A:N: Thanks for sticking with it guys, sorry for the update delay but a Regina drabbly/one-shot took over my brain and wouldn't leave until it was written. Enjoy!


The winter palace was cold and lonely, an impenetrable fortress that kept the outside world from getting in, and her pain from getting out. Regina spent most of her days working on the curse; the sheer intensity of the power that came from making such magic was like a drug. She craved complete and utter control and submission from the people who had ruined her life; their misery would be the biggest comfort of all.

By now everyone had heard of the Evil Queen's curse, and Regina relished the increasing panic as Snow and Charming tried desperately to find a way to stop her. She'd successfully put the cat among the pigeons at their wedding, how satisfying it had been to ruin that perky little girl's special day. It had been bittersweet though, she'd never get a chance to marry Daniel, and the fact that Jefferson hadn't returned since their fight made it more likely that she'd never even get a second chance at true love.

Her lover's absence had actually surprised her, she'd been so sure that like always he'd come running back in a few days having realised that a disagreement over the use of magic wasn't worth throwing away everything they had together. They had many secrets mixed into their long, volatile relationship which had spanned years since she'd first met him. It was just too complicated to give up so easily.

However as the days, weeks and then months went past she'd come to conclude that perhaps he didn't feel quite the same. Perhaps their relationship hadn't meant as much to him as it had to her. On a deep level she knew that to be vastly untrue; but it helped numb the ache she felt as each day ended without him.


Jefferson didn't quite know why he was doing this; it was only a horribly slim chance that it would go remotely well. He knew she'd be angry at him for keeping his distance, for refusing to cave and contact her immediately after their fight. In a way that made both his stomach churn and his heart ache, Jefferson felt apprehensive as to just how much she'd punish him. He'd heard so many recent rumours about this new 'Evil Queen', that he was well-prepared to accept she might just kill him. Apparently her father had already met that fate.

Whilst he had no doubt that he believed this, a small part of him clung on to their past, to the intense connection they'd shared, and perhaps she'd allow him to live for those reasons. For his own sake he hoped so.

Jumping into the portal he appeared in the palace grounds, glancing up at the black and silver shards in the twilight; '…bad idea', he mumbled bitterly to himself as he climbed the thousand stone steps.

Her guards informed him she was in the west tower and Jefferson found it with ease in the draughty cold palace he'd once almost felt at home in.


"It's been a while Jefferson"

Her voice was slightly bitter and she was already pouring two glasses of rich red wine in anticipation of his arrival. She looked like she hadn't aged a day since he'd last been here; her deep plum gown hugged her sensuous curves, accentuated by the diamonds draped around her neck and the background of her long raven curls. Not a single part of her reminded him of their first days together; her youthful innocence was gone, her personality had changed completely and although he hated to admit it, he found her slightly intimidating.

'This isn't how it should be' he thought angrily to himself. They'd been lovers for so long yet he felt like the woman in front of him was a complete stranger. He knew nothing of what went on in her head any more and the fact that Rumplestiltskin had finished his training terrified him slightly.

"Thank you" he mumbled as she passed him the glass, he figured he'd probably need alcohol to make it through this night.

She reclined in a chair by the empty fireplace, looking regal and at ease with his discomfort as she sipped at her wine. He knew she expected him to sit, his towering over her would put her on edge; she never liked surrendering control.

"Sit why don't you Jefferson…" and he smirked a little at his accuracy and for once he held his ground, ignoring her request cum demand and leaning against the stone wall.

He watched her temper flare at his disobedience, "Or stand I suppose. Whichever you prefer"

A large gulp of wine did little to settle his stomach and he near enough drained the glass just for something to do with his hands. Time passed awkwardly as she watched him pour another glass and return to his spot without a word.

Eventually her impatience won out, "Just what exactly did you want Jefferson?" her annoyance apparent and he wondered whether she felt betrayed by his long absence. He muffled a snort; of course she would be the one to feel wronged. Self-pity had long ago wrapped itself around her and he doubted she even considered how he'd felt.

"I've heard rumours"

Regina raised an eyebrow, "I'm sure there are many of them floating around dear, you'll have to be more specific"

"Your curse. What you threatened to do at Snow White's wedding"

Her face fell as she snatched up her long-empty glass for a refill, "And you've come looking for a fight?" she questioned, sipping her wine thoughtfully "Well I'm sorry to disappoint you Jefferson, but I don't feel much like fighting"

She didn't return to her seat and watched him like a predatory panther, slinking around the edges of the tower as she waited for his next move.

"No fighting Regina, just help me understand. How can I change your mind?"

His low voice, threaded with desperation and pain resonated through her; she knew his plan, he wanted to appeal to the young girl buried deep within. What he hadn't seemed to be able to grasp yet was that that young, innocent girl was long gone. Dead. Destroyed by manipulative parents, an abusive marriage and revenge that ran so deep it held her together.

"This is old ground Jefferson, let's not go over it all again" she replied, exasperated by his persistence, "You can't change me and you're a fool if you think you can"

Jefferson clenched his glass tightly, "You never once mentioned cursing us all to an eternity of misery! Just slipped your mind did it?" and she recognised his typical defence mechanism, hiding behind his sarcasm.

"Stop your petty protest and accept what's going to happen" she sighed, "I'll even let you chose a new life for yourself; whatever career, house you want in the new land"

She flinched at the sound of shattering glass and with a flick of her wrist had the glass of wine back in his hand, ignoring his own flinch at her magic.

"I don't want a new life Regina, no lies built around new houses or new identities! I want the life we could have, the life you deserve to share with me; if only you'd just let yourself!" he shouted.

"We always want what we can't have Jefferson"

"And why is that so wrong? To want to be with you, to be with…." his voice hitched, "Why are you so scared of a normal life…of giving this all up?"

Her eyes flashed dangerously, that's all she'd ever wanted when she'd been younger and he knew that. He knew she hated this life that had been carved out for her by her mother. But now, after so long and so much betrayal, it was the only life she knew.

Flicking her head away Regina strode across to a window, "You know that's all I want Jefferson, but it's too late for that now" she gazed across the calm waters of the lake below, watching how the moonlight made the castle reflections shimmer and dance, "It's too late for me"

His jaw clenched as he fought the urge to shake some sense into her, but instead settled for slamming his glass back down. Back when they'd been younger and carefree, before dark magic wove its way too deeply into her life, he'd often begged her to leave the King. She'd always laughed and rolled over in bed, apparently humoured by what she pretended to believe was a joke.

"Come away with me" His voice was hoarse from the rich wine and it barely came out as more than a whispered request. "We can go to another realm, any other land; Snow White will never bother you again, and even Rumplestiltskin's power doesn't stretch to jumping realms yet"

His desperation was showing through but for once he didn't care, he'd put his whole heart on the line and there was no point in pretending he hadn't. The silence that came gave his mind time to think, to regress back to when they'd first met and Jefferson had known, deep down, that this enchanting creature would steal his heart. As he'd comforted her in the wake of the doctor's failure something had changed; the excitable, impulsive boy had suddenly grown into a man who could love. Whose heart ached with every tear that fell from the beautiful girl's face as her body shook and her remaining hope drained away.

Jefferson glanced back at Regina; absolutely nothing remained from that fateful day. By the time he'd realised how he felt, it had been too late to stop. From that day forth, his biggest life regret had been his hand in changing Regina into a monster, into enabling Rumplestiltskin to use her as a pawn in his twisted little games.

"I can't leave with you Jefferson" her voice threatened to break but her steely resolve won through, "I can't give up everything to do what…? Be the wife of a portal-jumper, lead a volatile life of instability just running through endless worlds?"

His fist clenched at her dreary tone, "It can be so much more than that"

Regina shook her head slowly, "No it can't, because that's who you are", she waved a hand around the palace, "Just like this is who I am"

She'd never wanted to be Queen, it was a title forced upon her by the people who were supposed to care about and protect her. Shoved into a ready-made home, an abusive marriage and the bitter role of step-mother; yet she couldn't bring herself to give it up. She'd fought it for so long, and lost so much in the process, that giving it all up now would be futile. It wouldn't bring back Daniel. Or her father. And it certainly wouldn't punish Snow White enough.

"I love you Regina"

She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself not to tear up; she couldn't let him exploit her feelings. 'Love is weakness Regina!' Her mother's voice still echoed endlessly through her mind.

Slowly looking back at him she steeled herself for the inevitable, "I care for you, but it's not love Jefferson"

She visibly saw her lie crash into him, knocking the breath out of him and stunning him in its wake.

"I don't believe you" he whispered, eyes brimming with hurt, pain and betrayal; everything she never allowed him to see in her own gaze.

"You can't fight for something that doesn't exist" her grip on the emotion in her voice finally found its strength, she had to do this. "Let me go and move on"

His eyes searched hers, looking for any sign to confirm that he thought she was lying. But she didn't give him one. Instead she turned away, it was too painful to watch and she wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her cry.

"You're choosing magic over me? Again" He felt numb all over; this was not what he'd expected even in the worst scenarios.

She squeezed back the tears, "This is over Jefferson; I'm done with you"

He wanted to shout, to fight with her and convince her that she was making a mistake; but he couldn't find the strength to do it again. He'd spent so much of the past few years doing just that, that perhaps it was time to concede defeat. Move on. Away from loving somebody who couldn't, didn't know how to, love him back.

Turning back she forced herself to maintain a steely guise, "I don't get why you're doing this again" he uttered sadly, "I can give you everything you always wanted, we could be happy together Regina" but even as he said it he could feel his dream slip away from reality.

"That's the problem Jefferson. People change; I don't want those things anymore"

Her answer had the opposite effect to what she desired; instead it seemed to encourage him that perhaps he could offer her something else. Anything else. But it wouldn't happen. She couldn't let it happen. She had to let him go.

Briefly squeezing her eyes closed she met his saddened gaze and in a brief moment of insanity she stepped up to him, barely a few inches apart and ran a finger absently along his cheek. His eyes brimmed with unanswered questions and hurt, but as quickly as it had appeared, her tender side was gone once more.

Stepping back she clutched tightly at her glass goblet, "I don't want that anymore and…" she briefly hesitated, "I don't want you anymore"

Jefferson had finally had enough; she was playing mind games, manipulating people having learnt from only the best. And he wasn't going to stick around to fight for something he'd already clearly lost.

"I hope your curse brings you what you're looking for Regina" he mumbled bitterly, sending his hat spinning to the ground as she turned back away from him, viciously clenching her nails into her palms hoping the pain could replace the tidal wave of emotions.

Snatching up his coat he spared her one last, slightly wistful glance, "Because it sure has hell has cost you everything"


As soon as he disappeared a lonesome tear escaped down her cheek, the salt landing bitterly on her lips. She wished she could call him back, that she could go with him. That she could let go of her need for revenge and allow herself some happiness. Swallowing hard her eyes welled up; even if she could call him back he wouldn't want her now. What she'd done was unforgivable; choosing revenge over the man she loved. It both disgusted and amused her. She'd longed to be loved all her life and now she'd thrown it away. Their history, the years spent together; it was all gone. Banished to be yet another painful memory, stored deep down alongside those of Daniel.

But she couldn't let it be in vain. This was yet another sacrifice to the cause; to making Snow White's life miserable and finally getting her happy ending. Harshly brushing away her tears Regina stalked over to the window, glancing down around what was left of her Kingdom. Revenge would be swiftly dealt and painful for all.

Now the wheels were in motion it was unstoppable, the curse would be carried out. It had cost her too much, too many of the people she loved. Regina's dark eyes flashed brilliant violet and it had begun. Revenge. Pain. Misery. Daniel's murder would finally be avenged, and now she had even more drive, she'd make them pay for her loosing Jefferson. 'It is technically, in a way, their fault' she thought resentfully. Deep down, she knew that wasn't entirely true but in all honesty, she no longer cared.


Review/Concrit if only even to tell me how to make it better! I'm not picky ;-)