Disclaimer: The characters and locations depicted in "The Powerpuff Girls" belong to Craig McCracken and Cartoon Network. This is a not-for-profit derivative work.
No fictional characters were harmed in the making of this fan fiction.
Author notes at the bottom from now on.
And if this isn't insane enough, or just plain doesn't make sense, it's 'cos I was writing it at 4am in a motorway service station last Sunday (8 Feb 04); on the plus side, it was nice an' quiet there...LOL.
Chapter the Third
The one where even more people almost arrive, seemingly impossible things start to happen, and the title is made stupidly long for no good reason other than that it can be.
"What do you mean, we're nowhere?" asked Blossom incredulously.
"OK", said Gregory, "obviously we're somewhere - the very fact that we're here means that here is somewhere. What I meant to say is that we're no longer inside the universe. We're outside of reality."
"That makes even less sense than us being nowhere", said Buttercup 'pacing' back and forth in the infinite nothingness.
"Put as simply and clearly as possible, you're no longer part of what consider to be reality".
"So you mean we're dead?" asked Bubbles, starting to get a little scared at this point.
"No", said Gregory, chuckling. "We're all very much alive" and to prove it, he poked Bubbles in the arm; she jumped at the unexpected touch. "See?"
"Alright", said Blossom, still confused. "But how did we get here?"
"Yeah", added Buttercup, "one moment we're in the lab, and the Professor was about to shoot us out of his..."
"Infinicannon?"
"That's right," said Blossom, taken slightly aback. "How did you know that?"
"Easy. This is a Powerpuff Girls fanfic, and I'm the author."
"What the ****?" asked Buttercup. Then when she realised what she'd said, she asked "Why did I just beep?"
"'Cos I'm censoring this for a PG audience of course" replied Gregory. "Can't allow strong swearing, can I?"
"That's too weird."
"No it isn't Bubbles. This is weird" he said, as a loud BANG! Sounded and Bubbles was replaced with a cartoon-style explosion containing the word "POP!"
"Bubbles just popped...how did you do that too her?" asked Blossom, whose confusion was beginning to turn to anger now.
"I control this fic, and everything in it." Then Bubbles re-appeared, completely unharmed.
"So this is a fanfic..." said Buttercup. "I didn't realise people wrote fanfics about us."
"They do, lots of them" said Gregory. "Well, in my reality at least" he added.
"But if this is your fanfic, then how come you're in it?" asked Bubbles.
"'Cos I wanted to be, so I simply wrote myself in. I'm an exact replica of myself out there, writing all this right now."
"So that's why we occasionaaly speak with spelling mistakes!" exclaimed Bubbles. "'Cos you're a crappy typist!"
"Got it in one Bubbles."
"Self-insertion? Puh-lease, that is so the lamest plot device ever. And aren't you a bit old to be writing PPG fanfiction anyway?"
"Yeah well, I get to write the fic, so you'll just have to live with me being in it. And I'm only 21!"
"What?!?" said Blossom, looking Gregory over. "I thought you were about 45!"
"I can't help it if premature hair loss runs in the family."
"Maybe not, but that doesn't explain the beer gut" shot back Buttercup.
"For your information, BC, I don't drink." Buttercup merely scoffed at that statement. Gregory sucked in his stomach slightly. "I just like to eat a lot is all."
"If this really is your story, how come we're able to make fun of you?"
"'Cos Blossom, you never heard of a story that writes itself?"
"Yeah..."
"Well that's why." Blossom just mouthed an "oh". "And anymore lip from you, BC, and I'll tell your sisters where you're ticklish spots are."
"You wouldn't dare." Buttercup said, trying to act confident but floating backwards away from the group surreptitiously.
"Try me."
"As interesting as this conversation is," Blossom interjected, "what do we do next in this fic?"
"How about eat?" asked Bubbles. "I'm hungry."
"Eat what, Bubble-brain?" asked Buttercup, who had regained her confidence. "There's nothing anywhere."
"No need for name-calling, Buttercup" Blossom and Gregory said at the same time. They looked at each other and simply shook their heads. Gregory continued "What'd you like to eat then, Bubbles?"
"Umm...I'd like....a tofu dog, please" she said thoughtfully, finishing with a bright smile.
"OK" said Gregory, producing one as if out of thing air; the reason being that he actually DID produce it out of thin air.
"Wow!" Buttercup said, and 3 jaws simultaneously dropped in astonishment. "How'd you DO that?"
"It's the way I write my fics; the normal rules don't apply, so you can make anything happen by just thinking about it hard enough. It always works, except when it'd ruin the plot - so there's no willing yourself back home again. Sorry." All 3 girls looked a little down when Gregory said that.
"Oh. Makes sense I guess though" said Bubbles, through a mouthful of her tofu dog. "This is really tasty!"
"Really?" asked Gregory, mildly surprised. "I've never had a tofu dog, so I wasn't sure if I could accurately conjure one up."
"I still don't buy it" said Blossom. "This is a fanfic?"
"Yup. Sure as eggs is eggs."
"Then prove it" she challenged.
"OK, I will" said Gregory. Suddenly, a large bundle of printout appeared. Blossom picked up the end of the printout. "This is the transcript of this fic." Blossom quickly skimmed though the transcript.
"Aha! It doesn't say what's gonna happen next!"
"Of course it doesn't," said Gregory, as though this was a preposterous idea. "What happens next hasn't been written next."
"Oh"
"And it's not gonna either, 'cos we've reached the end of this chapter."
"How can you tell we've reached the end of the chapter?" asked Buttercup, miffed that she was getting the least dialogue in this story so far.
"'Cos of that" Gregory said, pointing at some giant flashing words in the distance, saying 'Pre-arranged word limit near', just like when you're at the local bowling alley. Then they changed to say 'Pre-arranged word limit reached'. "See? So everything else is gonna have to wait 'til next time."
"So what happens now then?" asked Buttercup.
"We stay frozen in position, not speaking, 'till the next chapter starts. And I don't know when that'll be either, 'cos I get writer's block a lot.
"O wait," said Blososm, putting her hand to her ear as though she was hearing through headphones. "I've just got word from you out there that the next chapter is already written." And then everything froze in place, waiting for the next chapter to start.
To be continued...
Review replies:
RA: Is it? I've never seen "The Yellow Submarine". OK, I'll use your author profile then, and I was planning on leaving Ratchet and Clank out anyway - I don't really know enough about Ratchet & Clank to write characters for them (hence why I didn't include either of them in "The Gong Show either).
CF: Actually, I think this would work better in script format, and I'd've written that way too, 'cept I'm not really very good at it (which I learnt from writing "The Gong Show" - took REALLY long even when I wasn't in writer's block. When I write a story in my head, I just always seem to write it in prose, so I had to translate it into a script before I could type it out).
Actually, I think I understand what you're trying to say, but it doesn't make sense - an object isn't affected by travelling at high velocities, only by massive acceleration (which is very similar to really strong gravity). So the infinite acceleration, which would normally be lethal, wasn't, because it was experienced for no time (and hence wasn't experienced at all). Is that any clearer? :)
Hitch-Hiker's guide to the Galaxy? How? Oh, do you mean when they all arrive at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe? And hopefully you won't mind, I think I'll leave you out (see below responses for why).
FC: Great - I was worried there was too much technical jargon-like nonsense last chapter that might bore people. Authors will hopefully be coming in in due course - see below my review responses.
HS: I hope this is more insane - chances are it won't be though, I'm starting to worry that I won't be able to pull this off that well. :( See below for comments on me adding other authors to the weirdness that is hopefully this fic. :)
Spitfire: Thanks! I'll try to make this chapter as good, if not better, than the last. :D
ZR: Glad you liked the last chapter, although not much happened. I'm starting to realise that maybe I'm not going to be that good at actually making insane stuff happen in this story, in which case I'll have to re-evaluate the purpose of writing it (and whether or not to continue). I was actually going for semi mumbo-jumbo with the Professor's explanations (I made them up on the spot), so that's good. :) As for whether or not you can be in this, please see below.
Sorry to disappoint, the infinicannon has had it's use now; it was just a plot device to get the girls to where they now are, and neither it (nor the Professor) will appear again, though they may occasionally be mentioned. Nowhere is a great place to be in this fic - it's like a fantasy land, controlled by the minds of everyone who is in it, and where absolutely anything is possible (this will be shown in the fic in due course).
Tonifranz: Thank you; I got a B in A-level Chemistry, but all the scientific explanations I use in this story (and any others I write) are a complete load of bull from start to finish, LOL. Nice to know it's sounds plausible though.
Yeah, I know, having them not call him "Professor" all the time was to give the girls more character and make it possible to always tell who's talking to him - in this, Blossom calls him Professor (I feel 'cos she's quite formal/proper most of the time), Buttercup calls him Dad (she's affectionate, but doesn't want to appear too "mushy", :) ), and Bubbles calls him "Daddy" ('cos she's the most like a normal little child. Plus, it just sounds wrong, all of them always calling him "Professor" in the show).
I thought not drawing their extremities (fingers, nose, ears...) was deliberate, 'cos all the other characters have those drawn in (except for Miss Bellum of course... :P).
Thank you - I'm not that great a writer, I'm just fairly obsessive about spelling/grammar (something I picked up from my dad; when I was younger, he always used to correct everything I said automatically - it was so infuriating!!). BTW, how can your fave character be both Blossom AND Brick (unless it's some weird amalgamation of the two...LOL)
Ud the Imp: Thanks! I'll try to keep it up, but I'm just about the world's slowest writer. :)
To all who reviewed chapter 2: It probably wouldn't be a good idea for me to include too many authors - from past experience, I work better with less main characters in a story, and I'd probably end up with at least one person complaining of being written OOC. So, I'm going to stick with those I know slightly better, and include FC, HS, and RA (Rocketman too, if he wants to be included). That way, I have RaoI to fall back on if I need help with anything, most importantly including characterisation of fellow authors. I hope no-one is too offended by this decision.
To RA, FC, and HS: Just 'cos you'll be appearing (probably not in this chapter, and probably not all at the same time), this is in no way gonna be connected to RaoI, so none of us has ever met the PPG in person before, k?
