CHAPTER 3

Jesse Hawkes stomped up the stairs, still so angry at his eldest son that he was glad he'd left Matt at the station. He'd driven around for over an hour, trying to calm himself down. It hadn't worked. Then he stopped at the local travel agency and set up flights for himself and Cody. He tromped into the living room of his ex-wife's home to find Cody sitting on the sofa reading a book.

"Cody, you need to pack your gear."

"I thought we were staying in Tahoe for a few days," Cody said, the question unspoken.

"Just do it, I'll explain on our way to the airport."

Jesse grabbed his pack and began stuffing his clothing inside.

"Whoa! Airport? Where are we going?"

"Tempe." Jesse zipped up the bag and dropped it near the top of the steps

"Why?"

"Cody, just..."

"No! Dad, tell me what's going on. Why are you so angry?"

"I'm not angry at you, boy. I'm angry at your brother!"

"Matt? Why, what did he do?"

"It's what he didn't do!"

"Daaad!"

"Cody, we don't have time for this! We have a flight to catch. Now move!"

"Is something wrong with Mom?" Cody asked quietly.

Jesse froze and turned to face his youngest son, who looked every bit his young fifteen years.

He walked over and placed his hands on Cody's shoulders.

"She's sick, Cody. Very sick."

"Is she...is she dying?" he asked, so softly the Jesse barely heard it.

Jesse briefly closed his eyes, then blew out a breath and told his son the truth.

"Yes, son, she is."

When Cody's chin started to quiver, Jesse pulled him close. "I'm sorry, boy. There just wasn't an easy way to tell you."

Cody tightened his arms around his father's waist and asked, "What's wrong with her?"

"She has tuberculosis."

"How?"

Jesse shook his head. "I don't know, son. And it really doesn't matter right now."

"Matt knew?" Cody asked in disbelief.

Frowning, Jesse released his son. "Yes, your brother knew and decided not to tell us!"

"Is Matt going with us?"

"No!"

"He's not going to see Mom?" Cody asked, confused.

"Yes, I am."

Both turned to see Matt standing in the entrance to the living room.

Jesse glared at his eldest son, then turned away in anger. Matt closed his eyes and sighed. After he'd returned from the rescue, he'd finally called and spoken to his Grandfather, who had verified that Jackie's condition had worsened and the treatment wasn't working. The doctor wasn't optimistic about her chances and had advised her to get her affairs in order.

Matt had been devastated. He'd put Hart in charge of the station and headed back to his Mom's house, hoping to get the chance to explain things to his Dad and Cody. Ignoring his father for the moment, he turned to Cody.

"Why, Matt?"

"I made a promise," he replied softly.

Jesse whirled around. "A promise you never should have made, Mathew!" he snarled. "Not about something like this!"

"Dad..."

"No, I don't want to hear it. We need to leave now if we're going to catch our flight. Let's go, Cody." Jesse snatched up his pack. "Our ride is here."

Cody quickly grabbed his own backpack, stuffing his book and clean t-shirts inside. Zipping it up, he moved to follow his father. He glanced back at Matt.

"You'd better go, Code, before Dad gets mad at you too."

"You are coming, right?"

"Yeah, I'll be there tomorrow. I just have to make sure the station is covered. I have a flight out of Sacramento tomorrow morning."

Cody nodded and raced down the stairs as his father yelled at him to hurry. Matt walked over to the window. Mike McBride's blue pickup stood waiting. Jesse shuffled Cody into the back seat, then climbed into the front passenger seat and slammed the door shut. Matt watched the truck until it was out of his sight, then turned and looked around the living room.

He saw bits and pieces of his mother's life in every corner. He knew Jackie had decided not to return to Tahoe after her treatments, but the news he'd received this morning from his Grandfather had put a stamp of finality on it.

He had been correct, that his mother's condition had worsened drastically, and she hadn't wanted him to know. She hadn't wanted anyone to know. He had dared to hope that the treatments would work and even if she lived in Tempe, they'd still be able to visit each other.

Now, that last hope had been shattered. His Grandfather had told him that it was just a matter of weeks, maybe even days. He found his legs shaking and he slowly slid down the wall next to the window, dropping his head to his knees. As hard as he tried, he couldn't keep the tears at bay.

/

Jesse refused to answer Cody's question until they landed and were alone in their rental vehicle, headed for the home of Neal and Beth Fuller, Jackie's parents. Jesse flipped on the turn signal, and moved onto the entrance ramp for the freeway, while he reiterated the conversation he'd had with Matt.

"So, Matt knew she was dying and didn't tell us?" Cody asked.

"He knew how sick she was and promised your mother that he wouldn't tell either of us, yes."

"Mom asked him not to say anything?"

"That's what he said. That Jackie made him promise not to tell either of us how sick she was."

From the way Jesse's hands were clenched on the steering wheel, Cody know his father was still angry, which was unusual. His dad usually would calm down fairly quickly when he got his dander up. But this had hit him hard, Cody knew.

"Did he say why?" he asked.

Jesse snorted and changed lanes, speeding up. He raised his voice to be heard over the wind, since they were traveling with the windows down on their rented SUV. "No. Frankly, I wasn't in the mood to hear any excuse he might give me. This is not the type of thing you keep a secret, Cody. He should not have promised her." He slammed his hand down on the steering wheel.

"But he did. And once he did, he had to keep his promise," Cody stated, as if it was law. And in fact, it was Hawkes Family Law. If you made a promise, you kept it. It had been drilled into both brothers since they could understand the concept.

"Son...it was just wrong." Jesse shook his head. His thinking was still clouded by anger. He wanted to try to make Cody understand that Matt had been wrong even to make this type of promise to his mother. But at the moment, he just couldn't think straight. He was so angry. But more importantly, he was scared.

He still loved Jackie and probably always would. They had never divorced, even though they'd lived apart for over a decade. Neither had seen the need. Jesse had often wondered if she dated, but was always afraid to ask. He figured she probably had. She was too beautiful a woman to be a home-body. But he knew, if he asked and found out she'd been seeing other men, that it would break his heart.

So he never asked.

They'd travelled several miles down the highway before either spoke again.

"Dad, you know you need to calm down before we get there," Cody remarked. "You can't let Mom see you this angry, especially at Matt."

Jesse took a deep breath. Then took several more. Glancing ahead, he noticed an exit with a rest stop. He moved into the exit lane and pulled off into a parking spot next at the end of the lot, near a grassy area with a picnic bench. He shoved the car into park and turned off the engine. Climbing out of the vehicle, he began walking around the small park-like setting.

Cody slowly exited the vehicle and settled at the nearby picnic bench, clasping his hands in front of him and watching his father pace. Matt and Jesse had had arguments and disagreements in the past, but he had never seen his father this angry for so long. Cody wished he'd had the chance to talk to Matt before they left, but figured he'd be able to get his brother alone once Matt got to Tempe the next day.

After another twenty minutes, Jesse slowed his pace and eventually walked over to sit at the bench across from his youngest son.

"Sorry, Son."

Cody just shrugged.

"I shouldn't take my anger out on you," Jesse insisted. "Truthfully, I shouldn't even take it out on Matt."

"But you can't really take it out on Mom, because she's sick," Cody said, reading his father's thoughts. "Soooo, Matt is the next best target."

Jesse frowned. "I am still upset with your brother for even making this promise. But, yes, I'm angry at your Mom for asking him to and I can't very well yell at a dying woman." Jesse laid his head down on his arms and took a deep breath.

"You okay, Dad?"

Jesse crooked his head to look at his son. "I just can't believe that your Mom is so sick. She's been sick for over a month and no one thought we should know."

"Even if we had known, we couldn't have done much snowed in like we were."

Jesse lifted his head. "Just who is the adult here, anyway?" he asked.

Cody smiled. "Someone has to be the voice of reason."

Jesse reached out and placed his hands over his son's on the table. "Yes, I suppose you're right about that." He sighed. "I'm not sure how reasonable or rational I will be during all of this."

"We'll get through it, Dad, just like we always do. Together."

Jesse smiled. "Let's get back on the road. I want to get there before sunset."

They stood and walked back to their vehicle, Jesse slinging an arm over Cody's shoulder.

/

As they pulled into the circular driveway of large home, Cody glanced around. He had been a small boy the last time he'd been to his grandparent's home. It was a large, rambling adobe home, which sat on about ten acres of land. Large cacti and desert palms lined the drive and dotted the yard.

Neal Fuller had made a bundle in real estate, then branched out into other things. He was independently wealthy, and he and his wife lived a comfortable life at their place outside Tempe. Neal didn't need to work anymore, but did, just because he could. He once told Jesse that he'd be bored just playing golf every day.

The two men came from totally different backgrounds, but respected each other immensely. When his only daughter had told her parents that she was marrying a former Marine who lived in the mountains, they had been shocked. Until they met Jesse. And knew that their headstrong, rebel daughter had met her match.

Jesse and Neal had hit it off right away. Beth took a little more time, not used to someone so brash and opinionated. But in the end, Jesse had won her over too. When the boys had been young, Neal and Beth had visited often. Then Beth had been injured in an accident and lost the use of her legs. After that, they just didn't visit because it was too difficult for her to get around.

But they doted on their grandchildren. Matt's college tuition had been paid by his grandparents. And Cody's would be as well. And Jesse knew that Neal had started trust funds for both of his boys which they'd be told about once each boy had his first child. Jesse hadn't wanted his boys to know before then, because he'd wanted them to make their own way in the world and not rely on their grandparents, who would have spoiled them given the opportunity.

Jesse turned off the engine and pulled the key out of the ignition, sliding it into his pocket. As they got out of the SUV, the front door opened.

Jesse smiled. Neal Fuller hadn't changed a bit, except for a few more grays hairs. He was over seventy, but you'd never know it by the way he rushed down the stairs.

"Jesse. Cody. I'm so glad you made it," he said, hugging them both.

"Neal. I'm just sorry it isn't a more pleasant reason for a visit," Jesse replied.

The older man nodded, blinking away tears. "Yes. It won't be long, Jesse. A matter of days, I think."

"I'm so sorry, Neal. This must be difficult for you. How's Beth?"

"She's putting up a strong front, but she's hurting. She's keeping busy helping the nurse care for Jackie." Neal looked away briefly, then turned his eyes back to Jesse. "I haven't told Jackie that you were coming. I wasn't sure how she'd react." Neal turned to Cody. "How are you, Grandson?"

"I'm good," Cody replied, a little unsure of himself. The last time he'd seen his grandparents, Matt was still living at home. "Is Mom awake? Can we see her?"

"Of course. Come on inside."

Grabbing their bags, they followed Neal up the step onto the flagstone porch and through the large double front doors. He led them through the main hallway and toward the rear of the house. Pushing open the door of a room just past the kitchen, he gestured for them to enter behind him.

Jesse stopped in shock. Jackie was in a hospital style bed, with the head of the bed in the raised position so that she was sitting up. There was an oxygen mask on her face and he could hear from the doorway that she was struggling to breathe.

She looked so small...and so fragile. He blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. He took a deep breath and moved toward the bed. She faced the large floor-to-ceiling windows, but her eyes were closed. He sat down on the side of the bed, and gently placed his hand on hers as it lay on the bed.

Her eyes fluttered and it took her a moment to focus.

"Jess..." she whispered.

"Hey, beautiful," he replied softly, rubbing his thumb along her knuckles.

"Cody?" she breathed out painfully.

"He's here." Jesse turned and waved his son forward. Cody moved to Jesse's side. He leaned over and kissed his mother on the forehead. "Hey, Mom."

"You came." They could barely hear her, but the smile that lit her face told them that they were right to come out immediately.

But Jesse could feel his anger building again. At Jackie. At Matt. At this damned disease! He needed to leave.

"Why don't I let Cody visit for a while? I'll come back a little later." He patted her hand and stood up. "Stay with your mom, Cody."

"Dad?" Cody didn't feel comfortable staying by himself. She was his mother, but he didn't spend a lot of time with her and felt uneasy being alone with her, especially under the circumstances.

"I'll be back in a bit, son."

Jesse hurried from the room, leaving Cody standing there, watching the door. Then he felt a hand lightly grasp his and looked down to see his mother staring up at him. She released his hand and patted the bed.

"Sit with me, Cody," she gasped. "Tell me what you've been doing." She spoke so quietly, that Cody had troubled hearing her, but figured he knew what she wanted.

He slid into the chair beside the bed and she reached for his hand. He took the hand in both of his and began talking, detailing the things he and his father had done during the winter, and the things he'd seen. Just a few minutes into his discourse, he realized that she'd fallen asleep. He placed her hand under the blanket that covered her. Standing up, he leaned over and gave her another kiss, then exited the room.

He found his father on the back patio, staring out at the mountains in the distance. He walked up beside him. Neither said a word as Jesse wrapped an arm around Cody's shoulder and pulled him close. Cody slid his arm around his father's waist and put his head down on Jesse's shoulder, unexpected tears falling.

Behind them, standing in the great room, Neal and Beth watched through the large window as the father and son dealt with their first look at Jackie Hawkes. Neal put his hand on his wife's shoulder. She reached up and clasped it with her own. "We'll need to help them through this, dear," she said.

"We'll help each other."

"Matt?"

"He'll be here in the morning. He needed to square away the station first," Neal told her. "I'll pick him up at ten tomorrow."

"Jesse still angry at him?" she asked.

"Yes." Neal sighed and shook his head. "He's probably angry at Jackie, too, but of course he can't say anything to her, so..."

"So, he'll take it out on his son, instead. We need to head that off, if we can."

"I'll do my best, sweetheart. But you know how stubborn he can be."

"Stubborn is what's going to get us all through this, Neal." She sniffed. "I'm losing my baby."

He knelt down beside her wheelchair and wrapped his arms around her as she cried on his shoulder. Their pain was as deep as that of Jesse and the boys, but different. They were losing a child. No parent should have to bury a child.

/

Neal's attempts to talk to Jesse about Matt were met with stubborn resistance. Having seen how sick Jackie was, Jesse was all the more upset that his eldest son hadn't said something sooner. And knowing that the only reason he'd found out about Jackie was because he himself had called Neal, Jesse wasn't willing to forgive Matt any time soon.

The next morning, Neal gathered up his keys, then headed down to Jackie's room. Jesse sat by her side, brushing a hand across her forehead. Cody stood nearby, still somewhat uncomfortable. Neal couldn't tell if that was because it was his own mother, or just because she was so sick. Probably a little of both, he decided.

He thought it might be best to get the boy out of the house for a bit. He walked over and spoke for a moment with his daughter, letting her know he was headed out to get Matt. As he left, he gestured for Cody to follow him.

The teen seemed relieved to get out of the room, taking a deep breath as he stepped into the hallway.

"Not easy for you, is it, Cody?" Neal asked.

Cody shook his head. "I've never seen her sick," he replied. "Not even a cold."

"You feel like taking a drive with me?"

"You going to get Matt?"

"Yes."

"I should let Dad know."

"Beth will tell him, if he asks."

Cody glanced back into the room. His dad was softly talking to Jackie and Cody figured he'd be there awhile. Cody did want the chance to talk to Matt before Jesse lit into him again. And to be sure of that, he'd need to see his brother before he got to the house.

Nodding, he followed his grandfather out of the house.

/

"There he is," Cody said. "Matt!"

His brother looked up, then headed their way. He dropped his bag on the floor and hugged his brother, then his grandfather.

"How is she?" he asked, warily.

"She's holding on, Matt," Neal told him.

He released a breath, at once glad to know that she was still alive, but scared of what he'd find once they got to the house. Cody grabbed Matt's bag and slung it over his shoulder, receiving a weary smile from his brother.

"Thanks, Code."

"You look like you haven't slept in a week," Cody remarked. "Everything okay back home?"

"Yeah. We just had a really busy day yesterday and I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Worried about Mom?"

Matt nodded. "And Dad. He's so mad at me, Cody."

"I know."

When he didn't say any more, Matt stopped and looked at his brother. Neal took a few more steps before he realized his grandsons weren't with him, then turned around and watched them.

"What about you, Cody? You mad too?"

Cody shifted his eyes away, then shrugged. "Yeah, a little."

Matt's shoulders slumped. He nodded. "Okay. I guess I deserve that."

"Matt," Cody began, moving closer to his brother. "You haven't seen Mom yet. She's so...so...weak. So..so not Mom."

Matt closed his eyes and took a deep breath, not wanting to cry in the middle of the airport.

"We better go," he said, reaching to take his bag from his brother and moving off. Cody watched him walk away, a frown pulling at his face.

Neal walked back a couple steps and put his arm around Cody's shoulder. "It's okay. We'll talk to him on the drive back. Your brother has been through a lot in the last few months. He's had to shoulder a lot of the burden. He knew even before your Grandma and I did. For what it's worth, I know how hard it's been for him. Beth and I have both tried to change Jackie's mind."

"Why did he make that promise?"

Neal sighed and began walking, pulling Cody with him. "I think that it was his way of staving off the worst."

Cody cocked his head. "What do you mean?"

"If he promised your Mom that he wouldn't say anything about her illness, then it wouldn't get worse. If he knew that it would prove...fatal...I don't think he ever would have made that promise. It was his way his fingers and hoping for the best."

"He should have told us."

"Jackie should have told you. Unfortunately, she put Matt in the middle. He didn't want to upset your mother more by insisting, yet he didn't want to upset you and Jesse by not telling you."

"What's that saying-between a rock and a hard place?"

"Which one is Jesse?" Neal asked, with a smile.

"Definitely the rock. Actually, probably more like a boulder."

Neal squeezed Cody closer, then released him as they caught up with Matt.

Once settled in the vehicle, Neal turned to Matt, who was sitting in the front seat with him. "So, how long can you stay?"

"As long as I need to. Hart's taking over, but if I'm gone more than a week, the Ranger station at Mt. Shasta will send someone down to assist," he replied, staring out the window. "How's Grandma?"

"She's hurting. Doesn't want to lose her baby."

Matt smiled to hear his mother described that way.

"Matt, I am sorry that your mother put you in this tough spot with your dad. She shouldn't have done that."

Nodding, Matt turned to face his grandfather. "So...how, umm...how long..."

Neal too one hand off the wheel and squeezed Matt's forearm. "Not long, Matt. Not long."

Nodding again, he turned his face back to the passing scenery, reaching up to run a sleeve across his watering eyes.

In the back seat, Cody watched his brother. He knew that Matt was as close to Jackie, as Cody was to Jesse. And Cody couldn't imagine anything like this happening to his dad. And especially if his dad told him not to tell Matt or anyone else. Cody didn't think he would have been able to handle going through that alone, without his big brother to lean on.

He leaned forward and put his hand on Matt's shoulder, and although Matt didn't respond, he felt the shoulder under his hand relax slightly. Several minutes passed with no conversation before Matt turned around to face his little brother.

"You okay, Code?"

The younger boy shrugged. "I don't know. It's hard to see her like that, Matt. She's so weak and she's wearing a...a mask to help her breathe."

Matt nodded. "Tuberculosis is a disease of the lungs. It wasn't bad when we first found out she was sick. She'd go out for one of her walks and get out of breath. Later, it was hard for her to even go up the stairs in the house. You know, she didn't want to go to the doctor, at first. I think she was afraid of what he'd tell her."

"You make her go?"

"I gave her an ultimatum. She could either go on her own or I'd drag her there." He briefly closed his eyes. "I only wish I would have forced the issue sooner. Maybe..."

"Don't go there, Matt," Neal interrupted. "We all know how stubborn your mother can be. If I know you, as soon as you found out, you would have started to make her see reason. I'd venture a guess that she didn't tell you, either, but that you found out some other way."

"Yes. I saw her one day out on her walk. I was heading to her house to drop something off and she was half way up that long hill on her street, bent over and taking in long breaths and coughing. I stopped and gave her a ride home. She kept insisting it was just a cold. But when it wouldn't go away..." He looked at Cody. "It took me a month to get her to finally make an appointment. And another two weeks before we found out what it was."

"I know you tried your best, Matt. But..." Cody didn't continue, but then he didn't need to.

"But, why didn't I tell you and Dad right away, when I found out how serious it was?"

Cody nodded, his eyes pleading for an explanation.

Matt slumped down in his seat. "I think she thought she could beat it, Code. And if she did, I don't think she would have told anyone, not even Gram or Gramps," he said, glancing at his grandfather, who just nodding in understanding. "But when she found out how long it would take and how much it would cost..."

"She knew that your grandmother and I were the best ones to help her," Neal finished.

Matt nodded. "I'm glad you were able to get the Flying Doctors organization to bring her to Tempe. It sure saved a major hassle with the airlines and the health department. I was just going to drive her out instead, since I'd already been exposed."

Cody gasped. "You have it too?!"

"No! No, Cody. I've already been tested. So were Scott and Marge, although they had both moved out long before she finally went to the doctor. And you know she took a break from the casino for a while."

"What about Dad?" he asked, fearful of losing anyone else.

"He's fine, Cody," Neal told him. "She's been on the antibiotics for several weeks, so she's no longer contagious. For the first few weeks in the hospital, we couldn't even go in the room with her without wearing masks ourselves. But that's no longer a problem."

Matt saw the sadness in his grandfather's face and reached up to put his hand on the older man's shoulder. Neal nodded and patted Matt's hand, not taking his eyes from the road. Turning back to his brother, he sighed.

"But to answer your question...Mom and I talked about it so many times. I wanted to tell you, she didn't want to. We argued about it, several times. One day, we were talking on the phone, and I brought it up again. She got angry and started yelling, then she'd start having all that trouble breathing. It scared me, so to calm her down, I made her a promise that I wouldn't say anything. I just wanted her to calm down..."

"And once she did, you'd already made the promise and couldn't back down?"

Matt nodded at Cody's on-the-mark assessment.

"You need to tell that to Dad."

"I don't think he wants to listen, Code."

"Matt, he's more angry with Mom than he is with you. But, he can't very well yell at Mom."

"No, I don't suppose he can. Let's just...get through this...and then he and I can talk."

"It'll be okay, Matt, you'll see."

Matt just nodded and turned back around, once again watching the passing scenery. He hoped Cody was right, but he wasn't going to hold his breath waiting for his dad to apologize.

/