Fandom: Metalocalypse
Rating: M
Warnings: het sex
AN: This is a fic about the birth of the Klokateers and how Dethklok members used to be. I think their attitudes changed when they got hyper famous.

By the time Toki was finished building his model his model clock read 11:16. He realized it was just over 24 hours since he'd left Europe. It felt so weird and he didn't feel like sleeping. He looked proudly at his model. It was missing part of the tail and the plastic that made the cockpit was cracked but otherwise it was well put together.

He recapped the glue, wondering if the spilled contents on the bedside table would be a problem. They were definitely a permanent addition now.

He looked outside his window, noticing how dark it got. Maybe the star constellations looked different when you were on the other side of the planet? He decided to go to the roof.

Twenty minutes later, an amused Pickles rescued him from the old cage elevator.

"You have to pull thees lever down for the bars to apen. They lock in place when you close them."
"Thanks, I was tryings to gets to the roof."

"Da roof? You can only go there with the fire ladder and when you open the emergency exit the alarm goas off. You'll wake everyone and look like a douchebag."

"Oh...I didnt's know thats..."

Pickles took a drag from the joint of weed he was smoking. He looked more amiable now that he was more high than drunk.

"Ey, Nathen and me are playing Asshole in my room, but it's kinda boring 'cause he cheats every time. Wanna play with us?"

"Yes! But the names is "Asshole"? What's the game likes?"

"Come n' see."

They went to room 834, where the door was ajar.
"Nathen, look who I found trapped in the cage."

When they walked in Toki guessed that Pickles had had some time to decorate because this room was completely different from his. The curtains were black, the bedspread had a psychedelic print and the regular carpet had been replaced with shag. A large dresser against the wall had a large aquarium with blue light shining through it. The reflection of the water waves on the opposite wall gave the whole room a rather otherworldly look. The walls were completely filled with posters of various rock bands, most prominently Snakes n' Barrels. There was a drum set in the corner and an electric guitar leaning against it.

Nathan was sitting cross-legged on the middle of the floor with several playing cards on his lap. He had a beer in his hand and a half-filled case of the same brand behind him.

"Wowee, looks at the fishies!" Toki went to the aquarium to look at the colorful tropical fish.

"You should see them when you're high," Pickles walked next to him. "Though I have no fucking idea how they're still alive, because I always fahrget to feed them. Either Marika breaks into my room every day and feeds them or they've all died while we were in Norway and she replaced them."

"Whats do theys eat?"

"Anything, look."

He tore off a bit of ham from a half-eaten sandwich on the dressed and dropped it in the aquarium. Nearly all the fishes started nibbling on it.

"Once Ah cut my finger and I put it in the tank just for shits. They loved the blood, these fuckers. They're total cannibals."

Nathan was writing on his notepad. Trapped in the Cage of Agony was a good song title, but Cannibal fish also sounded good. Maybe they could use them both.

Pickles sat down next to Nathan and took another drag of his weed. "So Tokee, you've never played Asshole before? It's pretty simple: the winner of the previous round is the President. The one in second plahce is the Vice-President. The one who cahme in last is the Asshole."

"You're supposed to lose all your cards to win."

Toki sat down too, looking warily at the playing cards. "This...this ams not gambling, is it?"

"Naht unless you want to." Pickles was already dealing the cards.

"Ahkay, since you didn't win the previous game, you're the Asshole, Tokee."
"Uh..."

"That means you have to give me your two best cards, Asshole." Nathan growled at him, taking a swig of beer.

Toki hesitated. This was unpleasantly reminding him of three bullies at his high school. They had also approached him under the guise of playing a game. Unfortunately the game was "put live rats in the school oven to see what happens". When Toki refused, they gave him similar looks that he was getting from Nathan and Pickles right now. A look that said "try and defend yourself, see what happens, you bitch".

That incident had ended up with one of the bullies getting second degree burns on most of his left arm and the other two agreeing not to tell anyone for fear of retaliation. The teachers never found out what exactly happened, but the rumours among the students were enough to prevent him from making friends.

As he put his cards in order, he glanced at Pickles again. He noticed the drummer was observing him more than challenging him and relaxed a little.

"Pass me a beer." He commanded Nathan as he gave him the ace of diamonds and the queen of spades.

The was tension in the air as the lead singer handed him an unopened bottled from the case. As Toki unscrewed the metal cap, Nathan opened one for himself.

"Hey new guy, I bet you can't drink as fast as I can."
"Oh, you better chug that shit, or Nathen will win, dood!"

Before he knew it, Toki was downing the whole beer without coming up for air. He could almost feel the alcohol going to his brain.

"Aw-right, you can drink!" Pickles gave him a friendly punch in the arm and the tension eased.

They played several rounds and got more and more drunk and more talkative.

"I just hates my old high schools so much. They all ams assholes. Skål!"

"Dood! I know that feeling. When Ah finished high school we had a huge party after prom. Ah went there and threw a beer bottle at the window and shouted 'Happy graduation motherfuckers!' You should have seen da looks on thair faces."

"Well I dunno," Nathan looked down at his beer, feeling a bit self-conscious that he never graduated. "High school was good for getting laid, out know? In fact, that's where I got laid for the first time."

"Ah don't even remembar where I got laid the first time." Pickles ran a hand through his red dreads. "It was definitely after I left home, though."

"Yeah, I dont's...I dont's remember either." Toki said quietly while he hid his face by taking another swig of beer.

Nathan snorted at Pickles. "You probably traded blowjobs in exchange for burgers at the parking lot of Wendy's."

"Hey, fuck you, Ah'm classier than that. Ah'd be losing mah dignity at Burger King, not fahking Wendy's."

"Oh I loves fish sandwiches from Burger King!" Toki tried to change the topic away from oral sex.

"You guys have Burger King in Norway?" Nathan seemed genuinely surprised. "I didn't see any the entire time we were there. I thought you guys only ate raw fish."
"We eats lots of fish, not just raws! We have fried and grilled and dampet and..."

"Stop it, you douchebag, I'm getting hungry!"

"Oh man, Nathen, remember Portland?"

"What about it? I remember it was full of losers."

"Yeah, but the food. I kind of want grilled Pacific Ahi Tuna right now..."

"I want mesquite roasted Sweet Briar Farms pork chops..."
"And then have Stumptown Espresso crème caramel fahr dessert."

The three of them stood there salivating, even Toki was getting hungry at the mention of food.

"You asshole, now I'm really hungry! Let's order some food!" Nathan yelled.

"Dood, it's like 3am. There's nothing open with fish or pork chops. We could get pizza or burgers."

"Call Marika, I bet she'd actually find us an actual sushi bar that delivers at this hour."

"Yeah, she would." Pickles nodded. "But why should a Stanford graduate hunt for food for high and drunk assholes like us?"
"I bet Charles would find a place too. Hell, I think Charles would make us grilled fish Portland style. Damn guy knows how to do everything."

Nathan's stomach growled loudly. "Fuck this! Call Kevin! Wake him up!"

Toki learned that Kevin was their chauffeur and quite willing to look for a restaurants that opened at insane hours. He didn't find any Portland style fish or pork, but he did find a Chinese restaurant that served shrimp dim sum, which according to Pickles was the equivalent of fish.

Toki could not remember going to sleep, he could only remember how satiated he felt after eating Chinese food at 4am and how soft the shag carpet felt.

Nathan woke up sore from sleeping sitting against the wall and he was surprised to see Toki's sleeping head on his lap, drooling slightly. His subsequent yell of disgust woke up both the drummer and the new second guitarist.

There was a knock on the door and Marika walked in. "Oh good, all three of you are here." She said casually, since apparently this was a common occurrence. "Mr. Ofdensen just gave me the revised schedule for today and I need to bring you up to speed.

"This morning we're shooting promo material at studio B. In the afternoon you have three interviews with music mags." She turned to Toki. "Please be nice to all the people in the biz, we want to leave a good taste in their mouths. I know the image of the band is to be 'rebels', but we want to be called back."

She looked at Nathan and Pickles. "Also, if you're asked about your private lives during the interviews, don't answer.

"Then at 7 we have a meeting with the events company about the outdoor shows. At 9 you have band practice at the West studio."

"Toki doesn't have to come with us to anything besides the practice." Nathan growled, glaring at the youth. He didn't appreciate waking up with a man so close to his crotch. "I mean, we're not shooting promo material with him until he's officially part of the band, right?"
"Mr. Ofdensen suggested he familiarize himself on how the band runs so the transition is smoother."

Pickles was changing his pants, completely unfazed by the fact that there was a woman and a near complete stranger in the room with him.

"Looks like Charles wants to make up for the time lost in Norway." He said as he put two drumsticks in his pocket.

"Indeed, I suggest you all get ready right away. We're going to have breakfast in the van, so just freshen up."

She yanked back the black curtains and Toki began his first (of what would be many) day of working through a hangover.