6.03 - The One With Jacob's Sons

Author's Note: This is my favorite chapter and, in my opinion, it's really funny. I hope that you guys like it too, and I also hope to get the numbers of reviews a little higher. So please, if you're reading, leave a review. I don't bite. And reviews put a smile on my face!

Since I had so much fun bringing Matt Parkman to the story, I thought I should continue bringing characters from other shows. This chapter guest stars Joey Tribbiani, from FRIENDS, and all you need to know about the character, if you really never watched FRIENDS, is that he is an actor, obsessed with three things, food, girls and girl on girl action. And also, he's not very smart.

Ok, so this chapter goes to Priiscila, because we Brazilian chicks rock. =] And also, because she likes FRIENDS. Mondler & Suliet forever. Hey, Prii, I hope that you post a review after this. =P

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After discussing it a lot, the A-team decided to use Goodwin as a blackmail material, despite Goodwin insisting that Ben would love the idea of getting him out of the way again. But they didn't care. At least Goodwin had the code for the sonar fences. Bernard and the rest of the none A-team characters of the tail section moved to the beach camp while the others made it to the barracks.

Once they arrived there, there was a shooting that looked more like children playing cowboys and Indians in the backyard. Until Ben decided to stop the shooting before they begun to kill the important characters since all the extras had already been shot and were now dead.

Ben: All right, I think we should now listen to what each other have to say.

Sayid: The day that I start trusting you will be the day that I would have sold my soul.

Kate: Sayid, stop, it's not season four yet!

Sayid: Why, I think it is, we already found out that Juliet and Goodwin were knocking boots.

Sawyer: And by the way, Blondie, a married man, I thought that was so sexy of you!

Ben [aiming a gun at him]: You don't talk to her like that or I'll kill you.

Sawyer: I don't think you'll want to do that, George. You'll have to experience the rage of all those fans of Skate, Suliet, Sassidy, Sana and ConMamma, yeah I got a lot of those.

Goodwin: George, I thought I was George! You're not really creative, are you? Jules, care to explain why you chose this guy after dating me?

Sawyer: It's George from Of Mice and Men, Stupidwin, don't you read?

Ben: If you two keep addressing to my Juliet like that…

Juliet: You're Juliet?!

Ben: Yes, you're mine, deal with it! *Turns to Goodwin and Sawyer*Anyway, if you two continue to act like this, I'm going to start a thread on the boards and ship the two of together. Can you picture it GoodCon, they shared the same woman, now they share each other.

Sawyer: You don't have the guts!

Ben [to himself]: Can you imagine how many M rated fictions they would write about the two of you? I would have Juliet all to myself.

Sawyer and Goodwin look at each other as they think about the prospect than they look away angry.

Juliet: Ben, do you want to start another ship war on the boards. The Sulieteers would be so pissed, they know I have James's back even in my sleep. *Stares at Sawyer dreamy, he smiles smugly.*

Goodwin: Jules, why are you acting like this? What about us?

Jules: I'm sorry Goodwin, but… It's been three years, and look at him, he is so hot.

Ben: Juliet would you compose yourself, you're making all Benliet fans really mad. What does looks got to do with anything? It's brains that count. And even if it doesn't count to you, I would come up with a twisted plan and you would be mine in the end!

Jack: Can we stop with this argument, I haven't even spoken yet! *Everyone rolls their eyes at this* Ben, you said you wanted to talk, well, let's hear it.

Ben: Before you reset things I had just killed Jacob because John made me, and I was supposed to follow his orders. But now I hear that Jacob is fine just like all the people who died before the reset. This time I want to help Jacob before John gets to him. So I asked the magic box for help. Do you want to see what came out of it?

Kate [whispering to Juliet]: What magic box?

Juliet: Oh, just a metaphorical box that was mentioned in one of the episodes back at season three and then nobody ever talked about it again and it was just forgotten.

Jack: Ok, Ben, let's see what came out of it. Maybe I'll get more lines if I get into an argument with you.

Ben leads everyone to his house, there's a man tied up to a chair with a gag in his mouth, the better looking cast sit on the couch and chairs while the rest of the cast fades into the background, except for Ben, that's not really attractive, but nonetheless important. Ben takes the man's gag off.

Man: Dude, where the hell am I?

Hurley [to Libby]: Seems like a nice guy to me!

Jack: You were manifested through a magic box because you have answers to what is happening in the island and how we can help Jacob.

Man [confused]: Island, Jacob, as in Lost?

Mr. Eko: So you do know where you are?

Man: I guess…

Mr. Eko: What is your name?

Man: Joey Tribbiani. Is this some kind of audition? Estelle never said anything about Lost.

Mr. Eko: I think I know what we are supposed to do.

Ben: Just like that? What is it like, Mr. Eko? The knowing, did it come upon you or did you have to cut your beard in front of me to know?

Mr. Eko [ignoring Ben]: Yes, it makes perfect sense now, and it would if you people read the bible. I told John to read the bible once, but he mistook it for coincidence that the piece of movie were in the book of laws, instead of believing in fate and he never read the bible like he was supposed to.

Jack: Ok, Eko, why don't you enlighten us, then?

Mr. Eko [happy to be talking about religious stuff]: In the bible, Isaac was the only son of Abraham and Sarah, which is also the name of Jack's ex-wife. One day God asks Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac, on Mount Moriah. Abraham sets out to obey God's command without questioning. After Isaac is bound to an altar, the angel of God stops Abraham at the last minute, at which point Abraham discovers a ram caught in some nearby bushes. Abraham then sacrifices the ram instead of Isaac.

Ben: What does this have to do with anything?

Richard: Patience, Ben! How many times do I have to tell you that you have to be patient?

Mr. Eko: Isaac later had two sons with Rebecca, they were twins. Their names were Jacob and Esau. Jacob was a farmer while Esau was a hunter. Esau was the first born, but with his mother's help Jacob tricked him into giving away his birth right for a plate of stew. Rebecca told Jacob his blind father would mistake him for Esau if he wore goatskins because Esau was hairy, and so mother and son deceived Isaac into blessing Jacob instead of Esau. Jacob had twelve sons and one daughter, his offspring became the twelve tribes of Israel.

Jack: So, what you're saying is that it's all happening according to the bible? *Mr. Eko nods* Then tell us what happens next!

Mr. Eko: Jacob had six sons with Leah, with whom he also had his daughter Dinah. He had two sons with Bilhah a handmaid, two sons with Zilpah another handmaid, and then he had his two last sons with the real love of his life, and the woman who so far had troubles getting pregnant, Rachel.

Juliet: MY SISTER! Does this mean that Jacob is my brother-in-law?

Mr. Eko: Rachel's sons' names were Joseph *Eko points at Joey* and Benjamin. *he points at Ben*

There was silence in the room.

Ben [in the verge of tears]: I'm Jacob's son!

Juliet [shocked]: I'm Ben's aunt!

Joey: Holly mother of God, I'm Jesus' father!

Mr. Eko: Actually no, that's a different Joseph, Joey. You're the one whose brothers sold you for money.

Ben: Is that why the magic box gave us him? Do all the sons of Jacob need to make an alliance to stop John, who is apparently Esau, from killing Jacob?

Mr. Eko: I suppose!

Jack [to Joey]: Is that what we are supposed to do?

Joey: How the hell do I know? I never read the bible!

Jack: But the magic box sent you here. That must mean you have the answers to our problems.

Joey: Look, I don't even pay attention to the show, all right? I just watch it because I ship Kuliet. *Kate and Juliet look at him stunned. Joey smiles looking them up and down.* How you doing?

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Locke leads the way to Jacob's statue, while Boone and Matt walked behind him talking.

Matt: So where are we going?

Boone: See, Locke is crazy just like you, he thinks that the island talks to him.

Matt: He talks to the island! I've seen cheerleaders that heal really fast, I've seen hyper active Japanese guys that travel in time while they make faces as if they are in the bathroom, I even saw psychopath dudes that cut open your head to steal your brain and powers. But that's got to be the stupidest power ever.

Boone: Yeah, well, the island told Locke that he needs to kill Jacob.

Matt: Will killing Jacob save the cheerleader?

Boone [shrugging]: I don't know! What matters is that if we don't stick with Locke, there's a really great chance that we'll get killed off. Do you want that to happen?

Matt: I guess that's a good thing I'm a cop.

Boone: I thought you were the pilot. This show just gets weirder by the minute.

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The castaways and the others spend good two hours explaining to Joey all the weird things that happened in the island in order for Joey to give them answers and orientations regarding what to do next. Joey listens to them carefully, but finds it hard to conclude anything.

Joey: Ok, let me see if I got this right. Jack loves and was engaged to Kate, she loves him too, but she also loves Sawyer. Kate and Sawyer had wild sex in a cage in the middle of jungle while other people watched and taped.

Ben [proud]: Yes we taped them. I posted the Skex video on youtube.

Sawyer: You perverts!

Joey: Jack saw Kate and Sawyer together, and to prove to Kate he didn't need her he started to make out with Juliet. Juliet fell in love with Jack, but he still loved Kate, so when Kate and Jack got out of the island Juliet turned to Sawyer for comfort. And now Sawyer loves Juliet, but he still has feelings for Kate. Juliet also slept with Goodwin, and he was married to that hot chick over there.

Harper: Hot chick, did you hear that, Juliet?

Joey: But Ben was obsessed with his auntie Juliet.

Juliet: I'm not his aunt!

Ben: And for the record, Juliet is still mine!

Joey: So Ben sent Goodwin out to the tail section crash site hoping that he would die, but he got really interested in Ana Lucia. Who also liked Jack and who had sex with Sawyer to steal his gun, and Sawyer cried when she died.

Sawyer: Hey, I did not cry, I was emotional, ok? The woman was hot and she had conned me! She was the women of my dreams.

Kate [angry in unison with Juliet]: Sawyer!

Juliet [angry in unison with Kate]: James!

Sawyer: She was, she ISN'T anymore!

Kate & Juliet: Then who is?

Sawyer [is silent for a while then turns to Joey]: You were saying?

Joey: And then after the incident there was a reset and now Kate and Juliet realized they are in love with each other.

Kate: Hey!

Juliet: That did not happen!

Sawyer [under his breath]: Would make my life much easier if it did!

Juliet [to Sawyer]: What did you say?

Sawyer: Nothing… Yes, J-Man, that's what happened.

Kate: Everything, but the last thing you said!

Joey: Then I know where the hell we are! *Everyone waits in silence for his answer* This is paradise, people! Freedom and love!

No one is satisfied with Joey's answer, so he tells them he has an idea how to make things better. He says that besides being an actor he is also a screen writer, so he would write the next episode and make things ok. He left for a little while then came back with two pieces of paper in hand, he asked Jack to be Man #01 and Ben to be Man #02.

Joey: I'll narrate! 'It's typical Dharma Initiative yellow bungalow, survivors and others are hanging out.'

Jack: 'Hey man!'

Ben [looking at Joey stunned at his stupidity, but reads his part anyway.]: 'What is up?'

Jack: 'Look man, I know we have our differences, but Jacob needs our help!'

Ben: 'Yes, you are right, I have been a' *stops to check twice what he just read* 'I have been a psycoholicit monster. But I realize it's time we put our differences aside to help Jacob.'

Jack: We get it Joey! You want us to help Jacob.

Ben: All right people, we leave for the statue first thing it the morning. Jacob's destiny is in our hands.

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Later that night Joey sits with Kate and Juliet. He had just written a new episode.

Joey: 'It's a mysterious island, two girls are handcuffed together walking through the jungle. They hear a weird mechanical noise and run, they trip falling into a pit of mud, and finally find cover in a banyan-tree.' *Joey point at Kate for her to say her lines.*

Kate: 'God Tiffany, I'm so scared!'

Juliet: 'Here, let me hold you and make it better.' She holds her, running her hands through her back and then she cups her… JOEY! This is disgusting I'm not going to read this.

Kate [mad]: What the hell is wrong with you?!

They get up and storm out leaving a disappointed Joey behind.

Joey: Come back here, you'll like Kuliet, I promise, it's the new Jate!

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A question to KaydenceRei and kab16, how do you two Sarahs feel about the possibility of being Jacob's granny?