A/N
Your reviews make writing this all the more fun for me, so thank you all very much! I am overwhelmed by the amount of positive reviews I have had! I would take credit for writing this, but it's writing itself and I'm just along for the ride I think. I am glad you are all finding it funny and I hope this next chapter doesn't disappoint ... much! Spelling mistakes (if I have in fact got names wrong) are all mine and I apologise! I know there is not a lot of Harry/Ruth at the moment, but I do plan to remedy it, just be patient with me.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, the locations, nothing, nada, zip zilch. It all belongs to Kudos, Monastic, BBC etc. No copyright infringement intended. Also, I have used a line from F.R.I.E.N.D.S in here, so I can't take credit for that one either!
The next day came about too quickly for every ones liking on the Grid. Ruth had been at her desk since sunrise pretending to work. Instead, she had spent her time with a notepad at hand, intent on penning a great literary masterpiece to Harry, explaining everything. She had her plans set. She would write it, address it to him, post it and, by the time he received it, she would have fled to Siberia... because nothing bad ever happens there, right?
...
"Yeah, bad things happen there Ruth," Beth stated unnecessarily as she looked over Ruth's shoulder at the computer screen.
Ruth spun around in her chair, guilty at being caught looking at airline tickets.
"What? Why do you say that?"
"Apparently the Russians don't like us much and you will end up murdered in the back end of nowhere by the FSB," Beth shrugged, "plus its cold."
"Hmm you're right... I don't like the cold," Ruth replied absently, "why didn't you tell me before I clicked?"
"Sorry."
...
Dimitri wandered in, limping slightly. He had walked into the building, head down, almost as if by covering his face people would think he was a stranger off of the street who just happened to get on the Grid. It worked; security had tackled him to the floor.
After that little misunderstanding, Dimitri headed towards his desk while attempting to keep the weight off of his now aching leg. Beth caught his eye and smiled as he sat down.
"Does anyone know... about yesterday?" Dimitri whispered, worried. He would never live it down if people knew about the letter and what Harry had thought.
"I haven't told anyone," Beth replied innocently. Too innocently.
Dimitri decided to trust her this once and turned towards his computer. As he went to type in his password to log on, he noticed several keys on his keyboard missing.
"Hey! Someone has stolen my Y,M,C,A keys!" Dimitri shouted, irritated.
"Well I'm sure they'll give you another set when you're next there," Beth burst out laughing and high fived Tariq who stood behind her. Dimitri smacked his forehead. A Spook should have seen that one coming, surely?
Harry wandered out of his office, commanding the attention of his officers.
"I need those files on Abdul Khamun right now. He's our number one suspect on the Egyptian threat."
"Harry, he's five," Ruth piped up from her desk.
"Never are they more dangerous than at an impressionable age," Harry replied wisely.
"Now you mention it, I do often see Barney the Dinosaur teaching children how to make pipe bombs," Beth interrupted.
"...and when we have enough evidence on him, he will be brought in," Harry said dismissively, "until then, those files please?"
"I'll bring them in to you if you want?" Dimitri asked, gathering his files.
"No!" Harry shouted immediately, "Er, that is to say ... No thank you, I'm sure Ruth will be more than happy to bring them in."
He looked pointedly at Ruth and, as he walked past her, stopped and whispered;
"Make sure he doesn't put any letters in there."
The officers sat in silence for a little while.
"Right," Dimitri announced, intent of getting away from any further embarrassment, "I'm going to go meet an asset."
Tariq sniggered.
"Yes, ha ha, very funny," Dimitri snapped, "Asset, arse, gay, hilarious."
Harry had picked the wrong time to return it would seem. He stood, cup of coffee in hand, eyebrows somewhere near his hair line. He turned around and walked back silently. He never knew Dimitri was so overt about it until now.
Dimitri was oblivious to it and walked away. As he did so, he heard Tariq call out behind him.
"Don't forget to wake us up before you go-go!"
...
Ruth tore out another piece of paper. Why did letters have to be so hard! She had written journal articles, essays, dissertations on all manner of subjects and yet when it came to writing a simple letter, she had called upon the help of Beth and Dimitri. Beth and Dimitri for god's sake!
"I'm screwed," Ruth sighed, closing her eyes, "I give up. I'm going to spend the rest of my days singing duets by myself while eating ice cream and talking about the good times when sitting at home by yourself was seen as coy and independent, not desperate and lonely."
"You're not lonely," Beth interrupted her mournful soliloquy, "you have your cats, right?"
"Oh dear god, I'm crazy cat lady!" Ruth buried her head in her arms and sobbed.
Beth didn't know how to comfort her. She was beginning to become a crazy cat lady after all, no amount of lying could persuade otherwise. Beth had once walked in on Ruth playing chess with Fidget. What was worse was that Fidget won. Beth had always wondered how that was even possible, but the loss to a cat seemed to be a sore point for the super intelligent Ruth and she would change the subject whenever Beth endeavoured to find out how it happened.
Lucas decided to walk in at that exact moment. He was greeted by a sobbing Ruth.
Beth spotted him and pulled Ruth up instantly.
"Ruth, I have an idea!" She dragged the sobbing woman over to Lucas, who was just taking a sip of freshly made coffee. He suddenly yelped and put the cup down.
"Son of a-" He cursed, scrunching up one newly bloodshot eye.
"For god's sake, Lucas, take the spoon out of the cup!" Beth scolded.
"What do you want?" Lucas asked sullenly, regarding the emotional wreck that was Ruth.
"How was hospital?"
"Same ol', same ol'. They asked me who I was, I told them John Smith, an accountant who fell down the stairs."
"They believed that?" Beth asked, incredulous.
"Well, it took a bit of convincing," Lucas admitted, "it took a while for them to believe that I usually place a knife on the floor at the bottom of my stairs... point up."
"Wow," Beth winced, "so what actually happened then? I heard you screaming on comms."
"Oh, I was at home and fell down the stairs, onto a knife."
Beth stared at him, eyebrows raised.
"What?" Lucas asked defensively, "it's always handy to have one there like that just in case of intruders."
"You've just wasted ten minutes of my life, you realise that right?" Beth asked. On the upside, Ruth had regained some control of her emotions. She was leaning against Lucas' desk sniffling.
"What do you want?" Lucas asked. Beth never stopped to talk because she cared.
"We need your help."
"What kind of help?"
"We need you to write a letter."
"...A letter?" Lucas looked confused.
"Yes," Beth nodded, "a love letter."
Ruth looked at Beth, shocked.
"No!" She said vehemently, "no, no, no."
"Yes," Beth replied simply.
"Seriously? I mean, I have had both yours and Dimitri's help with this and now, thanks to you both, Harry is deporting every Egyptian this side of the Thames while avoiding Dimitri at all costs! What the hell will Lucas end up doing to him?"
"Hey, still in the room!" Lucas called out unnecessarily.
"Sorry," Ruth apologised quickly, before turning back to Beth, "I have had enough of this! I will go in there now and explain it all and tell him how I feel!"
"Okay," Beth said brightly, "go on then."
She stood back and watched Ruth. Ruth stood rooted to the spot.
"I'll do it, you know," she said shakily.
"I'm not stopping you," Beth smiled, "go, tell him. Go on."
"I-I'll do it, don't you think I won't." She hadn't moved.
"He's there in his office, not twenty feet away. Go on, go for it. Tell him."
"I'm going, I'm..." Ruth remained standing where she was.
"Are you quite finished?" Beth asked kindly.
"Yes," Ruth replied miserably.
"Good, Lucas we need you to write a love letter."
...
"You want me to write Harry a love letter, from Ruth?" Lucas asked warily.
"Yes," Beth replied, holding out a piece of paper and a pen.
"No," Lucas shook his head, "I can't. I never once wrote to the one true love of my life. She was the only girl I ever loved and I was never good with words to her."
"Was it Maya?" Beth looked sympathetic.
"Okay, two loves," Lucas corrected himself quickly.
"What about that CIA agent, Sarah Caulfield?" Ruth cut in, confused.
"Okay, three."
"Don't forget your wife, Elizabeta or whatever her name was," Beth piped up helpfully. She was beginning to enjoy herself.
"Four," Lucas frowned. Maybe he threw about the word 'love' too often.
"Or that woman at the milkshake shop you always go to even though it hurts your teeth," Ruth said.
Fine, five! Five!" Lucas shouted, now agitated. He was not a laughing stock.
"Or that lady at the pet store that you asked on a date after buying seven tins of Winalot for courage!" Beth finished the list triumphantly.
"Oh I didn't know you had a dog," Ruth interrupted.
"He doesn't," Beth smirked.
"How do you know so much about my past? Are you spying on me?" Lucas accused Beth, his cheeks bright red from embarrassment.
"Ha, yeah, because that's not my job, right?" Beth replied, "And no, I'll have you know that Waterstones was closed and I wanted to read a Tragic Life Story."
"You should have read mine then," Ruth piped up miserably. She was checkmated by a cat, how much more tragic could it get?
"Already did," Beth said sympathetically, "Seventeen countries in two years? You sure give Lonely Planet guides a new meaning to their name."
"Hey!" Ruth was affronted.
"Anyway, are you going to help or not?" Beth turned her attention back to Lucas. He was sitting down, thinking it over. He didn't like to meddle in other peoples affairs, it was not in his nature. However, he would rather help Harry and Ruth along than be caught in their giant fireball of unresolved tension whenever it started. He loved his life too much to be killed by their dithering.
"What's in it for me?" Lucas asked.
"That warm cosy feeling of a job well done. You haven't had that feeling in a while I'm sure." Beth replied succinctly.
"Hmmm." It was worth a slow consideration.
"I'll throw in a Tesco coupon?"
"Deal."
...
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Ruth asked for the hundredth time as they watched Lucas writing on the pad of paper, his tongue between his teeth in concentration.
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Lucas writing about love? It's like an Amish person in Powerhouse."
Beth stifled her laughter.
"I'm sure Lucas will do a good job," she reassured the shaky analyst, "he's been in love so many times he's at ease with it."
"This isn't exactly inspiring confidence."
"Sorry."
...
It was a few hours later when Lucas threw his pen down and sat back, a smile on his face.
"You're done?" Beth asked eagerly, swiping up the paper off of his desk.
"Yep, all done."
Beth perused the first page impatiently. It looked good so far...
She didn't have time to make it to the second page as Harry walked out of his office.
"Beth, you're meant to have met the potential asset twenty minutes ago!"
"Really?" Beth looked at her watch. Shit, "whoops! Time flies when you're busy, eh?"
"I've been watching you play Buckaroo on Tariq. It's not exactly hard work is it now."
"You've never tried hooking a spoon on his ear then."
"Beth," Harry replied wearily, "just go, please. He's waiting for you. He says he has information on the Egyptians and what their plan of attack is."
"Right, Harry, yes Harry," Beth rolled her eyes and picked up Lucas' letter, "oh by the way, I found this on the floor by the pods!"
"What is it?" Harry looked wary. Random piece of paper on the floor by the pod doors. It wasn't exactly going to be Nigella Lawson's new recipe for cookies.
"I don't know, but it's addressed to you." Beth handed it over, her expression one of innocence.
Harry took the proffered letter and walked back into his office.
Lucas sat in his chair, smug. He had singlehandedly saved Harry and Ruth's relationship, and got £2.50 off his next shop at Tesco courtesy of Beth, including 14p off of butter. Life was good.
...
Harry sat down, eyeing the piece of paper before him.
"Please for the love of god tell me it's not from Dimitri," he chanted quietly to himself.
There was only one way to find out. With obvious reluctance, Harry opened up the first page and began to read...
...
"Lucas," Harry poked his head out of his office door half hour later, "can I see you in my office please?"
Lucas looked up from his work, confused as to the summons. What could he possibly want with him after reading that letter? Besides, he wanted to get out in his lunch hour and spend his Tesco coupon. He sighed and got up, hoping that Harry wouldn't take too long to talk to him. Utterly Butterly went off the shelves fast.
...
"Lucas," Harry started, trying to soften the blow of the conversation, "I want to send you somewhere."
"Russia? Is it Russia? You always send me to Russia. Ruth can probably speak Russian too, why don't you send her?"
Harry didn't want to explain how he valued Ruth's life more over Lucas', so he kept quiet and glossed over the point.
"It's not Russia."
"It's not?"
"No. I want to send you to Tring."
"...Tring?"
"Yes."
"You want to send me to therapy?" Lucas was starting to get very confused now, "was it something to do with that letter?"
"Yes," Harry looked relieved that Lucas was cottoning on, or so he thought, "the letter opened my eyes... you are mentally unstable."
"What!"
"It's okay Lucas, it's-"
"-how did you even know that I wrote it?"
Harry raised his eyebrows and picked up the letter before him. He began to read;
""My love for you is like that of a man's love for his wife. Oh why, Elizabeta? Why did you have to leave me? I know I went away for a few years but please, I thought we had something special, take me back! I love you! Please take me back! Why won't you return my calls? I write and the letters come straight back! What more do you want from me Elizabeta?"
Harry put the letter back down.
"It goes on to ask a woman called Maya why she never texted back and why some lady in a pet shop quit her job rather abruptly."
Lucas fidgeted in his seat as Harry watched him in silence.
"Well I think whoever wrote that," Lucas said tentatively, "obviously got carried away in the idea of romance and love."
"Indeed."
"It happens," Lucas snapped defensively, "that's why poor Ruth out there is-"
"-Lucas," Harry interrupted abruptly. The man was getting on his nerves now, "you need help. Professional help. I'm ordering you to take time off and ... just visit Tring."
"I don't need help, Harry, I'm perfectly fit for duty. I've got over the rejections, really I have."
"That would be slightly more believable if you hadn't written eighteen pages begging various women to come back to you."
"Nineteen actually," Lucas stated unnecessarily, leaning over and flipping the last page, "but it wasn't my idea to write that, it was Ruth!"
"It was Ruth's idea?" Harry was slightly confused as to what his Ruth had to do with any of this.
"She wanted me to help write you a love letter!"
"... About your previous attachments?"
"Yes! I mean no, well, yes but-"
"-I think I know what's going on here."
"Oh thank god!" Lucas slumped in his chair, relieved, "I knew you would get it."
"Yes," Harry signed a form in front of him with a flourish, "two weeks in Tring for delusional behaviour and abandonment issues."
...
"Where did Lucas go?" Ruth asked, confused. He was escorted through the pods an hour earlier by two scary looking men.
"Tring," Tariq replied without looking up.
"Huh," Ruth looked back down at her work and shrugged, "okay."
It was only later that she wondered if it had to do with her letter. She dismissed the idea immediately; Lucas was long overdue a visit there.
End of Part III
A/N
Please let me know what you think, I can be brave and take it, so please review while I ... Get a cup of tea... So err, yeahh... (Runs and hides)
Thank you for ideas of who could help Ruth next! I wish I hadn't written "5 times", there are so many that I hadn't thought of before who I really want to write now! Alas, 2 chapters to go! A bit of help from Tariq next I think!
