~Chapter 3~
A/N - Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, and put this on alert. It means the world to me. I'm new to this game, so any and all feedback is appreciated. Many have brought up how you want Sheldon to beg and grovel for Amy's forgiveness. Don't worry…he'll be doing a lot of that. I would be remiss if I didn't thank the lovely and amazing Hazelra7 for her support and friendship. Her stories rock this fandom.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of The Big Bang Theory. This is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended.
"…So little time…try to understand that I'm… Trying to make a move just to stay in the game… I try to stay awake and remember my name… But everybody's changing and I don't feel the same…." Keane – Everybody's Changing
Sheldon was tired. The day dragged on, each moment feeling like ten. Checking his watch, he was happy to note he would see Amy in three hours. All day, he had been unable to concentrate on anything. His disturbing dream and Amy's sad voice co-mingled inside of his head, leaving him troubled.
His whiteboard was full of equations, yet all of them were only half solved. It was scary how much his work paralleled his life. Only seeing one half of the whole, without any concrete conclusions. And in his work, as his life, he feared the roadblocks in his path were put there by his own doing. He ran his hands across his tired eyes, knowing full well he could offer Physics nothing more of import today.
He should give himself to this relationship...
"Enough!" He said aloud, exasperated at the constant influx of memories of that psychic. This would simply not do. How was he supposed to get anything done, when feelings and emotions and memories were washing over him like a waterfall? And why now? After he'd seemingly accepted his fate; that he was in fact doomed to be pair bonded, and after returning from his trip of self – discovery their relationship was stronger than ever?
You know why…you left her. And you never, ever apologized for it. You slammed the door in her face, after mocking her innocent suggestion of living together, and screaming at her that it was never going to happen. The guilt is eating away at you, isn't it Dr. Cooper?
Good Lord…yes. It was. He never meant to hurt Amy. He knew she meant well, but the fates were converging to rain down upon him a maelstrom of changes that he wasn't prepared for. Even now, months later, the pain in her eyes as he unleashed his anger on her haunted him.
Sheldon sat down wearily at his desk, pulling out the postcard he had hidden inside his desk drawer.
While rummaging around earlier for some papers he had to courier off, he spied the postcard, which he threw in there the Monday after their trip last Valentine's weekend. He at first thought to discard it, but something wouldn't let him. It was a tangible reminder of a huge turning point in his life. He couldn't keep it lying around the apartment, either, for fear Leonard or worse, Penny…would see and tease him for keeping it.
'Napa Valley welcomes you'. – The glossy card depicted a scene of the Truchard Vineyard; rows upon rows of grapevines, hills, and the fertile valley below. The postcard picture was taken from a third story window of the bed and breakfast they stayed at. The postcards were free to all guests, part of their welcome package which included a small bottle of wine, chocolates, matches, a miniature corkscrew, and a pen. Sheldon had to admit, it was a beautiful place.
He was hesitant at first to reside there, but as the weekend went on, he found he enjoyed himself immensely. While it was certainly odd not to have full Wi-Fi, and no X Box or laptop, he found the peace and quiet of the place endearing. The air felt crisper and smelled cleaner than in Pasadena, and he felt himself relaxing despite himself. His new friend the train conductor who stopped by to play his banjo only added to his enjoyment.
Howard, Bernadette, Amy and himself toured the vineyard, Amy and Bernadette getting tipsy over the wine samples. He and Howard followed behind them, making small talk about work and the rest of the gang. Howard was surprisingly interesting lately, a fact Sheldon had previously thought would never happen. Sheldon marveled that even though Howard was still, well…Howard- marrying Bernadette wasn't the stupidest thing he'd ever done. Marriage had honestly changed Howard for the better. He never thought he'd see the day when the self- proclaimed sex god would settle down, and make someone else happier than himself. A strange feeling of respect bubbled inside of Sheldon at the thought. The romantic setting didn't helping matters, either.
Everywhere he looked, there seemed to be an element of romance. From the roses which lined the bed and breakfasts driveway, to the gazebo adjoining the vineyard to the main house, the place screamed intimacy. Sheldon wondered why such trappings were necessary. If two people were truly 'in love', then it would matter not where they spent their time together. Still, he had to admit that it was a lovely place.
If you liked that sort of thing. Which he didn't.
Did he?
Amy had looked like a teenager discovering a new land there; walking between the grapevines and stealing grapes, popping them in her mouth. He watched her surreptitiously all day, a strange feeling tugging at his heart. This playful side to her was one he'd never seen before. Perhaps it had been there all along, and he chose not to see it.
He secretly feared that if he himself let his hair down, he would lose IQ points. That argument was baseless, he realized. He had fun with the guys all of the time, doing seemingly ridiculous things: paintball, halo, D&D, Comic Con…none of those things rendered him stupid. So why would enjoying a nice weekend in the country with his girlfriend change him for the worse?
He was loathe to admit to it, but every time he saw Amy laugh or smile, his heart felt a fullness he never felt before. It wasn't like he had never witnessed her doing these acts before; Amy was quite the social butterfly once she 'let loose', as Penny said. Yet hearing the gentle laughter in her voice, or watching her face light up for some small reason, touched Sheldon, and touched him deeply. He found himself trying to make her laugh, or smile.
And promptly spent the next hours after contemplating what the hell was happening to him.
He remembered their last night there, Saturday, as they retired for the evening after a grand dinner in the dining room. It was the first time he had eaten Chateaubriand. He was no stranger to beef, being from Texas, but this was amazing. Amy had opted for chicken and he shocked her by asking her for a taste. She held out a forkful for him tentatively, amazed when he accepted it, his eyes meeting hers over the fork. The small group shared laughter and the B&B owners made everyone feel comfortable. He actually felt sorry when the dinner ended.
Walking along the second floor corridor which was very narrow, they were so close that they were touching. The old building had no elevator, and walking up the stairs together reminded him of his apartment building. It seemed they were always ascending something together. An irony not lost on him.
When they arrived at her room he stood there, towering over her. He was unsure of what to do. Kiss her again? Make small talk? Luckily, Amy yawned, alerting him to the fact she was tired and the night was coming to a close. The all-day wine sampling made her happily toasted, and she put her hand on his cheek impulsively. Sheldon just stood there, gazing down at her numbly.
"Amy, are you drunk?" He asked dubiously. His suspicions were further enhanced by the way she slid said hand down to his chin, cupping it tenderly. Sober Amy would never attempt such a bold move. Sheldon swallowed noisily.
"Oh, no. I'm not as think as you drunk I am," she chortled.
He gazed at her with a mixture of disdain and amusement. It seemed the alcohol was doing its worst. He couldn't fault her, though…he hated remembering that when he was tipsy, he did things like remove his pants in public. Better not clue her in of that little tidbit.
Amy burst into laughter, her knees giving way and falling into his chest clumsily. Forgetting his aversion to touching, Sheldon braced her back, subsequently sliding her closer to his chest. She continued laughing, losing her breath. All the while Sheldon began to tremble.
It was so easy with Amy, and so difficult, at the same time. Maybe that was the problem. He wanted it too much. The normalcy, the feeling he wanted to succumb to. On the other hand, he was nowhere near ready to give in to…whatever this was. He simultaneously wanted to shove her away and go hide under his bed and drag her inside to hers. These warring thoughts left him exhausted.
"Oh, Cuddles. I'm not drunk, really, just giddy. I'm sorry. I guess I had a glass too much. But I'll be right as rain in the morning. I promise," she winked, and Sheldon's stomach somersaulted. Flirty Amy was dangerous Amy. He was scared to death at how tightly he was wrapped around her finger already. It was best not to argue with her. Even in this state, she could hogtie him in less than seven seconds. His mind wandered back to another drunken night, the night they danced, the night she kissed him on her couch. So much had happened since then. For one thing, she wasn't his girlfriend then.
"Alright, if you say so," he whispered, pushing open her door. She went to lie in the bed, but Sheldon sat her down on the settee instead.
"I do so say. Say so. Yes," she giggled, and despite his penchant for level minded behavior, he found himself smiling broadly at her antics. He reached down to remove her shoes and placed them gently beside the settee. When he looked up, he noticed Amy was watching him intently, the smile gone from her face. He cocked his brow to her in question.
"You look so damn handsome when you smile. You should smile more often, Dr. Cooper," she said huskily, the tenor of her voice sending a thrilling shiver down his spine. Sheldon was paralyzed, rooted to the spot as he watched her eyes slide down to his mouth, holding there.
"Your lips were made to smile. Especially this one," she murmured, taking her thumb and touching his full bottom lip tenderly. All rationale fled Sheldon's mind in that moment, and he closed his eyes. All that served to do was ignite the memory of last's night kiss on the train. The air in the room seemed to disappear, and Sheldon panicked. Jumping up hastily, he stumbled over to the bed and began to untuck the duvet.
"I'll turn the bed down for you. Why don't you go change?" He suggested, his voice cracking. He took longer in his task then necessary, but it couldn't be helped. When he turned back to Amy, she was already passed out. He stared at her a moment, unsure if he should leave her there like that. The gentleman in him surged forward. He turned down the final sheet, returning to her quietly. She had on another cardigan, this one pink and fuzzy. The second he touched it, he marveled at how soft it was.
His eyes slid up to her face, and he lost his breath. Her eyes were gorgeous; long thick lashes spread out across her pale cheeks. He didn't think her eyes could become any more captivating then the already were. He was wrong. Sheldon removed the cardigan, trying to make her comfortable.
The dress she wore was pink. It had little pink roses on it. He wondered if what lay beneath was also pink. He wondered if Amy would allow him to peek and find out. He wondered what else Amy would allow him to do, if he attempted.
Einstein's ghost, I need to get a grip…
Sheldon jumped away from her, pacing the small expanse between the settee and bed. He needed to calm down. Just calm down, Cooper. His eyes kept straying over to his sleeping beauty, amazed by how peaceful she looked. How could she be so, when inside he was falling apart?
Gathering his strength, he did what any good boyfriend would do. Placing one arm across her back and another under her knees, he lifted her up bridal style, and deposited her on the bed. Amy stirred a bit, but then turned and snuggled into the pillow. A serene smile lit her face, and he watched her, mesmerized. She looked like a fairy princess in her huge, pillowy bed. For the briefest moment, he considered lying down beside her and falling asleep.
That thought terrified him. So he quietly left and retreated to his adjoining room, thoughts of her plaguing his mind long into the night.
What had that vixen done to him?
Now, a year later, he was no less under her spell. He was even further enthralled, if that were possible.
The last few months were proof to him of how much they'd changed. How much he'd changed. So many things were building up inside of him, and he felt weak and powerless to stop them.
His mind still clouded every time he remembered Amy baking him Meemaw's Christmas cookies. The emotional revelations of that day stunned him. She could have given him anything he had ever wanted, and it would have paled in comparison to what was in that tin. Looking in her eyes across that table, he knew.
She is the key to your happiness…
His dream last night had left him shaken. Where was all of this hippy dippy nonsense coming from, anyway? What was Arthur trying to tell him…be prepared. Be prepared for what? He had been trying so hard to change, to accommodate Amy into his life. He had succeeded beyond his expectations. But why did he have the terrible fear that it wasn't enough? That he wasn't ever going to be enough?
He had been running for years from his feelings. His feelings for Amy, his feelings over the deaths of his father, and his pop pop…he had learned early on that feelings weren't important to a Physicist. Emotional attachments did not help you discover elements or prove string theory. He could quite happily live without such entanglements. They served no function, other than to distract him from his work.
But now…
Now, there was a green eyed vixen who had turned his world upside down. Now, he questioned how he could have everything he wanted - A life with Amy, and the prestige and honor of winning a Nobel Prize.
Personally and Professionally, all with fall into place, once he commits to her….
A knock resounded on the door, startling Sheldon out of his thoughts. He hastily tucked the postcard back into his top drawer, slamming it shut.
"Yes, come in." He said briskly.
"Hey Sheldon. Got a minute?" Leonard asked, coming into the office and putting his messenger bag done on the chair near Sheldon's desk.
"Yes, Leonard. What is it?" He asked, still distracted by his previous thoughts. Leonard sat down, smiling at his best friend.
"You didn't come down to lunch today. The guys and I were worried about you. Everything okay?"
Sheldon busied himself with straightening up his already tidy desk.
"Yes. I wasn't very hungry earlier, so I had Alex bring me a sandwich."
Leonard nodded. "Alright, then. I just wanted to check and see if you and Amy wanted to join us tonight for dinner. Bernadette found this new Sushi place that looks promising and she, Howard, Penny and I are going."
Sheldon shook his head.
"No, thank you. It's date night, and Amy and I are trying a restaurant in Santa Monica, by the beach. I've researched it online and it seems appropriate," he said, leaving out the part that he was dying to be alone with her. While still happy to share her company over the week with the rest of their social circle, he longed for some one on one time with his girlfriend.
Leonard's curiosity was piqued.
"Okay. Wow…the beach? That's a fair drive for dinner. Getting all romantic there, aye Sheldon?" He teased, and Sheldon blushed. He had no idea how to respond to that comment.
"What does romance have to do with the beach, Leonard?"
Leonard smiled good naturedly at his friend.
"Sheldon, you know. The sand, the surf. The crashing waves. It's all very 'From Here to Eternity'."
Sheldon narrowed his brows, the pucker between them becoming more prominent. Leonard sighed and smacked his lips together. Sometimes, he wondered if Sheldon was a hopeless cause romantically.
"Well, you two have fun. Say hello to Amy for us."
Sheldon swallowed thickly.
"I will. Thank you."
Leonard picked up his bag to leave, when something stopped him. Turning, he met his friend's inquisitive stare.
"Sheldon, are you sure you're alright? I heard you puttering around the apartment early this morning and I was worried about you."
Sheldon tried to slip on his poker face. Biting his cheek, his gaze swung from Leonard's to the wall behind him.
"Yes, fine. I had a slight stomach ache, is all. No worries, good buddy."
The unusually high pitch of his voice had Leonard suspicious.
"Are you sure? Because usually, when you are ill, you come knocking on my door."
Curses, Sheldon thought. Leonard knew him too well. He tried to act as nonchalant as he could, putting a hand on his hip and leaning into his desk. Leonard's trepidation only continued to grow as he watched Sheldon's uncharacteristic behavior.
"No, no…I realized how selfish it would be of me to awaken you in the middle of the night. I dealt with it myself."
At this, Leonard's mouth dropped open.
"Um…since when?" He questioned, and Sheldon snorted haughtily.
"What is with the third degree? You should be happy I left you in peace. I don't need you for every little ailment, you know. I'm a grown man, Leonard. I don't feel the need to bore you with my bowel habits."
Wait…What? Was he joking? There was a chart on the refrigerator for six years documenting just that.
Truly worried now, Leonard took a step closer to Sheldon. Sheldon in turn took a step backward. The move caught Leonard's attention, and he frowned.
"Sheldon, you know you can come to me for anything, right? I know I razz you about how clingy you are, but you are my best friend. I care about you, and I know all of these changes lately are an adjustment. If something is wrong you can tell me."
The sincerity in Leonard's voice touched Sheldon. For a moment, he considered telling him of his troubles. But then he remembered who Leonard's fiancé was. And what a big mouth she tended to have. And who her best friend was. Sadly, that halted that train of thought right then and there.
"I know, Leonard. And thank you. Really, though…I just couldn't sleep. I'm sure I'll make up for it tonight."
He couldn't push him, he knew. It was obvious Sheldon was hiding something, but hopefully he would come to him if he needed him. Pacified for now, Leonard relented.
"Okay, buddy. See you later." And with that, he left Sheldon to his thoughts. Which once again, drifted to his girlfriend.
He couldn't wait to see Amy. After their talk this morning, he felt this desperate need to make sure she was alright. It drove him mad, this feeling of wanting something he previously thought was for lovesick fools. He was looking forward to seeing her lovely face, hear her beautiful voice. No one could rouse his intellect like Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
Although he would never admit it, he was intrigued about this excursion. It was out of his comfort zone, going to a new restaurant so far from home. But he decided that he wanted to try new things. Amy didn't mind driving to Santa Monica, so he would relax and enjoy the evening. Even if it meant the beach.
And put the fact completely out of his mind that it was, in fact, romantic.
