Hi guys!
I'm really getting into Tara's character. I officially love her.
Comment: So hard to think about Katniss' personality when, in this story, she's "Mother". It's weird.
So after some complaints -cough- about how short my chapters are, here's a long, rambling chapter. 2,000 words longer than usual. I hate myself for including romance into this, but I just take dictation for these characters, really, as I always do when I'm writing.
(Also, I don't mind the "complaint". I was joking :D More reason to write, yeah?)
Thank you so much for all the reviews! It makes my day whenever I get an email from when I get a story/author alert, or that someone's favorited one of my stories. Even if the review is just plain critique, it lets me know that someone enjoyed the fic enough to help me make it better. If its hate... well... keep it to yourself, meanie.
Disclaimer: I don't own enough amounts of awesome to be Suzanne Collins. (I'm not SCollins, and I don't own the Hunger Games.)
The Hawthornes choose to stay for a month. My father convinced them to – because of my birthday, at the end of that month. Matz really likes Riegan. Matz thinks Riegan's exactly what he himself wants to be when he's 14, but Riegan still hasn't completely won me over. I still feel like I'm forced to visit the Hawthornes instead of me wanting to go.
When Father and Gale are sitting together in the study, I sit just outside, eavesdropping. It's what I do. Matz and Riegan are with Mother, Lira, and Hazelle, outside. The way Father and Gale talk, its like they're old friends. Except... not really. I know they're not.
"Is she still as difficult as she was before?" Gale asks.
Father laughs. "Do you expect it to be any different?"
This is what they have in common. Mother. I feel strangely protective. Maybe it's because I can't imagine Mother with anybody else, and the idea of it makes me mad.
Gale sounds amused when he says, "No, I guess I didn't."
"Are you happy with Lira?" asks Father.
"Don't worry," says Gale after a pause. I peek through the open space in the door and see that he's smiling. "Yes, I am very happy with Lira... I'm like Katniss, in that way, I guess. She and I both have too much fire. We don't need more of it. She needs what you have, like I need what Lira has. What you two can give."
After all these years, Gale still knows my mother so well.
"It's been long," Father comments after a short pause.
Gale sighs. "Yes."
"Are you sorry?" Father asks. "Do you wish that you stayed, even as a friend? Are you sorry that you distanced yourself from her?"
"Did I? No, I didn't. At least, not on purpose. It would always have ended up like this, anyway, Peeta," he says. "She always would have chosen you."
"She tells me that."
I try to see if there's any bitterness when Gale replies, but there's none. "I know."
"Tara!"
I look up in surprise. Riegan and Matz have come in, both splattered in mud. I stand up and usher them back out – I know they've been throwing mud at each other. I used to play that sort of game with Matz because we always have a lot of mud this time of year... but that was a long time ago. I don't know why I stopped, really. Matz begs me to play with him again, because he knows he's gotten better, and now he stands a chance against me.
"I just cleaned the floors for Mother. Can you not?"
They grin, immediately annoying me more.
"Sorry, Maid Tara," Matz teases.
"Get out! I'll be right there," I say, poking him, and pushing them back out the door. I rush off and drag a towel on the floor over their mess. Then, I walk outside.
"What have you been doing, Tara?" asks Mother, putting her arm around me. I'm up to her ears now, in height. She begs for me not to grow any taller. Father teases that she'll be the littlest one in the family one day.
"I've been -"
"Eavesdropping on Father," Matz interrupts. Riegan snickers, and I don't believe he's 14. I recall Mother's description of Gale, when they first met: 14, and already looked like a man. Riegan looksenough like a man, but so far, he's every bit a boy as Matz is.
"Tara..." says Mother, using her "stern" voice.
I shake my head innocently. "I was just sitting outside his office. I was taking a break after cleaning the kitchen."
"Sure you were." Mother smiles and sits on the garden swing next to Lira and Hazelle.
Lira takes my hand. She is like the female version of Father. Gentle. But that isn't the same as weak, because they're not. "Tara, what would you like for your birthday? Gale and I don't know you well enough, and neither does Riegan. Your mother won't tell me."
"I'd love if you surprised me," I say, as sweetly as I can. "Truly. I love surprises."
"Ah, I should have known you'd never give us a straight answer," says Lira with a grin. "People never tell us what they want for their birthday."
"Surprise me!" I tell her eagerly, sauntering over to Riegan and Matz. I scoop some mud up in my hand and toy with it. "I would appreciate it, Lira."
Mother smirks. "Boys, I suggest you back away. She's got my aim." Gale and Father walk out now.
Father chuckles when Gale says, "If her aim's half as good as her mother's, you're going to be dark all over in a matter of seconds."
Matz, who knows from experience how ruthless I could be with mud in my hand, takes three steps backward. He isn't as afraid as he was when we were much younger, because he knows I'm out of practice, and he's older. Riegan, however, stands his ground. He bends over, takes some mud in his hand and challenges, "Hit me with your best shot."
I scoff and throw the mud right in his face. It splatters all over, even getting some down his shirt. I giggle and gather more to throw in Matz' direction. I dodge the one Riegan throws, and it gets Father and Gale, instead. I burst out laughing at the mud on their shirts.
"Riegan!" Gale cries.
"Tara!" is what Father cries, because I'm laughing at them, and I know it's rude. But... it's funny, and I can't help it.
I stifle my giggles, but I pay for my distraction because both Matz and Riegan have gotten me, on the hip and the stomach. I scowl at them and defend myself by hiding behind the mothers.
"Chicken," Father teases, tickling me. I burst into giggles, and I'm at his mercy, because the boys have come around me, armed with mud.
"NOOOOO!" I squeal, and I fight off Father to run.
I catch my mother's eyes, and she looks so amused. I think, She's never done this. Not like I'm doing it. Her life was never like this.
I wonder if she ever considered life to be like this after all she's been through. So carefree. I know she still hasn't gotten used to this, even after how long its been. It's why she hunts, even though she doesn't need to. I can't imagine what I'd do, if I was born into what she was born into. What is the transition like between worrying and stressing every single day into this life?
Ah! Why do I get so distracted? My ears are filled with mud. I squeal and jump up and down, disgusted. "Ewwww!" I screech, shaking the mud out of my hair. I see that Matz, Riegan, and Father's hands are dirty with mud, and I know I can blame all of them for the mess. Everyone is laughing – at me? I join in with the laughter... after all, I think, collecting more ammo, there are much worse games than these to play!
...
I have invited a friend – a girl named Elli – over when the Hawthornes come over as well. Matz runs to the front door to greet Riegan. Elli and I stifle laughs as he nearly trips over the rug. Gale and Lira ask where my parents are, and I direct them to Haymitch's. Riegan stays with Elli, Matz, and me.
"You're from Two?" Elli asks him.
"Yep. We're staying here until Tara's birthday," he replies, looking at me. "You wouldn't, by any chance, know what she wants for her birthday, Elli?"
Elli nodded. "But only what I'm getting her. I don't have any other ideas."
"Shame." Riegan grins.
Matz tugs on his sleeve. "Come on, you told us we'd play the Hunger Game."
I freeze. "What?"
"Hunger Game," Riegan repeated, and he notes the horrified look in my eyes, because he tells Elli and Matz to go ahead. Matz looks disgruntled but they go out to the Meadow anyway.
"You can't tell my brother about the Hunger Games. Not yet," I say.
"And why not?" he asks. "Don't they teach you in school?"
I'm miffed by that. "Yes! But it's different for us. Mother and Father were important in it."
"So was my dad, in case you've forgotten," he shoots back.
"Yeah, in killing my aunt," I retort.
Riegan scowls. "We don't know that."
I shake my head. "Just... don't tell him, okay, Riegan? Mother and Father haven't told him yet. He's just 7."
"And you're just 12," he says coolly.
I gape at him. This irritates me, because even though he's 2 years older, he still seems to be Matz' age to me. "And so? My parents have chosen to tell me at this time, and they haven't told Matz yet. For a reason. He's not ready to know everything they've been through."
"It's just a game, Tara!" he says. "We're going to play a harmless game of 'Hunger Game'."
"What exactly is it?" I ask suspiciously.
Riegan shrugs. "Throwing mud. Wrestling. Mock Hunger Games." I don't respond, crossing my arms. He smirks at me and says, "Care to join us?"
I grit my teeth, not responding. I just stalk off.
One: I can't take any chances. I don't want Riegan to tell Matz whatever Gale told him about the Hunger Games. Matz needs to know Mother and Father's version first.
Two: Yes, I do actually want to play.
Once she hears that it involves fighting, Elli chooses to play the roles of a sponsor and a Gamemaker. She likes to stay clean.
Matz whines, "Not fair! Elli's only going to help Tara!"
"Should have gotten yourself your own sponsor, then!" I tease, taking my place in the ring of flowers that creates the starting position. We have established that the only way to lose is if either we're on the ground for three or more seconds, or if another player can touch us with the palm of their hand.
Elli says, "Let the 77th Hunger Games begin!"
And I run off to what is our Cornucopia, which is just a large mud puddle in the Meadow. Riegan gets there first. I take the end of the puddle furthest from him, and he grins at Matz. "Allies?"
I gasp. "Not fair!" I cry, scooping up some of the mud.
Matz laughs. "You should have gotten yourself your own ally, then!"
"Oh, well, I'll be happy with my sponsor, if she actually gets something." I grin at Elli, who has run off to the trees. I trust she's being resourceful for me, though. I hope she is, anyway.
I run and dodge their shots, but they chase me far enough from the "Cornucopia" to prevent me from getting any "weapons". Elli has returned, now, and she has a long branch for me. I grin. "Thanks, Elli."
She gives me a brief giggle before running away again, burying the other branches she has in her hand in the mud. If my brother and Riegan want weapons, they need to dig deep for it. This is, much to my shock, quite fun.
Of course it is, I think to myself, I'm not going to die.
Getting the branches would mean turning their back to me. Turning their back to me would mean being at risk. I am grinning.
Riegan tells Matz to keep watch, and he bends down to try and retrieve the branches. He sends mud in my direction, and I dodge it. I lunge forward, bend down, and send mud in my brother's direction, nimbly hitting the ball of mud with the branch he throws at me. It splatters all over my face. I move forward toward him as he bends down to get another scoop, and I press my dirty palm on his shirt. He groans.
Riegan has his "sword" up, now, and I strike eagerly. This is fun.
I can't believe how fun it is!
We're "swordfighting", now, and the only reason I'm holding up so well is because I don't want the stick to hit my knuckles. I catch him in a block, and I whip my branch up to knock his out of his hands. It repels into the air, landing a foot away. I grin and seize his wrist before he can reach out to grab it.
It's then that I realize that, at the edge of the Meadow, all the grown-ups are watching. Even Haymitch. I gasp, and drop the branch and Riegan's wrist, staring at them in shock.
Riegan and Matz turn around. Elli looks at us, wondering what's wrong. The four of us jog toward them.
"Oh, Riegan, you're a mess," says Lira, smiling ruefully.
"You're not usually this messy, Tara," Father comments, smiling a little.
"We were playing the Hunger Game!" says Matz tactlessly. Not that he knows. I blush, and I look sideways to notice that Riegan has colored a little, as well.
"Hunger Game?" repeats Mother, blinking.
Matz nodded and chirps, "Riegan and I were allies and Elli was a sponsor and a Gamemaker!"
"So..." says Gale slowly, and I think he's about to scold us when he turns to Riegan. "... you lost to Tara?"
My lips grow into a smile, and any doubts I have about Mr. Hawthorne have disappeared. I like him. Riegan mutters, "Well, yes."
"We were watching," Father tells me, amused. "Where did you learn how to do that, Tara?"
I grin. "I learned on the spot. I just didn't let him hit me."
"Nice strategy," says Haymitch, looking at my parents with a smirk. "I think she could be better at swordfighting than either of you were, but she's definitely got your blood."
"I've got their blood, too!" interrupts Matz resentfully. "Don't I, Haymitch?"
"Oh, yeah." Haymitch grins. I know he prefers Matz to me. "A different kind of blood."
But even if he does prefer Matz to me, I feel strangely satisfied that Haymitch, mentor of tributes, thought my swordfighting skills weren't just mediocre. I think it's the first time I've been commended for a real skill that I feel like I can truly enjoy.
Lira says, "Ah, come on. Let's go to the house and clean you guys up."
Later, after I've changed and washed my muddy skin, I go down to the living room, where Riegan sits, alone. I sit beside him and say, "So, how does it feel to lose?"
Riegan doesn't scowl at me, as I expect, but smiles. He changes again, into that person I wished I knew. "Wallow in your pride for now, Mellark, but I'll win next time."
"There's going to be a next time?" I ask, finding myself smiling back.
His smile widens as he leans toward me. He challenges, "You aren't scared you just won by luck?"
I laugh. "Not even."
Even later, when the Hawthornes leave, my mother and I sit on the porch steps. She puts her arm around me and looks at me expectantly. "What do you think of them, Tara?"
"I think..." My sentence trails off. "I don't know what I think of them yet."
"Do you like them?"
I hesitate. "I like Gale. And Lira."
"Oh? You don't like Riegan?" Mother frowns, confused.
"He's all right," I say with a shrug. "But I haven't decided if I like him, yet. Matz likes him a lot, if that's any good."
Mother laughs and nods. "Will you tell me when you decide?"
"Mhm."
Pause.
"Are you just going to stay here, Tara?"
I shrug.
Mother ruffles my hair. "Okay." She stands up and leaves the door open as she walks into the house. I scoot over on the porch to see what she's going to do. Father is there, holding the back of the chair. His eyes are squeezed tightly shut, his jaw is clenched, and he is very red.
"Peeta," Mother whispers, crouching in front of him.
His eyes open, and he's breathing heavily. I know it's not one of the easier visions he's having. I stand up and stay a distance, watching.
"Katniss..." he breathes tiredly, looking into her eyes determinedly. I can tell he's trying to remind himself what he believes, not what his false memories are telling him. I'm scared, because his muscles look like when they're about to wrestle something. They're all tensed and... frightening.
And because she's Mother, and because she likes her lists, she takes a chair and sits in front of him.
"I love how you're there when I wake up from my nightmares, because it proves my nightmares aren't true... how you never forget that I like the dandelions and I like to have them whenever its spring. How you care for and tease Tara and Matz like my own father used to... I love how you can paint beauty, not only with colors and paints but with words, and how you can see me, now, everything you love and everything that is bad, but true, and you accept me anyway."
I feel so embarrassed when I watch her press her lips to his, and she whispers, so quietly that I almost can't hear it: "I love you, Peeta Mellark, no matter what your memories think."
Father closes his eyes tightly again, but his grip on the back of the chair loosens. He relaxes, exhales, and kisses her. "Thanks, Katniss."
"Any time." Mother smiles. "They're gone for now. Real or not real?"
Father nods, still disconcerted, but relaxed. "Real." I know this game.
He turns to me, and I realize that I've been scared to death. He opens his arms to me, and I walk into them.
"They'll go away someday. Real or not real?" I ask him hopelessly.
They both exchange glances and sigh. Father says, "Not real, Tara, but that's okay." I must be looking sad because Father hugs me tightly. "Don't worry, dandelion." I was probably around 9 when he last called me that... why did he stop?
"How is it okay?" I ask.
"Because in exchange for my nightmares and your father's 'shiny' memories, you're in a world where you're safe," says Mother gently. That was what I had told her just a few nights ago. I look down, still feeling a little disappointed that Father will always have those scary visions.
"Time for sleep?" Father suggests, and my protest gets cut off by a ridiculously huge yawn. They both smile and Father scoops me up in his arms.
As he takes me upstairs, Mother walks beside me, singing. I can see the open windows, before my eyes close, and I'm sure that outside, even the birds have stopped to listen...
As always, please review! Like I said, it makes my day.
Next chapter's first few lines (because Tara makes me lol):
The next morning I am awoken by the sun bathing my room in light. I groan and shield my eyes as I look to see who my attacker is.
"Good morning, Miss Mellark!"
Riegan? I groan again, pulling myself under the covers because first of all, I don't want to be awake. Secondly, Riegan Hawthorne cannot see me in my pajamas.
"I am here on a mission today," he announces.
