I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AHH I am 110% dedicated to this fic I just get way too distracted sometimes. Anyways let's gooo


"I'm home!" I called out, shutting the door behind me.

"Welcome back," my mom greeted me. "How was dinner?"

I was having trouble shaking off the strangeness of what just happened, but I didn't want her to catch on. "It was fine," I replied, deciding it was best not to go into the thrilling technicalities. "Tadase's family was there, too, so that was a pleasant surprise," I gave her a small detail as I walked into the kitchen. The last thing I needed was her prying about my abnormal behavior.

"That's wonderful! It sounds like you had fun," she said as she was putting some dishes away. " I'd love to meet their parents sometime, they must be kind people.".

I was drinking out of a glass of water and nearly choked at her last comment. "Why?" I managed to cough out.

"Well I know those two are important friends of yours so of course I'd like to get to know the rest of their family," she gave me a look. "Do you not want me to meet them?" She asked.

I shuddered at the thought, but I wasn't about to tell her no. "No, no, that's fine. But I'm not sure when I'll be seeing them next," I replied, which was true.

"Get me their contact information next time you see them! I can plan dinner at our house next time," she suggested casually, and I didn't even want to think about how that would play out.

"Of course," I said and then broke away from the conversation and fled upstairs. I was horrified at the thought of my mom trying to get involved with Ikuto's family. There were at least a thousand humiliating scenarios I could picture off the top of my head and I would do everything in my power to make sure my mom never got their phone numbers.

I got to my room and found Ami still avidly tormenting my charas.

"Amu-chan!" They screamed when they saw the door open and flew towards me, trembling behind my back. It looked like it had been a long couple of hours for them.

I placed a hand on my hip. "Ami, have you been playing nice?" I interrogated. She nodded energetically, but my fear-stricken charas suggested otherwise.

"We almost died," I heard Ran cry behind me and I sighed. No doubt they were being a bit dramatic, but four and half hours with Ami was probably enough torture for one day.

"Alright Ami, it's time for you to go," I said, pointing to the door. She sulked at me but didn't argue as she left. I shut the door after her.

"How was Ikuto's?" Dia asked. I exhaled and slowly sunk to the floor in response, unleashing all of the weight that I had been carrying since the start of the night.

The four of them gathered around me, their expressions filled with concern and confusion. "What's wrong, Amu-chan?" Ran spoke.

I rolled to my side. "I don't even know where to start," I confessed. But I did my best to explain the last four hours in the most coherent way possible, but everything had been so overwhelming it was starting to blur together.

They sat on edge the whole time. I couldn't believe my life had become so dramatic that it was like a story to them.

"What a romantic night," Dia blushed.

"Ah, we missed so many exciting moments because we were too busy being tortured," Suu complained.

I sat up and crossed my legs. "I'm sorry you guys, I'll try to keep her from bugging you for a while," I apologized. I regretted not bringing them, they probably could have provided some helpful moral support.

I mulled over the events of the night. Ikuto… That guy has really has put me in a troublesome situation. I felt like I should be less confused about everything after all that happened, but instead I was feeling more distracted than ever.

"Is it love desu~" Suu taunted as she floated by my face.

"Suu!" I yelled, making a grab for her but she narrowly avoided it. Maybe it was a good thing that I left them here.

I wanted to tell her to stop saying such weird stuff, but I just didn't know anymore. I turned my gaze to the ground. The feelings I had for Ikuto were so much stronger than anything I had ever felt before, which I knew wasn't saying much at my age, yet I couldn't help but worry about it. I knew if it had been Ikuto who pulled me aside and told me he was letting me go instead of Tadase, I would have been devastated. My heart could hardly bear the thought of it. But how did I know if it was love or not?

"How am I supposed to know the difference between liking someone and loving them?" I asked, but I wasn't really looking for an answer from them.

"That's easy, Amu-chan!" Suu responded. I gave her a bewildered look. What did they know about love?

"Suu is right, love is easy… Love is all about excitement and new surprises all the time!" Ran explained with her overwhelming optimism.

Miki nodded. "Love is passion and intensity, too. It's like an art all by itself," she added, squaring her fingers together like she was sizing up a painting.

"It's warm and comforting, like a cup of hot tea or freshly baked cookies on a cold morning," Suu explained.

"Right! Love is a light feeling from deep within your heart that makes you shine," Dia said.

"Excitement… and comfort?" I asked. All of their views on love seemed to conflict with each other a bit. I appreciated them trying to help me feel better, but I just wasn't sure if their definitions were reliable in this situation. At any rate, love sounded more complicated than anything else. I rested my head against the edge of my bed, trying to put together all these pieces. I hardly sorted out a thought when there was a knock at my door.

"Amu-chan, can I come in?" My mother's voice came from the hallway.

"Yes," I said, lifting my head up so as to not look so stressed.

She opened the door and shut it behind her, which I thought was a little peculiar. " How are you doing, Amu? I could hear you talking to yourself from down the hall. You sounded a little upset," she asked, taking a seat on the floor in front of me.

I was unnerved at her words. Had I been complaining that loudly? I prayed she hadn't been able to make sense of what I was talking about.

"Is everything okay?" She pried when I didn't respond.

I scratched the back of my head and gave her a forced smile. "Yeah I'm fine, but thank you for checking on me," I lied through my teeth and she raised an eyebrow at me. As I suspected she saw straight through my deceit.

She place her hand on my knee. "You know you can always talk to me about anything. I'm your mom, it's what I'm here for," she said. I considered just thanking her and dropping the subject, but I didn't like keeping secrets from her, and a small part of me hoped she might have some advice for me.

"Um, mama…" I started, clasping my hands together. There was really no easy way to ask this, but I was at a loss. "What do you know about love?" The words made my cheeks burn, but she was an adult so she seemed like a reliable person to ask.

She looked taken aback. "Love?" She repeated. I nodded but averted my gaze from hers.

I wrung my hands. "Well, more specifically, how do you know if you love someone, I guess is what I'm trying to ask," I clarified, knowing I was in too deep to back out now.

I saw her smile then. "Oh I see, so you like a boy, hm?" She inquired.

I blushed, crossing my arms. "Mama please!" I said defensively.

She laughed at my response. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This must be serious for you if you are coming to me about it. Your first crush…" She clutched her heart for what I assumed was a dramatic effect, but her assumption was only half right. Tadase had been my first crush, Ikuto was different.

"Is it Tadase? He's a cute looking boy, and so nice, too," she asked. I had been worried she would meddle into the details of it and she confirmed my suspicions.

I shook my head. "No, we are actually just friends now," I explained, unsure of why I felt a need to clarify that.

"I see…" She tapped her chin a few times. "So it must be Ikuto-kun then, right?" She guessed. I quickly reddened and no doubt gave myself away. How did she guess so fast? I didn't give her an audible answer but I was sure she was able to put it together. I continued to stare at my hands. It was out in the open now.

"I thought so," she commented. "He's a nice boy, too. But he's a little old for you, don't you think?" She asked, as if I wasn't already aware of that. Still, I felt discourage at her words.

My expression must have been disheartening because she added "At least right now, anyways," a moment later. I appreciated her assurance. I willed myself to glance up at her and saw her looking deep in thought.

"Well, love is complicated," she said.

"Yeah, I figured that much out myself," I replied, thinking back to my charas' explanations.

"But it's more than that," she said. She thoughtful rubbed her chin. "Let's see… Love can happen a lot of ways. It can be intense and sudden, or it can be a slow build up over a long period of time. And sometimes it can feel like both all at once," she said, complexing it further. "It's being able to feel safe and comfortable with a person one second and thrilled or anxious the next; it can be unpredictable, which can sometimes make it scary. But love also brings out the best in you, and it may even reveal sides of yourself you never knew you had," she went on. I was puzzled and captivated by her wisdom. I was glad I opened up to her

"Most importantly," she said, and I was filled with anticipation. "Love is what you make it out to be. In the end, it has to be a decision you make yourself. You get to decide what love is to you, and that's what makes it so fun and so complicated. I wish there was a textbook answer I could give you, but that would take all the excitement out of it," she teased. "Unfortunately it's more of a trial and error sort of experience. Some people figure it out the first time around, others don't understand it until they are my age. So, to answer your question 'How do you know if you love someone?', my suggestion would be to think about these things and decide if your feelings and this person fits your definition of love," she advised. She must of have took me bewildered expression for confusion and added, "I'm sorry, I wish I had a better way of explaining it."

I shook my head at her, feeling far more reassured than before. "No, it's okay, your explanation was really helpful." She had said a lot of the same things that Ran, Miki, Suu, and Dia had mentioned. But she had also said something about 'the best side of you', which is what Tadase had said earlier tonight. Why did everyone around me seem to know so much about love?

I must have looked distracted because I felt my mom place her hands on mine. "You're a smart girl, Amu. I'm sure you'll make the right call. And even if everything seems complicated or wrong, remember; you're still so young. You have all the time in the world to figure things out; who you are, who you love… you have time, so don't rush yourself, okay?" She asked. I just nodded again, too caught up in my thoughts to come up with a response.

She stood up and made her way towards my door, but stopped half way. "Let's try to keep this between you and me though. I don't know how thrilled Papa would be to hear about his little girl's love life," she smiled, putting a finger up to her lips.

"Thanks," I said, both for her advice and for that.

After she left I crawled onto my bed, my Chara's watching me intently as I pondered everyone's words. So far all I had learned was that love was complicated and there was no easy way to make sense of it. There were too many factor and feelings to consider to look at if from any sort of logical approach. I recalled some of the things both my mom and charas had said. They had mentioned safety and comfort, which is something Ikuto has always made me feel. He's always done whatever he could to keep me safe, even if it wasn't the best for him. And I've done the same for him… The thought crossed my mind. I'd do anything to ensure he was safe and happy, but I felt that way about my friends, too, so why was it different with him?

And even though he spent what seemed like every waking hour making fun of me and teasing me, I always felt more comfortable around him than most people. I've been able to show him all different sides of myself, and not have to worry about him judging me. Ikuto was constantly surprising me and doing things to make me happy, too. And I guess I was intensely irritated with him every other moment, but my mom also said love was a choice, so I guess I could interpret that how I wanted. I felt all these things with Ikuto; on edge and at home all at once. My stomach was in knots.

"Ugh," I groaned and rolled over. My gaze fell on my phone sitting on my night stand and I grabbed it without much thought. I flipped it open and started a new message.

To Ikuto:
Thanks for walking me home.

I felt compelled to reach out to him in someway, and this was all that came to mind. I wavered for a heartbeat and sent it, then returned to my curled up position. I stared off into space, not sure what to do with myself.

"Amu-chan…" Ran drifted into my line of vision, disrupting my thoughts.

I reached out and gently patted her head. "I'm sorry everyone, I don't mean to worry you. I'm just have trouble sorting things out," I explained.

"You know we always have your back, Amu-chan," Ran gave me a thumbs up.
"We're always on your side–

"And we will always help you do your best–

"Suu, too~"

I smiled at their encouragements. "Thank you, I don't know what I would do without you all." I was so grateful for them during times like these.

Suu flew over a fluffed up my pillow. "You should try to sleep, you've had a long day," she suggested. I nodded, worming my way under the covers without bothering to change. Suu turned off the light and the four of them went inside their eggs.

I heard them snoring away a few minutes later, but I was wide awake, my mind far too active to even consider rest. Where would things go from here? How could one short conversation completely change everything I thought I knew?

My room was suddenly cast in a dim light and I saw my phone screen had lit up. I snatched it off the table and flipped it open, squinting at the bright display. After my eyes adjusted I was able to make out the message.

From Ikuto:
Of course. Sleep well.

It was a generic response, but it still made me smile. I was in way over my head.

I woke up the next morning to Ami talking excitedly at the edge of my bed.

"Let's go let's go let's go!" She repeated loudly.

I blinked furiously as I tried to understand what was happening. "A-Ami what are you doing?" I struggled to sit up, knowing I would not be going back to sleep after this. "What time is it?" I glanced out the window, but it was hard to tell the time during the summer since the sun rose so early.

"Time to go!" She was jumping up and down now. I saw my charas peeking out of their eggs with terrified expressions.

"Go where? What are you talking about?" I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hands.

She stopped jumping momentarily. "Mama told me you said you would take me out today," she giggled mischievously and then it came rushing back. Crap. I had mislead my mom yesterday and it had come back to haunt me.

I sighed in defeat. "Fine, fine. Where did you want to go?"

"Ice cream!" She exclaimed. I saw my charas peek out of their shells a bit more at the mention of ice cream.

"Isn't it a little early for ice cream?" I asked in the middle of a yawn.

She thought about that for a moment, and then her eyes lit up with a solution. "Taiyaki then ice cream!" She squealed.

"Both?!" I asked incredulously.

"Both!" The four characters completely came out of their eggs to chime in their opinions.

"Jeez..." I complained. "At least let me take a shower first," I said, not away enough to deal with their enthusiasm.

"Yay!" The five of them shouted in unison. I was amazed at how quickly they joined together when they wanted something.

I took my time showering and getting ready for the day. I knew once we left we probably wouldn't be back for while, assuming they get distracted by one thing or another. I came down stairs a little after ten and saw Ami eagerly waiting by the door with my charas hovering near her. I sighed, she acted like she never got to go out and do things.

"Where are the two of you going?" My mom asked.

"Taiyaki and ice cream!" Ami said. I winced, my mom was not going to be happy about me buying so many treats for her so early in the morning.

"Amu," she gave me an annoyed look

"We'll be back in a bit," I apologized with a collection of small bows before we took off out the door.

"Ami if you don't slow down I'm going to make you hold my hand the whole way there," I called after my sister, who was running full speed ahead of me. If it wasn't for her short legs I would have no chance keeping up. She stopped and pouted at my words, but thankfully listened to them.

I managed to reel them all in as we made our way to the shops, but once we got to the strip of food stands and small entertainment venues that were set up for the break they were off looking at something else every other second. I was forced to jog around to keep up with them since they had decided my words and threats held no power here. I saw them finally come to a stop about three shops ahead of me and when I caught up to them I knew why.

"Taiyaki!" Ami said happily.

"Give me a second to catch my breath," I panted. But their expectant eyes wouldn't give me a moments rest. I handed the shop owner enough money for five cakes which would hopefully keep them preoccupied for at least a few minutes. I couldn't believe I got dragged into buying them food again.

We walked around the shops for a while, and they seemed to be entertaining themselves enough. As we strolled about watching the street performers and tourists, I kept daydreaming about running into Ikuto, and then criticized myself for having such thoughts. How was I supposed to focus on anything when he was always on my mind.

"Ne, can we ride the carousel?" Ami tugged on my skirt and brought me out of my fantasies.

"Yeah, just be careful please," I said. I hoped they wouldn't get sick riding it after just eating.

"Are you not gonna ride with us?" Ran asked.

I shook my head. "No, I'm gonna sit this one out," I said.

"Amu-chan, come have fun with us," Suu tried to convince me.

"I don't like carnival rides," I said. All four of them glared at me, because they knew better. They've seen me have the time of my life at the amusement park with Ikuto multiple times, but they didn't try to persuade me further. I reminisced over those memories fondly but tried to shake them off. I couldn't spend the rest of my life thinking about him.

I watched them go around on the carousel once, twice, three times, and then I stopped counting because the motion was starting to make me feel nauseous. I settled into the bench on I wa knowing I'd be here a while. I peered around the area in spite of myself. I knew I wouldn't see him, but there was no harm in looking.

I was surprised, instead, to see Nagihiko walking along the busy street.

"Nagi! Hey!" I called out, waving my hand to try and get his attention. He looked around for a moment and then his line of sight met mine. He smiled and waved back and started walking towards me.

"How are you, Amu-chan?" He asked as he approached, Rhythm and Temari following behind him.

"I'm… good," I hesitated, and I hoped he wouldn't think much of it. He took a seat next to me and looked a slightly suspicious, but I interrupted before he could inquire more. "What brings you out here?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm just out and about. I enjoy watching the different dancers on the strip. They all have such a unique style, I like to see if I can learn anything from them," he explained.

"Are you still practicing dance a lot?" I asked.

"Always," he laughed. I saw his two characters whisper something in his ear. He gave them a nod and they flew towards the carousel to join the party. I smiled, they were all easily entertained.

"And what about you? What are you here for?" Nagi asked a moment later.

I swung my legs back and forth. "I got sucked into taking my little sister out," I half-complained. "They've been on that ride for almost ten minutes now."
"That's got to be worth an award or something," Nagi said and I giggled. "But that was nice of you, even if it wasn't exactly how you wanted to spend your day," he said.

"Well thanks," I replied, even though he was going me too much credit.

I saw him look at me out of my peripheral. "You seem troubled Amu-chan, is everything alright?"
Caught. "What makes you say that?" I said, in the most obvious way possible.

He gave me a knowing look. "Because I have been your friend for years; I know you."

I looked at my feet, not really sure if this was something I wanted to talk about just yet. It was a pretty intense subject, but then again, Nagi made a point. He has been my best friend for years now. If there were any one of my friends I could talk about this with, it was him.

"Would it help if I put my hair up?" He joked and I shook my head with a small smile.

"No, that's okay," I said, even if it may have helped a bit. I exhaled. "I'm not even sure where to begin…" I confessed.

'Well, there's no rush," he said, looking at the carousel. "It looks like they're just getting started." Ami and our charas were still shrieking with glee as they circled round and round. He was not wrong about that. "And there's no need to force yourself, just know that I'm here if you change your mind, okay?" He comforted. He was so good at that.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, but the words were bubbling at my lips the whole time.

"Nagi… Have you ever loved someone?" I finally managed spit out.

"Eh?" He looked surprised by my words. "That's kind of a strange question," he commented. I noted a trace of blush on his face, but I decided to save that question for another time.

"I know, but I just need to hear someone else's take on it," I clarified. My charas and my mom both gave me some much needed advice, but I thought maybe someone closer to my age could give me some more insight.

"I see… Well, of course I've loved people before; my parents, my charas, my friends. But I have a feelings that's not the kind of love you are asking about?" He asked. My gaze remained fixed on the ground. He took my lack of response as an answer. "Hmm, well I can't say I have ever loved someone like that, but I know what it's like to be fond of someone, if that would help?" He explained, but I felt dismayed. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have known better than to drag one of my friends into this. We were hardly middle schoolers, love was still such a foreign concept.

"Is there someone you love, Amu-chan?" He questioned. I wasn't expecting him to ask so abruptly.

"I… I'm not really sure," I answered honestly.

"I see," he responded. "Have you talked to this person about it at all? Do you know if they have feelings for you?" He asked, and I appreciated him not prying too deeply.

I thought back to all the times Ikuto had confessed his feelings for me; that night in my room, the airport, exchanges at the wedding… I had no doubt his feelings were true. "Yeah," there was no need to elaborate.

Nagi nodded. "Well if you know this person cares about you, then why are you hesitating?" He asked.

I had to think about that for a moment. I was hesitant to reach a conclusion for a number of reasons. Love seemed like I was treading way too much into adult territory and it was scary. And I felt like I couldn't be sure about anything unless I was sure of myself, and my four characters were a sign that I still had a long way to go. I was worried about things changing. The relationship I had with Ikuto now was fun and lighthearted for the most part. If I confessed something as serious as love, who knows how that could change. And on top of all these worries, Ikuto was so much older than me. He joked about being a kid a lot, but to me he was practically an adult. He was on a journey to figure out his life, and he could easily meet someone his aged he liked, or his feelings for me could simply fade. Even if I did love him, I couldn't ask for him to put his life on hold for me. There were too many factors to consider.

"Change is frightening. There are so many different ways things could go wrong, and I guess I'd rather just stay wavering in place than risk messing things up," I explained. I wondered if Nagi had any idea who I was talking about. He probably thought I was worried about Tadase. I wondered if he would have different advice for me if he knew that wasn't the case.

He nodded at my worries. "That's understandable, but would you rather hesitate forever and never explore those feelings further?" He looked at me, waiting for an answer.

I turned my attention back to the carousel. "I wish I knew," I replied. Of course there was a part of me that wanted to know where things could go, a part of me that fantasized what things could be like four or five years from now. But none of that was set in stone, protecting my feelings seemed to make more sense than to risk investing in something so unknown.

Nagi grabbed one of my hands, drawing me from my thoughts. "You're right, Amu. Change is scary, believe me I know. But think back on all the times you've made a decision that changed things. Sure, sometimes it doesn't always work about, but more often than not these changes were for the better, right?" He said, and I knew he had a point. My charas came from my desire to change, and I had no idea where I'd be without them. I changed how I presented myself and learned how to make friends with people. Almost my entire self has changed in one way or another over the last few years, and I couldn't imagine going back on any of it. Nagi was right. Even if it was easier said than done and didn't always seem like the best option, change has to happen for us to move forward.

I smiled at him. "Thank you, Nagi. You always know the best thing to say."

He gave my hand a squeeze and released it. "I'm sure everything will work out for you, Amu-chan. It seems like you really care about this person a lot if you're this concerned about it. And if this person shares your feelings, I have no doubt that it will work out for you both," he said, reassuring me further.

"Ni-chan, I feel sick," Ami's complaining drew me from my conversation with Nagi. I saw her and our charas stumbling towards us, hands on their stomachs. I guess even they couldn't ride it forever.

"That's what happens when you don't get off for twenty minutes," I told her. Temari and Rhythm collapsed on Nagi's head. They didn't have the stamina that Ran and the others had built up over the years.

Ami's cross-eyed gaze focused on Nagi. "Ooh, so pretty," she gushed, quickly shaking off her dizzy spell.

"Hello, Ami-chan. Did you have fun?" He asked, and Ami nodded enthusiastically.

"What were Nagi and Amu talking about? You looked so serious just now," Dia asked curiously.

"Nothing important," I waved her off. "Are you guys ready to head home now?" I asked. Ami nodded again and Nagi and I stood up.

We walked down the street together and Nagi laughed when my sister was on the verge of tears begging me to buy her ice cream. Of course 'her' meant Ami as well as every other sweet-toothed character with us. So much for feeling sick.

After a bit of meandering we reach the road where we had to go our separate ways.

"It was nice talking with you, Nagi. We have to make sure to see each other more over break," I said, grateful for his company.

"Of course Amu-chan, I always enjoy our time together," he said, and then he knelt down and ruffled Ami's hair. "It was nice to see you again, too," he added, and she giggled. He stood back up and looked at me. "Next time you see Ikuto, tell him I said hi," he smiled and went on his way. I cocked my head to the side. That seemed totally irrelevant. But then it dawned on me that that must have been his way of letting me know he knew exactly what I was worrying about. He was too good at reading me. I was glad I didn't have anything to hide from him.

"What was the long-haired boy talking about?" Ami asked, and my charas were looking at me suspiciously.

"Eat your ice cream," I ignored them again and started walking. "Let's head home."

Maybe Nagi was right, perhaps there was a way to make this work out. I still wasn't sure how I would go about handling the situation, and I was sure there would be no lack of embarrassment on my part, but I think this was another change I needed to try and work towards to be my best self. And like both my mom and Nagi had said, here was no rush. I had all summer to figure out what I was going to do, and more time after that. I smiled despite knowing my charas were watching me closely. I was nervous, but there were traces of excitement mixed in with it, too.


Once again, thanks for waiting everyone! I really intended to get this out over spring break, but I got caught up in some other writing projects and Naruto lol. I have the ending for this story all planned and I'm so excited to write it, but I'm not quite sure how I'm gonna get there. But I promise I will! Thanks for standing by me and I'll see you next time ^^