I'd never dreamt that I'd love somebody like you*


'Heard the good news. Congratulations'

Belllamy finds himself fidgeting as he's forced to face the happy couple. Well, at least one half of it seems beyond joyful, but Bellamy tries his best not to over-analyze things. He tries not to stare at the woman standing in front of him, embraced by her fiance, whom she's about to marry in a month. He keeps glancing at her though and grunts uncomfortably every time she reciprocates his behaviour. His thoughts are still preoccupied with the sweet taste of her lips, her cherry lipstick, her warm hands...

'Thanks, man. We've finally made our minds', Finn, Bellamy's flatmate, replies with a smile and rolls his eyes to express his slight irritation at the late date of the wedding. Late, as in Finn's opinion. His fiance seems to have a different view on this matter though, but no one decides to bring it up, not the girl herself. The web of lies is too thick to breathe, let alone make such decisions.

'Last thing you should do is go slow, right?', Bellamy utters with a fake smile as Finn snorts amused. Bellamy's attention focuses on Clarke for a split second before he shakes her fiance's hand. He pats his back encouragingly and nods his head in approval. He deserves and Oscar for this performance, but it's not over yet.

His entire body stiffens when he places his hands on Clarke's arms as an attempt of a half-hug and kisses her cheek lightly. He breathes in her scent, it's vanilla mixed with smoke and it takes him aback. Does she smoke?

'You won', he mutters and takes a step back, staring at her face. Her eyes never meet his and it's enough of a proof for him. It almost breakes his heart, but perhaps it's already broken, he doesn't really know.

She did do it. She actually went with it... Because he hurt her.

Well, Clarke. You've won. I announce you the winner, the true Queen of Hearts.

And now, the best part.

I'm not the King.

'I guess you'll have to clean this mess now', he says flatly, forcing a smile and quickly wishes them a good night, before disappearing in his own bedroom. He can feel Clarke's eyes burning his back, demanding something more, an answer to a question that hasn't been asked, an explanation. She could be disappointed though, because Bellamy's motives are beyond banal.

He's in love with her.

He gave up on her.


It's a sleepless night for a very certain brunette boy in his twenties, who, instead of trying to calm his mind, recalls every single moment of his life he spent with her. He analyzes it until it's 5 a.m. and he can't find more than a one solution. He tries his best not to be over-dramatic as he ponders over his relations with Clarke, Finn and basically everyone around him. He's become too reckless recently, too focused on his own feelings to look after Octavia or concentrate on his university. He's lost all of his money during one of the poker sessions, so common in their apartment, and now he's not even certain where he's going to get his funds from. He lost his job too, last week.

He wishes he could say he's been only fair towards the blonde and their twisted relationship, but deep down he knows the ugly truth. A bit of sugarcoating is necessary for him not to get consumed by the overwhelming sense of guilt, but he's aware of the fact that he's just as guilty as she is, they could've done more than kiss last evening and they only stopped because of his stupid remark. Now he's not sure whether he'd actually have the strength to stop if she didn't. He'd always treated her with certain distance, not to ruin the fragile facade they created, convinced that she'd have killed him at the spot, if he had tried to cross the line again. But apparently, her heart's betrayed her too. It's funny though, because all of these games have finally turned against her and Bellamy actually feels sorry for her. He knows what it feels like when your mind and your heart don't get along.

Yeah, he wishes he had better morals, but when 6 o'clock greets him and he can hear somebody getting out of shower, he gets up. His mind's about to explode, so he decides to act, although he's not completely convinced of the rightfulness of his initiative. Truth be told, he's starting to regret it already, even though he's yet about to go through with it.

He changes his clothes swiftly and runs his fingers through his hair. He glances at a mirror in his room, which is actually just a small piece of glass that has remained (Bellamy broke it once, accidentally, when he was carrying a chair. He's not superstitious at all, but whenever he thinks about his current situation, he's reminded of that incident. Perhaps he had those seven years of bad luck coming...)

He has dark circles under his eyes, but overall he can't feel his weariness due to the rush of adrenaline, running wildly through his veins. As he opens the door he's certain it was Finn taking the shower, he doesn't even think for a split second that it could be someone else. He doesn't see it coming and that's the thing about Bellamy. He never sees it coming when he should be, because he erases the worst option out of his mind. He's too often blinded by his own confidence, tricked by the sense of control, which usually ends like this...

'Clarke...?', he blurts out, dumbfounded. For a second he stares at her with a frown, but then he remembers. She stayed for a night, didn't she.

It doesn't explain another thing though, it fails to explain the way she looks wrapped in a white towel, her hair still wet, drops of water falling on the floor. She stares at him too as if their meeting was something unusual. They both know it didn't use to be. But everything's changed after their kiss.

No. Everything's changed after her wedding announcement, thinks Bellamy and quite frankly, it says a lot about his morality, since he can no longer look her sqaure in the eye only after she committed herself to someone else for the rest of her life. Earlier, he thought it was temporary. Maybe we could..., he thought deep in his heart, secretly waiting for things to change.

They did change. She's about to get married.

'I'm sorry for...', Clarke begins uncertainly, apparently waiting to be interrupted. Nothing like this happens and her apologies remain unfinished.

'Getting married? Yeah, no problem. Totally saw it coming', Bellamy snorts ironically and moves past her. He can feel her fingers gripping his forehand so he turns around with a sigh. He looks at her, badly hidden pain in his eyes, and he realizes he's tired of constantly feeling rejected.

'Bellamy... I didn't... We weren't even...', she stutters, struggling to find the right words. He releases his arm from her grasp and moves closer to her face. He clenches his teeth and forces himself to look at her.

'We weren't what? What did you expect me to do? You were my best friend's fiance, Clarke, I didn't exactly have many options, you know?', he says ironically and she bites her lower lip, carefully analyzing his words. It's thought-provoking how they both speak about their complicated relation in past tense, but perhaps it's just a way to convince each other that with their upcoming wedding, their feelings changed. That they must have changed, because they're not bad people. They're lost, confused and completely disoriented, but not bad, right?

Doubtful, but that's the thing about love. It shows a different side of every human.

She breaks their eye-contact, but when he grabs her hand she looks at him suprised.

'If I proposed to you like he did... would it be enough?', he asks quietly as her eyes widen. He regrets asking this question, because it clearly shows his care for her. It reveals his true feelings and somehow puts her in charge of them.

He takes her engagement ring off her third finger and looks up to meet her eyes.

'Would you marry me instead?', he finishes his question almost inaudibly. There's silence after his words, the only sound is water dropping onto the floor from Clarke's still wet hair.

'Would you want to marry me?', she finally whispers and he moves her hand close enough to his mouth to kiss it. His eyes never leave hers though and so they stand in the hallway of Finn's apartment, in front of his and his fiance's bedroom. Clarke dressed in nothing but a white towel, looking at the boy opposite her, kissing the top of her hand, declaring his committment.

'I wish I could', he mutters after a while of silence and stares at her hand for a little longer until letting it go. That's it, the last words spoken about their relation. At least that's what Bellamy thinks.

Clarke's mouth opens, but she doesn't say anything. Maybe she counted on something else. Maybe she thought Bellamy would play her knight. Perhaps he thought about it too, before finally realizing he doesn't have the strength to fight in a battle that's already lost.

Or maybe he's just a better human being than he gives himself the credit for.

Somebody opens the door and Bellamy swiftly turns around, heading towards kitchen.

'Hey, honey...', he can hear Finn greeting his fiance and eventually decides to choose a better place for a hideout.

It turns out to be a bathroom, in which he takes a hot, long shower to tune out all of the voices, also the ones inside his head. Suprisingly, he becomes increasingly calmer as he feels drops of water cleansing his bare skin. His thoughts wander to different places, searching for an oasis, something to lift his spirits and bring a smile to his endlessly fatigued features. He closes his eyes as he gives his mind full access to all of his memories, without holding anything back in fear of remembering old feelings or scratching healed wounds.

A month ago Clarke made a dinner. Bellamy came back from his evening lectues, tired and completely drained (Octavia'd yelled at him for controlling her all the time and he'd had an argument with Clarke in the morning when she'd used up all of their hot water. She'd tried to defend herself, but then she pointed out his late-night arrivals and waking everyone up as a result, so he retorted and they fought until Finn came home with freshly baked bread and a look of suprise on his face: I heard you guys shouting when I was still outside. Do you really need to fight with each other whenever you're in the same room? They completely defied his statement and took offence very personally, because obviously they never fight...), so when he saw loads of food on their kitchen table, two empty glasses and a couple of lit candles, his mood worsened even more. He thought it was all for Clarke's beloved fiance, but the second the girl spotted him, she literally dragged him to the seat opposite hers and sat in front of him. She grabbed her knife and a fork and started eating the pork placed on her plate. Bellamy sat quietly, motionlessly and completely stunned. After a moment of silence, the girl looked up and said: Try. It might not be as horrible as you think. She smiled and Bellamy did as she told him to.

And? Can you taste any poison yet? Because I added quite a lot, so...

Hilarious, Griffin. What is all this?

A dinner. For you and me.

Is that an apology for the lack of hot water in the morning or...?

Do you really think I'd do it all because of your capricious morning mood?

Firstly, everyone is capricious in the morning and secondly, stop wriggling out of it, you have no excuse.

No, I'm always joyful, for example. Besides, my excuse is, I'm engaged to your pal, who also happens to be living here with you. So, naturally, I have the right to this bathroom, kitchen, living room and his bed too.

Okay, that's just gross, may I remind you that we're actually eating...

Bellamy. I want to make it right.

What's not right?

Us. Me. You. You and I, we're not right and you know it. Finn asked me to...

Fix our relations? That's new. Why would he care?

Uhm, I don't know, maybe because you're friends...?

No need for sarcasm, princess. And why would you care?

Because I care about Finn. He cares about you, so I think it's pretty obvious.

Sure. Because everything's always so obvious with you.

What was that supposed to mean?

That the pork is delicious. Which probably means that you ordered all of this.

Okay, seriously, I'm going to kick your ass, I did all...

And so they talked until midnight when Finn came home. He stood in the hallway for a few seconds, observing the couple laughing like mad and he might've thought it was because of the wine, but neither of them drank it. Clarke wasn't twenty-one years old yet and Bellamy felt uncomfortable drinking around her. He's just very righteous when it comes to certain things.

This memory is one of the most precious he has with Clarke. He smiles to himself uncontrollably and gets out of shower. His mind's relaxed now, his pulse steady, but he doesn't want to push his fate, so he avoids his flatmate and his fiance for the rest of the Saturday. He studies, looks for a job and when it's already afternoon he meets with Clarke and Finn in the kitchen.

'Pizza?', Finn suggests uncertainly and Clarke nods approvingly.

'Well, considering that none of us posseses any exceptional skills when it comes to cooking and we're all here... it's a yes', the blonde snorts a bit sarcastically and Bellamy tilts his head, mulling over her words. He stays quiet though and simply nods his head when his friend's questioning eyes meet his.

'You didn't cook that dinner, did you?', Bellamy crosses his arms, eyebrows raised, as he observes Clarke lying on a couch in the living room with a book opened in front of her. It's almost evening, Finn vanished an hour ago to meet with a few friends of his and Clarke's studying for her exams.

'Oh, I'm not sure I know what you mean', she smirks smugly and changes her position to a sitting one. She crosses her legs and leans her back on the wall. Bellamy decides to enter the room and, as the girl stares at him teasingly, he jumps on the couch. She squeaks loudly, even though his body doesn't even touch hers. She laughs as he spreads his legs and arms wide, leaving very little space for her.

'I'm pretty damn sure you do know it. I won't be mad. It was a sweet gesture, I appreciated it', he says playfully and she snorts. He's lying on his back, in front of her and stares at the ceiling.

'No, you didn't appreciate it', she replies amused and takes a strand of his brown her in her fingers.

'You're right. I thought it was stupid to pretend. I still do', he retorts quietly. She plays with his hair for a moment before answering.

'Pretend? Why do you think it was all just a pretend?', she asks, her emotions impossible to read. He turns his head slightly in her direction and gazes at her.

'I didn't say it was all just a pretend. A few things seemed quite real to me', he counters with a playful smile and the tension between them disperses as Clarke tilts her head disapprovingly. He's surprised she didn't get mad, but she just shakes her head with an inscrutable smile.

'Bellamy, it's confusing for me too, I...', she begins uncertainly, but Bellamy gets up to a sitting position and interrupts her.

'I wanted to tell Finn. In the morning, when I thought it was him taking a shower', he confesses and looks at her challenginly. Her facial expression never changes, so he waits for any kind of reaction.

'It was me though', she only says.

'It was you', he repeats and stares at her piercingly. She sighs and breaks the eye contact.

'I... I can't forbid you anything. We both know what happened, so I'm not going to play pretend in front of you. You can tell Finn if you want to. I pray for his love, so I guess then I'll have to pray for his forgiveness', she mutters and Bellamy's eyes widen.

'Why are you saying this?', he demands baffled as she gets up.

'Because I love him. So I shouldn't keep any secrets from him, especially not this kind of secrets. I do though and I don't have the guts to tell him myself', she explains and her voice is a mixture of resignation, regret and uncertainty.

Bellamy stands up and moves in front of her. He's so bewildered he cannot utter anything.

'So that's what it all was to you? Just a dirty secret, a burden you keep carrying to punish yourself for being such a bad girlfriend to your beloved fiance?', he demands angrily and Clarke bites her lower lip.

'What all Bellamy? Do you even hear yourself? We kissed, once or twice, doesn't matter, because it was just an incident, I don't lo...', she stops abruptly and refuses to look at him. He wonders about her words for a while, before he recognizes something familiar in her voice. Bluff.

'"Love you..."? You played it cool, with such confidence, such faith in your feelings, you almost had me fooled. Shame on you, Clarke, because I'm done with being tricked', he shakes his head in disbelief, but all of his anger vanishes. All that's left is sadness at what could have been.

'Brave princess, aren't you?', he snorts ironically and she finally looks up to meet his eyes.

'My relationship with Finn is not a sham, Bellamy, in spite of what you might think', she says firmly and raises her chin challengingly.

'No, it's not what I think. It's what you think. I don't care anymore, Clarke. I'm leaving tonight', he informs her flatly, but it's a bluff. He only thought about it for a few days. For a second her eyes have strange sparks within, she opens her mouth, her fists clenched... But then she stops herself. He can literally see her forced attempts of calming down her body and mind.

'Where will you go?', she asks emotionlessly and he cannot believe his own ears.

'To a friend's place', he lies without missing a beat and she nods her head slowly.

They stand like this for a few seconds, both of them analyzing the opportunity to hug each other. Nothing like this happens as they both realize too much has happened and it's just going to make everything more complicated than it already is.

Finally Bellamy turns around, but is quickly stopped by Clarke's fingers wrapped around his forehand. Second time this day, he feels his skin burning underneath her touch.

'Bellamy', she just says and he closes his eyes for a second, trying to compose himself.

When he looks at her, she gazes at her hand gripping his as if she didn't fully think this through.

'Take care of yourself. I will miss you', she mutters and lets go of his hand. She doesn't look him in the eye though.

'I'll miss you too, princess', he replies softly and it's almost as if their unpleasant conversation never took place. He fights himself for a few seconds before leaning down to kiss her forehead. He doesn't look her in the eyes, afraid of what he could see. Maybe tears. Or maybe just a farewell.

His heart feels heavy, pulling him to the ground as he begins folding his clothes. It's almost as if he was watching this situation from distance, he feels strangely detached.

He turns around and heads to his bedroom, his mind empty. He can hear Clarke leave the apartment, but he keeps himself from analyzing anything. He made a decision and he's actually happy that he did, even if it's made in such a childish way. At least he made up his damn mind and perhaps he'll be able to move on somewhere else, instead of watching Clarke kiss somebody else while he drinks coffee every morning.

Bellamy quickly packs up his stuff in a sports bag and leaves a note for Finn on the countertop.

It's getting a bit crowded around here. I'm moving out, we'll meet soon. B

And just like that he leaves the woman he loves and heads towards a bar, because he literally has nothing else to do. He greets Nate who works here as a bartender and orders some liquor to melt his veins. He looks around and almost chokes on his saliva as he notices his flatmate dancing with a familiar girl Bellamy doesn't quite recognize. He observes the couple for a few minutes. They seem to be enjoying themselves and he feels an unfamiliar pang of pain. He wishes it was a movie cliche. He wishes he saw them kissing or even embracing. Then he could play a tawdry superhero, punch Finn in the face and save the princess in a tower.

A hero complex?

He could bear that kind of platitude. This bittersweet feeling of lacking ability to do anything more is worse. He could of course stay and... Well. He doesn't even know what he'd do. It was Clarke's turn and so she used it to push him away, not tighten the bonds.

Bellamy finishes his drink and leaves the bar.


He moves into his old friend's apartment and stays there for three months before deciding to leave the town for good. Days pass by quickly, as Bellamy tries his best to keep himself as busy as possible. He struggles to keep a job and all of his loves turn out to be a mistake. He's not seen Clarke and it helps him forget, but he's overall unhappy with how things are. Sometimes he comes back to the times when he'd meet Clarke on a daily basis, other times he wishes to meet her. But he convinces himself it's not a good idea, it would make everything worse, he almost forgot, he keeps on trying to...

He applies for a transfer to a different university and two months after he's already on the airport.


Has he ever met Clarke again?

Well, perhaps a certain brunette girl named Raven, whom Bellamy witnessed once, dancing with his beloved girl's fiance, recognized his face somewhere amidst the crowd waiting for their flight. Perhaps she happened to be at the same airport at the same time, because she's just broken up with her boyfriend and flew to see her close friend in some other state. Maybe she also spotted a blonde girl in her twenties, running around, clearly looking for somebody in the crowd. Perhaps that girl found who she was looking for and ran in his direction until she wrapped her arms around him. Maybe the boy returned the hug, the look of shock on his face.

Perhaps the brunette girl spotted two people meeting after almost half of a year and perhaps she stood close enough to hear the blonde say:

I'm sorry.

And maybe, just maybe that blonde girl said I love you too.


*it's a line from Chris Isaak's Wicked Game; I don't own it.

AHHH AND IT'S OVER! One of you, weallfindlove, asked me how many chapters were left. Well, that was the last one and I really hope I didn't disappoint, so please tell me what you think.

I'd like to thank each and every one of you for your reviews, because this story was meant to be a little break for me, a way to break through my writer's block and I actually started enjoying it. It's not "my" kind of story, it's a bit different, but I hope you liked it as much as I did and thank you one more time for reading, commenting and just motivating me to write another piece.

I'm REALLY curious about your opinion on this one, so tell me what you think and... 'till the next time!

xo