Pain. All she felt was pain. But not of physical kind, no it was emotional. Ever since Alex' heart had stopped beating a mind-numbing and breathtaking pain had settled in Astra's chest. If she didn't know any better she thought she had died right with Alex but her misguided and cold heart was the one that still beat. She needed pain. She needed it fast, she needed to get rid of the despair and hurt in her chest. She needed to feel real pain. She needed to be punished. And there was only one way for punishment.

When she came back from her short flight to the sun to the DEO headquarters, Astra headed straight for the combat training room. She put the kryptonite emitters at 50 percent. As soon as the green glow illuminated the room she fell to the floor, stripped of her powers, close to vomiting. It didn't feel like the poisoning at the hands of General Lane but it came close. Sobs bubbled up her throat which came out as a wailing howl, a dying animal. This is what she deserved, this is what her life should feel like. Happiness was not for her. She knew it was too good to be true to find love in someone like Alex. She had brought her back from a dark and mad place only to guide her into light with hope and trust and faith only to be stripped of it in just a blink of an eye. She delivered punch after punch into the cement walls. She did not stop when the skin on her knuckles broke, she did not stop when the searing pain of broken fingers and sprained wrists traveled up her arms. She did not stop when she heard her name was called a first time. She didn't stop when it was called a second time. She only stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. When she turned around she looked into the face of a very concerned Eliza Danvers. Her breathing was haggard and shallow.

"Oh Astra." Eliza breathed and Astra's dams broke. The older woman was barely able to catch her as the alien broke down in her arms sobbing like a small child. They sank to the floor, Eliza holding on to the broken woman as she cried her heart out. She drew Astra closer rubbing soothing circles on her back, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. They stayed like that for a long time. After several minutes, Eliza looked up to see J'onn standing at the control panel to switch of the Kryptonite emitters. She gave him a grateful smile and nodded at him. He understood and left the room. Astra, still captured by her grief, had not noticed that Hank had turned off the emitters and her powers were slowly returning. Further minutes passed until she felt cried out let go of Eliza and leaned her head against the wall. She took a shuddering breath and looked at the woman who was part of her new family now.

"I'm sorry I could not save your daughter." She whispered looking at the floor, Eliza slowly reached out as not to startled Astra with her affectionate gesture. She put her hand under the alien's chin and slowly lifted it to meet her gaze.

"Astra, Alex is alive." She just said and saw a mix of emotions flicker across Astra's face. Eliza took both her hands in her own and rubbed soothing circles with her thumb. "She coded twice, but Dr. Hamilton and her team were able to revive her. They are still operating, J'onn felt it to but he assured me after you took off that she is still alive."

This piece of information caused another flood of tears, this time ones of relief. "She…. She is….. not dead?" Astra asked between hiccups.

"No sweetie. She is not. Alex is a fighter." Eliza replied, wiping Astra's tears from her cheeks.

"Oh Rao… When I could not hear her heartbeat anymore I thought….." she trailed off as if coming back from some trance. She noticed the closeness of Eliza and her hands on her, Astra blinked several times and her stoic and clinical face was back. Eliza noticed the change in her demeanor instantly and smiled lightly.

"I apologize Dr. Danvers. I lost control." Astra started but was silenced by a gentle arm on her forearm.

"There is no need for an apology Astra and it is still Eliza. I did not expect anything else, actually I thought that I would find you here. You are always this distant and composed woman, strong on the front. But from what my daughter told me about you, you have a soft spot for both my daughters. So, it is okay to break down after these emotionally draining days." Eliza scooted next to Astra and put her left hand and Astra's thigh. "She will survive this, sweetie, Alex won't leave you. She is too stubborn for that" Astra frowned at the repeated term of endearment. She was not used to this kind of affection except from Alex and Kara. Not knowing how to react she just sat there organizing herself again.

No one spoke for several minutes and they both sat there in total silence. Eliza sat legs stretched, almost relaxed next to a still tense Astra who had drawn her legs up against her chest resting her arms on her knees. She flexed he now healing hands rubbing over her still raw knuckles.

"Hank turned of that awful Kryptonite you use to lower your powers. May I ask why you hurt yourself?" Eliza asked and grabbed one of Astra's still bruised hands. She knew she would cross a line right there and then but she wanted Astra to understand that she was not alone anymore. That she was family. Her daughter's girlfriend.

"I just wanted the pain gone." Astra answered running hand over her face wiping away the remnants of her tears.

"By inflicting more pain?" Eliza asked looking incredulous at the raven-haired woman.

"I am talking about the emotional pain. It hurts far more than any kind of injury could ever hurt. So, I tried to numb one pain with another. I don't expect you to understand but after losing Krypton, my world, my sister and my niece, I never thought I would feel this kind of pain ever again." She stretched her legs and switched to cross legged. If someone would have seen these two women sitting there no one would have guessed that the dark-haired woman was an alien warrior, a former General of the noble military guild of Krypton, turned eco-terrorist convicted to Fort Rozz for her committed crimes. She looked like any human in her sweatpants, running shoes and tank top.

"Oh, I do understand Astra. After we lost Jeremiah I felt a hole in my chest too. But for Alex it was far worse because he had so much faith in her helping Kara to adapt. She was the one who held everything together and never asked for anything in return. Every one of us had to carry a big package but Alex' was the biggest." Eliza squeezed Astra's hand.

"That is my Alex, always the savior of everyone. She saved me too." Astra said looking Eliza in the eyes searching for any kind of former knowledge of herself. But if Eliza knew, she didn't give it away. So, Astra continued.

"Do you know how I ended up on earth instead of dead like the rest of Krypton?" she asked waiting from Eliza to answer. She shook her head no.

"My sister banned me and my associates to Fort Rozz, a space prison invented by Kryptonians. Our planet was dying and I tried to save it with, you can call it drastic measures. Non, my former husband, killed a guard, hence the conviction. When Krypton exploded Fort Rozz ended like Kara's Pod in the Phantom Zone. After her pod came free it somehow brought Fort Rozz along. When we landed on earth the inmates scattered all over earth. And I vowed to not let the humans destroy their planet. I decided to follow through with my original plan. That's when I met Alex and found my niece again. To spare you the unpleasant details it took a while until Alex convinced me there would be other ways to save earth. Without violence and mind control." She saw Eliza slightly frown ant that piece of information but said nothing.

"She brought me back from my maddened self, trusted me just because Kara trusted me to do the right thing and showed me that even I can get redemption. Alex is my second chance, the chance I never thought I would get. She showed me love." A single tear slid down Eliza's cheek after Astra had opened to her. She knew she left out a lot of details but seeing Astra break down like that and revealing so much of her emotions showed Eliza that Astra really loved her oldest daughter. Their silent moment of mutual understanding was interrupted when J'onn and Jeremiah stepped in.

"We just wanted to let you know that Alex is out of surgery and Dr. Hamilton wants to talk to all of us."