/Cal/
I wake up with Mare still in my arms. She had two nightmares last night, both of which she won't speak of. She just sat there shaking and then tucked her face into my shoulder and breathed deeply for a bit and slowly fell back to sleep as I whispered little things in her ear to calm her down. As soon as she calmed down and fell back to sleep I stayed up making sure that she wouldn't feel bad about waking me, however the truth was I couldn't sleep myself and was scared about what dreams I would see.
Mare starts to stir in her sleep so I un-slip myself from her and make sure she's comfortable and I leave to have a shower. When I enter I see the walls are white, well every thing is white. Mare put a few pairs of new cloths in my room last night, along with pyjamas and other necessary's that I might need. There where toiletries and towels. Well as if you call them that, but the thought was enough to make my heat swell with, I don't know what the feeling is but I know I can't get distracted again.
When I'm finished and dressed I head out of the bathroom towards my room that Mare should still be sleeping in. When I open the door I find I bundle of blankets where a person should be, but there is no one. I look around the room more and find the room completely abandoned.
I walk out of the room and go into Mares room, I look around for any traces that she had been in here and found that she has not, there has been no changes from last night when I had removed her from the freezing room. How many nights had she been suffering? The room, the nightmares and from the bruises on her hand I'm guessing training or worse.
As I go to leave I see that on the makeshift desk are papers and pencils. I walk towards it and see they're drawings. Some are dark and some a light. Some are portraits and some are landscapes. I go through the drawings and see things I recognize, the palace, the training room, me, Farley, Kirlorn and Maven. Well Maven through fog and the blue eyes piercing vividly through. I drop the page and walk backwards away from the desk and stumble onto the bed. On the floor I see a page that has fallen of the table. Slowly pick it up afraid of what I would see, maybe Elara or my Farther.
I'm angry that she would draw him, him the one that left her and I to die in that arena. But what I see is two pictures in one.
The page was spit in two. On one side there was the music box, that played the music we danced to, with detailing and everything. The second was Mare and I kissing in the moon light. The furniture and everything was how I remembered it. To the patterns and the flowers and the wall paper. The light that came off the moon reflected off both our hair, making it shine and glow. My fingers trail along the page feeling, trying to absorb, what is on the page.
I hear a cry coming from outside, and I drop the page on the desk and run towards the sound. Going down corridors. Until I come across a door marked Training Room. I push the door open to reveal what is behind. Mare is in the far corner, crouched down and breathing hard. There is a dummy hallway across the room that is chard and burnt. There's blood on the floor and blood on her hands.
I go to walk towards her but then she gets up and crosses over to the dummy, practically yanking it off its hook and throwing it to the floor. Mare then walks over to another door and slips in. I'm just about to follow her, when she comes back out with another dummy. The dummy is taller than her and properly weighs more as well. Putting the dummy on the hook she starts to hit it again and again. Blood splatters on her face and on the floor, where she punches the dummy the spots get redder and redder.
Sparks erupt up and down her hands the faster she punches. I see wetness in her eyes and realise she crying. The lights above start to flicker. The dummy is getting redder and redder. Suddenly the power cuts off and purple lightning is the only source of light. The dummy gets scorched and then the lightning dies out leaving us in darkness.
I hear Mare curse and the light come back on. I see her look at the dummy and then hang her head in defeat. She goes to yank on the dummy to bring it down again but I clear my throat. She jumps in surprise and turns to face me. Fear is evident in her eyes and I'm curious as to why. "Shouldn't you be wanting breakfast?" I ask.
"I'm not hungry." Well I'm hungry but I don't say it aloud, knowing that she'll move right away to get me food. But obviously my stomach has other ideas. Its groans loudly and judging by Mares small smile and laugh I'm guessing she heard. I feel myself blush silver and Mare laughs even more.
"Stop laughing, it's not funny." I snap sharply. Her laughter dies down and she frowns. Mare then walks towards the door I came through and goes out of the room. I follow her, wondering why the change of mood. I follow her through the corridors I already came. I slowly notice the walls are not stark white like I originally thought, they were a light grey almost white but not quite. The floor a concrete substance. We come to a door and it opens out to the hallway we came through last night.
I follow Mare through another corridor that is straight and has many doors staggered on the walls. There's no one out the moment and wonder what time it is. The lights give of a harsh glow. The walls outside the Newbloods Barracks is white, to look at it straight on hurts my eyes. But Mare doesn't seem to mind. She walks through the halls like nothing wrong. I notice how she keeps her distance from me. I notice how there's not much light in her eyes anymore. I notice how her hair is duller, how she's thinner than before I met and she was thin back then from having much food but eating small amount. How she walks with a small limp from launching herself off the bed cos she was scared of me.
Mare abruptly turns left and I have to stop abruptly and then turn on my heel to catch up with her. There are people walking through this hallway and they all give Mare funny looks, but when they see me they jump back against the wall, like I was going to bite or burn them. As a group of teenage girls pass they laugh at Mare and she ducks her head and walks quicker. When their eyes land on me they practically run away.
There's a door marked Cafeteria. There's hardly anyone in there and a clock, 8:30 am. It's early but not that early that it's unbearable to be up. I used to get up early to train as well, I used to do it with him. I can't bring myself to say his name. I want to kill. I want to kill him. I want to kill Elara, and before I wanted to kill Mare. I almost did in the cell, but she let me out, she brought my bracelets back to me. When I heard her screaming in her sleep I thought I was dreaming. I had only heard Mare scream a few times. All in agony or anger. But her scream was in fear. My heart broke when she jumped away from me.
"Cal, come on." Mare calls after me, I then realise that I had stopped walking and Mare was staring at me in confusion and something else that I can't place. I walk towards her an d she walks towards the door. Mare holds the door open. There's a table at the back of the room and a few more empty tables as well. Mare pushes past me to get to the line for food, as I follow her I feel eyes on me.
When we finish getting food Mare goes straight for the table at the back. She sits in the corner and I sit opposite her. I notice her shoulders are hunched and her hair covers most of her face. She plays with her food but never goes to eat it. I look at the food and it's like a porridge. It's mushy and has black bits floating around in it as well. "I know you're hungry, and I know its not much. But you've got to eat." Mare whispers from her spot in the corner. I look over the food again and then take a small amount of the food. I then bring it up to my mouth and pop the spoon into my mouth. The food doesn't taste nice but I don't let any emotion show on my face as I swallow the food and take another spoonful.
"Maybe you should eat as well then. You've got to eat." I throw her words back at her and in response she pushes her food away and leans back in her chair locking eye contact with me. I look down at her food and look back at her. Her face is pale and she has dark bags under her eyes. She looks tiered but not just in a way of lack of sleep but as if... as if she's just tiered of living, breathing...trying. I push her food back at her. She doesn't make a move to eat it or break eye contact either. "So you don't eat and barley sleep, when you do, you have nightmares. How do you manage? Do you burden your problems with other people?" I ask, I know that I have probably struck a nerve. But I want a reaction out of her.
She jumps up and doesn't look at me "You don't know a thing about me. No matter how much you think you do." She whispers. I stare at her reaction, not what I was expecting. She rushes away before I can even try to catch her. When I get up I notice that everybody is staring after Mare.
I rush out of the cafeteria, only to be slammed into the wall. A boy with sandy blond hair and green eyes stands in front of me, holding me against the door. "What did you do? What did you to her?" I remember the boy's name now, Kirlorn. Mare's friend from the stilts. He tried to get her to stay when she visited her family.
"I said something that I shouldn't have." I admit. Looking Kirlorn straight in the eyes.
"Even after she let you out of that god forsaken cell. You silvers think you can take what you want from us reds. You're the reason Mare's pulling away from everybody. You and your brother messed with her head. Messed with her heart. Most of all messed with her sanity. Don't think that the Barrows and I haven't notice her getting thinner or jumping at strangers touches. The bruises up and down her arms and around her hands are obviously from what ever the hell she does in those rooms."
"Kirlorn…" A quiet voice comes from behind him. I look over his shoulder and see Mare. Tears in her eyes and judging by the look of pain across her features, I guess she heard everything that he just said. Kirlorn shoves me away from him and turns to look at Mare. He goes to speak but she runs down the corridor.
"Mare! Don't…" He gets cut short by me punching him across the jaw.
"You know why you never went to conscription.? You know why?" Kirlorn looks at me, waiting for me to continue. "She bargained herself, not that she had a choice, but she bargained that she kept quiet for you and her brothers to be safe from that war!" Kirlorn looks shocked and I turn my back on him and take after Mare.
Hoping she went to her room or somewhere in the barracks. Hoping that she doesn't do anything stupid.
