if I did, I might not be walking with you right now and I wouldn't want to change that."
"You're sweet," I said, giving him a curious glance, 'But why? Why are you always so nice to me? I'm nothing but a jerk to you."
Remus paused for a second, "You haven't been a jerk tonight."
"But you're always nice," I told him, "Not just tonight."
"Well," Remus said thoughtfully, "that's probably because I like you."
"But why?" I asked him.
"Self-esteem issues much, 'Cissa?" he smiled at me, "I like you because-I don't know-you seem like you're not the jerk you usually pretend to be."
"Then what am I?" I asked, confused.
"No idea," he shrugged, "But I'd like to find out."
"You're sweet, Remus Lupin," I told him again.
We walked in silence for a couple of minutes until Remus burst out laughing. I stopped and looked at him, alarmed and confused.
"What is so funny?" I demanded.
"Just thinking of you and Snape snogging," he laughed harder.
I couldn't bring myself to be mad at him, so all I did was shove him playfully and said, "Oh shut up, Remus."
That night, as Remus and I were about to go to our common rooms, my curiosity was on overkill. He was friends with Sirius. I had not had a conversation with Sirius in the longest time. The last time that I had, we had had a fight. It had been over him running away. I had begged him not to. He said he had to get away from our family. I told him our family was not so bad. He looked at me pityingly. I had asked him how he could pick 'those people' over us. He called me a Bellatrix clone. I had slapped him across the face.
"You're friends with Sirius, aren't you?" I asked, though I knew the answer.
"Yes," Remus said.
"How is he?" I asked quietly, "He's not out on the streets or anything, is he? I've been so worried about him, but we're not speaking so..."
"He's happy," he said, looking at me with an unreadable expression, "He lives with our friend James Potter, you know him. He's getting his own place soon though. Don't worry, he hasn't been living off of rats or anything."
'That's a relief," I sighed, "I never understood why he did it before, but now it just seems crystal," I paused, "that's awful, isn't it? I have to have my heart broken in order to see things properly."
I sighed again.
"It's not awful," Remus said seriously, "You've had no reason to question what your parents were teaching you before. Now you do, and I must say, I agree with your new views entirely."
He looked at me in such absolute seriousness that my spine prickled. He believed the same way Sirius did. Maybe the whole world wasn't stupid.
I looked at him for a second before saying, "I should probably head to my common room."
"I should too," he agreed.
"Bye," I said sadly, "this was fun."
"Yeah, it was," he smiled at me, " So tomorrow then?"
I shrugged, "Yep. Tomorrow."
He turned to go.
On impulse I said, "Tell Sirius that I'm sorry."
He stared at me for a second, "Of course."
Then he left and I began walking to the dungeons. My head was spinning pleasantly and I had no idea why. Remus Lupin was not some annoying gryffindork anymore. Remus Lupin was my friend. I was still upset about Severus, but society seemed far less screwed up then it had been a few short hours ago.
