Revised: 13/8/2012

Scene 3

Artemis is furious at Myles for ruining his project.

ARTEMIS: Myles, that experiment took me one whole week to create, and it cost six years worth of your pocket money!

MYLES: Sorry Arty. (looks ashamed.)

ARTEMIS: You should be!

ANGELINA FOWL: (calls from upstairs) Arty, don't be to hard on your brother.

ARTEMIS: Of course Mother. Sorry Mother.

Artemis's phone buzzes.

ARTEMIS: We'll finish this later, Myles.

Artemis walks away from Myles and answers his phone.

FOALY: (over phone) Artemis! Holly has been captured by unknown humans somewhere in Ireland.

ARTEMIS: (slightly annoyed) I would have thought she would have learnt from the time that I kidnapped her.

FOALY: You can't help getting yourself kidnapped.

ARTEMIS: Where abouts is she? Do you have a locator on her?

FOALY: (Offended) of course I do!

ARTEMIS: Well where is she?

FOALY: (pause as he checks) Number 2, Cemetery Road, Dublin.

ARTEMIS: I'll just make up some excuse and then I'll go straight there.

FOALY: Some backup should be arriving any minute.

ARTEMIS: (hopefully but slightly mocking) is it five highly trained fairies by any chance?

FOALY: Well... no.

ARTEMIS: Who is it?

FOALY: Well just a certain kleptomaniac dwarf...

ARTEMIS: Oh no... You sent Mulch as backup?!

MULCH: (Popping up behind Artemis) you seem upset.

ARTEMIS: (Annoyed) Foaly, I'll speak to you later.

Artemis hangs up, and turns slowly to face Mulch.

MULCH: (waves) Hi. Do you have any food? (rubs tummy) Tunnelling really makes you hungry.

ARTEMIS: (scowling slightly) what did Foaly give you to help me?

MULCH: Only a year's worth of Tim Tams.

ARTEMIS: and where's he going to get those from?

MULCH: He said you would hack into the Arnott's Biscuit site and change it so that I win.

ARTEMIS: WHAT?!

MULCH: How about if I asked nicely?

ARTEMIS: No.

MULCH: How about if I said I won't help you get Holly back?

ARTEMIS: How about if I said I would call Butler?

MULCH: Remember what happened last time he came up against me?

ARTEMIS: He'd wear a gas mask.

MULCH: That wouldn't stop my amazing powers.

ARTEMIS: Fine, I'll do it, after we get back.

MULCH: Deal.

ARTEMIS: Just let me get Butler and we'll be on our way (starts to bring out phone).