Chapter 3
"Hey Kat," Katyusha looked at the radio, surprised to hear her brother's voice. "I want you to know that this isn't your fault. But I also want you to know that there was no other way. I've been planning this for a while, but could never build up the courage to actually do it. The bullying just became too much at school, and I couldn't take it anymore. I felt alone—" The voice paused. 'Why did he never tell me? I could've helped, or tried, at least,' she thought as the voice began again. "I couldn't bring myself to tell you because I didn't want you to worry. You already have enough problems trying to raise me and Bella alone." It was true: their father was gone most of the time, so she was in charge of taking care of her siblings. 'But that's what I'm here—well, was here for. I was supposed to make sure you grew up.' Katyusha was holding back tears, wishing she could've done something to help him. If only she would've known what was happening.
"By the way, I know that you never understood the music I listened to, mostly because it wasn't in English, but you know," he laughed. "Anyway, I translated one for you. That way you can know what it's saying, and so you can understand how I'm feeling." A small "click" was heard, and then the song came on. Katyusha frowned: it was the same song that was playing when she had found him. She recognized it by the synthesizers and slight bounce that the melody had. It was a slow song, and it was hard to tell whether it was meant to be a fun song or a sad one, but by what Ivan had said, Katyusha was sure it was sad. And when the voice came in, it wasn't a pre-recording like the background music; it was Ivan. His voice fit in perfect with the song, really giving it a forlorn feeling. He put the most emotion into the chorus, making the words stick in Katyusha's mind.
If I'd live this way, I would never want to stay. Hundreds of millions of people wouldn't even know. No one here wanting me. Please don't say you don't agree. Would a world like that be a yes or be a no? If I'd live this way, and you'd wipe me into grey, hundreds of millions of people wouldn't change at all. No one would hate on me. That would be so nice to see. Nothing would change because I'm losing where I fall.
The song soon ended, and a sniff was heard on the speaker. "I'm sorry Kat. I wish it didn't have to end this way—" Ivan had paused, his words replaced by quiet crying. "Please tell Bella that I'm sorry. I love you," he hardly choked out the last part before breaking into a sob. That was the last thing she heard before the track ended.
