CHAPTER 3
On Monday, I was nervous to go back to school. Somehow, I didn't know how I should act in school anymore. I wondered what I should say to Jasper when I'd see him in class. All I was sure of was that whatever had happened in that closet wasn't something I could forsake. It had been special, even if I didn't understand what it all meant, and I couldn't act as if nothing had happened.
But then I worried if he would even care at all about what had occurred in that closet. I wondered if this changed anything for Jasper as well. I thought about us talking and spending time in school, and I liked the idea of it. But just as quickly, my anxiety flared as I thought about my friends. What would they think when they found out that I had actually spent time with Jasper on Saturday? Would I be outcast as well? Shun by people who had known me my whole life?
I reached school and inhaled deeply, silencing my nerve-wracking thoughts as best as possible. I walked to the front of the building where Mike and Tyler were already there with the girls. I met up with them and chatted casually about the test we had tomorrow in history.
All the meanwhile, I paid close attention to my surrounding. I immediately noticed when Jasper arrived. He was approaching us and my whole body reacted. I felt my heart pounding forcefully against my chest as my eyes followed his every move. I felt frozen in place, awaiting my fate with utter panic.
Jasper neared and my breathing stopped completely. I looked at him, waiting for our gazes to finally meet, but it never happened. His eyes never even glanced my way. He passed straight by us and continued his path to class. His eyes were deliberately trained ahead as he ignored us; ignored me. I was stunned when his steps didn't falter and his gaze didn't even flicker my way momentarily. It was as if he hadn't seen me. As if nothing had ever happened on Saturday. And even though I felt relief wash over me, another sort of unease settled in the pit of my stomach. I felt weird in a bad way, and I didn't know why.
"One day, I'm gonna snap and punch him," Mike hissed next to me, and I startled back to reality. I frowned completely shocked by the magnitude of his hatred and the violence in his words.
"What happened?" I asked in alarm. I felt my body ache with dread and disgust.
"I can't stand the sight of him. He gives me the creeps. And the way he doesn't give a damn about anything, like he thinks he's better than us or something."
I thought about how Jasper had cried on Saturday at the hospital, and a pang stabbed through my chest. I knew how our words were affecting him on the inside and I had witnessed how broken he had felt then. Even through his nonchalance, I was aware that he was bothered now too. He was hurting and was offended by people's behaviors and words.
But I couldn't tell Mike and Tyler about it. I couldn't tell anyone. Because Jasper had made me promise to keep it a secret.
Utterly furious by their misjudgment, I kept shut and dashed towards class, feeling edgy. I pinched my lips shut in order to not yell and I buried my clenched fists deep into my pockets. I blocked their words out as they talked horribly about this guy I seemed obsessed about.
Jasper was already there, in class, sitting in the back. I couldn't help but look his way. I felt disappointed when he didn't raise his eyes. I felt perplexed, and admittedly a little offended, as to why he hadn't said hi to me in the morning. He was ignoring me as if I were like everybody else, as if we had never shared time together. And this upset me more than it should.
During the whole class, I glimpsed at him. I searched for the pain and sadness that I had witnessed in that somber closet. But I couldn't see any emotions. His demeanor was so composed and nonchalant that I couldn't even recognize the boy that had cried in my arms.
As the days passed, I realized that Jasper and I wouldn't start socializing at school. Neither of us had even attempted to acknowledge the other. We didn't talk nor exchange any eye contact. I didn't start to say hi to him and he kept his usual seat far in the back and didn't speak to anyone. But even though nothing had changed at school, his name crossed my mind more than once, and I couldn't stop observing him secretly at every chance I had.
On Thursday, as I were walking to my car after school, I heard Demetri and Felix, two of the meanest seniors in school, whisper about Jasper. I looked around and saw them heading towards him, James and Laurent right behind them.
"Hey, cowboy, I bet you miss your horses," Demetri yelled from one side of the parking lot. "How does it feel to bury yourself inside a horse?"
I watched, along with the others, as Jasper continued to walk toward his truck without a glare back. It was as if he hadn't even heard them.
Felix yelled. " Disgusting rednecks and their animal abuse! " The four of them laughed.
"Why do you guys fuck animals? Is it because you're too dirty that no girl would ever want to be with you?" Laurent continued the onslaught.
Mike next to me started laughing also, as well as most of the students who were witnessing the incident.
"Oh man, the cowboy must loooove his pets," Lauren snickered behind us.
Flames busted in my chest as I saw red. I was so angry and my entire body tensed with pure fury. I felt like I wanted to punch somebody.
"Why are you guys laughing?" I turned to my friends.
"What's wrong?" Jessica asked. I noticed all of my friends' eyes on me.
"I can't believe you guys think this is okay. We've always hated Demetri and his clan, and now you think what they're doing is cool? This isn't funny!" I practically screamed.
"Oh come on, you need to chill out a little. It was a stupid joke. Everybody's laughing except you." Tyler belittled my opinion.
"And you have to admit that people in the South are renown for incest and bestiality. They're just backwards like that." Mike added.
" You know you sound racist right now. You're just blurting out stupid stereotypes." I groaned before leaving.
I felt sick and utterly powerless. I dashed to my car, slamming the door behind me. I continued to watch the horrific scene from the car, as people ridiculed and pointed to Jasper. I focused on how steady and poised Jasper appeared as he ignored the voices mocking him. He reached his truck and entered it.
Through his car window, I saw his eyes flicker in my directions for a fraction of a second. The intensity of his gaze pierced straight through my core. I felt the anger blend into sadness, my boiling blood morphing into igneous rock, making it difficult to breathe. His gaze was dark and lifeless, the coldness made my heart drop. And then, just as quickly, our eye contact broke, and he drove away.
I felt a wave of guilt and shame take over me. All I wanted was to make him feel better, because, somehow, his pain was becoming mine.
