Kagome's Story: Love you forever
"And wilt thou weep when I am low?
Sweet lady! speak those words again:
Yet if they grieve thee, say not so-
I would not give that bosom pain.
My heart is sad, my hopes are gone,
My blood runs coldly through my breast;
And when I perish, thou alone
Wilt sigh above my place of rest.
And yet, methinks, a gleam of peace
Doth through my cloud of anguish shine:
And for a while my sorrows cease,
To know thy heart hath felt for mine."
~Lord Byron
For a year now, I've roamed the countryside of the wild and turbulent Sengoku Jidai. Perhaps roam is not the right word, but I have crossed what will become known as Japan many times, by bicycle, upon a fire-cat youkai and on the back of my hanyou. My hanyou; but he is not truly mine.
Inuyasha, the axis upon which my world tilts is mine to fight with, mine to nurse and mine to love. Mine to love but not to hold. Mine to nurse but not to keep. How do I know this? I know this as I know that I love him with all my soul, including the fragment that is not with me. When his twin suns blaze in the heat of battle, in the passion of his hate for Naraku or his love for Kikyo, my heart, as though powered by this same energy erupts with a roar. But when Inuyasha withdraws in to himself and places himself just outside the circle of our friends, I also know with the same certainty that his thoughts have flown away to seek that fragment of my soul.
Perhaps that is the reason I insist on returning to my time, to my friends, to my school. Even though I know this will delay our progress in collecting the Shikon shards I scattered and irritate Inuyasha to no end. True, the supplies I bring back make our lives a little more comfortable on the road but between Miroku's 'exorcisms' and Sango and Inuyasha's skills, we are able to survive without instant ramen and water bottles. I need to prove to myself, he cares enough to come fetch me, to get angry at my leaving.
And, once the jewel is complete and Naraku defeated, I need a home to return to. After all, Inuyasha is going to hell with Kikyo, isn't he?
I look at myself in the reflection of the stream as I fill my water bottle. The skies are a pure, endless blue above me, the likes of which are never seen in modern Tokyo. The grass is a verdant green beneath my feet, the colours framing my face. In the past year, I've grown taller, the same height as Kikyo now. My cheekbones have become more prominent and my chin a little sharper. The roundness of face that followed me all through elementary school and junior high has evolved in to an elegant bone structure.
I wonder if Inuyasha sees these changes, or if he still sees a watered down copy of Kikyo. I'm pretty enough, if the boys on both sides of the well are to be believed. Yet Inuyasha is determined to be true to my past self. I don't know whether to rage at him or to love him all the more for his loyalty.
So, I end up alternately raging and falling even deeper in love. All I hope for is to stay with him as long as he will have me. I will be by Inuyasha's side until he goes to hell with Kikyo. And then, I suppose my soul will be intact once more even though my heart will be anything but.
