Promises
Hotel
Casey and Severide had been at the small hospital for several hours now. Severide hadn't seen Casey since he was taken off the helicopter. He had been reassured Casey was doing well but he'd been told nothing more as he'd had his own injuries attended to. He was suffering a minor concussion, a lot of bruising, although far less than Casey. His dislocated shoulder had thankfully easily been reduced by external rotation, meaning his arm only needed the minimal support of a sling and he could still use his right hand. Casey's injuries had taken a lot more attention. The doctor had been forced to intubate him before the helicopter landed on the roof of the hospital, as he pumped oxygen into his precious body the paramedic squeezed the IV bag of saline, all in an attempt to increase Casey's pressure. Fortunately all their measures had worked and Casey arrived at the hospital with a low but steady blood pressure and a good oxygen saturation rate. Severide had been separated from him almost immediately at the point of landing. There wasn't enough room in the elevator for both of them and the trauma team. Severide hadn't seen him since.
Severide would have been pacing up and down as he waited for news on Casey if they hadn't given him a shot of strong painkillers. He wasn't being admitted thankfully but there wasn't anywhere else he wanted to be. He could hardly begin to imagine the gut wrenching fear that Casey must have suffered whilst he had been waiting for news on Hallie. It must have been ten times than what he was feeling now waiting for Casey. They may have reassured him Casey was doing well but he was still desperately anxious to see the proof, to see Casey alive and recovering. He'd come so close to losing him, he didn't have many people in his life, not close friends like Casey, he'd always felt closer to Shay, Andy and Casey than he had to his family. They were family but Andy was gone now. He couldn't ever lose Casey.
"Kelly Severide?" a female voice asked him suddenly. He peered up wearily, he hadn't noticed as a woman in scrubs had approached.
"Yeah," he replied, standing up, having to steady himself on the chair. "How is he?" he asked.
"Very well considering. He shouldn't need surgery," she informed him.
"Shouldn't?"
"We're positive the bleeding will stop on its own so we don't want to open him up unnecessarily," she responded. "We tried to contact his next of kin but…" she began.
Severide's heart sank and he sat back down before his legs gave out. Of course Hallie would still be shown as his emergency contact, changing it would have been the last thing on Casey's mind. "She died four weeks ago," he explained, "He doesn't have any other family." That wasn't strictly true, but with his mom in prison and his sister as good as estranged Severide was the closest thing he had to family, along with the rest of 51. "I can sign anything if you need? I'm his best friend, I work with him, we're firefighters," he spoke.
She smiled. "I did hear how you saved his life in the field."
He shrugged off her compliment. "Anyone else would have done the same."
"No, they wouldn't have had the skills to do what you did," she responded. This time he smiled, thinking back to how it was Casey lying there, telling him what to do. Casey had managed to save his own life. Severide wasn't at all convinced he'd have been able to do it correctly if it weren't for his instructions.
"Doctor…" a nurse started as she walked up to them, "He's awake."
The doctor turned to her and thanked her.
"Can I see him?" Severide asked, already getting up again.
"Come with me," she replied. As they walked to the trauma bay she spoke, "He's still intubated but he should be fairly lucid…"
"He's not going to be in any pain, right?"
"No he shouldn't be in any pain at all," she responded, "He's been cleaned and stitched up, the scans revealed broken ribs and a severe lung contusion, but you already knew that. His left wrist was broken, the cast is just setting. It wasn't a bad break. He's gonna be very sore and bruised for a while, you both are. He's got a couple of chest tubes in but they'll be taken out in the day or so, and he should come off the ventilator within the next twenty-four hours, we're just giving his lungs a bit of a reprieve. Do you have any questions? I know that's a lot of information."
They were standing outside the trauma bay now. Severide looked over Casey before he stepped inside. He didn't look anywhere near as pale as before but he was still nowhere near his usual colour. He did look better now the blood had been cleaned from his face but he was littered with a multitude of bruises from dark purple to pale yellow and green. Some of the cuts on his face had been stitched and dried blood still matted his hair in places. He was lying almost flat with his head propped on a small pillow, wearing a pale hospital gown and covered in a sheet and blanket. Severide could see various tubes snaking out from under the bed covers. He glanced at the monitor and smiled a little, Casey really was much more stable now and having heard that he shouldn't need surgery was a blessing.
When he stepped inside the smell of antiseptic filled the air, he went straight up to Casey's side. "Hi Matt," he spoke softly, if Casey felt anything like he did he was sure he'd have a roaring headache right now despite the pain relief. The doctor remained back, satisfied that Severide knew what he was doing and satisfied that Casey was still doing well. "You're in the hospital," he continued, unsure quite what Casey would have been told, or would remember.
Casey weakly moved his right hand slowly up to the tube in his mouth but Severide took it gently and laid in back by his side, not letting it go.
"That needs to stay in for a bit but you don't need to worry, you're all right," Severide smiled, "And I'm fine too. Want to blink once for yes and twice for no?"
One blink.
"Good," Severide nodded, "Do you remember what happened?"
After a moment Casey blinked again.
"Good. Are you in any pain?" he asked, still gently holding Casey's hand.
Severide smiled as Casey blinked twice.
"Ok, that's really good, you just need to rest now, ok?" he said but Casey was shaking his head, "It's all right, everything's ok, you won't be here long, I'm fine, they're not admitting me, I'll speak to the cops, I'll sort out the truck, you really just need to rest. I'll be right here when you wake."
He could see the tension leave Casey's face as he finally allowed himself to close his eyes and relax.
"He worries too much about everyone and everything and never about himself," Severide voiced his own thoughts aloud.
"Seems like he has you to worry enough for him," the doctor responded, Severide had almost forgotten she was in the room. "He'll make a full recovery," she reassured him again, "We'll be getting him transferred up to a private room soon. Is there anyone we can call for you?"
Severide shook his head, "No, I'll sort myself out, thanks."
Casey was soon moved up to a private room. Severide remained with him, the staff made no objections when he stayed with him overnight which was good because he still hadn't called Shay, who he was sure would come to their aid once he informed her what had happened. The police had been and taken Severide's statement. The wrecked truck had been brought to the city pound and their belongings boxed and stored at the police headquarters. Eventually the police would also interview Casey once he was free of the tube and able to speak again. Severide had also spoken to Casey's vehicle insurance company, explained their position and sorting out what needed to happen next so Casey wouldn't have to worry about any of it. He'd showered in the private bathroom and changed into some scrubs the hospital had provided for him but Severide didn't sleep until late the day after the accident. He'd finally shut his eyes and relaxed a little once the doctor extubated Casey and his oxygen levels remained stable.
Severide was sitting in the room eating some food he'd bought from the cafeteria when Casey woke lucidly for the first time since the endotracheal tube had been removed, but his first words shattered Severide's heart.
Casey had woken up to a familiar sterile kind of smell and familiar sounds. He finally managed to force his eyes open and what he saw confirmed his thoughts. He was in the hospital but something was different, he couldn't quite pin down what it was. "Hals…" he whispered, his voice was raspy and his throat raw from the tube. "Hals?" he repeated, louder and clearer this time as he looked around the room. His head hurt like hell and his face was sore and bruised, his left eye almost swollen shut now.
Severide stood up and went up to Casey's side. "Hey Matt, it's me, it's Kelly."
"Hallie?"
Severide hesitated. "It's just me. How are you feeling?" he asked.
"What happened?"
"You don't remember? You're in the…"
"Hospital," Casey finished for him. A moment later he eyes fully opened. "Oh crap… the truck… wait… you all right? Did I hurt you?"
"I'm fine, Matt. How are you feeling?"
"Sore all over," he admitted.
"Yeah, I'm not surprised," Severide responded. He pulled the chair over to the bed and sat back down.
"What hospital?"
"Saint Barts, Madison," Severide told him.
He frowned as he thought for a moment, trying to think but whatever medication was going through the IV line was making it hard to focus. "How long?" he asked.
"Accident was yesterday, it's almost 6pm," Severide informed him.
"You're stuck here? You should go home."
"You want me to go?"
"Don't know why you're here," Casey responded tiredly, his walls quickly erecting around himself.
"The same reason we were going on this trip to start with, I care about you."
"Well, suppose you've seen that I'm awake now, you know I'm fine so you don't have to be here."
"Right, yeah, well, I'll call Shay and…"
"Yeah, sounds good," Casey spoke over him, cutting him off mid-sentence, closing his eyes and turning his head away.
"Matt…" he began but he didn't know what else to say. All he knew was that he didn't want to leave Casey alone right now. "It wasn't your fault," he announced, "The car crash… Hallie's death… Andy's…"
Casey's eyes opened.
"None of it was your fault," Severide reiterated.
"Not convinced," he replied wearily after a few moments.
"I know," Severide nodded, "So, I'm just gonna keep reminding you."
Casey was silent in thought for a moment. "Everything was perfect, just then… but I woke up and she was still dead… fucked up, isn't it? Sometimes I still think we need to wait for Andy but… and now I'm expecting her to call me. I kept thinking she was lying next to me in bed," he laughed self-deprecatingly, wincing as he jarred his ribs. "I'll be sleeping on the couch for a very long time. And now I've almost killed you. Thought I had killed you."
"If I'd have died it wouldn't have been your fault," Severide pointed out.
"We wouldn't have been there if I wasn't so weak, if you didn't think I needed a break from everything…"
"Matt, stop," Severide spoke gently. "Like I said before, you're allowed to breakdown. And you're allowed not to get back up straight away. Now, get some more rest because you really do need it. Are you in any pain?"
Casey shook his head a little but his face told Severide otherwise.
"Matt?" he questioned suspiciously.
"Maybe a little," Casey admitted. "You really do need to go home though," he added.
"No I really don't. Close your eyes, I'll get someone to give you a shot," Severide said as he stood up stiffly.
"Kel…" he murmured as he let his eyes close.
"Yeah bud?"
"Thanks."
Later that evening Severide made a lengthy call to Shay and told her everything that had happened. Once she was reassured that there were both going to be fine they came up with some plans of action. There were a few options and ideas they discussed. Casey could be transferred down to a hospital in Chicago but it was unlikely that he'd need to stay in hospital once the chest tubes were out. So it would be simpler for Casey to stay where he was until he was ready for discharge. Severide would book a room in a hotel for the next couple of nights and Shay would drive his car up to Madison when Casey was discharged, then Severide could drive them all back to Chicago, provided his shoulder was up to it. It meant that Casey wasn't going to be left alone in a strange city even if he insisted he would be fine, Severide and Shay knew better.
Casey was up and about a couple of days later. The chest tubes had been removed. He was no longer coughing up blood and his vitals were stable without any supplemental oxygen or fluids. He was in a lot of pain but didn't ask for any extra painkillers and when anyone asked he would say he felt fine, just a little sore and bruised despite the agony his body felt. He was spending a lot of his time asleep which Severide was grateful for, although it did worry him too. Severide knew Casey needed his rest but at points it felt like he was avoiding reality, avoiding a world without Hallie. When Casey was awake he'd stare blankly at the tiled ceiling or pale yellow painted walls, and most of the time he didn't even try to feign interest in anything Severide was saying and still insisted he should have gone home.
"Morning Case," Severide said cheerily as he came into Casey's room. It was his fourth and final day in hospital and he was due for discharge before mid-day. He picked up a piece of the toast on Casey's side table and sat himself down in the chair by the bed.
"You know the hospital has a cafeteria and it's open, right? You can get your own breakfast," Casey commented.
"Because you're gonna finish yours?" Severide retorted sarcastically, chewing on the toast.
"Fair point," Casey shrugged.
"You'll be unrecognisable when you get back to work," he went on, "A diet of booze and little else isn't gonna help you feel any better."
"Oh, so we're having that conversation?"
"Just keeping my eye on you just like…"
"Just like Hallie would have wished?" Casey questioned incredulously, "You don't know what…"
"Yes I do," Severide interrupted firmly. "I do know," he paused, as if gathering courage, sorting his thoughts. "Matt, I really do need you to promise me one thing. It scares the hell out me, it's been keeping me up at night."
"The great Kelly Severide scared?"
"I need you to make one promise, just one, I'll never ask you for anything else again," Severide spoke, "Promise me that you won't do anything… anything stupid."
Their eyes locked for and there was a slightly uncomfortable silence for a few moments before Casey answered. "Don't worry, I'd never do anything like that."
"Good 'cause I didn't stick a knife in your side for nothing," he let out a breath of relief before going on, "I know things are bad right now but I also know we'll get through this."
"I'm not going to self-destruct, I promise Kelly," Casey responded softly. The fact that Severide had said 'we'll get through it' and not 'you'll get through it' wasn't lost on him.
Severide nodded, "Ok and sorry, you… you just make me worry sometimes… all the time." Severide admitting his feelings was something almost as rare as Casey doing the same, and as he spoke, he caught a flash of something in Casey's eyes. A look that he hadn't ever seen before but it was fleeting and as they dropped eye contact the moment was over.
"I know," he smiled. "It's kinda nice," he shrugged after a moment, "I'd hate something to happen to you too."
"Well we better try and stay out of trouble then," Severide grinned back at him, his face lit up, eyes sparkling.
"Yeah 'cause that's likely," he laughed, gripping his side, "Ow… ok… no laughing."
Casey was sleeping peacefully when Shay arrived at the hospital in Madison later that morning. Severide left Casey's room to meet with her in the corridor. "Hey, look at you Kelly…" she greeted with a gentle hug, looking at the grazes and bruising on his face, "How are you feeling? You look terrible."
"Thanks," Severide responded wryly.
"How's Matt doing?"
"Well, if you think I look awful…" Severide rolled his eyes. "Cops spoke to him yesterday. The guy who hit us was as high as a kite. Matt couldn't have done anything to avoid the crash. His truck's totalled but…"
"But you both made it out," she said, still thankful of that.
Severide turned his head and gazed into the hospital room, his eyes focused on Casey's bruised and battered sleeping form. "I didn't think he was going to make it," he exhaled deeply, "Don't want to relive anything like that again."
Shay placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "He's going to be all right, Kelly," she spoke, "He'll heal. Physically and mentally."
"He's just so… so sad…"
"Give him time. He's still grieving for Hallie, will for a while yet but he'll heal," she repeated, "You know why I know that? Because he has you, and me and everyone at 51... but most importantly; you."
Severide just nodded, barely taking in what Shay was saying, all his attention was still on Casey. "I'm not sure we should drive back today," he began. "He's gonna be discharged in about an hour, we could quickly go and pick up our stuff from the police station, get back here then get another hotel room, mine's got two doubles though so guess we could share…"
"I'll drive back if you don't feel up to it?"
"No, it's not me, I'm…"
"Worried about Matt," she smiled cheekily.
"It's a long journey, it's not gonna be very comfortable… but yeah, actually, let's say I don't want to, say my shoulder's acting up."
"Good thinking Lieutenant Severide," Shay grinned, amused at Casey's stubbornness. Both of them knew very well he would insist on them going back to Chicago straight away even if he still felt too ill and sore.
It was after mid-day when the doctor had been round and finally signed Casey's discharge forms, satisfied that he was well enough to leave their care. Severide was pushing Casey along to the main exit in one of the hospital wheelchairs, an orderly was walking alongside them and Shay was carrying a bag containing the medications Casey had been prescribed. Casey had protested that he didn't need 'a damn wheelchair' but hospital policy made it compulsory for him to be in it as far as the exit, and the look Severide gave him made him back down immediately. He looked even paler now he was out of the hospital gown and wearing a dark sweater and joggers but it did make the bruises look like less of a contrast.
"Do you need anything for tonight? We can call by a store if you want?" Shay was asking Casey as the main doors opened automatically in front of them and Severide wheeled Casey outside, he shook his head in response. He stood up, still stiff and in pain, but he thanked the orderly, saying he hoped he wouldn't see him again soon. They smiled their thanks and goodbyes and started to make their way to Severide's car. Shay had parked as close to the exit as possible after picking up their things.
As they walked over to Severide's car Casey started to lag behind, he began to feel lightheaded. They were just about turning the corner to where the car was parked when Casey stopped, having to bend over a little and rest his hands on his thighs. Shay and Severide realised Casey was no longer with them, they stopped and hurried over to him.
"Matt," Shay began, seeing his distress, "What's wrong?"
"Dizzy," he breathed, closing his eyes, "Gonna be..." He didn't manage to get any more words out before he began to throw up, retching and heaving. His ribs and chest burned as he threw up the meagre contents of his stomach, until nothing was left but bile.
Severide had been holding him the entire time even though he was barely aware of it as his head spun and his insides rebelled. "You're all right Matt, you're ok," Severide reassured him, unconsciously circling a hand on Casey's back, watched by Shay's observant eyes, making her smile.
"Sorry…" he muttered once the heaving had subsided.
"Don't," Severide said simply, smiling at Casey's habitual need to constantly apologise for everything.
"Your shoes..." he croaked, wiping his mouth with his sleeve.
"Ah yeah," Severide looked down at his shoes, splattered in undigested food, "Don't worry about it. How are you feeling now?" His hand was still on Casey's back.
"Tired. Crappy," Casey responded, taking hold of the bottle of water Shay had passed to him from one of their bags. "Thanks," he said gratefully, flipping back the cap and taking a mouthful.
"And this is why it's a good idea to stay here for at least another night, ok? No arguments. The room's already booked anyway," Severide tried to sound casual, he smiled to hide his worry. He hated seeing Casey so unwell.
Casey didn't protest, he just nodded.
They soon arrived at the hotel and got the stuff they would need for the night out of the car. Severide was pleased they had somewhere to recuperate for another twenty-four hours or so before they had to start the long drive back to Chicago. By the time they got to their room Casey was almost at the point of collapsing where he stood, so Severide dumped the bags down and helped Casey take off his jacket and hoody, careful not to cause him any pain. He pulled back the covers with his free arm and helped Casey down onto the bed, his eyes were closed before his head had even hit the pillow. Severide pulled off his boots and then covered him up with the sheets and blanket.
Shay put her bag onto the floor and sat herself on the other bed whilst Severide laid himself on top of the covers next to Casey's sleeping form, watching him intently. "Get a room you two," Shay said softly, almost jokingly, smiling at Severide. "Oh wait…" she grinned.
Severide smiled back at her and held an index finger up to his lips. "Shh… don't wake him."
She stood up. "I'm gonna get a coffee from the machine, want one?"
Severide nodded and she slipped quietly out of the room. He then laid his head on the pillow, relaxing onto the bed. The movement disturbed Casey. "You in my bed?" he murmured.
"Do you mind?" Severide asked.
"No."
The End
