Chapter III - The Mother in Me pt I
Caught in a world that's plagued by something they call love…
She bowed her head. Her hands were tired, so tired, simply from being wrung over and over against for years, everyday. And that was all Lucrecia did. She wrung her hands until the joints stung and ached, but the JENOVA inside of her took care of her. Arthritic she was not, nor feeble, even though sometimes that was all she could feel - aches and weakness.
Lucrecia sat. He once shimmering light brown hair was dull and cold from so many years away from the sun, and her blue eyes were dark. They hadn't always been that way. She used to be about to smile with her eyes. Vincent…what had he called them? Sapphires of hope…oh, why had she ever left him?
It was so many years ago…
A paradigm of illness is the beast I have become.
Vincent had thought she was beautiful, and of that he made no secret. He was a bold young man back then, in his sharp blue suit. All of the Turks wore them, but that suit belonged to Vincent. He had cut such a figure in that uniform, looking so proud, so sharp, with such a determined frown. Brown eyes were severe and black hair was always so neatly combed, professional, even if he could not keep it trimmed. And he had broken all of that to tell her she was beautiful, that she was an angel, that he would do absolutely anything she could ever ask of him. And she had turned him away. How stupid she had been!
It didn't matter now, though. Lucrecia was beautiful no longer, in her eyes. She was like a puzzle, and with so many pieces missing, she couldn't even tell what the picture was supposed to be, let alone conceive of whether or not it was beautiful. That was what she saw in the reflection of herself in the ice, in this ice castle she had claimed for herself, where she was an ice queen.
But once, she had been a mother.
The sights I have seen could nearly bring me to my knees.
"Lucrecia, dear, are you sure you want to do this?" Professor Gast rubbed his beard and looked at the girl, well, a girl to him, a young woman to most. She was small, thin but not skinny, with glossy, long brown hair, tied back, of course, and happy blue eyes through which her intelligence shown. Her favorite feature, however, was always her hands - they were long-fingered and steady, and they seemed old and wise by themselves, for she was trained as a doctor and as a general surgeon, but she had given up her career as a physician to become a medical research engineer for Shin-Ra Incorporated. The pay wasn't bad, but it was the excitement that kept her here, especially with the birth of the JENOVA Project. Finding the intact body of a two-thousand year old Ancient - or Cetra, as she learned they were really called - was something no one had ever done before, and being as she was the only woman on the project, she was certainly breaking new ground. This was something that could change her life, and she was determined.
"Yes, sir. I definitely want to do this. From the moment you thought of it, I thought of how pivotal a trial like this would be for our team, and seeing as I'm the only member of the team who really can…" she patted her tummy, "…yes, Professor. I'll carry the baby." She nodded, signifying her finality, and she folded her hands on the desk at which she sat in the basement of Shin-Ra Mansion.
Jeremiah Gast's expression was unreadable, and for good reason: he was conflicted about the issue. He wished he had never thought it up. Of course he wanted to see an Ancient baby born, and to be able to track its development, and the fact that he had a mother ready and willing and able, and a woman he knew and could trust, at that…
But therein lie the problem. Gast knew Lucrecia, knew her well, and respected her as much as he respected any human being. If anything were to go wrong…well, he hated to say that he would feel worse about causing pain to someone he knew as to someone he didn't, but of course it was so. It was as true for him as it was for any person. He couldn't bear to put her in pain. Then again, she was a doctor, she could take care of herself, so far as knowledge went, and she would always be near. Sighing, he resigned to a decision.
"Alright, Lucrecia. You can do this."
"Thank you, Pr -"
"But," he cut her off, "I'll expect you to be one hundred percent truthful with me. If anything - and I mean anything - goes wrong, we're aborting the baby, and we're aborting the trial." He was deadly serious. Lucrecia, on the other hand, was blissful.
"Alright, Jerry. I promise. Besides. What could possibly go wrong?"
And oh, that ignorance was so sweet while it lasted.
Gast smiled uneasily. He told her that he hadn't quite deciphered the replication rate of JENOVA cells when transplanted into the human body, let alone the human womb, so he needed to run a few more tests before they could begin. He told her though, that both the father and she would need to run a JENOVA integration, that was, to put JENOVA cells to work inside the functioning bodies of them, so she would have to select a male and bring him to the lab, where she and he could start the same course of treatment. Then she could be artificially inseminated or…well, whatever else she should choose. Lucrecia laughed at this, Gast's inability to acknowledge the fact that a twenty-nine year old woman might actually have sex. He quickly followed this up with, "But I don't want to rush you, so choose the father wisely. I know you're not married Lucrecia, and remember. This isn't about love." She nodded, comprehending. She would pick someone with a strong genetic code, or at least as much of one that could be surmised from dinner and a movie. The thought made her smile. Dinner and a movie. Why, she hadn't been on a date in…ever?
Lucrecia thanked Gast again and exited the basement, letting herself up into the sunny day that hung it's face over Nibelheim. At least they had stuck her in a pretty location, she thought, with a view of the mountains. That was where they had found JENOVA. She had not been there, but she had heard the story enough to feel like she was. A few SOLDIERs were up the mountain, supervising the ground breaking for Mako Reactor 1 when a small landslide had occurred, revealing what the on-site workers thought was a frozen pond or small river, and in it was a blue woman, who they all said - and their stories did agree - had been looking at them. But when the scientists were called in to see just what had been found, and Lucrecia had been one of them, just in case an autopsy was needed, JENOVA's eyes were closed. They thought she was dead, but when they hooked her up to an EEG, brainwave patters were detected, and she did seem to respond to painful stimuli, though everything else was non-functioning. It was almost as though she was in some sort of suspended animation or something, and they couldn't cut her up (legally) if she still displayed any sign of life. So far as science was concerned, this JENOVA had been in a coma for two-thousand years. There certainly was mystery around her, that blue woman, and Lucrecia felt it every time she journeyed up Mt. Nibel to see her. In some way, she found JENOVA beautiful. She had to, JENOVA was mystery, seduction, and Lucrecia was about to give birth to her baby. Yes, JENOVA was beautiful.
She passed through the gates of the manor and entered the town, where she found a few Turks lingering not far from their posts. Of course they were never where they were supposed to be; it wasn't that they weren't reliable, just that there was virtually nothing to do in Nibelheim, let alone anything dangerous, unless you were horribly allergic to dust and antiquing. Vincent Valentine, one of the Turks, caught sight of Lucrecia from the corner of his eye and he rushed to greet her. The two had formed something of a bond during the two months since they both had arrived, nothing more than a deep enjoyment of one another's company, though Vincent often told Lucrecia he thought she was quite pretty, beautiful, even. It wasn't flirtatious, she told herself, it was more like a flooding of honesty, as though he knew some secret so great he just had to tell someone. Lucrecia found it charming. In fact, it made her blush. But they were only friends. She told herself.
"There she is!" Vincent called, though he was addressing her directly, "Why don't you take off that lab coat and join me for lunch?"
Lucrecia laughed and did as she was told, stripping off the coat. She often wandered about in it, forgetting she had it on, going shopping and to dinner with Professors Gast and Hojo, who also had a tendency to forget to change. Then she allowed Vincent to embrace her, and she returned the hug. But it was only friendly. "Where for lunch?" she asked.
"I dunno," responded the Turk, "anywhere you like. My treat."
It wasn't like Nibelheim had a huge gourmet selection of restaurants, but Vincent had never treated before. He'd tried to sneak it past her, but she'd never let him. She grinned a little.
"Let's go to On the Rocks." It was a daring suggesting, being more a bar than a restaurant, but the food was good, and Lucrecia wasn't opposed to a little intoxication every now and again. After all, it might be the last time she would get to drink in a long time. Vincent cocked an eyebrow but agreed with her decision, and they started off to the far reaches of town, where the bar was located.
Upon their arrival, Vincent held the door for Lucrecia, saying, "Go on ahead, beautiful."
Lucrecia stopped mid-stride. "Vincent! People might assume things!" but Vincent only grinned heartily.
"What's so bad about that?"
Lucrecia couldn't argue.
They chose a table in the corner where Lucrecia could talk to Vincent without being overheard. She wanted to tell him about her new project, if she could call it that, and keep him updated, but there was only one small flaw with this - all of her work was strictly confidential, and was to be kept between the confines of she, Gast, Hojo, and any aid that might be assisting with a trial or procedure. This was completely illegal, and Shin-Ra could have both their heads for it, but you know how it goes: you've got a secret, so you've gotta tell someone… Knowing she could trust Vincent, she told him everything, every chance she got, and so far as she knew, he had never spoke a word of it to anyone; he had not even brought anything up with Lucrecia herself. They ordered their drinks, just a soda for Lucrecia for now, and a beer for Vincent, and Lucrecia began to speak.
Leaning in close, she said, "Listen, I need to tell you this before I go ahead and do it. Now, regardless, I'm going to do it, I just want to know what you think. Gast had this idea to…" she stopped, as the waitress set down their drinks. Lucrecia thanked her, and started again, "…this idea to create an Ancient child using the cells from JENOVA and a human mother and father, both of whom would be integrated with JENOVA cells before and, in the case of the mother, during the pregnancy."
Vincent frowned severely, but nodded for her to go on.
"We just haven't figured out how to make sure the child will for sure get a JENOVA integrated egg and sperm yet. They may need to be treated individually outside of the womb and then returned to the mother, but…" she stopped, took a breath, and grabbed Vincent's hand, who was stunned at this gesture, "I'm gonna do it, Vince. I'm gonna be the mother." She smiled, so proud.
Vincent did not speak. He only took a sip of his beer, and turned away.
"Vincent?"
He shook his head, "I don't like it, Lucrecia. I don't like it at all. I don't think you should mess with…people. It's too…" He couldn't bring himself to look into her eyes. He didn't want this to happen to her. And he had one burning question. "What about…who's the father?"
It was her turn to look away. "I haven't…really thought about that yet. I mean, what I mean is… I'm still looking."
His lips were thin when he nodded, "Look, Lucy. I know you're going to do this regardless of what I think, but listen to me." This was half the reason he had brought her here today. "You…" he swallowed his pride, and the knot in his throat, "you really mean something to me, Lucrecia. And I don't know if you share those same feelings for me, and if you don't, then you don't. But I think… Look, I'm in love with you. There's no other way for me to say it. And if you think this is something you really want to do, then I can't stop you. I wouldn't dream of ever stopping you from your work. But be careful, okay? If something goes wrong, I couldn't live knowing I could have stopped you from this." He wouldn't let go of her hand. Not until she promised him.
Lucrecia, however, was in a mild state of shock. She wasn't sure what to respond to first, or even how to respond. Did she…was she in love? Was this why she trusted him so much, why she went to lunch with him almost ever day, and dinner? Why she waited for him if he was in a briefing? Was this more than good company? Was that why she watched his lips when he talked, and his eyes when he didn't?
"My god…" she said aloud. "I do love him, don't I?"
Vincent cocked his head, unable to hear the words she muttered under his breath. She turned her face away and said to the wall, "I'm in love with you."
Eyelashes flickering, Vincent looked as though that was about the last thing he had expected to hear. He was prepared for rejection, but not for this. He took a big gulp of his beer, and realized he was still clutching Lucrecia's hand. It would be too awkward to let go now, so he only secured the grip. Lucrecia across the table looked as though she were thinking. Then, without warning, she waved over the nearest waitress and ordered, "A bottle of wine. Whatever you have. In celebration." The waitress smiled and obliged.
"In celebration?" Vincent asked, "Of what?"
"Of my becoming a mother, whether you like it or not, and of my being in love with you, whether I like it or not," all this she said with a smile, but added, "though it all seems so sudden."
"That's the only way to live life, isn't it? Suddenly?" Vincent used his free hand to tip up her chin, making their eyes meet. "But you never promised."
"I promise. I'll be careful. For us."
"For us? Is that what we are now? Already?"
"Well, damn it, you're in love with me, I'm in love with you, why not? Anyway, shouldn't we live life suddenly, Socrates?"
"Funny. Always saw myself as more of a Marcus Aralias." He smiled. "Come closer. I want to try something." Lucrecia bent forward, curious, when Vincent placed a firm kiss on her lips, just as the waitress returned. She smiled warmly, and allowed them to finish the kiss in peace before setting down the bottle and two glasses. Vincent had to thank the woman; Lucrecia was speechless.
"Damn you, Vincent," she murmured as he poured her wine.
"What, was it a bad kiss?" he was sarcastic.
"You know very well it wasn't." Her tone was heavy but her eyes were light.
Vincent raised his glass, "To us."
"To us," she agreed, and they clinked their glasses together.
The pair, or perhaps couple, spent the rest of the afternoon in the bar, getting more than slightly intoxicated on cheap wine, though nothing had ever tasted sweeter. It seemed to them that for once, the heavens had smiled upon them both, and that maybe this was a sign, or maybe it was just that one lucky break that everyone has to get sometime. They were so consumed in what was good and right with the world, they never noticed a familiar, unfriendly face.
Lucrecia had her own apartment not far from Nibelheim, but Vincent, the lowly Turk (or so they were looked upon by other members of the Shin-Ra company, was forced to stay at the inn, which, at the moment, was closer, so Lucrecia resigned to head back with Vincent until she sobered up a bit, not that she was trashed, no. Just drunk enough to be in too much of a good mood to spend it alone. They headed up the steps and turned the bend to where Vincent's small room was, and found the rest of the upstairs unoccupied. After all, who wants to be hulled up in a cheap room on a lovely day?
Sitting on the bed, Lucrecia sighed.
"So, Vincent, uh…tell me about yourself," she said softly.
"Like what?" he asked, sitting beside her.
"Oh, anything. I'm just…curious." She smiled. Curious, yes, and she was sort of scoping him out to see if maybe, just maybe he could father the baby for JENOVA. Gast had said this wasn't about love, but he didn't say she couldn't love. After all, she had known Vincent for a few months and there was clearly nothing wrong with him: he was intelligent, funny, and handsome, not to mention strong and stable… He seemed a perfect choice.
"Well, I dunno."
"Tell me about your parents," she offered, shrugging gently.
Vincent leaned against the headboard, folding his hands across his lap. He flicked his dark hair out of his face. "Alright… My mom, her name was Leila. She was very beautiful. She was tall, and strong, and she had the longest, reddest hair you could ever imagine. She used to sing to me every night until I thought I was too old for that…but she could sing. She could do anything, as far as I was concerned. My father, Vincent (I was named after him) died when I was very young, four, I think, so she was everything to me. Don't get me wrong, I still love my father, and he loved me, and I know he loved my mother very much. I only ever wish I'd never asked Mom to stop singing…" He seemed forlorn for a moment, but then snapped back to reality. "She didn't want me to take this job, said I was too young. Of course, I was only twenty when I applied, so maybe I was. She…uh…she passed away two years ago. Day after my birthday. She said she was proud of me, she said, 'Vincent Constantine Valentino, you have proven yourself as a man. You are more than any mother could ask for,' and then she died. The doctors said it was old age, but I think it was heartbreak. Her husband was gone, I was gone, and she always wanted grandchildren, and I couldn't even give her that. She was only sixty…" He stopped. A tear shimmered in his eye, but he blinked it away, pursing his lips.
Opening her arms to him, Lucrecia mumbled, "Oh, Vince, I'm so sorry. I didn't know." He bent forward, and allowed her to embrace him, laying his head on her breast. The good mood was crushed, but both their hearts were open.
"It's alright. You would have found out somehow," he murmured, looking up at her. Then he buried his face against her shoulder took in a deep, long breath, smelling Lucrecia's hair, its natural perfume, and he sat up. "How about you?"
She laughed, uneasily.
"Dad's a minister, hates what I've done with my life, Mom's a housewife, wishes I would come home and settle down and be a housewife too. My brother doesn't care that I exist, my sister worships me. The end."
Vincent frowned dramatically. "What are they gonna think of this whole JENOVA baby thing?"
"Well, I won't be going to any reunions…"
...Authoress' note: If you like this story so far, please do me a favor and read No Poetic Device - it's a Vincent fanfic as well, and if I may say so myself, it's the best thing I've ever written. I promise you won't be disappointed. It just feels lonely because I spent a great deal of love on it, and it has had zero reviews, and that hurts a little bit, if you know what I'm saying. Thanks for listening to me gripe! More to come soon! Oh, and PS: If you want to know about how far along I am on the next chapter, check my bio - I update that more than my stories, just so people know where I'm at and what's going on. Thanks again!...
