Moving along, moving along... At this point, Animated Prowl is an adolescent, and I don;t knwo if there is a Cybertronian term for that. Just know that he has a lot of flashbacks and he tends to blank out occasionally.
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-Juana
Three
Half of Su was destroyed, but amazingly, no one had been killed.
Well, almost no one. Master Wildburner ran to Prowl's side, still carrying little Prowl in his arms. The youngling was screaming for his PoPo, and Wildburner knew there was only one thing to do.
"PoPo…?" the youngling asked timidly as he stared into the burning debris of what had once been the east side of the village, "PoPo?"
"I…little one…" Prowl coughed, reaching his hand for his youngling, "I…love…you…." He became still. Little Prowl's sobs ceased suddenly. His optics were wide and still full of tears, but there was no screaming or sobbing to go with them. It was like the child had gone into shock.
"PoPo…."
"Prowl? PROWL." Two fingers snapped before his optics, but he paid no attention. He continued to stare at the top of the wall, retrieving the memory of his lost godfather once again. He heard nothing, saw nothing and felt nothing.
Until a firm shake told him he'd drifted off into la-la land again. He shook himself out of his daze and turned his head slightly to the side to face his teacher.
"I apologize, Master Wildburner. I lost my focus again."
"Clearly," answered Wildburner, but not harshly. His expression was that of concern.
"Prowl, after class today, I'd like to speak with you."
"Yes, sir."
He turned around at the sound of whispering and shot his classmates a dark look. They shut their mouths and resumed their work. Prowl returned to his own work, attempting to read whatever his master had assigned them, but found it impossible to focus on. He sighed silently and simply pretended to read until the literacy class had ended for the day. Both he and Master Wildburner waited for the other students to leave the room before Wilbdurner said,
"Come here, Prowl. Let's talk." The adolescent 'bot obeyed and walked over to his master, then plopped down in the floor before him. Master Wildburner took a moment to look at his most troubled student before saying,
"Were you thinking about your godfather again, Prowl?"
"Yes," Prowl answered automatically. They'd had this conversation before, 'one thousand eighty-seven times', thought Prowl sadly.
"I see," said Wildburner. "Listen, Prowl, I understand how hard it was for you when he died, but he died a hero. You know that."
"I know."
"Do you know your grades are slipping?"
"I know," Prowl said again, this time tonelessly.
"Do you care at all? Do you want to be here?" The question caught the adolescent off-guard. He'd expected more of a small tongue-lashing about his grades and academic performance, but a question regarding his desire to be here? It was different, to say the least. He shook his head and said,
"Master, you know I want to be here. My godfather wanted me here, and so I want to be here."
"So then this decision isn't about you, it's about him, is it?"
"I—"
"Prowl, you're growing up. Normally I would never be so crazy as to say this to a teenager, but you need to decide who you want to be, not what others want you to be. Most kids your age are out there, getting in trouble, making mistakes and finding people they can relate to. You don't even attempt to go out with your peers here. You've never done a bad thing in your life. Circuit-Su is important, but so is your life. I got into all kinds of trouble at your age."
"I don't want to get into trouble, sir."
"I know you don't, my boy. I'm happy you think like that, but it worries me."
"I don't understand, Master. You scold the others for their behavior, with their graffiti and their loud music and those movies you found in Mechafrost and Thunderblast's room, and now you scold me because I'm actually being responsible. What am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to do?"
"You're supposed to think about the future. You linger on the past, Prowl. It's hurting you."
"Master," Prowl shifted uncomfortably, "I'm fine. Honest. I just…need to work harder, is all."
"Don't make yourself sick, Prowl. Is there anything else you need to talk about? Any questions about anything? You know, you're in a stage of your life when everything is topsy-turvy and confusing, so if you need to get something off your chest, please tell me about it. Femmes, bonding, changes in your body, anything. Have you been taking any energon? You're very thin. What about recharging? Are you recharging well?"
"No, Master, none of those things. Just the usual. Can we drop it now? Please?" Master Wildburner sighed, then answered,
"Yes, Prowl. Just remember, anytime you need to talk, you knew where to find me."
"Yes, sir." Prowl got to his feet, grabbed his literacy pads and left the room quietly. Master Wildburner watched his student leave the room before sighing.
'I do hope he asks for help soon,' he thought sadly.
Prowl walked back to his dorm and threw his literacy pads on the floor beside his berth. His roommate wasn't back yet, so he took the free time to lay down on his berth and stare at the ceiling. He off-lined his optics and tried to think of something happy, but once again, his thoughts drifted to his godfather.
"PoPo," he mumbled softly as the awful memory of his godfather's death swept over him again. He felt his entire body going into a much-needed recharge. He never would have told his master he wasn't getting his rest, it would have alarmed the old man. No, Prowl just kept his problems to himself and told no one anything. He relied only on himself, and that was how it was going to be.
He felt as though he were floating, although he knew such a feat was not possible unless he were a Decepticon, and he would never be one of those pit-slagging bastards. Prowl's body was so tired and his mind was so cluttered with negative feelings and thoughts that merely recharging felt like a wonderful dream.
A powerful hand shook him back to consciousness. He groaned and turned his head to see his roommate standing over him with a concerned look on his face.
"Hey, Prowl," he said, "you okay? You were talkin' in your sleep again."
"Nng…I'm fine, Hydroclaw," growled Prowl irritably, "I was recharging, you know."
"I know," said Hydroclaw, shrugging. "The first recharge you've had in a while. If this "I'm not going to recharge" thing goes on, I'm going to inform Master Wildburner."
"No, you aren't," growled Prowl threateningly, "you won't utter even a word to him, you hear me? I don't need anyone getting involved in my life. Not you, not Wildburner, not even Primus himself. No one, got it, Hydroclaw?" He said his roommate's name with such poison in his voice that Hydroclaw shuddered and answered,
"S-sure thing, Prowl. Sorry I said anything. Get some rest, okay? I'll just be over on my berth, reading—"
"You don't need to tell me your life's story, 'Claw. Just leave me alone."
"Right, sorry." Hydroclaw turned around and left his roommate, concern still written on his face. But Prowl didn't care—he didn't want anyone to care about him. He took care of himself, and that was that. Easy as energon pie. He needed no one, not now, not ever.
Of course, Prowl's lack of friends concerned just about everyone in Su Village, and it was no surprise that many people tried to reach out to him, attempting to talk to him, or get some kind of response from him that wasn't angry, annoyed or arrogant. Master Wildburner told people that Prowl was going through "that stage" in his development, and so it was nothing to worry about, but the truth was that Master Wildburner was by far the most worried about his student. Ever since Prowl Senior had died in the Decepticon's suicide bomb attack, the cute little youngling had grown to be introverted and hard to be around.
Prowl turned over on his berth and returned easily to his recharge. He hadn't slept in quite some time, and he was starting to feel the effects of denying himself that necessary rest. Flashbacks during class were always a bad sign, and even stubborn Prowl was able to recognize that. He could feel his roommate's optics on him, so he said,
"Hydroclaw, stop staring at my aft."
"Damn it, Prowl! I'm doing no such thing. I'm just worried about you, y'know? You're always so weird and freaky, no one knows what to think about or do around you."
Prowl was silent. He didn't respond in any way to Hydroclaw, and instead decided to return to his recharge. He could still feel Hydroclaw's optics on him, but he ignored it. Right now, getting some rest was the most important thing on his mind.
It was dark when Prowl woke up. He rubbed his optics and scanned the room for any sign of Hydroclaw. When he knew the room was devoid of any other living things, he sighed and got up to stretch. He did everything, from his arms, to his torso, to his legs, his back and his neck. He had a habit of being obsessive with stretching correctly and it was a common joke that he could stretch for orns if he really wanted to. He never responded to the joke, or any jokes for that matter, and simply brushed it off.
After stretching, he went outside to see if anything was going on. Luckily for him, the village was empty and quiet—everyone had gone home for the night and were recharging away happily.
'Good', Prowl thought with a rare grin. It always made practicing his silence and stealth that much easier. He would hear every mistake he made, therefore having a better chance at correcting himself than if he did it during the day, with everyone else practicing or bustling about.
Prowl began his routine by sneaking into Master Wildburner's monkey-bar like set behind his dojo. Prowl waited and listened for any sounds, then leapt silently onto the bars. He flipped, hung, jumped and balanced on the set, listening for his mistakes. He made none, but it wasn't good enough for him. Prowl told himself he had made a mistake somewhere; he just hadn't listened well enough.
He continued, on and on for what some would describe as 'forever'. Prowl didn't care—he needed to be perfect in the art of Circuit-Su, and slightly-less-than-perfect wasn't going to cut it. He had to be perfect for his PoPo, whether or not anyone knew or cared. He had no family alive left to impress or love, and so he had to hope their spirits watched. Prowl knew it was a lame thing to hope, but he held onto it nonetheless. It was all he really had in life, this hope that somewhere in the Matrix his family watched and were proud.
Unknown to Prowl, someone was proud of him. Master Wildburner, upon first discovering Prowl had been sneaking into his practice set, had decided instead of scolding the boy, he would watch him improve. Prowl didn't pay attention in his classes, yet never had Wildburner seen a more devoted student so bent on achieving perfection than the quiet 'bot, and although it worried and concerned him, the Master still had to pass it off as a teenager thing. He would get over it, right?
"Augh!" Prowl's sudden cry in the silent night caused Master Wildburner to snap out of his concerned thoughts and focus on his student. Prowl had fallen, and he wasn't getting up. Instead, to Wildburner's horror, Prowl was rubbing his ankle; it was obvious he was biting back a scream. Wildburner ran outside to his student and knelt down beside him. The look of humiliation on Prowl's face was enough to keep Wildburner from calling for help. Instead, he said,
"You're hurt. I'm going to carry you inside and take a look at that ankle of yours, okay?"
"I'm fine, sir," said Prowl quietly, and he attempted to get up. But as soon as he applied pressure to his injured ankle, he cried out and fell back down. Wildburner knelt back down and said,
"Can I carry you in now?"
"…yes." Prowl sounded like his pride was hurt. Wildburner pretended not to notice.
"Thank you." And with that, the older mech, old though he was, easily lifted the smaller mech in his arms and carried him inside his little hut. He sat Prowl down on his berth and said,
"So, you sneak back there often?" He decided not to tell Prowl he already knew about it.
"No, sir," Prowl lied, "Never. I just wanted to practice tonight. I kind of slept all day, after literacy class."
"I see. Haven't you been getting enough rest on a regular basis?"
"Yes, sir." he lied again. Master Wildburner chuckled, then said,
"One thing about older mechs you should know, Prowl: we can detect a lie from miles away. So let's try this again: Have you been getting enough rest on a regular basis?"
Prowl was silent, telling his teacher all he needed to know.
"I see," he said again, this time thinking about his next verbal move. "Prowl."
"Yes, sir," the smaller mech responded tonelessly, avoiding his teacher's optics as best he could.
"I am going to call one of the local doctors to come check that ankle out. While we wait for them, you and I are going to talk. About everything that's been on your mind. This is an order, by the way. I'm not letting you leave until you open up." Prowl opened his mouth to protest, but thought better of it and held his silence. Master Wildburner opened up one of his communicator links to a nearby doctor, requesting help, then terminated the connection and sat beside Prowl.
"So," he said, "What's up?"
"The ceiling," Prowl snorted. It was a typical teenage thing to say, and both of them were surprised to hear it come out of Prowl's mouth. The younger mech looked down and apologized,
"I'm sorry, Master Wildburner. I didn't mean to be disrespectful."
"Prowl, it's okay. It's proof you're still an adolescent 'bot. I was worried you had become an adult already! But in all seriousness, you really need to tell me what's going on. I know you were thinking about your godfather earlier today. Is that what this is about?"
'And now it's at one thousand eighty-eight times," Prowl thought, recalling the earlier conversation they'd had today. He shrugged his shoulders and said,
"I really don't want to talk about it. Or anything. I just want to be left alone and practice."
"I know, my boy, I know." Wildburner thought for a moment, then said,
"When you dim your optics, what do you see?" Prowl gave his teacher a sarcastic look and answered,
"Nothing."
"No," said Wildburner, "what do you see? Do you see your godfather's death? Do you see the Decepticon? Do you see reasons to be the way you are?" Prowl pondered this for a moment before answering,
"Pretty much. What else am I supposed to focus on? Happy things?"
"Precisely!" Wildburner clapped his hands excitedly, "very good! Prowl, I think it's time I taught you meditation. Usually it is a practice I teach to students just a few orns older than you, simply because older people don't have those confusing adolescent thoughts in their heads, but I think you need it more."
"I 'need it'?" repeated Prowl is disbelief. He didn't want to tell his teacher that comment had hurt him; the last thing he needed was to appear weak. But honestly, who ever wants to hear they 'need' something to feel or be better? Prowl sighed and stared at his broken ankle and wondered when the slaggin' doctor would arrive. Wildburner seemed to have read his mind.
"Just a little while longer," he said quietly. "Now, then, let's talk about meditation. What do you know about it?"
"I know you do it. But I don't see any reason why anyone would want to sit still all day and do…I don't even know what you do with it." Wildburner smiled and said,
"Get comfortable. Usually when people meditate, they cross their legs, but considering you've broken yourself, we can settle for something else. All right, comfy? Now, place your arms…yes, the lower arm…good...onto your knees. Or near there. Good. Still comfy?"
"Yes, sir."
"Excellent. Now, off-line your optics entirely so you see nothing. What do you see?"
"Nothing."
"I know!" Master Wildburner laughed. He was a funny one, all right. Prowl groaned silently at the awful joke. He suddenly gasped as he felt his teacher's hands on his chest and back.
"You're slouching, Prowl. Sit up straight; it might hurt at first since you aren't used to it, but trust me, you'll thank me for it when you're older."
Prowl growled slightly and said,
"Master? This sucks." Wildburner laughed again and said,
"See? You're starting to sound like a real youngling! It's a miracle! Now, then, focus on all your negative feelings….place them in a cube, like you're storing them away….now, take that cube, filled with all your negative thoughts and feelings, and tell that cube what you think of them."
"Of who?" asked Prowl, confused and bored.
"The emotions, silly boy! Tell the cube what you think of those negative things."
"Out loud?"
"If you want."
"I…I…I feel like an idiot, Master Wildburner."
"That's how everyone feels, kiddo. Go on, say what you want to the cube."
"Uh…I…slag it, I can't do it!" Prowl brightened his optics and dropped his arms to his sides. He felt foolish and pathetic. How could he say what he wanted? He didn't deserve a chance like that! He sighed, then said,
"When is that damn doctor going to arrive?" Master Wildburner looked at his student and said sadly,
"Soon, my boy. We're going to try this again. I won't let the doctor in to see you until you talk to your mental cube."
"This is ridiculous," scoffed Prowl.
"So is your attitude," replied Wildburner, "Now do everything again, and tell the cube what you think of your negative emotions." Prowl glared daggers at his teacher, then gave up trying to fight him; it was no use. So he dimmed his optics, did the whole meditation shebang, and placed all his negative thoughts and feelings into an imaginary cube.
"Take a deep intake of air," instructed Master Wildburner, "and focus on what you've always wanted to say to those feelings."
Prowl did so, then became incredibly still. His mind didn't wander, as he thought it would, but instead he focused all his energy on the negative thoughts. It kind of felt nice, despite that Prowl thought he looked incredibly stupid doing it. He began to think of all the things he wished he could have said to his godfather before his unexpected death, he thought about his situation here in Su, and what his life would have been like in the city, he thought about what it must feel like to have someone be proud of him, and he thought of what it would be like to have a family.
"I…" he began out loud, much to Wildburner's surprise, "I…I just wish I had someone to care about me. I wish I had a family and friends, and I wish I wasn't such a pathetic loser, and—." He suddenly stopped, staying completely still. He made not a single sound, and it alarmed Wildburner, who waved his hand in front on Prowl's face.
"Prowl? Are you still there?" Prowl responded by falling over onto his back, unconscious. Wildburner stared at his student, shocked that the emotional impact had been too much for Prowl. The boy, clearly, had never allowed himself the luxury of discussing his feelings, and it had made him unwell. Wildburner could only wait for the doctor to arrive and check him out.
A few breems later, there was a knock on Wildburner's door and he answered it quickly, ushering the doctor in and telling him what was wrong.
"He broke his ankle while using my practice set outside, then I brought him in. I started to teach him mediation and to release his anger and negative feelings, and it caused him to pass out! I've never seen anything like it in my life!"
The doctor, an older Autobot, nodded and said,
"Yes, very odd indeed," he began to examine Prowl's ankle, "I would advise you to continue with these meditation sessions. If what you told me is true, then it seems to me that what he needs right now is a father figure or someone he can talk to and trust. Most adolescents can become very distant and feel they are all alone in the world. Prowl will need you to guide him during this time. Do not force him to do or say anything, it will only backfire on you. Just prod him along, and he'll open up eventually. Be patient with him, Master Wildburner."
"I've helped the village raise him so far, so I think I see why it's been so hard for him. He never had just one person to talk to, he had too many. He must have decided not to burden anyone with his problems."
"That would make sense," said the doctor. "There, I've fixed him up."
"Already? He'll be able to walk and everything?"
"Yes. He didn't break it, he just twisted it. He'll be okay. Just carry him back to his dorm and let him get some rest. He should wake up for his classes tomorrow. If not, send someone to check up on him. But I wouldn't worry." He shook hands with Wildburner, then added,
"Call me if you need any more help, but I think this one's going to be okay."
"Thank you, Doctor," bowed Master Wildburner, "I'm very grateful that you could come on such short notice."
"Think nothing of it," laughed the doctor, "I was home with my spark-mate, just talking. We do it every night, so it was no problem. See you later!"
"Thank you again, my friend!" waved Wildburner as the doctor left. He turned his attention back to the unconscious Prowl. He shook his head and lifted his student up and began to walk him back home.
Hydroclaw wasn't in his dorm when Master Wildburner kicked the door lightly, so the teacher let himself in and carefully placed Prowl down on his berth. He left quietly, thinking hard about how he was going to approach the issue again.
I hope I'm keeping him in character...
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