+++++AT MESS HALL+++++
Miranda suspected Tali'Zorah of being the dreaded object of affection. Between obvious body language, and the way the Commander was always clutching at his heart when the hip-acious engineer's back was turned, she had started to narrow down the suspects to the quarian and Doctor Chakwas (man, that woman had a potent bedside manner!). But this was what Miranda Lawson was hoping for; a quarian posed no threat. It was ridiculous that she had been so cautious before. Miranda knew this. As a genetically enhanced, gorgeous, and virtually irresistible woman, she needed only force herself upon the Commander and the threat would be over. The quarian would not stand a chance; the very fact she was a quarian meant the creature was only capable at being nothing more than a passing interest to the Commander Shepard anyway. And Miranda Lawson was very skilled at being a "much more exciting than thou" kind of passing interest.
So you can imagine her glee once her suspicions were confirmed; during lunch, Shepard would only sit next to the purple quarian, and growled like an angry lion whenever a third wheel would show up (like Jacob or that overly loud quarian male). The tips of his ears would erupt into bright crimson whenever said female stood beside him, or was even close enough to touch. His smile was never more genuine than when around her; the relaxation around eyes and the ease with which it stretched across his face was uncanny. And unprecedented.
Physical attraction works its wonders on men. Miranda smiled lazily, observing the duo during lunch hour. And the Commander is immensely susceptible, I see.
No doubt he was thirsting for a woman's touch. He must be desperate for affection, and was drowning in the quarian's blatant admiration. She held back a barely less than flawless giggle; she knew it was only a matter of time; the battle plan was already impermeable, which was only natural as it was formed by her faultless brain. First she would wait for an opportunity; for when the Commander was at his weakest, then in the most crucial of moments, she would bring out the THING. The most powerful weapon at her disposal. It was even more flawless than her usual flawless self.
Then Miranda Lawson flawlessly bit into the acidic flavor of fresh salad drenched in vinaigrette, sucked the liquids from the leaf and savored it in her flawless mouth.
"Can't you eat your salad normally?" Jacob said exasperatedly.
+++++COCKPIT+++++
"Joker, put in the coordinates for Dossier: Convict, alright?" Commander Shepard said.
"Okay," Joker replied.
+++++INSERT TRANSITION HERE++++++
Kal'Reegar knew something everyone else didn't.
The geth didn't destroy the quarian ship.
Kal'Reegar's grenade launcher did.
It was because his battle plan had failed that he was forced to result to such a means to capture his lady's heart. But it mattered little. He would rush the romance as he rushed the geth. It was time to make the moves.
He sauntered into the engineer deck, only to realize he had chosen the wrong door. Undeterred, he just decided to pass by the two engineers and continue on to have some Tali time.
"Don't get me wrong. It's a beautiful bucket." Donnelly was saying to his compatriot. "The whole suit is lovely. Quite snug in all the right places."
Reegar stiffened. "WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" He asked politely.
"Ach, man. You don't have to get your panties in a tussie." The scot winced, and plugged his ears with his pinkies. "I was talking about the bucket head over there. The pretty lady with dem nice hips; nice enough to make a man to do some terrible things like steal her away and explode the ship so no one can follow, you get me?"
With an earth-shaking roar filled with both immense jealousy and guilty terror, Kal'Reegar pounced on the man and beat him to a pulp.
Normandy's response was to throw him in the brig. Apparently ship captains didn't take to well to tussles on the ship, though the turian had defended Reegar vehemently, preaching that ship fights were the only way to relieve stress on the stuffy boat, and that this engagement was proof that the ship needed a boxing ring right in the middle of the calibration room. But Kal'Reegar wasn't too disappointed about the arrangement. He was actually spending more time with Tali'Zorah in jail than he had in the six months on Haestrom. She came down every day to give him preservatives and strengthening serums, and would even sit and talk for hours during her days off.
The odds of capturing her heart were increasing at an unprecedented rate. But he would have to attack a lot more men, he was sure, before it became a reality.
++++INSERT TRANSITION HERE+++++
"Tali, come with me on the mission." Shepard said in his usual monotone, but Miranda noticed the sweat down his brow; like he was a ten-year-old, asking a much taller girl to his first dance.
Tali shook her head. "I'd rather not, Shepard. I don't know how I'll react to the system of … government … here. Buying and selling prisoners, people is wrong." She sighed. "I don't want to be in your way."
The three of them stood just in front of the airlock, about to set out on their mission. But apparently, Tali'Zorah had assumed Shepard just wanted to say goodbye before setting off, and had come up to the place completely unprepared. And now they were at an impasse, Miranda Lawson rolled her eyes in an incredibly sexy and flawless manner.
Shepard seemed to be running thoughts in his head, and he and Tali just stared blankly at each other, unmoving except for the occasional blink.
Miranda found herself unable to move or say anything either.
This lasted for about five minutes.
Then suddenly Shepard moved, scratched his blood-red ear, and she could move too, and so could Tali. It was all very strange.
"You're not a liability." He breathed. "But I understand. Stay. I'll bring someone else."
Somewhere in the universe, in front of a big screen television and this universe containing object known commonly as the Xbox 360, a gamer threw down their controller and screamed in frustration, cursing themselves for choosing the vaguely worded paragon dialogue option.
In the end, Shepard chose Grunt and Garrus, calling them his "lucky G-home bois". And though they had no idea what it meant, they smiled proudly and took it in stride.
The trio waved their farewells to the crew around the airlock, and the crew glanced over and nodded before going back to moving their hands through the air in front of them. They were the ship atmosphere testers.
Thus, they left the Normandy, and took their first steps onto a maximum security prison starship, the Purgatory.
+++++++INSERT TRANSITION HERE+++++++++
The engine room was the most comforting area on the ship. The soft hum of the calibrators, and the muted yet entertaining banter between Donnelly and his partner created an ambience Tali'Zorah had missed on the Neema. But the makeshift shelter was short-lived. Miranda Lawson had decided to play assistant engineer for the day, and her presence made the room the most unpleasant on the ship.
And to top it off, the Cerberus Scum refused to stop talking about Shepard!
"It was around when I was reconstructing his arm," Miranda reminisced. "that I began to realize just how well muscled the man was. Of course, I've seen and slept with in a very perfect manner many strong men roped with muscles, but there was something particularly intriguing with the muscles of the Commander… They seemed more muscular somehow."
Clearly, the woman thought her story to be enormously fascinating.
"But I digress…" She sighed. "It was the butt of the Commander which finally pulled me in. The perfect shape, the soft curves and the way it clenches and unchlenches just sends shivers down my genetically-enhanced spine…." She shivered at the mere memory of staring at his butt.
Tali felt herself beginning to shake with rage, and caught herself. She took a deep breath, clenched her teeth, and went back to work.
Miranda was staring at her with a raised genetically enhanced eyebrow.
+++++INSIDE PURGATORY+++++
Turns out it was a trap; the warden of the starship Purgatory didn't want to sell them Jack, the merchandise. Instead, he wanted to capture Shepard. This would not stand in the book of the Commander Shepard. It was time to use wits, guile, and all the assets that came with being a savior of the civilized universe; which basically came down to his gun.
But that was all it took. They shot a lot of Blue Sun mercs.
Now the prison halls were deserted, and the clip clop of the squad's boots echoed hollowly down the narrow path. Grunt kept shaking around, and prancing. He hadn't been in his right mind lately. He kept running into walls and breaking crates apart. If he had an excuse to tear something up, he took it. Shepard would be a little more concerned with this behavior if he could muster up a shred of care. It was hard to care about something that followed you like a pet; though this unique trait was something the man was starting to question. He had killed every hamster Yeoman Chambers had put up in his cabin, and didn't know why. It was like something or someone was trying to control him. He suspected Miranda. She probably HAD put the control chip in his brain and lied about the Illusive Man being against it. I'll have to confront her on this He clenched his jaw decisively.
"Are we there yet?" Garrus groaned. They were only halfway down the hall.
"We'll get there when we get there!" Shepard snapped.
"Are we there yet?" Apparently Grunt didn't have ears.
+++++THEY GET THERE+++++
Shepard pressed the button. Through pure intuition he knew it would unlock the most locked-down crate in the starship. So they viewed through the glass the capsule slowly lifting. Smoke poured out and within the minute they caught their first glimpse of the notorious convict.
"It's," Garrus began.
"It's very hideous." Shepard noted.
And it was. Covered in ink and head shaved dry, Jack had always wanted to get a tan. Unfortunately, her skin didn't have the melanin necessary for such a goal. So after spending years attempting it, the biotic gave up and got the second-best thing. Tattoos over her whole body. Then she decided she should be more rebellious and live up to her ink; Jack joined a motorbike gang and they shaved her luscious blonde locks, leaving her with a post-heavy illness sort of appearance. But despite this, Jack still wanted to be a real girl, and applied lipstick and mascara daily to her scrawny face. Also, her bra was made with a single strand of hair plucked from the head of her motorcycle mentor. It was miraculously positioned in such a way that it covered completely both her nipples.
Shepard thought it was the most grotesque thing he had seen in his whole life. "Someone kill it." He groaned.
Then she started glowing blue. Letting out a feral roar, she charged into a wall, and it melted at the contact.
Surprisingly, Grunt was unimpressed. Upon interrogation, he supplied the following answer; "Needs more TEARING THE PLACE UP."
Then they went back to the docking bay and stood around until Jack showed up.
She took one look out the docking bay window and threw herself on the ground. Then she screamed. "Aaaaaaaaaaargh! Cerrrrrberrrrussssss!" She banged the ground, and started hitting the walls with glowing blue stuff. "I hate CeRbERus! AAAAAARrrrrRRRrrRrrrrRRrrrgh! I haTE tHEm! I hATe tHeM! I HATE hATe HAte HaTe thEm!"
Grunt nodded his understanding.
Garrus stared in disgusted fascination.
Shepard pulled out the tranquilizer gun (Miranda had slipped it into his butt—that is—back pocket when he left the ship) and fired.
A/N: Oh snap. I really have no idea if I'm doing Jack's character at all true to the original. She really freaked me out when I played though. Everytime I was in the same room as her, I was so scared she was gonna try to rip the arteries right out of my throat with her teeth alone. The other impression I got was that she was like a little kid that liked to throw tantrums. Please offer insight if I'm totally off. :O
I'm kinda sad that there were less abusive reviews. I WANT MOAR HATE MAIL!
Logan, you make me laugh XD
Sorry, NucaCola. I might end up falling to the cliche temptation of making Tali overcome with male admirers. :0 Especially for her loyalty Q...
Random Reader, the answer is LOOK AT MY PEN NAME! lol :)
Decaying Moon, just you wait till the next chapter... just you wait jajajajajjajajajajajaja
