Chapter 3

Dizzy

Being stuck in the brig was undoubtedly the most inhumane sentence she could imagine. The sharp white walls and bunks had her eyeballs screaming for entertainment. She spent a lot of time staring at her guard and the insides of her eyelids.

She'd risked everything she had left to fight, to protect the few people she trusted on Pandora. To protect Trudy, who was dead now. She knew nothing about Alex or anyone else. All she knew was that her guard was balding and had awful scars down his neck. After they tossed in Pratt, the tech who worked with the ikra'vi link units and Max, the tech from the original program, she knew a lot more. And had much more interesting things to look at.

RDA was losing to the combined forces of Pandora's native species and alien allies. Grace Augustine was dead, along with many others. The battle and surrender of RDA took less than two days. The prisoners were released and celebrated as heroes.


"What condition is your avatar in?" Max was asking.

Gina shrugged. "At the very least, one wing is damaged, a broken hand, and cuts and burns everywhere."

"The chances that it survived are astronomically low. I can't believe we're still getting a signal from it!" Pratt exclaimed. "Going in will probably be extremely painful, if not absolute torture. You sure you want to do this?"

"I have to." Gina replied. If there was a chance her avatar could be repaired, she would do whatever it took.

The techs exchanged hopeless shrugs and dropped the lid on her unit.

Pain from every inch of her avatar assaulted her. She cringed and slowly assessed whether moving was going to be an option. Sitting up hurt amazingly, but she could. Her head spun from the effort, and she tried to palm her forehead with her right hand. The hand wouldn't move. Dizzy, she struggled to focus on it.

When her head finally cleared, she saw that her hand was bound and immobilized. Upon further inspection, she discovered bandages on her damaged wing and around her middle. Blood had soaked through from her stomach. She didn't remember getting a wound there and wondered when that had happened. "Whoa. How the hell did..."

"You're awake!" Trudy was limping toward her. It was impossible, but there she was, every stubborn inch of her.

"You're alive." Gina whispered. "But I saw your Samson explode."

Trudy eased herself down next to Gina, adjusted her breather and scratched at some bandages of her own. Multiple places were covered, her clothes were scorched, her hair frazzled. The stench of smoke and burned meat clung to her. "I bailed right after you fell."

Gina peered about. They were in the Hallelujah Mountains still, yet nowhere near where the battle had taken place. Her gaze shot back to Trudy. "How?"

"Banshees. They plucked us both out of the sky and left us here." Trudy waved at the floating rock that was about the size of the dragon gunship.

"Eywa saved us."

Glittering eyes stared at Gina for several minutes. "You saved me. I would've gone up in smoke with my Samson if you hadn't tackled those missiles. Eywa just picked up the slack."


Gina unlinked only long enough to tell Max that Trudy was alive and where they were and hurry the hell up getting there. She dove back into her avatar, afraid that if she left Trudy alone too long, she might disappear. No amount of pain would get her to leave Trudy until help arrived.


After the battle and RDA's forces surrendered, the humans who had fought against the RDA were given the generous choice of leaving or staying. Really, it wasn't much of a choice. Back on Earth, there wouldn't be a friendly welcome for anyone who'd sided with the natives. That was if they even survived the journey. Cryo chambers did occasionally fail. Blaming technical failure on the battle would be easy enough. Naturally, the only ones on the spacecraft were those whose loyalty to RDA was unquestionable.


There were other avatars in storage. Plans were found on an encrypted database about using female avatars as organic amnio tanks. Growing an avatar in the more old-fashioned manner would cut expenses by half. After birth, the avatar would need to be placed into an amnio tank until full growth was achieved. But even with the aggressive growth hormones needed to replace the driver's time in cryo with a handful of weeks, the pros outweighed the cons. Or something like that. The technical science jargon was beyond her vocabulary and attention span.

It explained why they were willing to grow avatars that might never be used by a driver.

"So, Trudy. You going to try it out? It was made for you." Gina prodded her friend.

"Yea." Trudy reached with trembling fingers and touched the cool exterior of the tank, watching her avatar with rapt fascination.


Instructing Trudy in how to use her avatar was far more fun than the carefully restrained hit and miss method she and the other originals had been forced to endure. After a couple weeks, Trudy was able to launch herself from ground level or height and fly strong for a half hour. It was light years beyond what Gina could do at that stage of training. Her only weakness was landings. The woman simply had problems with the feet.


A couple weeks later, Gina took Trudy on an extended flight. Both wanted to get as far from Hell's Gate as they could, follow aerial paths they'd only taken by Samson. Late afternoon saw them looking for a place to relax, and they decided on one of the great trees that towered over the rest of the forest. Gina went down first, casually sinking her talons into the bark and looking up to watch her friend.

Trudy touched down delicately. Her first landing that she didn't trip up, and her smile erupted sunny and rich. Giddy and laughing, she pulled her friend into a crushing embrace. Gina couldn't help laughing and smiling just as warmly, caught up in Trudy's excitement. They separated breathlessly.

Long moments passed, the two of them staring into each other. Trudy's eyes flickered down and back to Gina's eyes. "Even your avatar is beautiful. Did you know that?"

Close to the trunk of the tree, a light cough interrupted any response a stunned Gina might have made. A pair of Na'vi were smiling at them. Nearby on higher branches were their two ikran.

"Jake, Neytiri!" Trudy withdrew from frozen Gina and stepped to the Omaticaya leaders. "It's great to see you guys."

The trio exchanged heartfelt greetings and smiles. Trudy started laughing. "This is too weird. I'm taller than you now."

"Barely," Jake scoffed at the scarce inch of difference.

Neytiri extended a hand and traced fingers along Trudy's wing. "You have become very strong in this body."

"It hasn't been easy." Trudy's huge grin dispelled any thought that she minded the effort. "My teacher is as merciless as you, Neytiri."

Jake chuckled. "It's do or die trying, is it?"

"Even Quaritch would've sweat under her brutal training."

Neytiri lifted her chin and brushed past the earth-born. She greeted Gina in English, "Ginaya Trakova, I see you."

Shy in front of the intimidating warrior whom she had only met once, Gina's cheeks flushed. Swallowing, she recalled the greeting in Na'vi, which everyone had taken to learning since the RDA was banished from Pandora. Neytiri was delighted by the garbled attempt and gently corrected the pronunciation. "What else do you know?"

Gina began to relax as she interacted with Neytiri, sharing what she knew of the woman's native tongue. Jake and Trudy kept the distance, catching up as good friends do. Engrossed in her own conversation, Gina didn't hear much of what they discussed, except one whispered comment from Jake that hit her like a ton of bricks.

"When did you realize you were falling for her?"


A few sunrises later, on a scheduled rest day, Gina flew off in a random direction at first light. Alone, she flew until she was tired. She found herself at the end of the land, the rolling waves of the sea stretching out along the horizon. Safely camouflaged by rock outcroppings, she watched the endless parade break along the rocky shore.

Living out her days on Pandora was a decision she had come to that morning. Her human body was almost atrophied from disuse and neglect. Every waking hour was spent in her avatar body, with its powerful wings and healing battle scars. Piloting aircraft would never measure up to flying by one's own force. When she had signed up with RDA, returning to Earth was never a consideration. She would ask for Eywa to transfer her consciousness by herself, but she needed help to get both of her bodies to the Tree of Souls.

Trudy would insist on being there. So would Alex and Jake and the rest of the Omaticaya probably. The decision was hers alone; she didn't need the approval or help of others to make it. She could honestly say that she could survive alone on Pandora and intended to help protect it when RDA returned some day. Eywa already knew that. The moon's spirit didn't need a hundred Na'vi chanting and singing to get the message.

A fish jumped out of the water, snapped up a flying creature, and slipped back into the water. Maybe she could do it alone. If she flew her avatar to the tree, unlinked, and piloted a Samson there with her human body... Gina leapt into the air and dove toward her new life.


As the Omaticaya clan had already chosen and moved to a new Hometree, Gina was able to land and tuck her avatar into a somewhat hidden corner without any Na'vi noticing. She unlinked and stumbled to her private quarters back on the base. Quickly enough, she selected the few personal items she wanted to keep and stuffed them into a holdall. For appearances, she ate a light meal with everyone else at lunchtime and realized that she would miss cheesecake.

The rest of it though, nope. She wouldn't miss the ghost town feel of the grey halls, the restrictive fences, the depressing labs. Alex passed her in the corridors. "When's the last time you took a shower, Gina? You smell like a viperwolf."

Grinning, she sniffed herself. "Probably as long as it's been for you."

Alex shrugged. "Probably. We still on for that race tomorrow? My trainee will kick your trainee's ass."

"You know Williams doesn't stand a chance, but we'll still be there to prove it." Gina shot back.

"Yea right." Waving, he swaggered away.

Back in her room, Gina caught sight of her mangy appearance in a mirror. She stared at it for a long time. One last hot shower wouldn't hurt. Soaping and grooming herself felt strange, alien. This wasn't her body anymore. Her body was taller, stronger, entirely different colors. Her body had wings and a tail and knees that bent the other way. She threw on clothes, slipped her light bag over a shoulder and made her way to the hangar and her old Samson.

"Determined expression, clean clothes and body. Where you off to? Hot date?" Trudy's smiling voice called out to her.

Gina stiffened and swallowed before turning in Trudy's direction. They hadn't spoken much in the past week. "What if I do? I have a life outside of training you."

A shadow clouded the expression on Trudy, but she shook it off and regained her smile. "Of course you do. There's a few pairs of eyes around here who linger on you. Who is it?"

Gina shrugged. "Samson."

Trudy snorted, still suspicious. "What's wrong with your own wings?"

"I felt like a change." It was absolutely the truth, but not all of it and Trudy sensed that. She had always been able to read Gina well. Same as last time Gina had kept secrets from her, she was hurt, showing it in the stiffness of her body and sadness in the eyes. Not telling her was a struggle. Watching Trudy stand there made it seem like an overly selfish and foolish thing.

Maybe it was. Gina was even more determined to do it her way now. She hopped into the cockpit, stowed her bag, looked back. Trudy had crossed her arms over her chest. Despite the smile on her face, she was obviously not happy. A battle erupted inside Gina. One part of her wanted to jump out of the Samson and do whatever she could to make Trudy's smile real. The other wanted to run, or fly, far away from Trudy and whatever emotions she had about Gina.

She compromised. "We'll talk later, and I'll tell you all about it."

The tension fluffed out of Trudy, and her arms dropped. "Yea. Sounds good."

Gina nodded and waved goodbye. She calmed another internal battle by thinking she never said when they would talk. It was petty, but it kept her heart from exploding.


As out of the way as possible, she parked her Samson and hoofed it to the Tree of Souls. Dragging her heavy avatar out of its hiding spot had her sweating and huffing until she dropped beside it. She undressed and compared her human body to it for a long time. When neither fear nor worry besieged her, she lay down beside it and looked up at the tree.

"So, Eywa. I probably should have given more thought to how I would tell you when I was ready, but here I am." Nothing happened. "Here I am, naked and feeling like a complete idiot because this is really a huge flaw in my plan." Gina slapped a hand over her eyes.

"Ginaya Trakova." A Na'vi voice spoke into the breeze.

Gina shot up and saw Neytiri approaching from the shadows. "What are you doing here?"
"Watching over your ikra'vi body and waiting for you to return." Neytiri replied. She stopped a yard away and squatted.

"Why?"

"I will be tsahik one day," was the enigmatic response.

Gina sighed.

Neytiri took up a comfortable sitting position. "Why would you try to do this alone?"

"I'm not Omaticaya." The tree's pink tendrils swayed in the light winds.

"There are many who care for you."

"This is my decision."

"It affects more than you, Ginaya." Neytiri said.

Gina nodded. "Yea. My human body is wasting a lot of energy having to be fed and hooked up to the link unit all the time. The others at Hell's Gate could be putting that energy to other uses."

"Have you spoken to any others of this decision? To Trudy?"

"Why would I need to ask her permission for this? It's my life we're talking about here." Gina spit out.

Neytiri swayed and blinked at her. "Jake spoke to myself and Trudy and Norm for many days before he made his decision to leave his human body. Why would you not inclu-"

"I am not mated to Trudy!" Gina cut her off, hot with emotion. "My friends will either still want to include me in their lives or not. This," she gestured at the withered form she was in. "This isn't me anymore. I can't stand the idea of living in this shell any longer. I've always lived to fly. It's how I plan to die someday, with the wind under my wings."

Some breaths went by, both of them staring at each other. "If you have nothing else to live for, why did you fight against the Sky People? Why fight against your own kind when you already had what you loved most? Why risk your wings? What was important enough for this?"

The surviving warriors all told stories of what had happened that day. Many had seen the ikra'vi join the fray, battle on Eywa's side. In fact, the tale of Gina diving in, pushing aside missiles to protect Trudy and defy Quaritch was a favorite among the children. Neytiri already knew the answer. She was pushing for Gina to acknowledge it, to admit that she valued Trudy's life more than her wings, maybe more than her own life.

"If she asked me to stay human," Gina studied her bony fingers, "I would do it for her. And I don't know how to handle that."

Neytiri nodded, her face solemn, and did not speak again. Gina closed her eyes and rested her head on the stone. She must have fallen asleep because she was having the weirdest dream. Dr. Augustine was reprimanding her for taking too long and acting too much on instinct instead of using what little brain she had. The doc had been dead for a long time, yet there she was, cigarette smoking in one hand, the other making sharp gestures in time with her scathing comments. Na'vi children skipped around them. Warriors cheered and sang haunting songs. Grace shoved her into her Samson and insisted she tell Jake and Trudy to take better care of themselves.

Then she woke up, stretched, and stared at the dead human beside her.

It was strange to be carrying her former body, the one she had grown up in and discarded like old shoes. A pocket of hot air carried her too high, and she spilled air from her wings to compensate. The cooling husk in her arms had become stiff and pale. She really didn't want to force anyone to look at it, but Neytiri had made a good point about people needing to see with their own eyes that Ginaya Trakova no longer existed as a human.


A few wing lengths away, Neytiri rode on her ikran. Honor escort. Jake was going to meet them at the compound. Gina assumed it was more of an excuse to visit than to support her. Still, she appreciated not having to face Trudy and the others alone.