Abby covered her mouth as she yawned. She didn't have any reason to be tired. She'd been getting plenty of sleep in the past few weeks. Maybe that was the problem – too much sleep. The entire criminal world, at least as it related to the Navy, had ceased to exist after the Neal case had been resolved. She had a theory involving cosmic equilibrium being attained while Ziva recovered from her injuries, but it fell apart in the face of reality. Murders and kidnappings hadn't stopped when Kate had died, after all. It was probably just a coincidence. Uh huh.
She walked around her lab, flicking the 'on' switches of lights, computers and spectrometers. Bert sat in her desk chair. "I don't suppose you signed in any evidence for me to process while I wasn't here?" He didn't respond until she gave him a squeeze. "Yeah, didn't think so." She placed him on the desk in front of her as she sat to check her email. "Feel like going to the communication seminar for me today? No? Can't say I blame you."
Her eyes scanned the topic heading of her correspondence. McGee. General Office Memo. McGee. McGee. Carter. McGee. Wait, Carter? In the evidence locker? She clicked on the tiny envelope and read eagerly, trying to pick out the bits that would involve mixing chemical solvents and running PCRs. She was sorely disappointed. "Damn. Well, at least Tony will be happy."
Ten minutes of awkward one-sided flirting later, she toted two plastic bags up to the squad room. Tony and Ziva were both sitting at their respective desks, quietly typing as they consulted file folders. They weren't even looking at each other. Abby decided she should have just read McGee's emails if she wanted to catch them in the act. He'd been sending her at least five messages an hour since Ziva had returned to work two days ago, reporting the suspected couple's interaction in excruciating detail. Abby had yet to see a change in their behavior, so she suspected McGee of embellishment for the sake of exercising his literary muscles. Things like 'gentle caresses' were so not happening with Gibbs sitting right there.
"Morning, all." She dropped the two bags in front of Tony. "I hope you realize what I just went through to get these for you. I don't think Derrick understands that I only talk to him because it would be impolite to rummage through the evidence locker without acknowledging him."
"Yeah, not to mention a breach in protocol. What is this?" Tony smoothed the plastic over the lumpy contents as he tried to make them out.
"Your clothes, from the crime scene. They've just been released from evidence."
"Right." He had already placed the bag with the jeans in the garbage can next to his desk and now frowned, holding the bag containing his shirt.
Running a crime lab meant Abby was fully prepared with solutions for situations such as this. "If you soak it in a hydrogen peroxide solution you might be able to get the bloodstains…" she stopped suddenly and looked over her shoulder. Ziva was making a point of not listening. "I'm sorry."
She looked up and smiled faintly. "It's okay, Abby."
Tony was still looking ruefully at his shirt. "I'm just gonna toss it."
"That's too bad." Ziva had come over to join the conversation. She fingered the plastic bag. "I liked that one."
He looked up. "Really?"
"Yeah. You were wearing it the first time we met." Her cheeks colored slightly as he raised his eyebrows.
"I had no idea you were paying such close attention. Of course, I was so distracted by that hair thing you did…"
"Hair thing?"
"Oh, yeah." He smiled at the memory. "It's a good thing you told me you were Moussad before you did it, too, because I know I would have said something you would have made me regret."
Abby rolled her eyes; maybe McGee hadn't been exaggerating. "Yeah, you guys are just a little too cute for eight in the morning. Isn't there a rule about this?"
"Number twelve, Abs." Gibbs walked up and handed her a Caf-Pow, giving a tray with four coffees to Tony. "And they assured me I wouldn't have to keep reminding them about it."
"Right, boss," Tony replied, turning his full attention to pouring sugar into his coffee.
Ziva tried to escape back to her own desk, but Gibbs grabbed her elbow, confiscating the cup she had just taken and handing her another. "This one's yours. McGee here yet?"
"In the bathroom," Ziva answered, staring sullenly at her cup.
Gibbs placed the final cup on McGee's desk and headed for the stairs. "I'll go see if the Director has granted us clemency."
"Yeah, right after she cured cancer and declared world peace," Abby muttered. She sat on the edge of Tony's desk. "Is it wrong that I'm hoping a murder is discovered in the next ten minutes?"
"Only if it's wrong for one of us to stab the guest speaker." Tony glanced at Ziva, who had stolen over to McGee's desk to exchange cups. "You up for that, my little assassin?"
She took a sip from McGee's cup and smiled. "What happened to sitting in the back and sleeping until lunch?"
He turned back to Abby. "You can tell she's not one-hundred percent yet because she didn't jump at the chance to kill someone."
"Who are we killing?" McGee asked nervously, coming around the corner.
Abby hopped off Tony's desk. "We haven't picked our target yet, Timmy. Any suggestions? Perhaps the harpy that gave you that bruise?"
McGee self-consciously touched his cheek. "I told you it was just a misunderstanding. She thought I was making a personal attack on her cousin the ice skater when I said I thought all the guys in the show were of questionable masculinity."
Tony shuddered. "Stars on Ice. I don't think I've ever been that desperate."
"Oh, because you've never had a bad date." McGee took a sip from his coffee cup. "Uh, Ziva I think this one's yours."
"I don't think so, McGee."
"So Gibbs brought us both warm milk today?"
She sipped from her purloined cup and smiled. "Perhaps he thought your injury warranted something special this morning."
"She's not supposed to be drinking coffee yet," McGee tried to explain.
Abby wasn't ready to move on yet. The first topic had too much potential. "I once had this really horrible date…he took me to the opera."
"What's wrong with the opera?" Ziva asked, scrunching her eyebrows together.
"Nothing, but this was an opera put on by sixth graders at a performing arts school. His little sister was in it."
"So was it like, kill the wabbit?" Tony looked at her for some sign of recognition. She shook her head. He sang, "Kill the wabbit, kill the wabbit…"
"Isn't that 'Ride of the Valkyries'?" McGee interrupted.
"Not on Bugs Bunny."
Abby drew Tony's attention by poking him in the shoulder. "Do we have time to hear about your worst date ever, or will it take too long? Remember, we've only got half an hour before we learn to communicate so efficiently we'll never have conversations like this again."
"We could talk about me…or we could hear a story that most likely involves broken bones." He jumped out of his chair and bounded across the bullpen. "Ziva! Tell us about your worst date ever." She stood and leaned toward him, saying something Abby couldn't quite make out.
McGee whispered to Abby, "Give it a month or two and she'll have a good one about him."
She laughed and encouraged, "Come on, Ziva. Everybody's got at least one dating horror story."
Tony spoke up before she could answer, "But whatever it is, I bet Gibbs could top it. What, three ex-wives and you think he doesn't have something worse?"
Abby raised her eyes to the catwalk, ensuring it was clear before she asked, "Hey, why's he keep bringing you guys coffee…and warm milk, apparently? I mean, the Caf-Pows are a given, but he just started this thing, right?"
"He's been doing it since Ziva…well the past few weeks," McGee finished nervously.
"That's it." Ziva groaned in exasperation. "From now on, just say it. I got shot. But I'm fine now, so we don't have to toe tap around it."
Tony smiled. "Tiptoe. You tiptoe around sensitive issues. Well, maybe not you, but most people."
McGee poked Abby hard in the ribs to call her attention to Tony's hand, slipping around Ziva's waist. He'd withdrawn it almost immediately, but it had definitely been there. Abby whispered, "Too bad we're not having sexual harassment training today."
