". . . and Paul nearly exploded on all of them. Man, it was funny. Quil and Em sure are masters when it comes to pranks. And then Thursday, Sam thought it would be a great idea to . . ."
Humming along to the phone chatter, I made my way up the downtown circuit, pushing through the crowds of tourists flocking the streets during their summer vacations and the locals enjoying their Saturday afternoons. I'd been on my feet for hours, suffering through interview after interview as my job search continued.
I was determined to make something of myself, and now that I'd had a full day to relax after two long years of college dedication, I was out and about in an effort to find the perfect job.
It's funny how you can imagine your life one way and watch it unfold in an entirely different direction.
Growing up, I'd always assumed that by the time I even considered college, I would be in a steady relationship with Embry and the two of us would be rooming with Quil and Jacob, while the latter of the group would be happily in love with my sister. In my fantasies, his feelings were reciprocated.
However, at nineteen, I was stalking along the strip, high heels cutting into my sore feet and a pencil skirt constricting my legs as I rushed towards the coffee shop on the corner of fifth and eighth. It was the only place in the world that I had found to have muffins that tasted almost exactly like Emily's.
It was a little piece of home in this foreign place, even if I wasn't quite ready to face home yet.
A shoulder bumped into mine, causing me to drop my cellphone onto the concrete and stumble sideways as I caught my balance. "Fucking jerk," I grumbled at the back of a teenage boy in board shorts as he continued down the street with his friends and not even an apology. I scrambled to pick up at phone before it was stepped on and held it up to my ear.
"Nori? Are you okay? What was that?" Seth questioned frantically. He had always been a little overprotective, but as a stand-in little brother, it was expected. I was the same way when it came to him, and I was sure Leah was as well.
"I dropped my phone," I explained as I picked up my pace and turned the corner, spotting the sign of the shop just ahead. "Sorry about that."
He chuckled. "You're still as clumsy as ever." I opened my mouth to retort that it hadn't been my fault, when he cut me off. "Oh, Charlie got back in the morning. He crashed on the ride home, so he probably never called you."
Biting my lip, I tried not to let my mood dampen at the fact that I'd forgotten all about my father's flight. My mind had been elsewhere all morning.
"He and mom are getting really gross with their PDA now, dude. You should se-" He paused, clearing his throat as he realized what territory he was getting himself into. After the first year of constant pleas and comments about visiting or returning home, I'd finally gone off on my friend and threatened his manhood if he didn't let me sort everything out on my own. I needed time, and everyone's begging had only made it all worse.
It had slowed as I dove into schoolwork and early graduations. But I knew that now, with my schooling complete, a whole new round of comments and pleas would be in store.
"Maybe Sue can come with Dad next time he visits," I offered in an attempt to lighten the mood. I hoisted open the heavy glass door of the coffee shop and entered, my senses immediately bombarded with coffee grounds and warmth.
I wrapped one sweater-sleeved arm around my middle as a cold chill ran down my spine. I could never shake the cold.
"Yeah," Seth muttered halfheartedly. "She'd like that."
I ordered my coffee as Seth picked on me for my fancy, basic girl ways and took a seat in the back corner with the steaming cup and an enormous blueberry muffin as Seth rambled on about more pack humor at home that I'd missed. It was always like this; he would tell me about the jokes and incidents at Emily's — sometimes repeating himself in his excitement — and I would laugh along as I tried not to imagine myself there with them. I couldn't bring myself to cut off the pack, no matter how toxic certain members had been in my life. They were family.
"It's been three years, Nori." Seth's sudden serious voice brought me out of my daydream as the chunk of muffin I'd brought to my mouth fell to my lap.
I brushed the crumbs off of my skirt as I mumbled, "I see your math skills are still as sharp as ever."
"I see you're still avoiding us like the plague."
Sighing, I munched down on a pinch of muffin. "Seth," I whined. "Please don't."
He scoffed. "Why not? I've been nothing but understanding for three years, Nor. I miss you. We all miss you." His emphasis on all wasn't looked over, and I wondered if he really meant it.
"I need to get my life on track. I've got so many plans and ideas, and coming back will only-"
"You suck at excuses," he interrupted with a small laugh. "You know I love you to death, Nor, but the longer you stay away, the worse it will be when you come back." He paused. "We just want you back, Nori."
I chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "It's just easier this way," I murmured as my chest throbbed in obvious disapproval of my words. I rubbed the space directly over my heart and winced as it hurt, as if a bruise had formed over the chest cavity.
The pain had been around for so long, it had practically soaked into the bones.
"It's not for Ja-"
"Seth," I warned.
"Or Em-"
"Stop!" My sudden outburst had brought the attention of several other patrons, so I turned to look out the window and people watch as I blinked back tears.
Seth sighed. "It is really easier, Nori? Or is that just what you're telling yourself?"
I couldn't give him an answer.
I ripped the heels from my feet as my mother's condominium building came into sight. My feet ached and my eyes dropped as I padded into the lobby.
A whirlwind of dark skin and braids appeared as soon as the elevator opened and I found myself wrapped in a massive hug by the tiny girl.
"Whoah, where'd you come from?" I mumbled, though I knew she wouldn't respond. Though she could read lips, her face was directed away from mine and her ears would not catch my words.
She leaned back with a toothy grin spreading her chocolate skin. "You graduated!" she announced excitedly, her voice slightly nasally and her tongue thick as she formed the words. "How does it feel?"
Laughing, I stepped into the elevator with her and pressed the button for our floor. "It's surreal," I said, facing her as I spoke so she could watch my mouth. "I'm not sure if I'm ready to adult just yet."
Rolling her wide, expressive brown eyes, the thin girl brushed her long braids over one shoulder and smiled. "You will be fine. You have always been more grown than others our age." She grasped my hand. "I have faith in you."
My chest fluttered as she spoke the words. It had been so long since someone had had faith in me. They'd been disappointed, frustrated, or tried to trust in my decisions, but none had had blind faith in me.
Imani had been the first friend I'd made when I had arrived in Florida. She and her grandparents lived next door to my mother and Phil, and Mom was fascinated with their culture and heritage, so we visited quite often. I grew a soft spot for the deaf girl who was a lonely online student, much like myself. She had been bullied profusely in school, though, and with time away from that environment, she had blossomed into a kind, outgoing individual.
It gave me hope that time would change me, as well.
"Is Grandmama making dinner?" I asked, referring to her elderly grandmother who was a fantastic chef of Jamaican cuisine.
Imani blanched. "Oh no," she whispered. "I was on my way to get eggs when I ran into you!"
I grinned and held up one hand to calm her. "I'll trade you some eggs for a plate of heaven."
The elevator doors opened on the seventeenth floor and Imani grabbed my hand with a laugh, dragging me towards my apartment.
The clock flashed 1:00 as I leaned forward on one arm and laughed into the camera of my laptop. The three hour difference between Florida and Washington was a pain in the ass, especially when Kim could only chat after work at ten in the evening.
But it wasn't like I slept anymore, anyway.
"I think Jared is going to propose soon," she admitted with a hopeful smile as she examined her nails. "He got all flustered the other day when someone mentioned rings, and Emily gave me that knowing look." She raised her brows suggestively as if copying the look, and I burst into laughter at the accuracy of it.
"I wouldn't be surprised," I said as I scribbled a few song lyric ideas down on a piece of paper. "I mean, you guys are the perfect couple. And now that you're in remission, what better way to celebrate than a wedding?" I shot her a cheeky grin as she blushed.
After three years of fighting the cancer, Kim had been declared cancer free. Of course, there were still possibilities of it returning, but she'd beat it once. She could always beat it again.
I hoped.
A few weeks after I'd left Washington, Kim had video chatted me in tears with a pair of scissors of Jared's shave as she blubbered over chemotherapy and how she was starting to lose her hair. She was terrified of being the only one with no hair and having people stare or pick on her.
I'd stolen Phil's razor and we'd shaved our heads over the camera that night. Surprisingly, my mother wholeheartedly supported my decision, and Jared had joined the club the next morning. Three thousand miles away, and I still managed to make Kim feel better about her loss of hair. I ended up sending her a ton of beanies and headbands to match my own collection.
Her hair had grown to chin length and framed her face pleasantly, while I had continuously trimmed mine to stay short. We'd changed over the years, but our friendship had remained as strong as ever.
"You'll never guess who did propose, though," Kim suddenly said, her eyes flashing with mischief.
I mulled it over for a moment before shrugging. "Who?"
Kim grinned like a cheshire cat. "Paul."
My jaw dropped in shock as she giggled. "W-What?! Since when did he even have a girlfriend?"
Kim shrugged. "He imprinted on Rachel Black last year, but never told anyone. She announced the other day that she would be moving back to Seattle to take some dream job and he freaked. He blurted out, 'Marry me,' in front of everyone and she nearly choked on her drink while everyone got really quiet." She shook her head in disbelief. "You should've been there, Nor. He got down on both knees and poured out his heart, and she thought he was high." Sitting back in her desk chair, she got a pensive look on her face. "It was really sweet, though. The stuff he said, you know? I would've died and gone to heaven if Jared had done that for me."
I bit my lip as I tried to ignore the pinging in my chest and the longing in my own heart for someone to do that for me.
"Did she leave?" I whispered.
Kim's eyes met mine through the screen before she nodded. "She told Paul she wasn't ready for commitment." Sighing, she smiled sadly. "It's funny how it was Paul who was always afraid of commitment, and now the tables have turned." Taking a deep breath, Kim's smile became a bit lighter. "He's determined, though. He goes to visit her on the weekends. Jared said he even brings her flowers and whatnot."
I snorted in shock at that information. Paul had never seemed like the type to ever buy anything for a girl, but as I thought back on my memories with him, I paused. He'd been such an angry individual, but he'd also been caring — in his own, abrasive way.
Voices in the background caught my attention, and Kim whipped around just in time to see Jared walk through the door. His eyes met mine through the screen and widened before flickering to his side.
"Who's Kim talking to?" another voice asked, and the deep, rough undertones were all too familiar.
Jared's mouth opened and closed before he choked out, "Um, uh, nobody. Nothing. No one. I-"
Another body stepped into view just as Kim turned back to face me with an apologetic expression. She opened her own mouth to tell me something, but my eyes moved too quickly before I could permit them.
As soon as they met the dark brown orbs through the screen, I slammed my laptop lid shut.
With my heart racing in my chest and my fingers tingling, I closed my eyes and focused on breathing evenly. I was shaking like a leaf and the dark chocolate eyes plagued my every thought.
I'd thought leaving Washington would be easy. Anything would be easy compared to the daily turmoil I faced on Washington soil.
What a naive little girl I'd been.
Grabbing my cell phone from the bedside table, I tapped out a text to the one person who would be able to distract me at one in the morning.
"So, was it another nightmare?" Grant asked as soon as I climbed into his car. I'd easily snuck out of the condo in pajama pants and a sweater with no cares, and upon seeing him, I found that he had done the same, save for the t-shirt covering his torso.
I shook my head as he peeled away from the curb and merged into traffic. For the middle of the night, the city was still a busy place. It never slept, almost like me.
On the occasions that sleep actually took me under, I would find myself running through the forests from back home, panting heavily as breath threatened to leave. I'd never encounter any friend or foe; I simply ran. And when I would wake up, I'd be just as out of breath and tired as before.
What made them nightmares, though, was the utter feeling of helplessness and dispair that practically suffocated me every time.
The dreams had driven me crazy during the first year, but after awhile, I welcomed them. At least they meant that I received a bit of sleep.
Turning the music up, Grant drove smoothly through the city as a current hip-hop track soothed the atmosphere, and I stared out the window at the passing nightlife while I enjoyed the peaceful distraction.
Jacksonville was dangerously beautiful, with its underground community and cultural nightlife, but it was nothing compared to La Push. The calming waves, the comforting green foliage that never seemed to change, and the familiar faces at every corner were all I'd ever dreamed of.
I'd fucked everything up.
Grant parked the car and climbed out with me following close behind. Waffle House was our go-to when we needed distractions late at night. Between my fucked up past and his fucked up home life, we needed our friendship and each other's shoulders.
It was the main reason why he was okay with me choosing to not date him. He enjoyed having me as a friend far more than to lose me over a failed relationship.
I wanted to trust in his words and believe that our friendship was strong, but I'd been screwed over by best friends in the past. It was hard to trust anymore.
The waitress took our usual orders and called them out to the cook. The building was quiet and empty, save for the two workers and a group of club goers on the far side, and Grant's incessant chatter about his acceptance into several four-year universities in his parents' home state of Texas and how difficult it was to make a final decision.
Grant leaned forward on his forearms while I lounged with my back against the window and my legs stretched across my booth.
"You should just forget about nightmares and Washington and the past," he demanded out of the blue. "Come to Texas with me this fall. You're smart; you could totally get into any school." He shrugged with a smirk. "And I could always use a hot roommate."
I slung a sugar packet at his cocky self and giggled as he knocked it away before it could hit his face. For a human, he had amazing reflexes.
And that was coming from someone who spent half a year with wolves.
I took a large sip of drink to focus my mind elsewhere.
"Lord, help the woman that ends up with you," I muttered with a smirk as he shot me an equal grin.
"Careful, babe." I held up another packet as a threat, and he quickly rephrased his words. "Nori. It just might be you."
Rolling my eyes, I dropped the sugar packet in my hands onto the table and chuckled at his antics. "You never quit, do you?"
Grant's smirk faded into an easy-going grin as he leaned back in his booth and crossed his thick, muscular arms. He had been a football player, more specifically an offensive lineman, all of his life, until a torn ACL ruined his future in the profession. He had been forced to drop out of university due to his loss of scholarship, take up classes at the local community college, and start over. He understood what it felt like to lose everything, and that was just another reason why we'd connected so easily.
"Pissing you off is too entertaining."
I flipped him off as the waitress sat our dishes down in front of us, and we spent a solid five minutes digging into the hearty, greasy food. It warmed my throat as it slid down into my stomach, but yet the cold still seeped into my veins and kept me shivering slightly beneath my knit sweater.
"You know," Grant began conversationally while he shoveled eggs into his mouth. "Maybe I should just take a year off. Figure out what I want to do before I go back to school." He shrugged. "My mom has been all on my case about how I have a degree in general classes, which is basically useless." Stabbing a poor, defenseless egg crumble, he sighed. "Fucking bullshit."
I swallowed a mouthful of grits. "It's not useless," I promised. "You just need to finish your last two years somewhere. A year off wouldn't hurt, though." Swirling my spoon around the bowl of grits, I chewed on my lower lip in thought. "You should do what makes you happy. Fuck what anyone else says or thinks; if it's what's best for you, then it's worth doing." I offered a halfhearted smile. "I mean, look at me. I moved across the country against everyone's wishes, and I've never been happier."
Grant snorted, dropping his fork as he clasped his hands and rested his scruffy chin on them. He gazed at me with knowing, blue eyes. "Really? You don't sleep," he checked off, sticking one finger out. "You never allow yourself to grow close to anyone unless they force their friendship upon you." Another finger flicked out. "And you always get these far away, depressed looks every time you talk about Washington." A third finger joined the rest as he shook his head. Relaxing his fingers again, he stared at me pensively for a moment before dropping his arms and returning to his meal. "I just don't understand you, Nori Swan. I think this whole 'time' thing is bullshit. I think you're just too scared to face your past, but until you actually go back to Washington and hash out whatever it is with and with his lips pursed and his eyes blazing, he almost reminded me of a worried Jacob Black.
I reached across the table and squeezed his hand, not uttering a word. I was speechless at how well he'd read me, even with only the tidbits of information I had offered during our friendship. I was thankful to have him around, though his words had jolted me to the core.
I knew that he was right. They were all right. Running away wasn't the answer. It was easier to run instead of facing reality, but I was tired. I was so tired of fighting and being strong.
And yet, I couldn't even fathom the idea of returning. I wanted to stay in Florida and continue with life as if I'd never lived in Forks. I needed to stay away, to be free of the chains that the supernatural seemed to shackle me with.
As I later sat on my bed and watched the sun rise, I couldn't help but wonder how it looked so easy to be reborn.
