3. Stirring
A jolt flashed through me and I remembered to inhale. The stench made me regret the abrupt surge of air within my lungs and I coughed. A wash of sweet metallic stink lathered over the charred and rotting. I wished I had my helmet, something to filter out the repulsive tang that followed me everywhere I went - mixed in the mud, dried in the sand, frozen in the ice and floating in orbit of countless bodies. Now here, slick under my fingers as I slip against the cold metal floor.
For a moment I feared for my eyes, but then I realised it's just very dark. It's hard to focus. I wasn't sure where I was. The corridor went on forever and I stumbled on the piles of discarded matter. I avoided looking at the slack faces of the rag doll people. No point in that.
I slipped again and the same familiar pain made me lose my footing. It took a while to see again and remember what I was doing. Pressing my hand on the wound would do nothing at this point, but it's always better to try at least. Keep going.
As my eyes focused a bit better again, I saw their multi-limbed shapes slowly staggering among the piles. They were shifting through the offal absent-mindedly, repeating through motions trying to fill the lack of a purpose. Automatons trying to fix something beyond their capability, not sentient enough to give up.
It was all too silent. There was no staccato noise of conflict, no klaxon of damage control, not even the constant hum of machinery telling that something worked and time progressed. Was I too late? Had it passed already?
As I slowly stumbled around, a feeling started to grow in my mind. I had no direction. What was I supposed to be doing? This meant nothing anymore. There was no change here. Not even a whisper in a forest. I was not supposed to be here.
A sharp inhale.
All was dark. Something was wrapped around my face, I couldn't open my eyes. There was an itching tingle on my skin and a throbbing sensation deeper. A tube was jutted between my teeth, my mouth strapped closed to keep it in place. Something was snaking down my nostril. I fought the urge to start pulling them out. I couldn't really feel much else, all was fuzzy elsewhere. Not quite sure what 'elsewhere' was. Confusion ebbing in and out. Even with effort, it was hard to grasp into being here.
Trying to focus into a pneumatic puff-wheeze that repeated slowly. A beep repeated somewhere further away. There was a constant hum in the background. Gurgling sounds, a sucking noise. Whine of tiny servos going on and off. Time happened.
High pitched voices, couldn't understand, salarians? Sometlhpf sttaatic... ughh, my head swam in slight nausea, what just happened to my hearing?
- "... and the implant is online and should be working properly. We should be able to measure basic linguistic cognition at pre-attentive levels soon according to readouts. As per my theory, improved awareness provided by operational inter-species speech translation should provide a more positive reaction to surroundings, despite the regrettable lack of means for reciprocity in communication at the moment. Nonetheless, this should be an advantage for both psychological and physiological recovery, and hopefully make doctor Iatrosa's work easier. Ah, there, observe the changes in activity at Wernicke's area and ventral sites, and even slight changes in HPA-axis responses. Ah-ha, she must be understanding us now. Ahem, hello, Commander, doctor Veiss, pleased to meet you. It has been a while, good to have you back!"
- "Umm, I don't think doctor Iatrosa would approve of us bringing her to full consciousness yet at this stage", another voice whispered.
- "Point taken. Well, back to sleep, it seems. Keep monitoring monoamine, oxytocin and cortisol levels."
- "Hmm-hmmm… hmm-hm-hm-hm-hmmm..."
Eilikrini Afelis hummed to herself as her fingers danced on the datapad, faster, slower, then faster again. Her omnitool fed music into her ear, which she wasn't supposed to be doing, but who could resist in these late hours of boredom. The changing tempo of the festive piece gave her much joy. Taking stock of equipment and reserves was of utmost importance these days, desperation leading people to pilfering and black market. The small container in the shelf in front of her could be turned into a week of warm meals for a family.
But not by her. Eilikrini swiped another tab close and moved to the next. She was proud to be given this responsibility. The best of hospitals needed her. She felt valuable. None of the drunken clients had ever appreciated the finesse of her dancing - the butterfly, the pooling water, the rising spark - neither did her employer ever show any hint of the blossoming career she had been promised.
- "Hmm-hmh-hm-hm-hmm…"
Arjun had appreciated what she was capable of. He had been ashamed to approach her at first, thinking her dance to be just a front for a more vulgar occupation. But he had known art and recognized things that shone even in the seediest of places. Going to Earth had seemed a strange choice at first, she had had preconceptions of the place and, to be honest, of the people, but she had trusted Arjun. Her friends had warned her against it, telling coarse stories, but she would not let them slander Arjun. Things were difficult at first, but she knew that with time, she had better chances there than in Illium or Omega. She was not naive, and she knew he was right.
- "Debussy's not 'quaint'!" Arjun had raised his voice indignant but had laughed and launched himself into a lecture. 'Suite bergamasque' had become theirs. She always remembered the expectant glimmer in his eyes when he played it to her for the first time.
- "Hm-hmh-hmh-hmh-hmmm…"
Then everything had fallen apart. They had been away from Earth and couldn't get back, so Arjun had come to work here. And now... Now, every helping hand was needed here, and she needed this. The trust Arjun had shown in her had given them enough trust to let her work even here, in this room.
She disliked this room. It weren't the mountains of delicate equipment that intimidated her, but the person strapped in them. She couldn't see her properly, but she had seen enough vids. She looked elegant in all those pictures, towering above all, eyes staring into the distance, jaw clenched in determination, posture fearless in the face of the horrible enemy. The praises heaped on her, the stories she had heard. There had been less admirable stories earlier, like the one of the Bahak incident, and it made her confused. People like her occupied a world of their own.
Still, she was not as beautiful as her Arjun. He had been filled with kindness. A warm light in his eyes. The enemy didn't appreciate kindness. His kindness hadn't saved him. Still, that kindness was what made everything worthwhile. In the end, she had only been able to make him feel a little more comfortable. He had asked for the pain to go away, and finally she had acceded. They had been together. That was more than many had been allowed.
Eilikrini gave a trembling sigh and swiped another tab closed. This was important work. She mattered here. For that she was thankful. Arjun would have been proud. Proud and just as bored, she smiled to herself and made ready to leave.
- "Hmm… hmm… hmm-hm-hmmm..."
Eilikrini yelped as a hand grabbed her wrist. The hold was trembling and weak, but she didn't dare move.
- "Please, I'm sorry…", she started and quickly shut off the music.
Eilikrini looked at the pale and bruised hand, but was afraid to pry it off. Without the music, everything came back to her. The room stank of antiseptics and sickness. Her sinuses burned slightly from the dry air. The bandaged figure laid still except for the gripping arm and a laboriously rising and falling chest. The machine that loomed over the bed - a geometric crossbreed between a praying mantis and an anemone - gave a whiny hum. White noise slowly shifting pitch. A steady beeping that didn't feel reassuring anymore. It was a demanding beep.
- "Please, let me go…", she said.
The hand let go and slowly and laboriously formed a pointing finger. It wavered at the machine that beeped.
- "Let me call the doctor."
The pointing finger made a weak but demanding thrust at the machine.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
- "I- I don't understand. I'm not a doctor or a nurse. I just help here."
The finger wavered, but kept pointing.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
- "I'm sorry, I don't know how to help you. I don't understand these machines."
Seconds became longer. She wanted so much to leave, but couldn't.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
- "I'm not supposed to touch them. I might end up hurting you."
The finger pointed more vigorously.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Her voice started to break. She couldn't be asked something like this.
- "I'm sorry. I just- I just take inventory. I just... take inventory. I want to help, but I can't - "
A doctor rushed in with two nurses.
- "What did you do?! God damn it, what did you do?" He yelled angrily, rushed at the readouts and started jabbing his fingers at the interface.
The pointing hand slowly clenched closed and fell to hang down over the bed's railing in resignation.
Beep.
Beep.
Eilikrini burst in tears as she was pulled away by one of the nurses.
- "I didn't do anything, I swear. She wanted to, but I couldn't-"
- "Get her out of here!" the doctor yelled.
The nurse led her out. He gave a pat on her shoulder.
- "Don't worry, he knows you didn't do anything. He's just angry because of the stress. We've been close to losing the patient many times, and they've heaped a lot of expectations on his shoulders."
- "It's just that I think she wanted me to... I just couldn't… I couldn't…"
Time was running out. Everything was almost monochromatic: black of the night sky, soot stained ruins and their chitin black hulls. Grey of dead faces covered in ash and dust. White of muzzle-flashes and the blinding column of light. They drained the color out of all life, the red hail of their fire spilling the red of our blood. We were running out.
And here I was, a speck rushing down a field of rubble and fire and ash at a towering column of searing white light stretching up to the sky. The dark shapes of the last remnants of Hammer forces were desperately running along, disappearing in the red beams that lashed out and swiped burning across the field. Running, dodging, praying, cursing. An overwhelming barrage of sensory input. My lizard brain keeps me alive. Heat of the beams, itch of sweat, burning in my lungs, taste of blood and dirt, stench of burnt matter, ache of tired muscles and hastily tended wounds, roar of the machines piercing my ears, sting of the rain of debris hitting my face.
There was an explosion ahead and I barely managed to avoid a transport as it rolled and crashed down just beside me. Getting back up, a little dazed, I took a quick look behind, and saw Liara running. A wash of love, pride, need, fear, and regret surged through me. Damn it, focus. I should have stopped her from coming. No reason for both of us to-
A Mako was sent flying through the air. Time stopped. It flipped around, tipped over just a little ahead of Liara, slammed down and exploded.
I screamed, trying to get up, bolts of blue light arcing uncontrollably at the hands which tried to bring me down. I swung at them, one staggering away, and I yelled in despair and pain while the energy rippled and seared my own hands and arms and flung debris around.
- "Shepard! Calm down! It is okay!"
Suddenly I was enveloped in a sheath of energy that pressed closer and closer. It made me unable to move apart from the shaking muscle convulsions and my own biotic energy surging and sputtering inside me, raw and unpredictable. Teeth grinding, breathing in gasps, the jolts of energy within me started subsiding and I slowly began to see the wrecked room around me. I was lying on the floor, beside an overturned hospital bed, linens torn and burned, a small piece of the opposite wall turned into a heap of fine-grained dust on the floor, sparks of electricity and small tendrils of smoke billowing from crashed instrument cabinets along the walls. I tried to fight against the energy constraining me, but managed only to let out a frustrated grunt, my muscles too weak against the force holding me still. Pieces of paper fluttered down, singed from the edges. Broken glass and small instruments were scattered on the floor. A burly looking orderly was standing up slowly holding his jaw, staring at me in hesitation. Another one was dabbing his hands in medigel, visibly pained. A nurse was kneeling down with an injector poised in his hand. My eyes widened, I started panting from the effort and anxiety, my tired muscles fighting against the energy field. An asari in doctor's garb was extending her palm at me calmly but determined, keeping me firmly within the hold of the bubble, but smiling reassuringly.
- "You will be fine, you are safe, everything will be all right."
As the liquid from the syringe started coursing through my veins, my heart stopped crashing against my ribcage, my breathing started to calm down, the throbbing in my head slowly faded to something tolerable.
- "I am doctor Vela Iatrosa", the asari stated in a calm friendly voice, articulating the words intentionally slowly and clearly, but still not removing the constraining bubble of energy from me. Her lavender skin was accentuated by only a few white straight linear markings at her temples and her lower lip and chin.
- "You were hurt quite badly, Commander Shepard, and it has taken us some time to heal you. There have been and still are some complications with the numerous augmentations within you. I hope you could try to stay as calm as possible and not exert yourself physically or mentally. I believe you were having some very emotional dreams. It would have been easier, if we could have had our first talk in a more collected moment, without any of these ... complications. " The doctor panned her eyes around the havoc wrought in the room with a sympathetic smirk at the last sentence.
I started feeling slightly woozy, and the doctor frowned slightly as she noticed it.
- "There must be many questions you want answered," doctor Iatrosa started as she dispersed the constraining bubble and calmly motioned others to help lift me on a gurney as it was being rolled into the room. I was too tired and numbed to move a muscle.
- "First, I do have to apologize for some of my colleagues that might have caused some unpleasant experiences for you earlier. We have had some difficulties administering anesthetics properly, with the way some of your implants process these substances, especially in their less than optimal state. There are some who may have been perhaps a little too eager to see your condition improving. I hope your recent experiences have not been too painful or disturbing. I sincerely believe we are in a better situation now, so do not worry."
The doctor seemingly caught herself, with a mannerism of a smile and restrained bashfulness, and continued, "Ah, forgive me, I am rambling. There are many questions we would like to ask you as well. Nevertheless, now is not the time. Let us get you properly tucked in and resting for a while. Time for discussions later."
Doctor Iatrosa helped the nurse to check the burns in my hands and redress wounds that had started bleeding again. The orderlies seemed to become more relaxed.
I noticed how much dressing I was wrapped in. I gasped as I realized how mangled my body must be under all the bandaging and numbing medication. The doctor sensed my sudden anxiety and laid her hand on my cheek as a calming gesture. She looked into my eyes and continued, "For the moment, let it suffice to say that you did it and we all made it. We are safe and I believe we all have you to thank for a great deal in that." She paused to smile reassuringly and stared into my eyes meaningfully. Her professional demeanor melted for a moment as her eyes betrayed a hint of sadness mixed with a great deal of relief and gratitude.
- "Now, rest," she stated emphatically and wiped my chin once with her thumb as she straightened up and resumed her calm and organized role.
It was getting harder to focus my thoughts as the orderlies started to roll me away from the wrecked room, trailing monitoring equipment. Only a weak croak came out of my throat: "L-Lia-rah?" Before fading away into drug induced unconsciousness, I only managed to see the doctor's expression turn into one of pensive compassion.
