The 502 Stories

By AmboDriver

Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything. I'm just playing around with them. They are owned by Shondaland, ABC, and probably a lot of other really rich folks.

A/N: Loving all your replies. Thanks so much guys. It really means a ton to me.

They're making baby steps here…I kind of figure each scene is on a new day, although there may be a day or two in between. But mostly they're happening pretty close to one another.

I know I have 3 stories going, including a really important Chance chapter (and I promise I'm working on it every day and am making some real progress), but this is all I've managed to polish enough to publish. I'm in a crazy class for this certification test I have to pass by the end of the year (or lose my job), so that has to be a huge priority right now. But, with any luck I'll have Chance up by early next week at the latest. That's my plan at least, but you know how those go.

Okay, now back to those baby steps…


Chapter 3 – A Little Less Fight

Arizona tapped the tines of her fork absently against her plate. Dinner had been another case of the two of them seated in front of TV trays, a heavy silence hovering between them. They'd made a few small steps toward one another and Arizona was feeling the steady weight of anger and resentment start to ebb, if only a little. But it was still a constant internal war between her logical appraisal of everything and the emotions that bubbled up unbidden at the smallest provocation. In her head she knew Callie had made the right decision to amputate her leg, but in her heart she hated everything and everyone involved in the twist of fate that had ripped not only her leg from her, but her identity and the life she had built.

Nothing in Arizona's life seemed to make any sense anymore. But all she knew was she had to start moving forward. She couldn't spend the rest of her life in that damned bed pushing everyone away. Even if that meant only acting as if things were getting better and hoping that reality would follow, she knew she had to make the effort. Starting to work with David was a huge step—both literal and figurative—and so were her increased interactions with Sofia. But moving forward with Callie was harder and she wasn't sure how to overcome everything and start to heal their relationship or even if it could be done at all.

She risked a quick glance at her wife and noticed her pushing her dinner around on her plate, a frown pulling at her full lips. She looked distraught and miserable and Arizona felt guilty for pulling Callie down with her. Just talk to her. It would be a start.

Arizona swallowed against the lump in her throat. "I think David finally got my socket set up properly."

Brown eyes shot up in surprise and hope but almost instantly clouded over. Where Callie had been so full of light before the crash, everything—and Arizona knew it was mostly her own fault—had turned that light to dark. And yet she was still there, day in and day out, slogging through the pain and the disappointment as every moment passed them by without much improvement. Instead, she now just seemed resigned to it all as she forced a sad smile. "That's good. It'll make rehab so much easier to have a good fit."

Arizona forced a smile in return, likely appearing even sadder than Callie's had, and yet it was answered by a more genuine one from her wife. It was amazing how just that little effort on Arizona's part seemed to brighten Callie's face. Maybe she wasn't so resigned to their fate after all. "Yeah, and the custom prosthetic will be in tomorrow so we can really get working on it all. The stock one has the knee joint a little too high up, so it's off kilter." She swallowed hard, trying to push down all the confusing feelings that went with her rehab—the hope mixed with pain at the fact that this was her life now until the day she died. Instead she focused on how she wanted to feel about it. "David said I should be walking with a cane pretty soon."

A twinkle flashed through Callie's eyes for a moment before she seemed to consciously dampen her thoughts. "Have you thought about going back to work? Once you can walk, you could at least go back and do some consults until you're comfortable enough to stand for a while."

Arizona shook her head instantly. "No, I'm not ready," she said in a whisper, more to herself than to Callie. When it looked like Callie was about to argue, she shook her head more forcefully. "I'm not ready for anyone to see me. I'm…" She trailed off, not wanting to say what she felt. I'm ashamed of who I've become.

But Callie was like a dog with a bone all of a sudden. "Arizona, you can't just spend forever in this apartment. You need to get back to your life," she argued.

"I don't have to do shit," Arizona bit back as she tossed her fork down loudly on her plate. The reaction on Callie's face, as if she had been slapped, stopped Arizona in her tracks and she let out a deep sigh. "I'm sorry," she finally whispered as she looked down at her dinner plate.

"No, I'm sorry," Callie said.

"For what?"

Callie swallowed visibly and looked up at the ceiling in that way she had when she was trying to gather her emotions. Then she took a deep breath and lowered her gaze to meet Arizona's. "I'm sorry I made the wrong decision. That's what you want me to say, right?"

"It—" Arizona stopped before she could say something out of reflex and took a moment to really think about her answer. All too often she had let her reactions come without thought, without concern for consequences, and it had hurt them both so greatly. Now, she knew she needed to truly think about her answer and say the truth and not just what would hurt Callie the most. The time for revenge was over. "My head knows you made the right decision," she began, pausing as she took in Callie's astonished reaction. "But my heart isn't ready to accept that. Far from it. Can you understand that?"

It seemed to take forever before Callie finally nodded reluctantly. "How do we get your heart to believe that, too?"

Arizona felt tears suddenly stinging at her eyes thanks to the desperation in Callie's voice. "I don't know."

Callie nodded as she stood from the couch, picking up her dishes and then silently coming over to get Arizona's. She went into the kitchen, rinsed them off, and then loaded them into the dishwasher. Once it was running she glanced at the nursery before looking back at Arizona. "Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine." It was their routine most nights, these tense pleasantries.

"Okay, I'll have the monitor on if Sofia needs anything," Callie said as she picked up her keys from the counter and started toward the front door on her way to Mark's for the night.

"Callie?"

"Yeah?"

This time there wasn't a cooking show to get her wife to stay, and really she wasn't ready to just outright ask, but she wanted to try to mend fences where she could. "I'll make an appointment with psych tomorrow. Maybe a little outside advice will help me find a way."

Callie's smile was genuine this time. "That's a great idea. It'll help." She stopped and shifted her weight awkwardly, her mouth moving as if she was about to say something, but then she just let out a deep breath and nodded. "Good night."

"Good night, Callie."

When the door shut and she was alone in the living room, Arizona's eyes drifted down to her left leg under the blanket. She pulled it back so she could look at what was left of it as it poked out of the shorts she was wearing. She tried to smile, but it wouldn't come. As much as she knew she was alive because of the amputation—and she was glad to be alive—she still just couldn't accept it. It was just all too painful and horrible. "But I will," she whispered, making a promise to herself.

And to her family.

TBC…