RED CHAIR BLUE CHAIR

.A.N. Same disclaimers as in chapter 1

Warning: Spanking of a minor unless Alex can talk her way out of it.

CHAPTER Three:

Mrs Busybody, Sticky Nose, Big Bum, Wilburn.

That was just the start .Things really got a whole lot worse. Thinking back now I shoulda taken little George!

I've been standing in this darn corner for all my life, waiting for the hand of doom. My legs were killing me. By dinner time tonight so would my butt. There had to be a way out of this. There had to be a way out of being put across my father's knee. Darn that blue chair, it's just there at the end of the stairs tucked into the corner next to the big fire, and me in between, corralled like one of Uncle Joe's wild horses. It has a tall back on it and practically no arm rests that just blend into its legs, which makes it seem to have an extra set of knees. One on each side of my dad's when he sits in it. Course I never really get the chance to sit in it, mainly just over It.!

Think ! Think!...

" Hey… I've been in here nearly forever, can't I come out, " I called to the kitchen.

" It's only been twenty minutes and No!" dad called back.

Gosh, he's a meanie.

"But I need to Gooooo," I called out again. I crossed my fingers and turned back to face the cold blue stone bricks.

'"ALEXANDRA!"Dad yelled as he came into the big room. His big deep voice scared me so much a little bit of pee came out.

"Huh" I gulped

"This better not be some trick"

"Please daddy I really need to go," NOW!

Just then Uncle Joe came into the room. "I'll take her. Come on pip squeak."

Uncle Joe came and took my arm and tried to lead me past my dad and out through the kitchen door to the outhouse. I wasn't taking any chances passing by those quick, large hands; my hands were small and didn't cover enough of my backside to help with any protection.

"Its quicker out the front door uncle Joe and I gotta go real bad." And I led him through the front door.

As we got to the outhouse he asked "need any help?"

"No I got it "I said already unclipping the overall stays."You don't have to wait for me, I could be ages."

"Oh really, don't you want me to check for snakes and spiders?"

Why did he have to say that! "Oh yeah I forgot."

He had a quick look around. "all clear …. I'll just wait over hear by the stump."

I went in and quickly undid the flap of my underwear and did what I needed to do. It wasn't a big job. But Joe didn't know that, so I did my pants up and dropped the lid and sat down to give my legs a rest and a new view. Not a pretty one; the corner was getting very uninteresting. Hey, there one of Joe's old Paper pack detective books. I could just sit back and read this for a while.

"You alright in there?" yelled Uncle Little Joe.

"Yep, just gotta bit of a tummy ache," I said as I settled myself on the long bench and lent against the corner.

Thank goodness the "can ''had been replaced yesterday. Cause the smell wasn't too bad. Any way what's this story about;… gosh I can't concentrate I kept thinking about that old sticky nose , big bum Mrs. Wilburn and what she said in town this morning.

Flash back

Everything got worse when dad and I got into town. I wanted to ride Leo but we had to get more supplies for Hop sing, so we took the wagon. Grandpa was away and expected home later today or tonight but if the stage came in early we would also be able to take his luggage home… I hope he brings presents! We walked in the store. Mr. Potter was behind the counter. I saw the candy jar full to the brim and my eyes lit up. I started to count the sour drops from the bottom of the large glass jars. This would give me some practice for the Easter Carnival. If you can guess the amount of candies in the jar you get to keep the whole jar. It only costs a penny to guess, so if you guess right you pretty much quadruple your investment. Just like breeding rabbits. I had been practicing every time I came into the store. Give or take about ten the number of candies was always about the same. I was sure to win. Bet nobody thought of this.

"Good morning Adam,'' greeted Mr. Potter.

"Morning Sam, I see you have those new shelves up. Quite a new layout to the store."

"Yup; trying to get the most out of the space. I need more storage; tryin to keep costs down by buying in bulk. I'm not sure about the big shelves in the middle though. I haven't stuck much on them yet, probably put some of the lightweight goods on it."

Mr Potter had arranged the store with big tall shelves that nearly hit the roof. There was one along the back wall one in the middle and one along the side wall. It kinda made skinny isles. The middle one was nearly empty still, cept'n for a few sewing and girlie things. Then there was the window shelves that had all the things that Mr potter really wanted people to buy, so he put them on display so people could look at them through the window instead of them clogging up the store.

"What? Are you concerned about the stability? "asked Dad.

"A little," frowned Mr Potter.

Dad walked over and checked them out … "It would probably be a good idea to brace them here and here, and then attach three verticals to the roof. Daddy was really good at designing things, he is not just a cowboy, he's an architect. They draw things and then get them made so they look exactly like it for real. He helped people build windmills and stuff. Once he helped this man build a whole mine that was safe for the people to work in. He is really, really, smart.

" Hmm, good idea…Thanks Adam I might just get onto that tomorrow." Said Mr. Potter.

Too bad, he didn't think of that himself, specially before we came to town and Mrs. Sticky Nose, Big Bum Wilburn came into the store.

Dad gave Mr. Potter Hops Sing's list and ordered a bag of candy.

"Good show old man," I mimicked dads toffy English man's voice.

But dad wouldn't hand them over, " Uh, uh, not until you've tried on a couple of dresses."

"Are you trying to bribe me?''

''Yep!''

''Isn't that against the law?''

"Nope, not unless I want you to do something bad. And trying on a couple dresses isn't a federal offence… Now let's see, here try this blue one on, then what about this pink check?''

" Noooooooooo!"

" Oh and this green one is so cute, see Alexandra it has pretty little yellow flowers all over it … and look it has a matching bonnet. It will be like sitting in a field of daisies.''

"NOOOOOOOO" I put my hand into my overall pocket and rubbed my lucky marble.

Dad pushed me towards the change rooms at the back of the store. I had to go down the middle isle between the two big shelves to get to it.

''Go, Alexandra and try them on,'' he ordered.

Mr potter was laughing as dad kept on teasing, "I just find you a couple of petticoats … I think at least three, oh and some pantaloons with lace trims and ribbons.''

I felt like I'd just be sentenced to doom.

Mr potter then decided to get into the act, "oh won't these just look adorable," he said in this really stupid high pitched ladies voice. " She'll look like a real little china doll.''

That was it! I know I'm small for my age but I'm much bigger than any dumb old doll. I stomped off to the changing rooms. And quickly tried on all three dresses…Two of them were a pretty good fit, but the green on was way too big.

" Thank You, Lord Jesus " I thought, then nodded my head.

"Alexandra Williameena Cartwright! Did I just hear you take the Lord God's name in vain!"

Geesh, did I just think that out loud? "No I was just talking to his son."

I could hear him commin, dad that is not Jesus, though I could do with his help, he called me by all three names, which meant he was MAD.I quickly did up my braces.

"Young lady you are treading a very thin line. Using God's name OR HIS SON'S as a cuss is very, very wrong." He said, more like he was disappointed rather than angry. I hate that. I nearly started crying as I tried to explain.

"But, Father O'Halloran told me that as long as you nod your head when you say Jesus, he'll know it was a prayer instead of a cuss. And prayers aren't always about asking for stuff. Ya says prayers for thank yous to God too. And well I'm mighty grateful to him right now. That's all I swea… I promise, I wasn't cussin him, I was thanking him. You remember Father O'Halloran, you said he was a good man, cause he didn't just talk to all the important good people. That he talked to the not so important good people, like Molly and momma and the other girls. I could see that he believed me and didn't look so mad anymore and was nearly smiling.

"So what were you thanking him for?

I handed him back one of the dresses. "The greens one too big."

Dad pinched the end of his nose, which Grandpa says he does when he's anxious or obnoxious or somethink… worried. So I figured I ortta make him happy, "but the other two are fine," I grumbled and walked back and handed them to Mr Potter. "But, can I change the pink one for the purple one instead,? I asked.

Dad looked down at me. ''It's not going to make much of difference, you'll be wearing a smock over it when you at school.''

"WELL, what does it matter if it's not pink then!'' I yelled back.

SWAT! OW," jheezz. Dads hand struck without warning.

"Fine line just got crossed little miss."

I was gonna say something else. I knew I was being cheeky, but they were makin' fun of me and it made mad. Then dad's eyebrows were really pointing down hard at me and I knew that was a warning. So I just smiled and in my nicest little friendly voice I asked, "Does the smocks have pockets in them Mr Potter? I need ones with big pockets, Mr. Potter."

''Yes Alexandra, Big pockets. ''

Good, I thought I'm gonna need enough pocket space for all my lucky charms ifin' I got walk around lookin' like, like a field full of Damn Daisies! Jason Cobbs gonna give a heap a grief when he sees me in these get ups.

''Thank you Mr. Potter, We'll take three." Dad said and then turned to me and raised his eyebrows which meant' SAY THANK YOU. I reckon those eyebrows have got a life of their own.

''Thank you very much Mr. Potter.''

Dad smiled. And everything was alright in the world again. For now.

''Alex, go and put your boots and socks on. Mr Potter and I are going to start loading the wagon.''

Just then Mrs. Wilburn walked in with some other Lady. I didn't know her. I could hear them talkin about the new layout of the store then they started talking about the two dresses that were still on the counter.

'' Oh aren't these sweet, Adam Cartwright must be getting these for his daughter. .. Now there's a good catch for you, Martha.''

My ears perked up. "What?" I thought … what is he a Fish or Something!

Mrs. Wilburn continued on and on "He's single, about 28 or 29 and his family are one of the wealthiest landowners in the territory. Blah, Blah, Blah."

"Really," said Martha, but she didn't sound all that interested in what Mrs Wilburn was saying. Probably could she couldn't get a word in edge wise.

The two ladies moved to the window in the next isle to peer out the window and take a look at," the most handsomest man in Nevada. Adam Cartwright." Well that's what Mrs. Wilburn called him. I nearly giggled as I snuck up the Isle peering at them through the empty shelf next to me. It looked like Mrs Wilburn was cut into three; legs, Bottom and middle, then chest shoulders and a head. But her head was a little cut off. It reminded me of 'Ivor the Magnificent Magician and His Pretty Assistant Delilah'. He had this trick, where he'd cut Delilah into three and then put her back together. One time when he got a longer ' gig' at the theatre he showed me how to pull a rabbit out of a hat. Hmm I must try that with little George.

The Martha lady bent over to look out the window. I couldn't see her face. She didn't go all gushy though like Mrs. Wilburn. She just went " HMMMMM."

But then I heard. "He has a young daughter, Alex I think her name is. She's a real handful. Spends half the time dressed as a boy, running around without shoes, looking like nobody's child. Not much is known about her background. The Cartwrights keep that a well guarded secret. I suspect to protect the child. Probably some past indiscretion on the part of young Mr Cartwright. So goodness knows. I think her mother was a dancer and singer in some theatre further west of here. Well we all know what type of women they are! And what else they'll do when they have too! I heard a little rumour that she went totally insane and they put her away! Anyway what that child needs is a woman's touch; a respectable woman's touch!''

I wasn't sad, I was mad, no I was really both. I grabbed my sling shot that I always keep in my back pocket and then grabbed my lucky marble from my front bib. I'll need it.

It was too much of a temptation. There she was saying things about Daddy and really nasty things about my momma. I know that she's doesn't know anything and she's just a silly old sticky nose big bum, gossiper, and I know I shouldn't let it upset me, cause, cause, she's not the people I care about the most and it doesn't mean anything what other people who don't really know ya think. BUT names do hurt! So I aimed my shot right at her big fat bottom and fired my lucky shot into the great expanse.(dad taught me that word, had something to with uncle Hoss's big belly.) There was so much padding cover Mrs. Big Butt she probably wouldn't feel it even with my lucky marble, but it felt good to just let the rubber band go.

The craziest sound I ever heard came out of Mrs Wilburn, (her face not her butt, that wouldn't be very lady like), "Yeeeeeeeeeeeesreeeeeeech." She screamed.

My lucky marble never fails!

Unfortunately, she lost her balance and fell backwards into the shelf next to her. It started to tip over and things started falling off the shelves around her. Then as slow as you please the whole shelf stated to groan and fell completely over. I dropped to the floor, real low and was lucky when the shelf came to rest on the other shelf that was against the wall. Everything else fell off the shelves and landed around me, and Mrs. Wilburn had fallen through the gap in the shelf and now her butt was squashing me in.

Daddy and Mr. Potter must have heard all the crashing and the screaming and ran in. I could hear Mr Potter yelling and trying to help . Ya think she was dying the way she was carrying on.

I was in more danger than her, I was being really squashed, if Mrs. Wilburns big bottom got any closer it was going to bury me alive. "I'm stuckted!" I yelled out.

Dad musta really panicked when he realised I was under all that, cause I know I was starting to. Mr. Potter was trying to pull her out, but not fast enough and she was still carrying on. It wasn't fast enough for me either so I grabbed a long hat pin that had fallen off the shelf and… and just well jabbed it as hard as I could at the large expanse in front of me. You'd think things couldn't get any worse, but all hell broke loose and Mrs Wilburn jumped and came unstuckted real fast. But she then fell on top of Mr Potter , who then fell on top of the shelves in the windows knocking just about everything over.

Thank goodness I could breathe again. I know I had a big smile on my face because the minute I looked up I was very, very close to the angriest looking eyebrows I've ever seen and I felt my smile drop a hundred feet and my stomach jumped up into my throat and the food in it nearly ended up in the angry scowl of daddy's face.

''I was stuckted'' I said.

Dad reached in and pulled me up and stood up plonking me on the ground. Then just when I thought he was gonna kill me, he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. Too tight but I wasn't going to complain. "Alexandra."

''I'm okay daddy, I'm okay.''

"Not for long little Girl… In the wagon, NOW! '' He growled then sent me through the front door with the hardest smack I've ever felt.

End Flash back

''Alex if you don't come out right now. I'm gonna get Adam to unhinge the door.''

Gosh was that Uncle Joe calling. I forgot I'm still in the outhouse. So here I am. Sorry that I had caused so much trouble, well not really sorry for Mrs. Wilburn. Sorry that Mr. Potters new layout got messed up. Sorry that dad had to pay for all the damage even sorrier that he still had enough money for those dumb dresses and very, very sorry that my dad was gonna "wail the livin daylights out of me.'' It wasn't all my fault. I grabbed one of Uncle Joe's detective magazines and slid it down the back of my overalls. After all I didn't have my lucky marble any more. It's probably embedded in Mrs. Wilburns butt. Poor thing it didn't deserve to go out that way.

TBC Chapter 4 – The Not So Lucky Marble.

Sorry it was such a long chapter but there was stuff that needed to be included to fill you in on Alex's background and I like including little snippets from actual episodes. Oh and by the way I didn't forget about Martha She's out from Australia, visiting with Mrs Wilburn whom she finds unbearable. But she's never had the heartiest laugh like she did today. And she thinks Adam is gorgeous. She may turn up later.

Thanks for reviewing.