It's been three days since it's happened. Since I've ended my friendship with Carly, since I've told him how I felt.
He, Freddie, has been calling a lot lately. I haven't answered it though. I'm to much of a nub to answer the phone. I'm the girl that beats the crap at anyone who looks at me wrong, well maybe not anymore. I think I might have changed a lot now. I know, it's only been three days, but still.
I have a routine now. I wake up every morning and go to the restroom with my razor. I do what I thought I'd never do-cut myself- then wash it off by taking a shower. I then put on a long sleeve shirt and some sweatpants, then walk to the park for the next couple of hours.
It doesn't seem like I've been doing a lot with my life right now, because I haven't. I haven't been to school either. Today is Thursday and that means that iCarly is tomorrow. I don't think anyone is expecting me to show up to school tomorrow, so they can pretty much assume that I won't be at iCarly either.
It's 6:30 p.m. I'm taking a shower right now, but I have no idea why I'm doing so, I already had one this morning... I'm super tired so I think that I might just sit down for a bit. Okay, my eye lids are closing, I'm drifting off, and the next thing I know, I'm fast asleep on the floor of the shower.
I was awakened by a ring.
I grabbed the phone from the table lining the sink. I was hesitant of answering but after a short pause did so anyway, not bothering to look at who it was I would be speaking to.
"Hello?" I said sleepily.
"Sam?" The voice asked.
"Uh-huh?" I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my drenched body.
"Where are you?!" The voice said, quite nervously.
I was confused at that moment. Where was I suppose to be at this time? "At my house." I said.
"Are you going to show up to school today?" The voice asked me, "Are you sick or something?"
I realized that I had slept through the night, "I-I donno..." I said trailing off.
"Do you need me to grab you something?" He asked me sounding sincere.
"Well now that I think about it," I said, "I do kinda have a headache. Do you think you could grab me some aspirin?" God what am I doing? This is the boy I have been avoiding for the past three days!
"Sure." He paused as though he was deciding if he should continue, "I really need to talk to you okay?"
My headache became worse as I realized what he was talking about.
"Sam?" He asked wondering if I was still on the other line.
"Yeah uhm-Okay Freddie."
"Great." Hm. He actually seemed happy, that's weird, "I'll be there in five minutes."
I dried my body and quickly went through my drawers of clothes. I grabbed what I could find- some pajama pants and a tank top, completely forgetting about the cut I had made on my arm.
I went into the restroom and combed out my hair, throwing on some mascara and cover up before I heard a knock at the door. I ran down the stairs to the front door.
I grabbed the door knob and opened it only to see Freddie. "Hey Sam." He greeted, not making eye contact with me.
"Hey." I replied, grabbing my arm from me being so nervous, only to wince in pain when I felt the large cut run up it. "Shoott!" I mumbled under my breath.
"Are you okay?" He asked me, walking into my house.
"Yeah, yeah I 'm fine." I said still holding onto my arm.
There was silence between us.
"Oh-I uh-got you some aspirin." he said as he held up a brown baggy.
"Thanks." I said.
"I'll grab you some water and meet you upstairs." He said as he walked past me to my kitchen.
I didn't reply. I did as I was told and walked up into my room sitting on my bed. I quickly remembered the cut on my arm and ran for one of my jackets on the back of my door. I reached for it and grabbed a white one with yellow stipes on it. I put it on as the door opened.
"Here ya go." He said as he handed me the water and two aspirins.
I reached out my non-cut arm and grabbed the two items. He looked at me curiously.
"So," I spoke trying to strike up conversation, "What did you need to talk to me about?"
He sat down on my bed. I walked over and sat next to him.
"About you and Carls, and you an me."
My stomach dropped as he spoke about Carly.
"W-What about Carls and me?" I asked dumb-founded.
"She misses you Sam. She feels really bad."
"Then why isn't she here telling me this?!" I asked, getting angry.
"She said she was afraid." He defended her.
"Afraid of what Freddie?! What the hell could she possibly be afraid of?!"
"She said she was afraid of you getting mad! Just like you are right now!" He spoke.
"I-I'm not mad!" I yelled, "N-Not at her..." I said as I grabbed my arm with the long cut.
"Then who are you mad at Sam?" He asked, noticing my change of emotions.
"Me." I stated simply, "I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at how I ruined everything."
"You didn't ruin everything Sam."
"I ruined everything that matters to me." I said as I got up from the bed and began to pace.
"Sam..." He spoke sincerely.
"I did, you can't deny it. I ruined Carly and I's friendship, I ruined you and me being- friends or whatever we were." I said as I began to walk out of the room. Run away Sam, just like you do with everything else.
"Sam, wait a minute." He said as he got up and followed me. He grabbed my arm-the one with the cut- and tightened his grip on me.
"Ow!" I screeched as he grabbed it.
"What?! What is it?!" He said as he looked at me, letting go of my arm.
"N-Nothing." I said as I rubbed my arm.
Freddie stared at my arm. I looked down at it as I saw the blood leak through my jacket.
