Chapter Three – Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off

Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

The nightmares had changed the day he met her. Instead of the usual car crash, it was merely a wall of mirrors. Though less traumatizing, these dreams were twisted and confusing. Each mirror held a vision of him, with a different expression each time. These were less intense dreams, though he always woke up out of breath.

"Jacob!"

He woke then, glancing down at his body, recalling the previous night. It was a half moon and everyone had been on edge. From the La Push and Forks border, they'd chased a vampire back over to Forks, but not without a fight. His body was etched with scratch marks, and he ran a hand across the slice down his side. The aroma of dog was strong in his room and he scrunched his face in a look of distaste. He took a shower, the hot water rushing through his injuries, making him flinch occasionally. Jacob rinsed himself of the dog odor and changed into a pair of jeans and a V-neck t-shirt.

"Jacob?"

He came down the stairs to his father, who was seated comfortably in his wheelchair in front of the television. "There are some eggs over there if you're hungry. Where are you off to?" Billy Black inquired, leaning forward. It was in that moment that Jacob noticed the aging of his father. There were dark bags starting to form under his eyes and his skin was growing looser around his jaw. He had crow's feet near his eyes from the years of giving his children scolding looks. Jacob smiled slightly at his question.

"I'm going over to see Carsyn," he answered and ran a hand through his drying black hair.

"Do I look alright?" Jacob asked nervously and Billy laughed heartily.

"No more ugly that when you came home yesterday," he joked and Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Thanks for the boost of confidence, old man." he snorted and made his way out the door. He knocked twice across her door; two simple and carefree knocks.

Her hair was tossed up into a messy bun, and she was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Jacob cracked a small smile at her appearance, cute in its own way. Carsyn smiled and waved at him.

"Hi," she greeted. "I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you… I've been really busy these past few days,"

"That's what all girls say," Jacob said with a small smirk, looking down at the ground.

"I just wanted to come over and check on you… Maybe come in?" he asked, glancing around as he stood calmly on the front porch step.

He scuffed the toe of his sneaker into the concrete for a moment as she frowned.

"I really am sorry Jacob, and I really have been kind of busy," she said with an honest look.

"Believe me, it's not that I haven't wanted to see you or anything," Carsyn said and Jacob shrugged. She wrapped her arms around him in a gentle hug that he didn't resist, one arm going around her back gently. She broke it quickly, pulling away awkwardly and moving away from the door for him to enter.

"Come on in. Uh, how have you been?" Carsyn questioned as Jacob stepped through the doorway.

"Worried. A bit hurt. Kind of confused. Bored. The usual when a girl avoids me. It's all good." he said with a shrug, as if he wasn't hurt. He wasn't sure what he was; they weren't a couple, though he felt the sickening pull between them that he could only pin as imprinting. Carsyn frowned and looked at him,

"Jacob, I wouldn't have let you in right now if I was trying to avoid you. It's just been stressful for me. I'm trying to get used to everything and get settled," she sighed, and crossed her arms.

He shut the door and glanced around the room, furnished fully now with furniture.

"Looks better with furniture," Jacob commented.

"Yeah, I know, we finally got it all sorted out," Carsyn said, crossing her arms across her chest as she looked at him.

Jacob realized that he had come into this the wrong way, by accusing her and making her feel guilty. He bit his lip and was about to speak, though he wasn't quite sure what to say. Words failed him once more.

"Don't do that whole trying to make me feel guilty thing, please." She pouted, her eyes growing sad as she looked at him.

"I can explain...I just don't...Know how to," she frowned.
Jacob crossed his arms, tilting his head up.

"Then explain, because I'm kind of annoyed right now. I mean, I thought we had a good time…" he said quietly, shrugging his shoulders. They stood there, arms crossed, waiting for one of them to speak or make a move. He dared to just barely take a step to her.

"What do you have to explain, Carsyn?" he asked, his voice dropping a bit lower, worry saturating it.

"You're okay, right?" he asked, his eyes narrowing in worry. Carsyn sighed, pacing in front of him nervously.

"I'm okay, depending on what you mean by that definition," she said softly. Jacob grimaced, eyebrows furrowing together.

"I am okay, but, I've been trying to keep away from you, because I don't want you to fall for me, because… Uh, I… Hmm, well," she faltered, and stopped in front of him. She lifted her shirt slightly, revealing a slight bump around her stomach.

"Because I'm pregnant," she sighed, turning away from him. Each part of this moment made his knees weaken; her wanting them to stay unattached, the blow of her pregnancy, and now her turning from him. Jacob took a deep breath, blowing it out quickly.

"Carsyn," he murmured, taking a hold of her shoulders gently, turning her to face him. There was a moment of silence before Jacob could speak, lips trembling.

"Why didn't you tell me this before? Why did you hide it from me to this extreme?" he asked. She looked up at him, and shrugged.

"Because, I didn't think it was important..." she sighed. "I figured we'd be friends. I didn't exactly... Think I'd end up liking you the way I do," she murmured and bit her lip.

"I know it's hard, and I'm so sorry," she added.

"My ex-boyfriend... It's a long story, but remember when I told you my ex and I broke up a long time ago? We did, but we hooked up at my going away party. We were drunk and he drove himself home… Drove his car right into a telephone pole, killed instantly," she winced at the thought, but nodded.

"I'm sorry, and I understand if you don't want to be around me anymore, but please don't tell anyone," she said, shaking her head frantically, stepping back a bit. He sighed and before saying anything, pulled her into a deep hug.

"How could you think I wouldn't want to be around you, Carsyn? I almost drove myself mad these three weeks!" he mumbled and pulled away from her.

"I'm not going to leave me unless you push me out the door. I care about you- a lot." he said softly and brushed a stray piece of hair back into her bun.

"I just wish you had told me sooner..." he said, shaking his head. Carsyn sighed and wrapped her arms back around him, resting her head sideways on his chest.

"Because I'm pregnant, Jacob. I have yet to know any guy who wants to be involved with a pregnant girl when the baby isn't his," she said and shrugged. "I care about you too, and I just hope... You mean that, but at the same time... I don't want you to have to feel like... You have to stay around just because I'm pregnant, or because you feel guilty, or anything. It's my child, and I don't want you feeling like it isn't your responsibility to help out," she nodded, and looked up at him.

"Well, I didn't, and congratulations, you know now! I'm gonna be a momma," she patted her belly lightly.

"I don't feel like I have to, Carsyn." Jacob murmured softly before pressing his lips to her forehead, holding them there for a moment. He shut his eyes, unwilling to move from where they were.

"I want to - I want to help you in any way I can, alright? Don't hesitate to ask... Please." he said and ran a finger down her cheek. A small smile fell across his lips and he nodded.

"Your secret is safe with me, sweetheart." he said quietly, and he could hear her heart flutter in her chest.

"Do you want to have the baby for me, because I'd be good with that," she said and offered a small smile,

"I'm kidding," she said with a laugh. "And now you see why I can't lift things, or drink, or party, or drive dangerously. Why I'm so tired, and why I eat a lot," she said with a shrug. "Thank you," she nodded, looking up.

"Uh...where exactly does this leave us?" Carsyn wondered biting her lip.

"This leaves us at the point where you have to give me a chance, let your guard down and we go on from there." Jacob said softly, reaching his hand forward to take hers in his hold. There was a pause before she spoke, her eyes catching his.

"Can I... I don't know. I'm afraid to let my guard down," she said gently, her lip slightly trembling.

"It seems like nothing goes right after I get into a relationship. Of course... None of them ended as badly as Alex's… But still," she sighed. Jacob paused, searching for the right words to say. Again, he was at a loss. Carsyn seized the silence and changed the subject.

"I'm making a scrapbook for the baby, with photos of Alex and me...because even though Alex and I broke up, I know he would be there for the baby," she said, looking down.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to bring my whole ex-boyfriend is dead thing on you," she said and Jacob shook his head

"Do you want to see what the baby looks like?" she asked him, smiling as she walked over towards the fridge and grabbed the little ultrasound picture.

"He or she is like a little peanut!" she laughed, holding it out to him. Jacob never thought he would be put in this position, to feel like the step-parent.

"Wow. He's cute for a little thing." he said with a half-smile. He felt slightly sick still, unsure of what lay ahead of him; Carsyn had flipped his world upside down from day one.

"When will you know if it's a boy or a girl?" he asked, handing the picture back to her. He was quietly rooting for a girl; though he knew what he wanted had no say in the matter.

"I'll call it peanut for now," she smiled, taking the picture when he handed it back to her.

"Four months, and I'm only at one and a half. But I really don't care what gender it is. I just want a healthy baby," she said with a smile, looking down at her belly. Jacob rubbed his eyes, sleep deprivation beginning to show as he stood there.

"Are you okay? You look exhausted," she asked with concern, glancing up at his irritated eyes.

"Naww, I was just up late doing a book report." he chuckled, wincing as he stretched, his muscles screaming in protest. He leaned against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. He was surprised he was still standing.

"Are you gonna continue going to the high school or take online classes?" Jacob asked curiously, looking down at her.

"I haven't figured that out yet," she shrugged. "I just moved here, and honestly I don't want to be known as the school slut or something... But I don't want to be alone all the time," she sighed, looking up at him.

"What do you think?" she wondered with a small frown, looking over at him.

"It depends on what's best for you and the baby." Jacob said thoughtfully, and shrugged. "If you'd get a better education then that would be best. I'd come over and visit you. Who else do you need?" he laughed.

She sat down and he noticed her pulling her arms close in an attempt to warm herself. "Here, I'm always warm." he laughed, opening his tanned arms to her.

"Thanks," she leaned to the side, rested against his body, and frowned. "God, you're burning up!" she said simply, but didn't complain; she was just concerned.

"You should get that checked out," she said and nodded, going back to the topic of her schooling.

"Yeah, I know, but it's not going to be good if I'm stuck here and bored to tears," she laughed. "That's true, I'd have you," she laughed, closing her eyes briefly.

"You've got to think about the baby at this point, you know? What would be best...?" Jacob said, trailing off his thought process.

Carsyn nodded, tilting her head back against the couch.

"I think online is the best bet; I can still graduate, do my work when I get sick and avoid the embarrassment," she said and shrugged.

"It's not going to be easy," she said with a small frown. Jacob smirked.

"Who said life was easy, Carsyn?" he asked with a laugh, shaking his head. "You'll make it through hun, you're strong," he said, pulling her bun out to play with her hair gently. Carsyn smiled to herself and glanced up at him.

"I know I'll get through it,"

There was a moment between her smile and the kiss, where they simply glanced at one another, waiting for the first move. Carsyn took advantage of it and leaned up, pressing her lips to his. Jacob didn't hesitate to kiss her back with a smile, his shoulders relaxing as he wrapped his arms around her waistline. He enjoyed their kiss for a few more minutes before pulling away, unable to resist a chuckle.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to do that," he said with a soft laugh, shaking his head.

Carsyn moved closer to him, pulling herself into his lap, placing her knees on either side.

"You're a good kisser," she murmured with a smile against his lips, Jacob turning it into another deep kiss.

"You're not too shabby," he murmured, pulling her waistline closer to him, his arm wrapped around her waist as his hand held her hip. She pulled her lips away, giving him a look of disbelief.

"I can't believe you just said that," she laughed, shaking her head. "I wouldn't be pregnant if I wasn't a good kisser, so shush!"

Their lips met in another kiss, her hands running across his chest as she pulled away. Carsyn placed her head against his chest and shut her eyes.

"Do you want to go for a walk? Maybe the beach?" she suggested with a smile.

"Yeah, I'll take you down there. Bring a jacket, just in case," Jacob said as she climbed out of his lap and he stretched his back. Carsyn laughed at him and moved up the stairs, returning with a jacket.

"You're going to be really protective now, aren't you?" she asked with a roll of her eyes.

"I won't freeze to death, I promise. Now, let's go," she said, slinging her camera around her neck.

"Oh calm down," Jacob grunted, fishing his keys out of his pocket.

"We can take my car," Carsyn suggested, and Jacob snorted.

"Yeah, right." Jacob said in disbelief, shuffling around for his truck keys.