Chapter Three: Twitchy Boy Porn
Cartman seemed to be highly comfortable, and though Kenny would prefer to be alone when his next client arrived, he wasn't cruel enough to ask him to leave.
"So Clyde isn't coming today?" Kenny confirmed.
"Nope." Cartman replied simply, crossing his arms behind his head.
"So just Butters?" Kenny tried to act non-chalant, but really his heart was racing. He couldn't wait to see Butters. He couldn't wait to kiss those perfect lips and run his hands along those short, slender legs. He couldn't wait to tangle his fingers in that scruffy blonde hair. And yes, he knew he shouldn't be thinking like this, but really, how could he not? The kid was so enticing, the way he switched on and off like a lightbulb, the way he went from flirty to twitchy if Kenny so much as blinked. He was everything Kenny wanted, and possibly more. Kenny had yet to find out.
"And you have some visitors coming too, or so I hear." Cartman threw up his hand and checked the fancy watch on his wrist. He sighed and heaved himself up, turning back to stare longingly at the dint he'd made in the couch. Kenny laughed and laid a hand on Cartman's shoulder in a brotherly manner.
"She'll be here when you get back." Kenny assured him brightly.
"I sure hope so." Cartman sighed again dramatically, and the pair shared a rare smile. They weren't such bad friends, really.
Cartman left, and it wasn't long before there was a huge thumping on the front door that Kenny took as the knock of his 'visitors'.
Tweek and Thomas stood nervously on the doorstep, Thomas stuffing his own hand in his mouth and Tweek peering around the neighbourhood with eyes round as saucers. Kenny didn't even blink. "In you come." He ordered, and Tweek dashed into the room. Thomas followed, attempting to smile at Kenny after removing his hand but simply hissing "Cocksucker!" instead. Kenny didn't even try to surpress his laughter.
"So boys...Two of you?" Kenny asked, holding his hands up in a smug shrug. What could he say? Three days had gone by, he'd kissed two boys, and he was thouroghly enjoying his new job. He looked Thomas up and down, not having seen him in a while. He and Tweek were very similar looking nowadays, apart from Tweek's hair being a lighter shade of blonde, and him being slightly smaller.
"Shush!" Tweek warned, arm flinging itself out of it's own accord. Tweek held it to his side and looked around as if looking for someone to accuse of his involuntary spasm.
"But seriously." Kenny giggled. "You guys want kissing lessons?"
"No! Fuck!" Thomas exclaimed. "We need-shit!-advice."
"You want to sit down?" Kenny offered, signalling the couch. Thomas sat down heavily. Tweek lifted all the cushions first, checking for God Knows What underneath before sitting daintily on the edge of the couch. Kenny jumped down between them. Tweek 'GAH'ed loudly in response, setting off a stream of profanities from Thomas. Kenny just loved to mess with these guys.
"What sort of advice?" Kenny asked, sitting back and throwing an arm around either boy.
"Cock!" Thomas twitched a little. Tweek just raised his fists near his face and stared straight ahead.
"I can do that." Kenny turned to Thomas, winking. Tweek, on his other side, punched him in the ribs. He scowled. This was a lot like being with two women.
"Kenny, have you ever-AH SWEET JESUS-Okay, don't tell?" Tweek pleaded with him, giving him the puppy dog look. Kenny leaned in close and whispered in the blonde's ear.
"Only if I can have a kiss."
Tweek's eyebrows knitted together, and he jumped away from the couch and to the window, twitching the curtains back and peering out. Kenny turned to Thomas questioningly, but figured he would be of little help when he saw he had stuffed his fist in his mouth again.
"Tweek, what are you doing?"
"I'm checking if-GAH-Craig is outside." Tweek replied indignantly, waving his hand in Kenny's direction.
"Why would Craig be here?" Kenny asked. "Craig doesn't need kissing lessons."
"Aw shit! How do you know? Cock!" Thomas interrogated angrily.
"He was second on the list dude, calm your jets!" Kenny had an inkling of what was going on now, and he couldn't stop a small smirk appearing on his face. Thomas saw it and looked down, embarrassed. Tweek finally came away from the window and pulled Thomas up from the couch. The two of them draped themselves together in a twitchy, convulsing hug that should have been awkward, but Kenny saw as rather sweet.
"So...Craig has a type, huh?" Kenny grinned.
"Sh-shut up!" Tweek warned.
"I figure this advice is pretty important to you if you're willing to pay for it." He shrugged.
"Y-yeah. We di-didn't know who else to ask." Tweek explained. Thomas' eyes bulged, and Kenny got the feeling he was holding back because he was close to Tweek. Honestly, who could imagine the sex? 'Suck my cock!' 'Thomas! GAH! Too much pressure!'
Instigating Craig into the picture was not, in Kenny's opinion, a bad idea.
"Shoot."
"Ahh!" Tweek screamed, dropping to the floor and dragging Thomas with him. Kenny slapped a hand to his forehead. His casual use of the word shoot was ill-advised.
"Ass-rammer! Cock!" Thomas spazzed out violently on the floor, further entangling his and Tweek's limbs. Kenny crouched on the floor beside them, taking Tweek around the waist and pulling him away from the other boy. As casually as he was able, he lifted Tweek into his arms, bridal style, and waited until the confused coffee-fueled adolescent looked him in the eyes.
"Just tell me what you want." He ordered slowly. Tweek nodded. Carefully, Kenny lowered Tweek back onto his feet. Tweek brushed himself off. He noticed the buttons on his shirt were done up all wrong, and began to fiddle with them, attempting to work them out. Meanwhile, Thomas was gritting his teeth and clambering back onto the couch.
"Craig wants to film us!" Tweek blurted, eyes still on his buttons, which he'd just made more of a mess off. Kenny felt the urge to kneel before him and do the buttons himself, but he was afraid Craig would smell his scent on Tweek and come over to cause trouble. He'd always been territorial about Tweek, and it was true that over time this courtesy had stretched to Thomas too. Kenny had thought it was more of a charity thing, but now he knew of Craig's strange attration to people who were mentally unstable, it made sense.
"Film you?" Kenny's eyes sparkled. "Like, set up a camera and-"
"No! Fuck!" Thomas interrupted. "Just us."
The main concern in this situation was who was topping, but Kenny didn't voice this opinion. Instead, he raised an eyebrow and said "Riiiiight...And what do you want me to do about it?"
"Gah! Look, Ken, you've always been-nng!-nice to me, so I just f-f-figured I'd come to you to-Ahh!-ask if we should?"
Kenny considered this. He had never teased these two boys in the same way the others did, no, but he did mess with them on a far greater level. Maybe Tweek just didn't realize this.
"Dude, let him do it. It's obvious you want to! Just look at you." He waved his hand at the two of them for emphasis. Tweek winced and looked down at himself, for stains or bulletwounds or whatever. "You're both quivering masses of lust!" Actually, the quivering was down to excessive amounts of coffee, possibly ADD and definately paranoia, and surpressing loud profanities. But Kenny didn't think to voice this either.
"I-Cocksucker!-told you." Thomas smirked at Tweek, and Tweek flipped him the bird. It didn't look as natural as when Craig did it. That was menacing and cool. When Tweek did it it looked fearful and nervous, and altogether quite pathetic.
A hammering on the door caught the group's attention. Kenny, unfazed, went to answer it. Tweek dived on top of Thomas on the couch and started running his mouth. Something about 'agents! and 'guns' and 'get me' and 'GAH!'.
"Hello Craig." Kenny greeted the unhappy looking boy at the door, a huge, shit-eating grin spreading over his face. Craig was not a blusher, but if he was he was sure to have been blushing when he spotted Tweek and Thomas in their terrified embrace on the couch.
"Come on, guys." Craig sighed. As Tweek and Thomas meekly trooped outside, Kenny leaned casually on the doorframe, hands in pockets and said, conversationally "So, Craig...Twitchy boy porn, huh?"
"Fuck. You." Craig enunciated, flipping Kenny off before taking the twitchy boys in question by the wrists and marching them away.
"Thank-gnn!-you, Ken!" Tweek managed to shout over his shoulder. Kenny grinned wider, waved a cheery goodbye, and slammed the door shut.
"Cock!" Came a particularly loud shout from outside.
Kenny smirked, and leaned heavily on the door. He was glad Clyde and his taco-breath weren't coming and he had a little time to himself before Butters' schedualed arrival. He dialled Cartman's number on his cell and hung upside-down on the couch.
"Yepp?"
"Hey Cartman."
"Yo, what's up?"
"You sent me Tweek and Thomas."
"Yeah."
"At the same time."
Cartman didn't seem to be able to hold in his laughter any longer. His loud guffaws echoed around Kenny's small living room. "Was it torture? Did you cry? Tell me all about it."
"Well actually I got me some dirty juicy dirt on a certain Craig Tucker. But if you're gona be a dick about it..."
"Craig? Asshole Craig?"
"The very same."
"Tell me, asswipe, and don't spare the details!"
Kenny chuckled and launched into a play by play of his morning with The Twitchy Bros. He and Cartman then laughed at Kenny's idea of the sex.
"I heard Craig's into really kinky shit though." Kenny said.
"Yeah, like 'Call me a cocksucker again, Thomas!'."
They cracked up.
"Hey, isn't Butters supposed to be there soon?"
Kenny glanced at the clock. Yes, it was around ten minutes to Butters' appointment. "Uh huh." He replied, hiding well the fact his stomach was twisting with nerves.
"How's that going by the way?" Cartman asked, the smirk in his voice very audible.
"Great, considering you're forcing me to make out with the naive son of a bitch."
"'Forcing' wouldn't be my choice of word."
"Of couse not. That's because you like to believe you're not a manipulative bastard."
Cartman chuckled. "Get to work, Kenny." And hung up.
Kenny sighed and righted himself, getting a little dizzy at the blood rushing back from his head. Perfect timing for there to be a knock on his door. As opposed to the last, this one was quiet and timid. Kenny stumbled to the door and grinned at the familiar blonde standing on his doorstep.
"Hey, Butternut." He greeted drunkenly. Butters giggled and stepped inside, standing in the middle of the carpet tapping his toes, as if there were some inaudible music inside him. "Lesson One." Kenny said, before striding foreward and pulling Butters into an involved kiss of the exquisite variety. He couldn't help it, there was just something about this boy. Who was he to deny the pull he felt? It was from God!
The kiss lasted a long while. Butters' hands rested on Kenny's chest and Kenny's arms wrapped tightly around Butters' waist. Just the two of them, standing silently in the middle of the tiny room, their tongues exploring every inch of eachothers mouths, lips working against eachother fiercely. Kenny wondered if Butters thought this was really a lesson, or if he could feel the desire rolling off Kenny in waves. It wasn't hard to miss, especially in regions below the buckle of his belt, though his tight jeans saved him from that humiliation pretty thankfully. He felt his mind drift, even though there was a gorgeous pair of lips working away at his own, to Butters' pants, wondering what was going on in there. Was he as turned on as Kenny was right now? Kenny chided himself. It was just because he was making out with someone. It was not because he was making out with Butters.
However the thought springing to mind after this statement is if Clyde's taco-breath would turn Kenny on quite so much as Butters' toothpaste and candy taste. The answer, I think, is no, it would not.
Although he didn't want to, Kenny broke away from the kiss in an attempt to calm down and get his head, and dick, under better control. He sank onto the couch, the usual weightless feeling you have after such an uplifting moment overwhelming him. Butters remained frozen in the centre of the room, hands still poised as if on Kenny's chest. Slowly, his fingers curled into tight fists, that he knocked together a few times before slapping one of his own hands. Kenny watched this, eyes blurred, and thought Butters would fit in quite nicely with Craig's little threesome. Then an overwhelming jealousy clouded his thoughts and he shook everything away, rubbing his eyes.
"Good lesson?" He asked. Butters nodded, moving to sit beside him.
They passed the evening in silence, staring longingly into eachothers eyes, afraid to move in case the perfect moment was lost in the awkwardness that was sure to follow.
