A/N: Thank you to my fabulous betas from Project Team Beta…Primrose Hill and mcsc2008, this was a mess before they got their hands on it! They worked very hard, so thank you again!!!!! Please read note at the end!!!

Chapter 3

EPOV

I could now say without any hesitation that I was truly a loathsome creature. I sat there, huddled in a corner, and rocked back and forth wondering why? Why had I done what I had? Why could I not fight the urge to bite him? I told myself over and over again that I could truly fight the urges of my inner monster but in the end, it prevailed.

The initial taste of his sweet blood flowing down my throat was like the finest and most rare vintage of wine. It was succulent, divine and made just for me. It was a flavor I knew I would never forget, but one I hoped I would never taste again. I knew, in that moment of pure bliss, I would have ended his life as I drained him dry. It would have been an unforgivable tragedy.

I didn't understand. How could the feelings of passion and love for Jasper not overrule my desire for his blood? What I felt for him from the moment I saw him filled the black void in my body with so much light. I felt like I would be blinded if I could see it shining from my own heart. He was truly the epitome of everything beautiful in this world and I chose to extinguish that without any regard for his life.

As these thoughts flitted through my mind, I heard my name being called in the background.

"Edward?"

"Edward!" Carlisle exclaimed.

I looked up at him as he held his mouth over Jasper's neck poised ready to extract the venom.

"Are you sure this is what you want? He can still be changed, Edward. You need to be 100% sure, because after this we will have some explaining to do and you know how that will go with him being human."

"Carlisle, suck it out of him, now! We don't have time to think about it!"

Didn't he understand? This was my doing, not Jasper's. He didn't deserve this; what happened here was my fault. He should have had a choice and I took it away from him. I knew that I would never have told him what I was, and knowing that fact should have been enough for me to stay away from him.

Was this my punishment, my curse, for all the wrong doings of a soulless monster? To fall in love with someone that I knew I couldn't have and be made to pine for the rest of my days on this God-forsaken Earth? To spend an eternity alone, knowing for the briefest moment what pure joy felt like?

I looked up to see Alice and Carlisle working as a team to save him. I knew, if they were able, that I would have to leave him behind. There was no way we could ever work. I had hurt him, I had damaged him, possibly beyond repair, and he would hate me.

"Eddie, you know I love you man, but can you do me a favor and put on some fucking clothes? Your lily white ass may do something for blondie in the bed, but it does nothing for me."

I could always count on Emmett to make everything just a little bit worse. I looked up at him and he was holding a blanket in his hands which he draped over me. I hoped that he would leave me to my thoughts, but he sat down next to me.

"Look Eddie, I know what you are thinking. You are brooding and contemplating how bad you just fucked up. I know it, but you have to realize it wasn't as bad as you make it out to be. I mean, on the one hand, you bit the poor dude, but on the other, you didn't kill him. Your track record is still holding strong."

He had it so wrong!

"Emmett, this has nothing to do with my track record. You could not possibly understand how much I detest myself right now. I thought about him for days. His goodness and decency was the most incredible thing I have ever felt. It came through him when he touched me. I have never felt so at peace in my entire life as I did when he put his hands on me. He put his trust in me and I abused it – I destroyed it. He willingly entered my home, putting his faith in me, and like the beast that I am, I took advantage of that when he was at his most vulnerable. So do not act like you can make this all better with words. Nothing will ever be okay again, because from this day forward, my life will be a black hole. I finally received a taste of the purity and bliss that is love and my penance will be that I will now have to endure without it."

As the words poured from my mouth, I felt my apathetic heart slowly start to break in half as I began to prepare myself to live my life without Jasper's love, goodness and light.

"Edward, it's done," Carlisle said.

"He will be unconscious for awhile, but we did get it all out. He lost a bit of blood, but not enough to need a transfusion. He is going to need some rest and while that is happening, we need to discuss what we will tell him when he wakes."

I had already thought about this. "Carlisle, I will sit here with him while he rests. I am the one who put him here, so I will be the one to handle it. When he wakes up, I will talk to him. I will apologize and then I will let him go."

"Edward, that is not necessarily what needs to happen here. We need to sit and discuss this as a family and decide what the right thing….."

"ENOUGH!" I exclaimed. "I am going to handle this and if you wouldn't mind, I would very much like to spend the last of our time together alone. I am asking you all, please leave us be," my voice broke at the end of that last statement. The daunting task of leaving was ahead of me and I didn't know how I was going to exist without him by my side.

I felt Alice's small arms wrap around me and pull me down to her shoulder. She held me while the dry sobs racked my body, whispering words that were meant to heal but only made me realize what I was going to lose.

"Alice, how am I supposed to be strong enough to do this?" I was pleading for answers that would not come.

"Oh Edward, when I saw you and him together, at first, it was all going to be okay," she sighed.

"You brought him home. You kissed. You touched. You held him while he slept and watched him dream. The passion in that moment, when you lost control was stronger than you and when I saw what was going to happen, I tried to call you. Why didn't you answer?"

"All I could think about was touching him. I wanted to feel the heat of his skin against mine. I wanted to feel his body surround me. I wanted to kiss him into oblivion and never stop. When I touched his body and tasted his mouth, all I could think of was 'more'. I never had any intention of taking it further than kissing and touching. I never intended for our clothes to come off, but when my fingers connected with his skin, it ignited something inside of me over which I had no control. Once that fire was lit, I was powerless to stop it. I had no way of knowing how my emotions would control my body."

I started to pace back and forth. "Damn it, Alice! I should have known better. I know what we are, what we are capable of. I never should have taken that chance with him! It was self-indulgent and reprehensible on my part to talk to him, let alone bring him home with me. What the hell was I thinking?"

"What you need to do right now, Edward, is to focus on making him better; the rest will work itself out. I know these things. You need to talk to him. You need to give him the chance to know the real you and love you back. It will be okay, trust me. You don't have to tell him the entire truth, but eventually, you will have to if you want to keep him in your life. Don't shut him out. I can't tell you what will happen because your mind is going in many different directions, and this is something you need to figure out on your own. I love you Edward, never forget that. I will always support you in whatever you decide. I just hope you make the right decision. I will leave now and drop his car at his apartment. If anything happens I will come by since you destroyed your phone. I will bring a new one by later. Now, go get dressed and sit with him."

She gave me one last hug and silently left the house. I went over to my dresser and pulled out boxers, lounge pants and tee shirts for both Jasper and me. After dressing, I slowly walked over to the bed where that beautiful soul lay, watching him breathe in and out. I got close enough to his face to feel his warm breath across my mouth and reached my hand out to tousle his soft, blonde curls. I let my hand caress his face and touch his silky, sweet lips. He was so amazingly perfect, but he wasn't mine to have.

I slowly pulled down the sheet and tried to stem the desire that spiked through my body as inch after inch of his creamy skin was revealed to me. I put my body on auto pilot and took extreme care as I dressed him. Moving slowly so I could savor my last look at his lithe form as I gently covered it up. The fissure in my heart continued to form as I saved these images to memory. I would use them to get me through the sheer torture that was in my future as I prepared to give him up.

After he was dressed, I crawled into the bed with him and that is where I would remain until I felt him begin to stir. If this was the last time we would be together, I was going to try and experience the thrilling intimacy of holding the man whom I treasured and adored without falling apart at the seams.

As I gingerly gathered his body against my own, I felt a soft whimper escape him. I could only guess that his body was fearful of my own and that thought caused my body to tremble. Tearless sobs wreaked devastation through my body. Remorse and self-loathing flowed through my veins as I tried to calm myself down so I could savor this precious time holding him.

I pressed my forehead to his and tenderly touched his lips with my own. Then, I quietly began to whisper all the things I wanted to say and knew I couldn't tell him once he awoke.

"Jasper, the very best thing that has happened in my life was seeing your face in that café. When I looked into your eyes, I felt like I had a purpose on this earth instead of going through the motions of life. You caused my stagnant heart to fill with love and thrive once more. It felt like it truly started to beat once again, which was a miracle in itself, since that is impossible for me."

I placed my hand over his heart and gently kissed him, savoring the taste of his mouth. This caused the fault line in my heart to crack a little bit more as I willed the emptiness away and tried to continue. It would do me no good to break down now; the time for that would be here soon enough.

"I truly thought that I could experience all of my firsts with you and that you would come through unscathed. The first look into your eyes allowed me to truly see the beauty of your soul. The first touch of your skin to mine taught me what it meant to feel desperate and unadulterated desire for another person. The second our mouths met and our tongues tasted one another, I finally learned the definition of the word passion and that feeling hasn't left."

I stopped to gather the courage and strength to continue. My voice was breaking with emotion, but I needed him to hear this, even if he believed it to be a dream. I needed him to know how I truly felt for him.

"I love you with all my heart and soul and I will continue to love you for as long as I am forced to walk this Earth. Every day without you will be an eternity to me and I am so sorry for what I am. You have changed me for the better; the few moments we had together will keep me warm on my darkest, coldest days. I will never forget the sweet rapture I felt when our naked bodies caressed each other. I never knew heaven was so close within my reach. I will carry you with me every moment of every day; I will never forget, Jasper, EVER!"

I knew what had to be done now and it would be the hardest thing I ever had to do. I gave him one last kiss and lifted myself from the bed. After slipping into a pair of jeans and putting on my shoes, I reached for my keys so we could leave. I put Jasper's clothes in a bag, keeping out his wallet, opened it to obtain his address and then it went into the bag too. I walked into my room, picked him up and carried him to my car. I laid him on the backseat very carefully and we sped off towards his apartment.

When we arrived, I picked Jasper up and carried him inside. It was utter agony to be surrounded by his scent from all sides, knowing that I would soon tell him goodbye. I placed him in his bed and pulled the covers up around him. I felt my heart swell at the sight of him in my clothes, I was glad that I would leave at least a small part of me with him. I pulled a chair next to the bed and prepared for him to wake. It wasn't too long before his heart started to increase in speed and he slowly began to stir. I pulled the walls up around my heart. It was bound together by a narrow thread that was slowly fraying, but I forced the emotions back and assumed my mask.

I heard Jasper groan and he put his hands on his head like he was in pain. It made my insides lurch, knowing I was the cause of this. He slowly opened his eyes and tried to focus on my face.

"Edward? What the hell is wrong with me?" his gravelly voice asked.

"You were hurt Jasper, and for that, I am truly sorry."

"What do you mean hurt Edward? Did I fall and hit my head or somethin'?" he questioned in a confused tone.

"It doesn't matter. What matters here is that you are okay. I wanted to make sure you woke up and felt alright so I could leave." Please believe me; please let me speak with conviction so there is no question as to what needs to happen.

I knew that the bite on his neck was now a faint mark, but I would let him make his own assumptions as to what happened when he saw it.

"What are you talkin' about? Why are you leavin'? Do you need to get home? How in the hell did we end up at my place?"

"NO! I am leaving for good; you will not see me again after today. I am sorry for making you believe we had a chance, but this is just not for me. You are not for me. I thought I could be with you, but I just can't!"

"Wait, Edward! What are you talking about?" he asked me as I saw the tears start to fill up his stormy, grey eyes.

"I thought you felt it too; how can you say that I am not for you? You told me that you never felt anything like it before. Was it all a fuckin' lie?" he screamed at me while furiously wiping the tears from his cheeks.

"You are a goddamned liar, Edward. You are a fuckin' coward! Don't be dishonest with me damn it; tell me the fuckin' truth. It is the least I deserve you asshole!" He was sobbing by this point and it took every last ounce of strength I had not to run to him, pull him into my arms and tell him he was right. I had to do this, it had to be this way.

"I'm sorry you feel like I am lying, Jasper, but it is the truth. I apologize once again that you were hurt, but you will be fine. You will forget me and you will move on. You will never see me again. Please, take care of yourself."

With that last statement I walked to the door and turned the knob.

"Edward, stop, please!" I heard him plead.

With a fierce determination, I opened the door, walked out and didn't look back. As I heard his strangled cries from the other side of the door, the thread holding my heart together snapped and the chasm was formed as my heart fell into segments. I knew that from this day forward it would never be whole again.

I got in my car, let the dry, racking sobs overtake me and prayed for death to find me.

A/N: First of all I would like to thank everyone who has read this story….it really means a lot to me to be added to your favorites list. Please review for me….it really helps me to know if I am doing this justice as I am so new at this.

I have been asked how often I plan to post and right now my hope is to post bi-weekly. I have a son who is chronically sick and I use this as my way of coping with the stress of the unknown. He was just diagnosed with something I have never heard of and we are just waiting on biopsies, scary for a little 2 year old. So, as long as he is okay, we will stick to this schedule.

Please PM me if you have any questions…and my readers who wanted Jasper to be changed…..SORRY! Be patient with me, I believe in HEA!!!

I also entered the Slash/Backslash contest with a different one shot, so please go read it and let me know what you think!!