Thanks to RadcliffePotter who told me how to spell Margaret instead of Margret.

Thanks to GoldenRoya who pointed out some issues in the first chapter.

And thanks to anyone else who reviews with something I can fix!


"Seven hours on the kid and he's still having trouble breathing," B.J. lamented as he flopped down on one of the benches outside the O.R.

"I thought we lost him there a few times," Hawkeye said. "Scoot over."

The other doctor refused to move so Hawkeye sat down practically on top of him and laid his head back. For a minute everything was quiet, most of the camp was asleep, and the only sounds came from Colonel Potter's office. Klinger had been calling around during the operation, trying to find out what may have happened at the other unit. Finally he had gotten through to a soldier from the unit who had been wounded and sent to an aid station. At present he and Margaret were listening in with the clerk's office phone to the Colonel's conversation.

"Ah, good evening Hawkeye," Father Mulcahy said as he walked up.

"And B.J," B.J. mumbled from under his friend.

"Oh, yes, sorry. I didn't see you there," Mulcahy apologized. "Good evening B.J."

"What can we do for you Father?" Hawkeye asked.

"Well, I was just wondering how he was doing. I heard that he gave you a few problems on the table."

Hawkeye scoffed. "More than a few. I think he was determined to prove me wrong every time I told him he'd be okay. When we sewed up one spot, another sprung a leak! He didn't need doctors, he needed a plumber!"

"Oh," the Father chewed his bottom lip, and studied his shoes carefully.

"What he means is that things were rough, but he's fine now," B.J. said, and nudged Hawkeye in the ribs.

"Right, yeah; he'll wake up tomorrow, probably. Unless he thrashes in his sleep. Then he'll probably rip the stitches in his stomach and all his insides'll rush out and…"

B.J. stood abruptly and dragged Hawkeye along with him towards their tent, leaving the priest looking more depressed then before. "Has anyone ever told you you're a horrible people person?"

"Only when I'm angry, tired, or roaring drunk. Speaking of drinking, I think my liver's healed enough to be destroyed again."

B.J. shook his head and forced Hawkeye into bed. Once his friend was quiet he stood and poured himself a drink. He downed it in silence and crawled onto his bunk. The other half of the tent was empty and Frank's bed was still made, but neither doctor cared. By the time they woke up, the first beads of sunlight were poking in and he still wasn't back.


"You put that food under my nose one more time and I'll put that fork somewhere very unpleasant," B.J. threatened.

Hawkeye pulled back his forkful of breakfast and shot his friend a sour look. "How am I supposed to eat if you won't tell me what it smells like?"

"I find it easier to down this grub if I don't think about what it smells like, son, so knock it off!" Colonel Potter barked.

"Long night, Colonel?" Margaret asked.

"I spent more time on the phone then in surgery! By the time I got a hold of that boy from the unit, he was being moved. Now the field medics don't have time to tell me if he'll be showing up here or at the 8063."

"I'm sure everything'll turn out fine, Colonel. We just have to have a little faith," Father Mulcahy said.

The table fell quiet as they all ate. The mess tent was as crowded as it ever was, but the usual roar of conversation had subsided to a dull muttering. Everyone seemed more focused on eating their large plates of food, which the cook and Igor had prepared when he heard Radar was back in camp but before they knew he was in no condition for solid foods. The only people not affected by the clerk's arrival were the people who arrived after he'd left and Frank, who was still nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly Nurse Kelly rushed into the room. "Doctors, you have to hurry! Major Burns called the MPs, they're in post-op!"

Everyone hurried from the tent and followed the nurse. Sure enough Frank Burns was standing behind three large MPs with guns while another was handcuffing Radar, who was still sleeping off the surgery. Hawkeye and Hunnicutt were able to push their way to the front and began yelling at the officer to back off. The two seemed to intimidate the MPs as they spewed out every possible reason they could think of for keeping Radar with them. Finally Colonel Potter got through and calmed them down.

"Would you fine gentlemen kindly explain to me why you came in here and assaulted an obviously wounded boy and tried to take him off without so much as asking my permission to enter this room first?" He asked through clenched teeth.

"Well; we's, uhhh… Major Burns here said yous said we's to take 'im cause he's AWOL. Says yous said he's trouble," the leader of the group blubbered.

"Oh, he did, did he?" The Colonel continued talking to the MPs as he slowly paced towards the Major. "And what else did he tell you?"

"He says yous're busy an's we's to take 'im and he'd explain wha' happened to yous later. Wes're just followin' orders, uhh, sir."

"That's alright boys. It was an honest mistake, next time be sure to ask the C.O. first. You just run along now; this boy is in no condition to be moved or disturbed, so I suggest you go back about your business."

"Yessir," the head MP motioned for the others to follow and they left.

"You, on the other hand," Potter barked at Burns when he tried to slip out with the MPs, "can march yourself right into my office while we doctors make sure your little stunt didn't mess up any of the surgery we spent so much time and effort on."

"Y-yessir," Burns said and hurried through the double doors to the Colonel's office.

Luckily for Ferret-Face Burns, both Hunnicutt and Pierce were to preoccupied with checking Radar over to kill him when he passed them by. Nurse Houlihan was busy calming the other patents but looked up in time to shoot him a murderous glare. Father Mulcahy gave him a disapproving look before going to help the remaining Major. Once everything was back in order, Colonel Potter led the rest of them into his office.

"So, B.J., do you think this'll be a Major funeral or a funeral of a Major?" Hawkeye asked, giving Frank a stink-eye.

"I thought it would be a minor one. I figured he'd go out without any major notice," B.J. said.

"Now, before we all go gonzo on him for that whole situation back there, Major – and I use that term lightly – Major Burns has the right to calmly explain why in the Sam Hills was going through that pea-brain of his at the time. Well? Start talkin'!" Colonel Potter demanded as he sat behind his desk.

Frank Burns had been preparing for this, he knew what was happening the minute he was sent to the office, and he'd used his time like any noble member of the United States army should: thinking up a really good sob story. He'd been running it over and over all while he waited; he knew he had it in the bag with this one. By the end he'd have Pierce and Hunnicutt clapping him on the back and congratulating him on making the right choice, Father Mulcahy would write a sermon in his honor, Colonel Potter would reword him with two three-day passes to Tokyo, and Margaret would fly into his arms and they'd have the weekend they so rightfully deserved. He could see it all now, and it would all be a reality, just as soon as he told them.

"Well, Frank? We're waiting?" Colonel Potter said, his fingers tapping impatiently on his desk. "Why'd you do it?"

Taking a deep breath, Frank straightened up and stuck his chin out, opened his mouth, and started. "Well he's AWOL, sir!"

After a moment, Father Mulcahy spoke up. "That's it?"

"Well of course, isn't that enough reason?"

"Frank, I'm going to count to three," Hawkeye threatened. "If I were you, I'd start running, because the second I hit three, I'm going to come over there and beat the snot out of you!"

"Colonel, you have to see reason! Sooner or later they would have found him and we'd have all gotten in trouble. Is one measly clerk really worth it?"

"One," Hawkeye took a step towards him.

"Colonel Potter!" Frank whined.

"Two," Margaret picked up, also advancing towards the sniveling Major.

"Ohhhh! Not you too Margaret!"

"Three!" B.J. finished and they all lunged at Frank, who turned to the door and tried to escape.

"Wounded in the compound!" Klinger announced, barging through the doors.

Wa-thump!

"Yeah, and one of them's Major Ferret-Face here. Nice going Klinger, you're the first man I've met who could pull off that outfit and K.O. an asshole all at the same time," Hawkeye said.

"You mean, I did that?" Klinger asked, looking down at the unconscious Major. "Well, gee, serves him right."

"Alright, alright, we'll deal with this later. Right now we've got wounded," Colonel Potter reminded them. "Pierce, Hunnicutt and I will start prepping; Klinger, you and the good father are going to help run litters. Houlihan, you get your nurses ready, and see if you can't get two of them to escort the Major back to his bunk."

"Yessir," Margaret said, stepping over Frank and hurrying off.

"Oh, and sir?" Klinger said. "I heard the boy from Radar's unit's in this batch. You want me to keep an eye out for him?"

"Great idea, and if we have any trouble getting him to talk we could just up his prescription and send you in one of your evening dresses while his head's floating around," Hawkeye joked.


So I have this thing with another of my stories where, at the bottom of every chapter I put something called a "Rapture Reminder" and they're really fun to write, but I'm not sure if they'd work in this story… I might give it a try next chapter if I can think of one.