Chapter 2

"What are we gonna do today?" Kenny asked eagerly while Alexandra was ironing his clothes. She'd dedicated the two weeks before her summer teaching started to spending time with the boys. During the school year they didn't get to do much together, maybe going to the park every other week or going to see a movie, but other than that her days belonged to her students. Since it was the summer she had more free time and more energy, both of which she was giving to her boys.

"You pick," she said handing him his t-shirt. "Since Connie picked yesterday, it's your turn."

"Can we go to Aunt Jesse's house?" He asked referring to the Federal Marshall that posed as her best friend and the twin's babysitter. The two had developed a great relationship over the last four years. She was the only person who knew Alexandra's secret and she had no problem listening to whatever she said to say. Jesse had even been with her during her pregnancy. She also had two children around Kenny and Connie's age so the boys had relationships with both of them. Alexandra was lucky to at least have Jesse. "Brandon gots this new Playstation game and he promised me he'd show how to play it."

"I'll call Jesse and sort everything out, you can wake up Connie. He's in my room."

"Mkay, should I bring him his clothes too?"

"He can get them when comes in here," Alexandra picked up the phone and dialed Jesse's number and as usual she picked up the phone on the second ring, she was always on her toes when it came to Alexandra and the twins. She had to be. When Jesse yelled a quick 'hello' into the phone, she smiled lightly. It felt good to know that she had one trusty companion near by. "Hey, it's Lara."

"No shit," Jesse laughed. She wasn't like most Marshals; they stick hadn't been placed up her ass yet. Her sense of humor was still strong, her laugh was still joy filled, and her golden-brown eyes weren't insipid. She was vibrant, hilarious, and kind. Qualities that helped Alexandra get through some of her worst days. "What's up?"

"Nothing yet, just wondering what you're doing today, wanted to know if the boys and I could stop by."

"No problem Brandon's been waiting for Kenny to help him out with that new game his Dad got him. I don't understand why they get so excited about pushing buttons and watching things move around a television. When I was a kid going outside was the thing do to. I loved it and my parents loved it. Then again, playing outside is free."

"I guess I'm lucky," she laughed slightly. "They've got a Playset or whatever that thing's called but they still go outside. Well balanced children. Anyway, what time should we show up?"

"Marcus is still asleep, boy sleeps like the dead, and Brandon's taking a shower. By the time you get here they'll be dressed and waiting."

"Are you trying to say I'm slow?"

"Slow? Slow wouldn't do you justice. You move like molasses in the winter time."

"Anyway, I'll see you soon."

"Uh-huh, we'll be waiting."

"G'Morning Mommy," Connie yawned after she hung up the phone. He rushed up to her and wrapped his arm around her waist grinning widely. "Kenny said we're going to Aunt Jesse's house."

"We are as soon as you get dressed and get your hair combed. Your clothes are on the ironing board."

After Connie was dressed and groomed the threesome ate breakfast and loaded up into the car. Since Jesse lived in Oakland they'd have to drive quickly and Alexandra wanted to prove she wasn't slow. When both boys were strapped into their seatbelts she back out of their drive way and peeled off down the road.

"Want some more coffee?" Jesse smiled at Alexandra as she held the pot in front of her. She held up a fending hand against the pot and shook her head politely. She'd already had three cups in addition to a bagel and cream cheese.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed, can't eat another bite."

"I picked out the strawberry cream cheese, Aunt Lara. Mom thought would be weird but everybody who eats it likes it," This was from Marcus, the eldest of Jesse's two boys. At seven, three years older than the twins, he was a shy quiet boy who enjoyed mostly cartoons and computer games. He was the spitting image of his mother with warm honey eyes covered with long lashes most women would envy and kinky hair the color of coal, not to mention his smooth caramel skin. Alex was also rather fond of Marcus. She loved his humbleness and his love of making others happy. She knew he'd make somebody a good companion one day. "Mom said it was a waste of money."

"It was," Jesse proclaimed fingering one of Marcus' cornrows. "I can put some strawberries in my own cream cheese and have it taste the same."

"Then why'd you buy it?" Kenny asked from Alexandra's lap. His eyebrow arched as usual when he was confused about something.

"That's a good question, why don't you ask Marcus while you guys up to his room."

"Aww, you're kicking us out?"

"Pretty much; oh and Marcus, tell your brother to finishing picking up his bedroom before he and Connie start that game. I don't want to see anything that looks like there could have been a mess." When the boys were out of earshot and up the stairs, Jesse put down her coffee cup and joined Alexandra, who was sitting on a stool at the island counter. "I've gotten some news about everything back in New York."

"Good or bad?"

"In between, Velez is still active but nobody has physically seen him. The DEA has some agents scattered within his operation, so there might be a chance that they'll pick up something."

"So I might be able to go back to New York?" excitement filled her voice and swept over her features.

"Maybe," Jesse whispered, placing a comfortable hand on her shoulder. "But don't get your hopes up too high, it's not certain yet."

"I know. I just miss everyone and everything so much, it's hard to not get excited when you hear news like that. How are my parents? Have you checked in on everybody in the squad? How are they?"

"Your parents are doing much better; both are dealing with everything well. They've come a long way. The usual with the squad; Olivia is still pushing us to let her contact you, make sure you're okay and Eliot's sad about everything but he's understanding. I sent Olivia a picture of you, I thought it was the least I could do. Everybody else…well…they're still grieving over you, but things have gotten easier for them."

"Sounds good." Alex sighed softly and buried her head in her hands. Tears began to sting in her eyes, and poured feely, rolling down her face and dripping off of her chin; great sobs began to rack her. Never in her life had she been so miserable. And yet the very misery itself was soothing; she deserved to be miserable after what she put her friends and loved ones through. If she hadn't of taunted Velez, none of this would be happening. All because of her sharp wit her children didn't know their family, hell they didn't even know her real name, and she was stranded away from everything she worked so hard for.

"It's okay Lara-"

"No," she interrupted. "It's not okay! Thanks to me and my big mouth my children don't know their father; they don't even know his name or what he looks like. They haven't even heard his voice and he doesn't even know they exist. I'm far away from the people who love me and who I love most, all because I'm a smart-aleck. You have no idea how much that eats me up inside."

"You were just doing your job and being yourself, none of this is your fault! You didn't ask for any of these events and you didn't ask for your life to be like this."

"Just doing my job…how many times did I hear that while working with SVU? Every time something got screwed up or somebody got fucked over, somebody would say that to assuage the guilt. Those words never have and probably never will ease any of my feelings. I just keep thinking about how I'm going to tell John about the boys when I get back."

"Tell him the truth, he knows what happened."

"They don't look much like him, what if he doesn't believe me?"

"Why wouldn't he? He knows you're an honest woman who loves him dearly. Why would you just immerge from hiding, go back to New York City, to pin two children on him? He's got to know you better than that."

"You don't know John; the man comes up with more conspiracies than supermarket tabloids. I'm sure he can come up with a reason."

"Stop thinking like that. He loves you and that's all that matters, everything will fold out in due time."

"God I hope so."

"Enough with this boo hooing; it's evident that you need to have a little fun. Let's take the kids to the beach. It's burning up out there and the kids don't need to be in the house all day."

"All right, we'll take my car since I have to pick up the boy's swimsuits."

"Fine with me, shit, with these gas prices…"

"You're such a cheapskate."

"Damn right; I work for the US Government, remember?"

Six hours later Alexandra was spread out on her couch with a Super Bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos and a tall cup of organic mango juice. The boys were in bed and she'd just rented Swordfish staring her Hollywood husband, Hugh Jackman, which was her idea of a good treat. She needed something to relax her mind and keep her thoughts away from New York. She'd had a familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach since Jesse's update, like the one she'd gotten when she found out she was pregnant and also when John admitted his feelings to her. Butterflies. A mixture of shyness and fright, happiness and relief. As much as her spirit longed for home, her mind had no idea where to start her life off. She couldn't just rush back to the DA and back into everybody's life. And the children! How the hell was she going to explain all this to them? Who knew something she wished for everyday could be so complicated.

"Who the hell is that?" she snapped to no one in particular when the loud ringing of the telephone blasted throughout the room. A quick check of the time showed that she'd slept for over five hours, though she would've sworn her eyes hadn't closed. She pressed the "talk" button down and snapped an annoyed 'hello' into the phone, she didn't mean to sound so harsh but it was four o'clock in the morning.

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you up, but it's important."

"It's alright," Alex yawned and ran her fingers through her hair. "What's up?"

"It's over Lara."

"What the hell are you talking about?" she was too asleep to put two and two together, but when she did her voice quieted to a whisper. "He's…he's…"

"Dead," Jesse finished. "He was murdered in a shoot out between his men and police. All of them are gone. You're free. Olivia should be there by morning to bring you the papers and what not."

"Free…Olivia? You mean she's coming here; as in to California?"

"Yes. Everybody figured you wouldn't mind; if you're not comfortable…"

"No! I'm more than comfortable with that. What about the boys? They don't know anything about all this…"

"Bring them here on the way to the airport; they can spend their time with us."

"I...uh…what time does her flight get in?"

"She should be in Oakland in four hours; she left as soon as she got the news. Her flight gets in at eight."

"I'll have the boys at your house by seven. They're going to kill me for waking them up so early."

"They can go back to sleep as soon as they get here. Don't sweat the small stuff. You need to concentrate on what you're going to tell Olivia."

"You're right; I'll call you before I come."

"Be strong, Lara."

So much for not thinking about New York.