AN: I am far from a Star Trek expert - I just love the JJ Abrams movies, and while I've seen bits and pieces of the various TV series, Voyager is the only one I've watched from start to end. I'm learning a lot from the Wikis right now :) I was reviewing timelines with regard to McCoy's ex-wife and learned that in the newer movies - alternate timeline (after Nero changed everything) McCoy's ex-wife was called Pamela, and there's no mention of the daughter. But I went with TOS database when I started writing - hence the daughter and ex-wife's name Jocelyn - the divorce reasons are all TOS.

I'm also slipping in a few references to things that are in the wiki timelines, from comics, but I haven't read them, so if I write reflections on anything about those cases, it's all from my own imagination based on summaries from the Wiki. And some of it is just purely made up on my part :D You have been warned.

Reviews encouraged, always enjoy reading your thoughts!

Disclaimer: I know nothing, Jon Snow, this is all just for fun. Oh, and I don't own anyone but Lee.


SHADOWS OF THE PAST


6 MONTHS LATER


L'esprit de escalier – French - The inescapable feeling you get when you leave a conversation then think about all the things you should have said.


Falling. Anaya's breath was knocked out of her as she stumbled backwards, fought the sickening feeling of that moment where she teetered on the edge of the cliff, arms flailing, reaching for something to save herself; then the fall.

There was nothing to save her this time. No wingsuit, no parachute, no strategically placed trees to break her fall. She was plummeting to her death, a silent scream etched onto face. They would never find her, not Leonard, not Jim, not anyone. Nobody knew she was here.

Leonard was already sitting up in bed, shaking the sleepless night from his weary head, when Anaya bolted upright in bed, gasping for air. He turned, a frown crossing a face that had until that moment been smiling, recalling their previous evening's activities and the reason for the lack of sleep.

"Are you okay?" He asked when Anaya took another deep, gasping breath. She nodded, her messy red mop of hair bouncing around her face. She clutched the sheet to her naked body like it was a shield, brought her knees up to her chest in a semi-fetal position. Leonard was moving in an instant, sliding across the bed to sit beside her, he hand slipping around her back.

"Bad dream?" His voice was gentle, inviting her to speak as he brushed several strands of hair from her cheek, tucking them behind her ear.

"The same one," Anaya nodded. "I'm falling, and no one can save me."

Leonard's frown increased, his eyebrows furrowed into a scowl of concern. Anaya noticed and smiled, her eyes seeking out his as she mentally pushed the dream from her mind. "I'm fine," she whispered, "don't worry, Doc." She only ever called him that when he was in the medical examiner mode, fussing about her health, or mental state, or any other injury she'd been subjected to in training.

He found that her definition of fine was vastly different to his own. He didn't need a medical certificate to know that Anaya was still mentally suffering from nearly losing her life. He also knew that he was not overreacting to the situation, and would have been as concerned about any other cadet in her situation. The fact that he happened to be sleeping with her, so able to witness first hand the ramifications of that fateful day, just made it easier to diagnose a problem.

Anaya had been through a lot, her father had tried to pull her out of Starfleet following the news, but she'd - in true Anaya form - told him to 'stick it where the sun didn't shine'. Leonard couldn't have said that any better, and still chuckled whenever he pictured the look on the man's face. An advisor to the Governor of California, Joshua Lee was not often spoken back to, nor at a loss for words: something his daughter seemed delight in reminding him.

Her eyes were currently begging him to let it go, but if one thing could be said about the last eighteen months Leonard and Anaya had known each other, stubbornness was a trait that was alive and healthy in both of them. Leonard's eyes narrowed a little at the casual dismissal of her dreams. "I'm going to refer you to speak with Doctor Lovell," he said.

"The shrink?!" Anaya asked, and he nodded. "Oh come on, Mac, that is totally unnecessary, I'm fine, it's just the after effects of the … arm." She couldn't bring herself to say it, even though her voice was light and airy to appease her lover.

"You nearly died, Anaya," Leonard said. "You're not fine."

"It was six months ago," she stated with a huff. "Another year and I won't even remember." Leonard didn't like the way she easily stepped over the symptoms of what was clearly - to him - post traumatic stress, but he understood it. Anaya was one of only a handful of women in the Security division. She was in the top ten percent of her class before the broken arm, that had lowered when she was unable to participate in half the activities. She was angry, frustrated, and feeling like a failure. The last thing she wanted was to explain herself to a psychologist in order to prove that she was fit for duty. Again, Leonard understood, but still he worried he was letting his feelings for her cloud his better judgment.

"I won't ever forget it," Leonard said softly, his voice dropped lower and she paused to look at him.

"I know, and I'm sorry. If I could take it back…"

"You wouldn't change a thing," he finished for her. She sighed, her eyes hard and defiant, wanting to argue. But he was right; they both knew it.

"Yeah, okay, I would do it again," she admitted. "But I'm sorry you had to go through that."

He smiled and raised his eyebrow at her in a cheeky, challenging query. "How sorry?"

Anaya laughed softly at the question, leaning closer to bump her nose against his, her breath ghosting over his cheek. She opened her mouth slightly, pressed soft lips to his and flicked her tongue across his lower lip. He didn't move, eyes narrowed as he watched her with a flicker of humour mixed with want, and need.

"Very, very sorry?" She said, sliding her hand along his arm. He was definitely letting his feelings get in the way, he admitted to himself. Tomorrow, that might need to change. Today, however? Today was his day off, and he was going to enjoy it.

Leonard grinned, pushing her back against the pillows as he positioned himself above, his hands falling either side of her ribcage, pressing down on the mattress. He looked deeply into her eyes, seeing the genuine apology mixed with her teasing advance, and leaned down to claim her lips in a lingering, dance of tongues and hot breath.

"Well…" he breathed, when they broke the kiss. "I am a doctor…"

"Yes?"

"I suppose I should give you a physical, make sure you're fit for duty, Cadet Lee."

"Oh, Doctor, you know…" Anaya turned sultry eyes at him from under long lashes. "Now that you mention it, I have this pain… really more of an ache…" she moved his left hand to between her thighs, "right here…"

Leonard started to trace wide circles along her sensitive skin, his grin turning into more of an amused smirk. "Well that is concerning. Tell me if this hurts…" Anaya groaned as he started to trail light touches along her thigh, moving slowly up toward her centre.

She made a mental note that maybe they needed to get more organised in scheduling their days off, escape the dorms - especially the medical academy, which cautioned great discretion in any student relationships - and spend more time as just the two of them. She found herself more and more wanting to wake up with Leonard - especially following the dreams; these kinds of mornings were by far and away her favourite.


LATER THAT DAY

"Would you stop fidgetin'" Leonard chastised as Anaya flattened out the buttons on her jacket once more, lifted her head to glare at him.

"I'm nervous, okay?" She snapped and he sighed, brushed a hand along her soft, white cheek.

"You have nothing to be nervous about, Lee," he said, smiling to himself that even after six months he rarely used her first name. It was just as curious to him that her use of Mac had stuck, and sent a quiet thrill through him whenever she used it.

"Easy for you to say," she muttered, closing her eyes and willing herself to calm. He watched her pull back into herself, the nerves folding in on themselves until she was able to tuck them into the very inner reaches of her mind. There, properly settled, she took a deep, centred breath and opened bright blue eyes to look intently at him.

"This is worse than waiting to find out if I was accepted into Starfleet," Anaya commented and Leonard grinned, shook his head a little.

"It's just my daughter, Pumpkin," he slipped his fingers around the back of her neck and pulled Anaya in for a soft distracting kiss, eliciting a quiet moan of frustration out of her.

"I hate it when you do that. And I told you, stop calling me Pumpkin, my hair is not orange!" She pulled away, grabbed his hand as the train pulled into the station. Today they had swapped out their Starfleet uniforms for civvies, and Anaya was enjoying the looks she'd been getting from her companion as they travelled inland to his daughter's sixth birthday party.

"As you wish, Butternut," Leonard replied, falling into step alongside her, ignoring the glare that she tossed in his direction. They stepped in to one of the carriages, quickly found seats as the transport started to move, and fell into a companionable silence when they rolled out of the city and headed South.

Anaya viewed the San Mateo range in the distance, felt a dull ache in her arm and subconsciously rubbed it, recalling the earlier dream. She'd been cleared to return to full duties but still felt anxious about it. Not that she wanted to admit that to Leonard, and had been shoving her fears behind a wall of bravado.

"Does that still hurt?" He asked, breaking the silence when he saw her absent-mindedly touch her arm again.

"No," she replied. "It's like… a phantom ache. There's no pain, but I feel like there should be."

"How did the last few days training go?" He asked, his demeanour changing from carefree to attentive doctor.

"Good, no problems at all," Anaya replied with a reassuring smile. "We're leaving for the Pinnacles in two days, training exercise."

"Climbing? Already? Are you out of your fiery mind?" Leonard snapped, twisting in his seat to look at her straight on. "You only just fixed that thing, you want to try snapping it again?" He didn't know where the reaction came from, but later Leonard would come to realise that a part of him was as scared for Anaya going back into the field, as she was.

Anaya frowned. "This is different, Mac, we're going as a team. It's part of the training, I don't have a choice. You cleared me for duty."

"I meant light duties," Leonard said, "not going up some mountain where you can get yourself killed."

"Your report didn't say light duties," she countered.

"Yeah well, I can change that," Leonard threatened. Anaya found herself believing he'd actually do it.

"Don't you dare, there's nothing wrong with me and you know it!" She snapped, eyes flaring up with anger. They'd had a passionate six months, acting on the initial attraction that had been there when they met, but unlike her easy rapport with Jim, Anaya didn't always see eye to eye with the Leonard. She trusted him with her life, and together with Jim, they were some of the fastest rising cadets in the Academy. But she couldn't deny that Leonard's personal feelings tended to influence their professional relationship.

"Dammit Lee, I'm worried about your mental state, you haven't recovered fully and I didn't spend the last six months patching you up just to see you break again," Leonard said, and she heard it: the fear, the worry, hidden beneath his blustery surface. She just wasn't about to let it change her course.

"Well get used to it, because this is who I am Mac, and I'm here to do my job." She crossed her arms over her chest and slumped back into her seat with a heated sigh. "You didn't see me interfering two months ago when you got caught in that Rigellian Fever outbreak from those refugees…"

"Now hold on just a precious moment there, I am a doctor, dammit! That is my job!"

"And this is my job, Mac. Sure, it's not going to win a Federation Award for Outstanding Medical Achievement, but dammit, my job saves lives too. It's important."

"Anaya…"

"Don't…" she shook her head.

"Come on, you know I'm proud of everything you've achieved at Starfleet."

"Are you?" She asked, looking at him. "Because sometimes it's like you want to put me in a bird cage; and sure you'll put the cage by the window so I can see the sky, but Leonard, it's not the same as being out there, in the sky, free."

A pensive looked crossed Leonard's face as he recalled the last time she flew. She wasn't the only one still suffering nightmares of that day, but he didn't tell her that. In fact, his seemed to be coalescing into a patchwork quilt of events, all where Anaya had been placed in danger - from the most recent fall, to the serial killer attack by The Doctor a year earlier where she'd been attacked by nanobots. He couldn't talk, and he knew it, they'd all been in danger at one point or another during the last eighteen months of training. Leonard just wished that Anaya had chosen to enter into tactical training along with Kirk - she'd been offered - but instead, she'd decided to stay in Security, accepting a well coveted position at the Space Security College.

"I just want you happy," he said finally, brushing a finger down the bridge of her nose. Anaya closed her eyes at the gesture, smiled.

"I am happy, there's nowhere else I'd rather be right now," she relayed honestly, opening her eyes and locking gazes with him. The train started to pull into the station and she frowned, their trip had already come to an end. "Well, actually, there's a dozen other places I'd rather be, with you, right now…"

Leonard chuckled a low and hearty laugh, kissed the sensitive spot behind her left ear, and then pulled her toward the door of the carriage. "Believe me, I'm not looking forward to parts of this anymore than you are, Pumpkin." She rolled her eyes at the use of the name, secretly loved it because it was something he only used when they were alone, and disembarked.

"Welcome to Santa Clara," Leonard drawled, and she smiled up at him.

"Maybe when we're done with our duties , we can take a look around the city?" She asked hopefully. They had until tomorrow morning to return to the Academy, she had been secretly hoping they could stay in the city overnight, and catch an early train back.

"Already waaaay ahead of you," he said with a smile, pulling her into his arms and leaning down to place a relatively chaste kiss to her lips. "We're booked into the White Sands B&B, check in after the party." He quietly took in the excited joy that spread across her face, and then thought about the next couple of hours to come. It was his daughter's seventh birthday party, and it had been almost six months since he'd seen her in person, his training taking up the majority of his time.

He could have been a more attentive father, that was true. Even before the divorce he'd let his studies interfere. Now it was even worse because, he still struggled to be around his ex-wife. He hadn't been over-exaggerating when he'd told Jim and Anaya that she'd gotten the planet in the divorce. While Jocelyn had quickly moved on and remarried to the man she'd had an affair with (the cause of the marriage break-up), it seemed to Leonard that he had been made out to be the villain in all of this. She blamed his long hours away in medical school as having placed a burden on their marriage, especially when she felt she was left alone to raise their daughter.

One evening Leonard had come home unexpectedly to find the house empty. He had discovered her infidelity when Jocelyn and her lover had come home from a 'date'. The pain had been so shocking, he'd said nothing and simply gone back to the medical college; but he'd slipped into drinking more and more to dull the pain of what he knew. Anaya only knew parts of this, and he'd deliberately left it that way. He found himself seeking out her hand as they caught a transport to Jocelyn's new home.

While Anaya called him sunshine, a joking reference to his lack of optimism at the best of times, she was without a doubt the ray of light that had pulled him out of his depression. This would be the first time he'd seen Jocelyn since the divorce, and his stomach churned at the thought.

Anaya was blissfully ignorant of all this, naturally, as the transport whirred into the curb by the spacious mansion set on the outskirts of town. She whistled appreciatively at the decadence of the high walls and wrought iron gates: the fifteen bedroom estate sprawled out behind an immaculately landscaped garden, featuring a large water fountain in the centre of the driveway showcasing willowy mermaids.

"Wow… you should have fought harder in the divorce, you handed over all this for the stars?" Her tone was light, teasing and Leonard grimaced as they stood out the front, looking around.

"This all belongs to the new husband," Leonard muttered under his breath. "She left me before I'd started making any decent money."

"Lucky me," Anaya quipped, kissing him on the cheek. "All those riches and glory to come."

Leonard laughed, "Darlin', if you think we're getting riches and glory from Starfleet, you need to go running back to your daddy," he said, cringed a little when her eyes darkened.

"He can keep it, all I need are my bones and the stars, right?" She recovered quickly, smiling at him brightly. "And a little sunshine."

Leonard chuckled again, turned to her with his trademark raised eyebrow. She stared up into those hazel eyes, watching them shift in colour, darkening with his desire for her. "You know, there was an actor back in the 21st century, funny guy. He said 'The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk.'"

Anaya smirked, raising her eyebrow at him. "Your coconut milk, doctor?" Leonard's smile opened into one of amusement, pleased she'd caught the double entendre.

She tried to hold it in, the image of their morning romp still fresh in her mind, and realised that Leonard had been waiting to use this quote for some time now. She laughed, grabbing at his arms. It wasn't a dainty laugh by any means. It rippled through her from her stomach and up, she leaned into his chest, her forehead pressed against the soft fabric of his shirt as she started to cry tears of hysteria.

"Coconut...milk…" she blubbered, bursting into another fit of laughter.

Leonard watched her with a broad smile on his face. He loved her when she broke into her moments of uncontrolled laughter. "Oh my god, Mac, that is the… the… funniest ... " The gates started to swing open on automatic hinges, and she felt him stiffen beside her, the laughter falling instantly from her.

Anaya wiped at her eyes, instantly regretting that she'd probably smudged her mascara, and turned to see a woman, as immaculate and well groomed as the house and gardens surrounding her, standing by the gate - an amused expression on her face. "Mac?" She asked with a slight upturn of her mouth. "How cute."

Leonard cleared his throat, and Anaya stepped back to give him some room to breathe. He stepped with her, not letting her separate for even a moment, his fingers moving to lace with hers as he turned his southern charm on, and smiled at the woman now watching them closely.

"Afternoon Jocelyn. Permit me to introduce Anaya Lee; Anaya, the mother of my daughter, Jocelyn Darnell," he said smoothly, but Anaya could feel the tension radiating off him, a stark contrast to their light-hearted banter only moments earlier. He'd deliberately used Jocelyn's maiden name to irritate her.

Anaya extended her hand out to Jocelyn, found it met with a strong, firm grip. "Jocelyn Treadway," the woman corrected. "Charmed. Please, come up to the house," she turned stern eyes to Leonard. "You're late, Joanna is waiting."

Without any hesitation, she turned on her high heels and Anaya found herself wondering how she'd missed the approach of the woman. She realised with a start she'd been laughing so hard at Leonard's comment that she'd lost awareness of her surroundings. Chastising herself for being so lax, even on a break, she resolved to work on that.

She found herself watching the woman as she walked. The graceful sway of her slim hips, the impossibly perfect cut of her hair - red of course - piled elegantly upon her head in a coil and secured with a clip boasting diamonds, emeralds and rubies. Next to Leonard, in a simple pair of black dress pants, an emerald green shirt under a matching black blazer, Anaya felt herself suddenly dwarf in comparison.

"She's something else," Anaya breathed, quietly awed by the poise of her lover's ex-wife.

"Well... that's one way o' puttin' it," Leonard said, sobering as he thought about those dark days following his realisation of her infidelity. While Anaya was seeing nothing but competition, and feeling inadequate, he was quietly wishing they could get out of there as soon as possible. No good was going to come of this day, he was certain of it.

Several hours later the party was everything he'd dreaded, and more. The clown was off entertaining what appeared to be the entire population of the boarding school Jocelyn had thrown their daughter into. The cowboy was giving pony rides in the back yard, and he was downing his third whiskey, wishing he could drown himself in the olympic sized pool.

Anaya had disappeared into the house with Joanna; they'd been headed for the rooftop terrace to set up the telescope they'd picked out for her - so she could watch when Daddy went up into space. He felt a presence behind him, hoped Anaya had returned, but found himself suddenly wedged between an oak column holding up the patio, and the last person on earth he felt like talking to.

"It's good to see you, Leonard," Jocelyn said softly, looking out over the party surrounds.

"Is it now?" He quipped, shaking his head and sipping from his tumbler.

"Still drinking, I see?" She retorted, raising her eyebrow at him, but otherwise her porcelain perfect face stayed unmoving.

"Only in the presence of cold-blooded reptiles," he muttered under his breath. If she heard it, she didn't let on.

"Your new redhead is pretty," Jocelyn changed the subject.

"What's it to you?"

"She'll have to go, of course," at this Leonard turned his head to look incredulously at her.

"Come again?"

"I need you here, Leonard, you need to come home to your daughter." It wasn't a question. Leonard reeled at her presumptuousness.

"Listen, Jocelyn, there ain't a wild bronco on this planet that is gonna…"

"She's dying, Leonard," Jocelyn cut in. "You're needed here."

Leonard thought his heart might stop, turned to stare into his ex-wife's eyes, seeing the fear and worry lodged deep down inside her cold heart. He knocked back the rest of his whiskey with a scowl. The tiniest of tears slipped out from the corner of her eye, and Leonard felt his heart melt just the slightest. She was the mother of his child, after all, and he had loved her, once. He sighed, reaching out to pull her into his arms, "yeah, all right, don't worry, I'm here."

He held her familiar body in his arms, mind turning to Joanna and what could possibly be wrong. His medical mind started turning over, running various scenarios as he mentally diagnosed his daughter from the day's events - she didn't look sick, so it had to be something not obvious, something neural, or maybe lymphatic… his thoughts were interrupted by the press of lips to his, and he felt the sharp graze of Jocelyn's perfectly manicured nails slide through his hair, pulling his head into hers as she kissed him hard. He was stunned for a moment, freezing as she continued to assault him with touches and tongue. He pulled back, heard the slam of the front door echo down the hallway to where he was standing, his ex-wife still wrapped up in his arms. He cursed, pushed her away, and ran a hand through his hair.

"Are you out of your flippin' mind?!"


Anaya had watched the scene unfold in front of her with a quivering lip. The afternoon had been grueling, to say the least. Leonard and Jocelyn were on their best behaviour, one wouldn't have even known there was a feud between them; a couple of times she even saw them share a laugh. Jocelyn's new husband was suspiciously absent, and she'd started to hear rumours that he was abroad, and how 'things were going to change soon', from the other guests at the party.

When Joanna had told her that she was sick, and how her dad was going to come home to them because of it, Anaya had put it down to the fantasies of a little girl, but then she'd heard it - from his own mouth - "Yeah, all right, don't worry, I'm here." He could have cut her open with a scalpel, it hurt that much. When they'd started to kiss, she had to run. There was no way she could face this here, not during a little girl's birthday party, and Anaya knew she didn't have it in her to play happy homes while waiting for him to break the news to her.

Anaya used her training to silently run toward the front door, tears threatening to spill in her eyes as she got out to the front porch, the door closing with a louder reverberation than she'd intended, and then started to run in earnest. She saw the last six months flash before her eyes as she flagged down a transport and climbed in, telling the driver to head for the train station as quickly as possible.

He's broken, still in pain from the divorce, hurting… she'd known it when she met him, hadn't realised how much so.

Her comm beeped on her wrist communicator and she glanced down at it, ready to reject the call, only it wasn't Leonard. Jim's name flashed up and she clicked the screen as the transport pulled up in front of the train station. She exited, and took his call.

"Hey Lee, a couple of us are going up early to the Pinnacles, you coming or are you all tied up with Bones?" His voice was light, teasing, and quietly she sucked back a sob. Looking at the screens, she located the next train to San Francisco: she was in luck, there was one just leaving. Hurrying across the platform, she waved her wrist over the check in, hearing the computer beep, and jumped through the doors as they were closing.

"I'm in," she said. "I'll be back at the Academy in an hour."

"Yes! Bring your marshmallows, we're going camping." He ended the communication and Anaya sat back in the train, her mind returning to Leonard.

Joanna was sick. He'd do anything for her, even return to his former life. It was always going to end like this, she thought to herself. She squeezed her eyes shut, forcing it from her mind. She'd known going in it was a risk. Why else had she denied his advances for the better part of a year? Now that it was happening, she found herself more shattered than she thought.

'This is a mistake.'

He'd said it from the beginning.

"Yeah," she muttered as the words rattled around in her brain. "Tell me something I don't know, Doc."


Anaya disembarked the train with a heavy heart, stowed it deep inside when she saw Jim running toward her, his face all flushed. He paused, taking in her mixed expression, and then noted that Leonard wasn't with her.

"What's wrong?" He asked, instantly realising that he'd hit a nerve when her face crumpled, and tears started to shimmer in her eyes. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lee, what's going on? Where's Leonard?"

"He's...he's…" she waved her hand absently in the air. "Gone."

Jim froze at the words, stunned. He'd never in all this time thought his best friend would be the love 'em and leave 'em type. In fact, quite the contrary. He'd not seen Leonard McCoy go home with a single girl the whole first year of their training: until Lee. She was the man's kryptonite, they all knew it.

With a single step he'd pulled her into his arms, squeezing her tightly as she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face into his chest.

"Dammit Bones," he muttered under his breath, felt her shake her head.

"It's… it's not his fault, it's mine," she said into his shirt, her words causing Jim to frown.

"You want to run that by me again?"

"He… he needs to be with his family," she replied, and Jim found himself certain that he'd missed one hell of a story that had unfolded in the last twenty-four hours. The last he'd seen of the dynamic duo, they had been heading back to Leonard's quarters for the night, with plans to visit his daughter for her birthday the next day: today.

"Okay..." he said, not really understanding what she was talking about. He shoved the thought to the back of his brain. His keen mind turned to the complicated mess they were now in. He needed Lee to be the top of her game, now he was worried she was an emotional wreck, and that didn't bode well for what he had to tell her.

"You're gonna have to fill me in later, Kitten," he said, using a nickname he'd coined after her near-death miss. So far she was on eight lives remaining, and he was counting. "We got a mission."

Anaya stiffened in his arms, sniffed back her tears and pulled her head back to look at him. "A mission? What mission?"

"Walk with me, no time to explain," he said, and he wasn't lying. Almost as soon as he'd gotten off the comms with her, he'd been summoned to Captain Pike's office, where he'd received the most exciting news of his life.

"There's been an attack on the outskirts of the galaxy, an Earth colony, Imara. You know it?" Anaya nodded, she'd been made privy to the recent intelligence reports stating that Klingons had been in the area, staging attacks on the newly settled colony. She stated as much to Jim, who nodded and smiled proudly at her.

"As such, we're going on a peacekeeping mission," he said.

"Jim, that's insane. We're barely out of Starfleet diapers, how can we be on a mission?" She shook her head, trying to take it in, wondered if he was pranking her. Surely that was it, he was trying to cheer her up, the only way he knew how…

"First off, we've been on missions before, we're not that wet behind the ears, Lee. Second, this is Pike, and I don't know, he's always had a thing for me. Third… half of Pike's team is down with the Levodian flu, they are out for the count for the next two days so they're pulling in anyone who is available. We gotta move now, we're on the first shuttle up to the Farragut in half an hour."

"Half an hour?!" Anaya felt the blood drain from her face. "Jim I can't, I… what about Mac? I mean…" She stopped, looked at the people standing around, Jim waited beside her.

"He'll still be here when we get back," he said softly. And so will whatever is going on with you two. It went unspoken, but as Anaya looked into his eyes, she got the message, nodded. Maybe this was exactly what needed to happen. A clean break. She found it ironic that their whole relationship had started with a clean break of her arm, now it was ending with one too - only this time it wasn't her arm that was breaking, it was her heart.

"Okay," she said, nodded again. She spotted a familiar face in the crowd, moved to intercept. "Katira!" Her roommate stopped, smiled and waved.

"What are you doing here? I thought you weren't back until tomorrow," Katira asked, her blonde ponytail bobbing up and down as she walked up to them closely.

"Yeah, change of plans. Listen, I need you to get a message to McCoy, when he turns up."

"Sure, what is it?"

Jim was already handing her a tablet, an anxious look on his face as he glanced at his wrist watch. She scrawled her message quickly before passing it on to Katira.

"Tell him… just tell him I'm sorry, okay?"

She left her confused roommate standing in the middle of the courtyard, took Jim's hand, and together they ran for the shuttledock.