Nayru's Note: I realized that I can't write Hakuba for the life of me. But I tried. I have no idea what came out of it. Hopefully nothing too horrible.

Also, I'm currently struggling with the issue of 'Kid from DC' vs. 'Kid from MK' since those almost seem like two different characters sometimes. Or maybe Kid is still Kid, perhaps he's already a bit more experienced in DC, but we don't really get to see Kaito's side of things there. And then seeing Kaito in MK is like some kind of reality clash. I just don't know what could be considered IC for him or not anymore.

Oh, well. I have a lot of fun writing this story, at least. If someone has fun reading it, then score. As long as that works, I guess I shouldn't worry that much.

This is all about the good feels and crack anyway. :D

PS. I did research on gunshot wounds before touching this chapter so that I'd at least have a vague understanding of the issue and not write something that makes no sense whatsoever, but whatever you do, don't think this is legit in any way. I still have no idea what I was doing.


~4 Idiots In A Closet~
Chapter 03: With a bunny on top


As Hakuba returned to the room with the first aid kit and a pair of clean towels he managed to find in the bathroom (it only took him one minute and thirty five seconds), he was actually relieved to see Kaito still being there.

The next second, the relief was replaced with worry in regards to how horribly pale the other boy looked instead. Leaning against the edge of the bed with his eyes closed like that…

He almost looked like one of the many corpses he got to see in his detective life so far.

"Kuroba?"

"…Hm?"

Thank god, there was a reaction before he could begin to panic. Kaito turned to look at him as soon as he called out his name, exhaustion apparent on his face. It was probably just fatigue getting to him, which should have been hardly a surprise at that point. Even Kaitou Kid needed to have his limits.

"…Find what you wanted?"

"Ah, yes." The detective nodded, then made his way further into the room in order to put the towels on the futon. The kit was placed between them and opened up, with Hakuba beginning to shuffle through the items inside of it.

"Were you telling me you had a fever to make your bluff more believable, or was that actually not a lie?" The half-British detective asked, observing his wounded classmate from the corner of his eye.

"Uh… I don't know. If it's there, it's not that bad, I guess." Kaito admitted, clearly a little unsure himself. "I'm feeling more dizzy than feverish, to be honest. I just went with whatever seemed to work better."

That made Saguru frown, and before he knew it, he has pulling messy strands of hair away (ignoring Kuroba's puzzlement and weak protest attempts thereafter) and pressed his hand to the thief's forehead, wanting to check for himself. To his relief, the skin didn't feel that hot to the touch.

Good. It was time to work on those bandages.

"Are you even aware what it means when a person's temperature rises after they get wounded?"

Not that he was about to judge anyone for their probable lack of knowledge, but maybe this could be of a lesson to remember. Kaito wasn't a detective like him, but with what he was doing out there, he could really keep these kind of things in mind. Especially for emergencies like these.

"Judging from the tone of your voice, I take it it's not a good thing."

"It means the wound most likely got infected. And yes, that's a very bad thing." Then things could get critical in a matter of hours. "Thankfully, that doesn't seem to be the case with you."

Kaito relaxed at that diagnosis, although he did tense up a little again once he felt the slightly cold air starting to hit his skin. Hakuba was finally done with removing most of his bandages (which he placed in a plastic bag for later discarding) and inspected the wound more carefully.

"Alright, I'll need you to lay down."

The detective offered him a hand for support. Kuroba hesitated for a moment, but accepted the help in the end.

A grimace or two and a pained hiss later, the thief was laying with his back pressed to the futon. Hakuba went ahead and discarded the rest of the bloody bandages then, proceeding to quickly clean the skin around the wound - for what it was worth, anyway. A thin layer of antibiotic ointment went next, and covering it with gauze right afterward, he and applied some pressure to it, trying to be careful.

"Now, this will… undoubtedly hurt a bit, but I need you to stay still. Think you can do that?"

Judging from the look Kuroba gaze him, that… probably didn't sound reassuring in the least. "…Do I have a choice on the matter?"

Point taken. The detective shifted his weight, positioning both of his hands flat on Kuroba's stomach, elbows unbent, as if he was about to give the other a heart massage.

"I suppose not. Take a deep breath."

Kaito grumbled something under his nose, clearly dissatisfied with something. But eventually, he did as instructed, and inhaled. As he started to exhale, the detective also slowly started adding more and more pressure to that torn skin of his.

Kid grunted in pain when it became too much to bear, instinctively catching Hakuba by the wrists, obviously wanting him to stop.

"Breathe. And try to bear with it."

He wasn't stopping.

"… I know you mean well—" Kaito chocked out, his voice strained. "But the whole ordering around is starting to piss me off. I'd appreciate if you changed your attitude, detective."

Hakuba stared at the other, a bit surprised at the sudden change in tone… of course. Being who Kuroba was, it was no surprise that he needed to have some kind of restraint issues. Kaitou Kid would never let anyone have his way with him, not if he could help it.

Well, it was good that he was angry, in a way. It showed that he still had a lot of energy left. And with Saguru wanting to occupy the idiot thief's mind with something for the time being, anger worked.

Besides, it was normal for people who suffered from this kind of physical trauma to have mood swings.

'General sense of anxiety and fear about your safety,' 'trouble sleeping or changes in appetite,' 'feeling depressed, sad or low in energy,' 'irritable or easily upset…' Hakuba recited in his mind, remembering what he's learned and knew in regards to it. He couldn't really blame Kuroba for being even more grumpy than usual.

"For the record," Saguru spoke, his voice serious, his attitude unwavering. "If you do pass out on me, I am taking you to the hospital. People who pass out from blood loss have a very slim chance of recovering without a blood transfusion in general, at that point."

He knew that if Kuroba were to land in a hospital, it would cause all kinds of trouble - considering high-school students didn't just get shot on an average day, and it was all the more worse when one had a secret identity to keep - but in his eyes, a life was still more valuable than that.

"So whatever you do, stay with me here."


"Goddammit." Kaito cursed under his breath, trying his hardest to actually stay still. It wasn't even the pain that he had such a hard time dealing with. He was feeling cornered - trapped - pressed into the mattress like this, and it was just the whole thing getting very uncomfortable on its own. "How long is this still going to take?"

"I need to do this for full five minutes by the clock."

Hakuba was keeping his composure just fine. It was almost like he did this on a daily basis.

"Wh— Are you serious?!"

"Calm down."

"This hurts like a bitch—"

"Well, you should have considered that when you were actually getting shot."

The hell was that supposed to mean? "You make it sound like it's my fault!"

"Isn't it? You knew those guys were targeting you, and yet, you showed up to the heist without wearing a vest. That was a bold gamble on your part."

… Right. He almost forgot that Hakuba knew. He was there when Spider made his advances, after all. The detective helped him out back then, splashing cold water in his face, to break him free of the illusion that he got tangled in. Quite literally.

Kid had returned the favor by helping him back. Twice.

"… I don't like them." When Kaito finally spoke, it sounded as if he was pouting. "They limit my movements."

And he was pretty confident in being able to get away just fine, thanks. He would, had he been on his own. He could handle those guys. It's the whole thing with Conan that he didn't predict.

"Well, if you value your life, you should start wearing them regardless."

He wasn't about to tell Hakuba what actually happened that got him into this whole mess. It's not like he blamed anyone else but himself, not really.

… Wait, didn't Saguru just imply that there would be another time when he ran around dressed as Kid? Kaito didn't have a doubt about it himself (no jail or prison bars would be able to stop him on the longer run) - but wasn't the detective planning to turn him in, now that he found out his real identity? He kind of took that for granted.

"Also, for future reference," Saguru interrupted his trail of thought. "If you don't want a detective to suspect you from the moment you open the door before them: your shoes were facing the entrance." He pointed out, then continued with an elaboration before Kaito could ask what the hell he was on about. "Makes one think you didn't come in through the front door. And while you might have simply fixed them just to be neat, I somehow doubt you'd go out of your way for that. You're too messy of a person to bother."

That… didn't even cross his mind. But now that Hakuba pointed it out, he kind of did have a point.

Detectives. Detectives were crazy sometimes.

"I barely took a glimpse at the bed in your room and knew you weren't even in it until at least the night before." Was the second deduction. "Unless you have a habit of making it before going down to open the door to someone. Had I checked, I imagine I would have found the sheets to be cold as well."

Kaito didn't have a comeback to that, either. He just listened.

"Lastly… I'm not sure if it has much to do with anything," Saguru admitted, "but the pants you have on right now aren't the ones from your school uniform, are they? The hue is similar, but the cut is a bit different."

Kuroba just stared at the other boy in silence. He wasn't sure if he should be impressed or horrified. He decided to show an unamused, slightly displeased face.

"Detectives amaze me." There was no humor in his voice. Nor was there any actual praise. "But I also hate them sometimes. So goddamn much." Only that he didn't. Not really. They were simply fascinating creatures, in one way or another. "Are you about to say that the size is different, too?"

Hakuba blinked at him. "Is it?"

"I don't know, geez— those aren't even my pants!" Kaito snapped. He was trying to be sarcastic, but apparently Hakuba didn't know what sarcasm was! "Neither is… that shirt. Which I can probably throw out into the trash by now. I don't even want to imagine what it would take to get all of that blood off of it."

"So these aren't even your clothes?" Of all the things, Saguru sounded intrigued with that information. As if he was taking a mental note for his future deductions.

"… Don't tell me you stole them from someone."

"… Maybe."

No way in hell was he proving Hakuba otherwise. The less he knew regarding this whole mess, the better.


The five minutes were eventually up. It was no surprise to see Kaito letting out a relieved sigh when he started lessening the pressure, eventually pulling his hands away. Saguru inspected the wound again, satisfied that no fresh blood seemed to appear anymore. He could tie it back up again with new, clean bandages.

"Alright. That should leave the wound closed up." The detective tried not to sound too relieved. "In theory, five minutes are enough for a clot to form, and I think it worked."

Kuroba took a moment to breathe and compose himself, his eyes drifting shut. Now that the pain and pressure were gone, the anger seemed to magically disappear as well. Even Kaito's voice was suddenly soft.

"I know you're a detective and I probably shouldn't even be surprised… But you know a lot about this kind of stuff."

It almost sounded like praise.

"I'm surprised you don't." Hakuba admitted. "Not exactly the safest job you're doing out there."

"Well, first time getting shot. Not much experience." The words suddenly boarded on mockery. "Please be gentle with me."

Was that bandage getting tighter? Whoops, Saguru's hand must have slipped.

"Hey!" Kuroba protested immediately, clearly feeling the unexpected increase in pressure again. "Excuse me for being more interested in magic tricks than medicine!"

"Magic tricks won't save your life in a crisis situation."

"Oh, really?"

On second thought… this was Kaitou Kid they were talking about. Kid's whole existence and survival was all about tricks.

Kuroba stared at him as if he were some kind of idiot.

"… Alright, I take that back. Point taken."

The sound of the door bell ringing suddenly interrupted them. They blinked at one another in surprise.

"That must be Aoko-kun." Hakuba assumed, swiftly tugging a few more times on the bandages in order to finish his work. It was good that he was almost done with it a second ago, anyway.

Snatching the bag with the used up items and the first aid kit, he got to his feet.

The detective was surprised to feel a tug at the material of his pants, making him stop in his tracks. Kuroba was staring at him with a nervous expression, his hand clutched at the piece of clothing, reluctant to let go.

"Keep this a secret from her."

Hakuba never heard the other boy genuinely meaning or wanting something so much. It struck him speechless to see the person who was in reality Kaitou Kid this vulnerable.

"… Please."

Right… Kuroba liked Aoko, didn't he? They were childhood friends and undoubtedly close to one another, at least. But he girl was also inspector Nakamori's daughter. She hated Kaitou Kid. If she were to find out the truth… it would be devastating for them both.

As much as Saguru wouldn't mind doing this to Kuroba - it would serve him right, after all - he didn't want to see Aoko getting hurt in such a way. He was somewhat fond of her.

The detective sighed.

"Honestly."


It was indeed Aoko, coming over to check up on her friend. He wasn't at school, and she heard about him falling sick. She knew Kaito's mom wasn't around (wasn't she in Las Vegas last time?) so the girl figured she might cook porridge for him or something, as soon she found out that Jii-san wasn't around to take care of him, either. It would be bad if Kaito were to die from starvation, after all.

Hakuba admired her energy and enthusiasm sometimes, honestly. He watched his two classmates argue like usual, about Kaito being stupid for getting sick, and Aoko being an idiot for worrying about him too much and wanting to do unnecessary things.

It almost made him smile. How cruel would a person need to be to want to ruin something like this?

"Aoko-kun, could I leave Kuroba in your care for an hour or two?" The half-British detective asked, checking his watch. "There are some errands I need to take care of."

That got both of their attention, with Kaito looking a little unsure and Aoko simply being a bit puzzled.

"Not a problem. He's in good hands!" The girl chirped, clearly not minding staying over for a bit longer than planned. "But wait, does that mean you're still planning to return here today?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Nakamori blinked, registering. "Aoko is just surprised to see you worrying over Kaito this much. But in a good way! You guys never got along before."

Hakuba decided to ignore that statement, not about to burst her… happy bubble.

"There is simply…" The detective turned to look at the bedridden boy, and judging from his expression, Kaito was catching up on his trail of thought. "…still something that I need to talk with Kuroba about."

He could practically hear him gulp.

"You even dropped his honorific." Aoko added with a smile, clearly pleased with the whole situation.

That made Hakuba blink. Did he? … He did. He started addressing Kuroba without 'kun' ever since he found evidence that Kid and Kaito were indeed the same person. He didn't even realize it up till now.

Aoko probably thought that they were the best of friends now. That Kuroba getting sick was what got them closer all of a sudden.

It did, in a sense. But not in the sense she thought about.

"I shall return shortly."

And with that, Hakuba made his leave, ignoring the way Kaito had been staring at him.


Neither of the two were prepared to see Saguru returning with a bag full of groceries. He claimed that since they were already staying over for so long and making food, they could cook something proper for one another as well. Aoko surely must have gotten hungry at that point, and he wasn't looking forward to eating porridge that was meant to be left for their 'sick' classmate, anyway.

When Aoko was distracted with her recipe, Hakuba sneaked into the room next to them and threw Kuroba a bar of chocolate, telling the other he should eat lots of it now. Kaito seemed startled at first, but was quick to smirk in delight, saying that this was turning out great, because he loved chocolate.

Then he teased him. Then he thanked him. Then he grimaced when he realized that the chocolate bar he caught was a dark, bitter one.

He ate all of it, anyway.

While Nakamori was working on the porridge, Hakuba prepared some tempura from the ingredients he brought. Somewhere in the middle of their cooking, the girl laughed and told him that he should probably keep the seafood away from Kaito. Saguru wondered if there was something he wasn't aware of.

Kuroba ate his porridge with the most unamused expression ever. He told Aoko that he's never eaten something so horrible in his life.

Another fight ensued. It was a bit weird to see Kaito trying to stay considerably still while all hell was breaking loose, limiting himself to hand flails and careful gestures. Hakuba has seen enough of their interactions to know that if things were normal, he'd be jumping around in amok by now, and no simple cold would be able to stop him.

Aoko told him that his tempura was delicious and that he was a surprisingly good cook. He might have blushed the tiniest bit, not really expecting the praise.

When evening came and they couldn't eat another bite anymore, Nakamori concluded it was about time to go home. She waved the two off, ordering Kuroba to eat more of the stuff she made (as if it had some kind of amazing healing properties) and wished him to get better soon. Then she saw herself off.

Awkward silence followed once the two boys were left alone, something heavy clinging in the air. Saguru eventually moved, gathering their dirty dishes with the intention of cleaning up.

"You want some of the tempura?"

To Kaito's surprise, Hakuba broke the silence with a completely different topic than he expected he would.

Obviously, they had to put up a good front in front of Aoko to make Kuroba's cold believable, so it would be suspicious if he ate something that could be considerably heavy on the stomach. Not to mention sick people didn't usually have much of an appetite to begin with. Kaito barely ate any of that porridge, so he was still starving.

"This is one of those rare times when I love detectives." Kuroba admitted, faking tears; he was so happy. "Yes, please. I'd eat an elephant right now. With a bunny on top."

"Didn't you consume a whole bar of chocolate like thirty minutes ago?"

"Chocolate isn't food. It doesn't count."

Saguru smiled to himself, not sure if there would be much of a point in arguing with that logic. He brought the other boy a portion, unsure whether to feel amazed of horrified to see how fast it was disappearing. He considered the idea of Kaito not eating anything since the heist, but this was ridiculous.

Well, Kuroba was a magician. He just made a dish full of food disappear before the audience… sort of. Applause for him.

The doorbell rang again when Kaito was stuffing the last piece of tempura into his mouth. The two boys blinked at one another like before.

"Are you expecting someone?"

"… No." His classmate seemed as surprised as he was.

"Perhaps Aoko-kun forgot something," was one of the conclusions. Not dwelling on it, Hakuba got to his feet and made his way downstairs.

When he opened the door, he was expecting to see Nakamori again.

Instead of the girl, he got to see some guy with glasses he didn't recognize. Together with a small boy that he was pretty sure he's already met before.

Everyone stared at each other in silence.

t.b.c.