Chapter Three
Petunia never took Vernon to Annabelle's parties. He didn't like her, and besides, taking Vernon anywhere in a friendly way would have felt a bit odd these days.
Anyway, it was a Christmas party, and she wore a nice dress and stood awkwardly in a corner, clutching a drink and feeling very out of place. The party sparkled around her, Christmas lights glistening.
A thin young brunette man came up to her, smiling with kind eyes.
"I can see what you like here," he said. "The scenic view is so nice with no humans ruining it."
Petunia started a glare, then realized he was serious. She softened. "I don't like people," she said.
"We share that in common," said the man cheerfully. "David." He held out a hand.
Gingerly, she shook it.
"Can I get you a drink?"
The question threw her off guard. "You… you want to bring me a drink?"
"That is in fact what I said."
She glared at him. "Well, if you're going to be an asshole about it."
He actually laughed. No one had ever thought Petunia funny before. She had no idea what to think of it.
"Alright," she said. "A drink would be fine."
She realized over the course of the evening that David Birch made her give out surprised laughs. He was two years older than her. He worked as a waiter and went to open mic nights on weekends.
"I love classical novels," he said, "but the absurd, imaginative kind, you know. Alice in Wonderland is more my fare."
"What do you do at open mic nights?" Petunia inquired politely.
"It varies," he said, shrugging. "Standup comedy, music. I have a guitar. I'm not very good at it." He smiled self deprecatingly.
Petunia found herself smiling back. "I'd very much like to hear you play sometime."
They talked for most of the evening.
"You know, I have a boyfriend," she informed him at one time.
"Good to know. I'll have to remember not to grope your butt."
She blushed and gave him an offended glare, and he laughed again.
David had gotten her phone number and address, and two days later in the mail she received a copy of Alice in Wonderland. She read it, and was surprised to find she liked it. It wasn't as horrible as she'd thought it would be.
Feeling bold and not entirely sure why it took bravery, she found the return address and knocked on the door. He opened the apartment door up - and looked surprised, but not displeased.
"I read the book," she said with dignity. "I approve of your taste in literature."
"Good to know," he said with mock seriousness. David, she learned, was always teasing somebody about something. "Come in and have dinner? Don't worry," he added, rolling his eyes, when she opened her mouth. "It's just dinner."
They cooked together. He made steaks and she made a French fondue. They ate together, and then he showed her his music - he was better than he'd said. He also talked a great deal about animals.
"I'm of the personal belief that it's alright to use animals, but you have to treat them properly," he said thoughtfully. "If you're going to use an animal for anything, you must take responsibility for it."
"That makes sense," said Petunia cautiously.
David looked at her for a while. "... I'll talk to Annabelle," he said. "She's my cousin. I'd like to show you something."
They took her out to a farm, Annabelle and David, organic and free range. She trudged with disgust through the mud and muck and dung, staying far away from the animals.
"You know, they won't kill you," David called.
"They're dirty!" she called back. "And dangerous!"
Annabelle just laughed as David rolled his eyes.
Finally, on an inspiration, they took her to see a lamb.
It was very cute. She knelt down, and softly petted its fur. It had innocent, moist eyes.
The farmer started talking about what happened to animals on big industrial farms, and Petunia became horrified and indignant. "That is most unsatisfactory," she said. "Most unsatisfactory."
She had promised not to let the trip affect her, but she started buying animal friendly products.
She knew something was coming before it happened.
Vernon almost never invited her to his mother's house except for special occasions, and his mother certainly never treated Petunia this politely. They had a lovely dinner, and then they all went to the sitting room and talked for a while.
Mrs Dursley left to use the bathroom - supposedly, Petunia had her suspicions - and then Vernon got down on one knee and opened up a box with a diamond ring inside it.
"Petunia," he said solemnly, "would you make me the happiest man in the world, and marry me?"
Petunia, for some reason, thought of David. "Could we make dinners together sometimes?" she asked suddenly. "And have exchanges of ideas - you know, about important things?"
"P-Petunia -" Vernon's already ruddy face was reddening. "Your realm of important and my realm of important are entirely different. And - and I don't cook, that's a wife's job!" he hissed, embarrassed.
"... Vernon," said Petunia solemnly, sadly, "you don't really want to do this, do you?"
"Pet, I thought this was what you wanted!"
Petunia stood. There was a soft gasp from outside in the hallway, no doubt where his mother was listening. "Vernon, I release you," she said. "It's over. Feel free to do as you like."
She turned to leave.
"Petunia - Petunia, do you know how much I put up with from you?!" Vernon boomed angrily from behind her.
Petunia turned back, reserved. "Perhaps that's a sign it was never meant to work in the first place." She went to the sitting room door, opened it, and stared. "Vernon!" she called in a high, falsely calm voice. "Your mother has fainted!"
And there was Mrs Dursley, passed out on the rug.
Petunia stayed awkwardly at the hospital next to Vernon until the nurse came out.
"She'll be fine," the nurse said. "She's just a bit shocked, that's all."
"Thank you," muttered Vernon darkly, and the nurse nodded and left. He stood, and Petunia stood with him.
"Vernon," she said pleadingly, "I'm sor -"
"Save your breath," he sighed. "There's nothing left to say."
Vernon left. Petunia stood and stared after him, her courage gone. She realized she'd lost the one true romantic certainty she'd ever had.
What now?
Author's Note: More Annabelle wisdom next chapter. And more David!
